what percentage get spooked after joining

just seems like some fall off the planet after they join, i was a little shocked by all the e-mails generated when i joined, and with all our social outlets so entwined could see some being spooked by that,(especially the younger generation) girl friend or mom picking up a cellphone or tablet and seeing all the pink e-mails.

always see the active members # much lower than the total members #.

all the welcomes are so friendly i know i felt welcome, but i used an old e-mail address and was past the point of caring if someone i know works for my internet carrier

any other thoughts....

I just keep this a separate thing totally. My wife knows and supports me anyway and all the kids are gone so really not to worried but do have separate accounts for my stuff.

I have a separate 'femme' email account, even a separate cell phone number (and cell phone). I don't fetch that email with my 'normal' phone. I don't use my ISP's email account in the first place.

I keep it all on a separate email account also. I just think maybe some people forget about it?

Possibly a lot of new users ( myself included ) do more reading than posting. This " hobby ", although its been part of my life for as long as I can remember, it is still a private thing.

I keep things separate between me and him. A lot safer that way. Besides, I am past being spooked.

I'm the only one that uses my computer or my phone. Did have a moment where I was checking my email in front of my friends and some announcement from this website was at the top of my inbox, but I doubt they were reading over my shoulder and they haven't said anything.

I have never gotten an announcement from this site, maybe there is a setting that I unchecked or something when I signed up. Wouldn't matter as My SO knows and no one else uses my PC, they know better ;) I also have a femme email account and do my best to make sure that two world's don't collide.

I was a visitor here for months before I joined, but once I had joined I have never been spooked.

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Originally Posted by mikell

just seems like some fall off the planet after they join,

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I have been here a long time and I can tell you very few stay here very long. Most the people I started talking with when I joined are now gone and many of them I miss a lot (We had fun back then). How long someone stays depends on when they get what they wanted (or realize they won't get what they wanted) from the site. After a while you get tired of the same old subjects and the the same old arguments and you go and find some place new to play.

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i was a little shocked by all the e-mails generated when i joined, and with all our social outlets so entwined could see some being spooked by that,(especially the younger generation) girl friend or mom picking up a cellphone or tablet and seeing all the pink e-mails.

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So I assume you are doing this on the sly and that you are not being upfront with your SO at least. There seems to be trust issues here. If you are afraid your SO is going to see this, why don't you tell her? Is it because you are getting a little thrill sneaking behind her? The other trust issue is why is she looking at YOUR history and emails?

I have been here awhile and I am fairly active on the site more than I should be. I don't know why the paranioa I never recieved an unwanted email. Of course I do have a separate acct. but still if some one finds out So what wife knows kids do to But that said I am still dadt.

I have a separate email account. I guess I thought I was paranoid someone would discover more than a mere interest in women's clothing. On the other hand all my femme buying on eBay and elsewhere is on my regular accounts. If I failed to sign off entirely on my computer someone coming behind me on eBay may see too many femme searches and buys. I make sure I 'x' out entirely.

I do get some PM's from members in response to a comment. I am not really gung ho in chatting with anyone concerning their likes or dislikes in feminine clothing. That's based on the preference for face to face interaction or telephone chats. The number of postings I have is really based on the fact I am retired and have little to do most of the morning. Right now I am waiting around to go to an appointment to get my car serviced.

I always tip toe through the tulips, I am not all that active. :)

Mikell, there are probably a host of factors that impact this - not least that most people seem to have the attention span of a goldfish nowadays (present company excluded, of course... :)) - never had probs with emails though - maybe no one wants to talk to me... :cry:

I think I joined about 3 days after finding the forum and realised it could help me... Of course, I thought that was just understanding wtf is wrong with me rather than actually getting better at doing makeup.. :eek: It wasn't supposed to be like this...

Some folk probably sign up, read lots, find that a combination of other folk will say what they would have said anyway, so become the 'member-lurkers' (no offence - perhaps 'sleeping members' is better...) - nothing wrong with that. Some days - often mood dependent - I can log on, read some things, tidy the forum a bit, and just can't find anything relevant to post about... Other days - more like today - I'm feeling a bit more opinionated, outspoken, witty (rare), or just feel that I need a connection. It's good knowing it's here even if it might only be something very unexciting going on... (Did I just say unexciting...? Wait for that bolt from admin to strike...)

I've only kept going as I thought I could convert posts to air miles... bummer!

Katey x

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Originally Posted by Lorileah

So I assume you are doing this on the sly and that you are not being upfront with your SO at least. There seems to be trust issues here. If you are afraid your SO is going to see this, why don't you tell her? Is it because you are getting a little thrill sneaking behind her? The other trust issue is why is she looking at YOUR history and emails?

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my point was the younger folks are so connected with all the new technology "sharing" "clouds" ect that they may get spooked because they are so open with they're tech toys that someone can just pick up a phone or tablet, SO/GF knows passwords and they lost that anonymity that i had being secretive when i joined and out themselves before they have a chance to learn what it may take to reveal or accept themselves.
if that is what will work for them of course.

i understand that as we get older and less interested we move on also...

I joined about an hour after finding the forum, I was so intrigued, all these people are here? in one place?
Openly discussing everything that I'm doing! What could be better! then the next day a bit of paranoia set in,
the what if I slip up with the e-mails or leave a trace somewhere, somehow. That still happens to this day, but i'm
not not anywhere near disappearing. Private e-mails have of course been created, and I'm hyper-vigillant in removing
any trace from my computer and phone.
It is kinda sad to see people disappear from the forum, all you can do is hope the best for them and keep moving on.
Much Love,
Kristyn

I was originally pretty spooked about joining, but not too much any more. I still only browse it late at night or when I have the house to my self. I don't have a second email or anything, just my main one I use. When I check my email and the emails from the sites are here, I just quickly close the tab or click on another email like its nothing. So no one really has said anything about my inbox so I don't think anyone cares to look or snoop haha

Always dangerous to speak on behalf of others or to generalize. There are some sites I have joined just to look around, then decided I didnt want to stay there. On the other hand, when I find one I like I tend to stick around...so get used to me being here...tee hee.:heehee:

Like others, I use a separate email account for this (and don't have the site remember my password, etc.).
The member falloff (oops, bad image) might have something to do with the the site topics and fear, but understand that it's also a product of the web. The vast majority of people who sign up for any website disappear from the forums pretty quickly. Some may post a couple of time and maybe lurk for a while, but others discover that they don't have the time or interest in continuing to post or even visiting the site at all. You would be shocked to see how many people who register with a site that serves a professional group only visit a few times, almost never post, and quickly unsubscribe to any newsletters. It's just the way things are in a digital society.

I use a separate email account myself, for all my femm stuff. Never any problems from my membership here.

girls come & GO in this lifestyle all the time....here one day....gone for a month. back with an explination of why ' LIFE" got in the way....i was looking at the majority of posters recently and noticed the most active were those that joined in March 2014..that will probably change next month too...and I havent been around that long but seems to be the norm....once it warms up a bit more I'm sure alot of gals including myself will be on here alot less too

I think we need to define active members. Is this a case of they logged in and then got automatically logged out while they were reading? Not everyone feels comfortable checking the "Remember Me?" box. It took me some time to read about and understand my options in the log in/out progress.

There is also a time commitment for any social media website. This is TG specific. I have many other interests that consume my time. My world is not just TG. I have friends on Facebook and other social media sites.

I spent a lot of time just reading really. Wanted to be sure of myself before wading in.

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Originally Posted by Adriana Moretti

girls come & GO in this lifestyle all the time....here one day....gone for a month. back with an explination of why ' LIFE" got in the way....i was looking at the majority of posters recently and noticed the most active were those that joined in March 2014..that will probably change next month too...and I havent been around that long but seems to be the norm....once it warms up a bit more I'm sure alot of gals including myself will be on here alot less too

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as yet to be a full year for myself i will most likely see less action in the warmer season, but still check in....

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Originally Posted by sanderlay

I think we need to define active members. Is this a case of they logged in and then got automatically logged out while they were reading? Not everyone feels comfortable checking the "Remember Me?" box. It took me some time to read about and understand my options in the log in/out progress.

There is also a time commitment for any social media website. This is TG specific. I have many other interests that consume my time. My world is not just TG. I have friends on Facebook and other social media sites.

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not sure how that is calculated, just notice the numbers at the bottom of the forum home page,

do any off your social sites link to this one in some way....

Much like the rest of you, I have a separate account for stuff like this, just like I have a separate Amazon account for my girly purchases, otherwise anyone who might go through my past purchases and browsing history may get the picture. As for the phone/tablet/laptop, I don't leave anything I find incriminating or embarrassing logged into and up.

Honestly, the biggest thing I was worried about here was giving too many details about myself away. Not because I thought anyone here was "shady" or anything, but that is someone stumbled across my profile, they may pinpoint that it was me. But then I thought logically about it. I'm sure I'm not that unique in my neck of the woods and that it could describe many people. So while I may be new, I don't feel spooked or nervous. Not being any more or less careful that I'm used to.

I do have a separate account and name for pretty much everything I do relating to transgender. I'm not sure why. IRL I am pretty out about it and I'm too old and too unemployable to care about any work related problems. But I do have some imprint on the intertubes under my real name and I suppose I'm not sure how the that would relate to my T status. The only person with access to my trans id online is my SO and she knows everything I do because I always tell her.

Actually I think I do know why I have a secret trans identity. There are just a whole lot of boring and creepy trans chasers (and cd chasers) out there that I just don't want to have to tell that they are boring and creepy.

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Originally Posted by ~Joanne~

I have never gotten an announcement from this site

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"Your comment in <this thread> has been edited." "Your post in <this thread> has been deleted." "Your thread <name> has been moved". "The thread you started <name> has been deleted."

Nothing to do with settings, you just haven't been involved in a moderator intervention yet.


A little off topic, but... there are a LOT of replies to this thread about how people come and go and the average member doesn't stick around very long. But the prevailing opinion is that one can never ever ever stop being a crossdresser. But we have no idea what happens to all those people who stop coming here. Maybe they stopped? Nah, not possible.

Back on topic, I sometimes wish this particular category was private. Sometimes there are things I would like to say in replies that I really don't want to make available to the general public. I realize the just because one of our topics is 'private' doesn't mean that it is totally inaccessible, but I often feel more comfortable with that level of privacy.

Deedee

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Originally Posted by mikell

not sure how that is calculated, just notice the numbers at the bottom of the forum home page,

do any off your social sites link to this one in some way....

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The way it calculated I could not say either. But from my experience as a DB Admin I would assume the count is for those currently logged in (Members) and those viewing as auto guest log in (guests), view only for areas permitted.

As for my social sites I currently don't do direct links from site to site. Beyond that I'm not saying for now. :D
I tend to be more guarded online than in the physical world. Mainly because some persons say things online that they would never say directly to your face.

Added...

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Originally Posted by Deedee Skyblue

I sometimes wish this particular category was private. Sometimes there are things I would like to say in replies that I really don't want to make available to the general public. I realize the just because one of our topics is 'private' doesn't mean that it is totally inaccessible, but I often feel more comfortable with that level of privacy.

Deedee

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Agreed

Probably many reasons. Some get bored, as the topics do repeat a lot and the same arguments get old, even if we're all convinced we are still right. Some realize this isn't as big of a deal to them as it is to others, as they may be truly occasional dressers who aren't interested or willing to invest the time and energy to become passable. I go through this a lot, I really have no desire to go out (still) even after being here for a pretty long time. When you're reading the same things and realize that the lifestyle so many appear to want isn't for you, you do feel like you don't belong. Some have spouses or SO's who are never going to "get" this, and they run out of fear and/or shame. And still others just have different expectations for the site than what they meet. These are the true fetish dressers, or the people who thought they were joining a site more inclined towards social gatherings, etc.

Fortunately, I don't have to worry about my wife knowing I use this site, and I do maintain a separate email account as Amanda. What I always have at the back of my mind is that if anyone malicious finds out who I am - and I don't think that would be too dificult- my answer would simply be "Why were YOU looking at CD sites anyway. Wonder what your wife would say?"

You think people are spooked? It's not that hard to keep membership here secret with just a little computer knowledge and common sense.

My guess is, people join here thinking they will learn from other crossdressers. After a while, they get the answers they need and move on. Some may be shocked by what some people post or some may just not like the "tone" of this forum or some of the threads. Some may just get tired of the same old subjects over and over again.

I haven't made it a practice to share email addresses or to correspond in that manner. The pm function serves my needs

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Originally Posted by Deedee Skyblue

Back on topic, I sometimes wish this particular category was private. Sometimes there are things I would like to say in replies that I really don't want to make available to the general public. I realize the just because one of our topics is 'private' doesn't mean that it is totally inaccessible, but I often feel more comfortable with that level of privacy.

Deedee

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I agree too.

Wasn't it Alfred E Neuman of Mad magazine who said "What, me spooked"?

I've always liked old Al's attitude.

Alfred E Neuman. I'd always heard that guy was a cross-dresser.

You never know what those people will say.....

Nothing on the Internet is "private". What did you have to do to get on here? Well, your wife, your ex wife, your boss, anyone can become a member here. They don't send someone out to your house to check your closet.

Also, even though it's poor practice and against the rules, many people log on to websites and leave their computer without logging off. Many people share their accounts on websites (again, against the rules).

You have two choices - hide your identity really well or - watch what you post.

I was a lurker for a few months before I decided this would be a good place to learn more about my recently acknowledged desire to present as a woman. Joining was a milestone of sorts, putting my pseudonym on a place where these socially unacceptable things were discussed made my crossdressing desire "real". My first post was another, then my first "started" thread, then my first headless photo... All milestones along my journey.

At each milestone I cast aside a bit more of my anonymity. Each one was accompanied by the conscious thought "Did I do the right thing?"

One day in the dim, distant future you may find me in casual feminine attire mowing my lawn and chatting with my neighbors. The first time I do, I will ask myself "Did I do the right thing?"

Best wishes
MsVal

Yes, a lot of new members will probably read and try to understand what crossdressing is all about. I know I still do a lot more reading than posting.

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Originally Posted by MsVal

I was a lurker for a few months before I decided this would be a good place to learn more about my recently acknowledged desire to present as a woman. Joining was a milestone of sorts, putting my pseudonym on a place where these socially unacceptable things were discussed made my crossdressing desire "real". My first post was another, then my first "started" thread, then my first headless photo... All milestones along my journey.

At each milestone I cast aside a bit more of my anonymity. Each one was accompanied by the conscious thought "Did I do the right thing?"

One day in the dim, distant future you may find me in casual feminine attire mowing my lawn and chatting with my neighbors. The first time I do, I will ask myself "Did I do the right thing?"

Best wishes
MsVal

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your journey here sounds like mine, long list of firsts, wont be pushing the mower though, and that is why only my legs are in my avatar, searched some things id written and saw my posts come up, none of the private areas though.

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Originally Posted by Krisi

Nothing on the Internet is "private". What did you have to do to get on here? Well, your wife, your ex wife, your boss, anyone can become a member here. They don't send someone out to your house to check your closet.

Also, even though it's poor practice and against the rules, many people log on to websites and leave their computer without logging off. Many people share their accounts on websites (again, against the rules).

You have two choices - hide your identity really well or - watch what you post.

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who was the gal that showed up at my place then, said she was from here, new i was missing some panties,

my point was the techies that have all they're devices linked up and at fingertips reach.....

Mmm, I too have a separate email address and use private browsing. But I do think this is a pretty safe place to be, wouldn't be here otherwise. And like others have said, there is a natural tendancy to move on once the initial excitement has diminished. Like you Mikell, I was amazed at the initial responses when I joined. I got quite excited at finding really lovely people in the crossdressing community but then I realised that too much of a good thing can be just that, so I pulled back a bit. And like Katey said, sometimes I can't think of anything worthwhile to say.
But even if I'm quiet around here, Gee, I appreciate having friends with whom I can share this bit of me.

Christen x

Hi Mikell, You have to keep your two lives separated at all cost.

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Originally Posted by Christen

Mmm, I too have a separate email address and use private browsing. But I do think this is a pretty safe place to be, wouldn't be here otherwise. And like others have said, there is a natural tendancy to move on once the initial excitement has diminished. Like you Mikell, I was amazed at the initial responses when I joined. I got quite excited at finding really lovely people in the crossdressing community but then I realised that too much of a good thing can be just that, so I pulled back a bit. And like Katey said, sometimes I can't think of anything worthwhile to say.
But even if I'm quiet around here, Gee, I appreciate having friends with whom I can share this bit of me.

Christen x

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when i joined i received a bundle of e-mails from my default settings for notifications, every FR, PM, and IM, was forwarded to my e-mail address, it was a little shocking for me at first, and as ive fairly well accepted this part of me at this time of my life i wondered more how our younger members accepted/handled the notifications when they first joined......

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Originally Posted by BLUE ORCHID

Hi Mikell, You have to keep your two lives separated at all cost.

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i did initially, but since my reveal not a priority,

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Originally Posted by Deedee Skyblue

"Your comment in <this thread> has been edited." "Your post in <this thread> has been deleted." "Your thread <name> has been moved". "The thread you started <name> has been deleted."

Nothing to do with settings, you just haven't been involved in a moderator intervention yet.

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I actually get those in my PM here but I never get one in my email account. After re reading this I checked my settings, I have this checked: Don't receive Email Notification of new Private Messages this probably keeps the emails out of my email account. I have a few of these checked off.

My suggestion for new members would be:

Be bold and post what you really feel...

It may be bumpy for a few months as you learn the site-rules and the seemingly overly-entrenched opinions of some of the members.

But if you hang in there you will learn a great deal about this wonderful subculture we are all a part of, no matter where we fit in on the spectrum.

I have learned to respect all of the members here, even the ones who seem to come from a different place than I do. Even the ones who seem to be quick to judge (as many of us are when speaking about a topic so personal to us and so profound) deserve respect when understood within the context of their struggles.

I tend to want to lean towards the positive when it comes to the internet, and sights like these:

When it comes down to it, there are other people like us out there in the world, struggling to embrace those parts of us that make us different.

Sure, we may come from different places...

But perhaps we are all heading to a similar place. And with each other, we can begin to accept our mutual journeys with compassion and a thread of commonality.

I would say at times especially early on I could get spooked. Sometimes I still can, But for me it is not so much the internet/privacy thing as it is merely that I am a member of a site like this. It was a huge step for me to become a member here. A realization of sorts of who and what I really am. While not as frequent, there are still times where I do get a little freaked about it all. I will sometimes get a feeling that washes over me that is a WTF am I doing and being on here.

I want to echo Gendermutt's comment about wondering why I'm here.

Crossdressing wasn't an issue for me a year ago, at least it wasn't on the conscious level.
Now, here I sit, chatting with a bunch of like minded folks while dressed in capri's, sandals, and a summery tee.
What is going on here?

Best wishes
MsVal