My wife's constructive feedback on my presentation

It's been an exciting couple of months. After literally 33 years of DADT (my wife last saw me dressed in 1980 before we got married). She decided she'd be OK with getting to know Michelle a little better. So, I got dolled up at the house and presented. She was rather in shock but provided feedback:

o She was very impressed with how nice I looked and how well I had transformed
o She felt she would not recognize me if passing me on the street save for my smile
o She advised my big tells were my height (6 feet even) and voice

This was in preparation for a quick girly adventure in Las Vegas. She was relaxed and totally supportive and soon was providing more feedback.

o Heels are out; I'm too tall as it is
o I was dressing too much to be noticed; cover up that cleavage, Miss!
o I look washed out with a nude lip color, and can indeed rock red lipstick
o She didn't like my blush at all, so that needs to be swapped out for next time
o My wig is a bit over-the-top

We strolled Fremont Street for quite a while. I know (and my wife agreed) that I was clearly clocked at least once when a lady walked by and let out an involuntary "Oh!". She also spent a fair amount of time observing people observing me and I found her conclusion surprising: I was turning the heads of about 1/3 of the people we went by. Why is this? Who knows, but the possibilities include:

o Dude dressed up like a chick
o Six foot chick
o Way too perfect presentation for casual Fremont Street
o Hot chick (well, I can dream, can't I?)

Her summary observation of the experience was that many of her fears had been allayed - what I do is strange, but not sinister, and ultimately harmless. (No, I'm not going to orgies or picking up men, I just have DNA that gives me a fondness for getting dolled up. I'm way beyond dude in a dress and am actually rather advanced in my "craft".)

So, a fabulous adventure with my fabulous wife, a healthier and more relaxed relationship with the "elephant in the room" no longer creating constant background angst. Hugs, Michelle

Fantastic lady you have. Well done, thanks for sharing.... oh where are the photos.

Great that your wife has decided to be OK with you michelle. Question for you now is do you want to take her feedback and stop turning as many heads while out or was that your goal all along?

Blending might be safer and more comfortable but not nearly as much fun, especially in Vegas

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I was turning the heads of about 1/3 of the people we went by. Why is this?

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The answer is:

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I was dressing too much to be noticed; cover up that cleavage, Miss!

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If you present on the street as you do in your avatar photo, you'll draw attention to yourself, whether or not people "clock" you or not. You are pretty stunning looking, and short skirts, high heels, and big boobs turn heads sweetie.

If you don't want attention - don't draw it to yourself.

Hi Michelle,

What a nice story, great adventure and a wonderful movement forward with your lovely wife. Well hopefully no necks were injured while turning to check you out :)

Hugs

Isha

Congratulations on such a successful outing with your wife!

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Originally Posted by michelleddg

I found her conclusion surprising: I was turning the heads of about 1/3 of the people we went by. Why is this?

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What sort of thing turns your head? Chance are, the same things turn other people's heads. :)

It's all a question of what you want. Personally, I reserve the body show-off clothes (I have several outfits like this :p), the wild makeup, etc, for clubs where everyone else is doing the same thing.

I stopped at an all-night grocery store on the way home from a club once. People did stare. I felt out of place.

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Originally Posted by michelleddg

... with my fabulous wife, a healthier and more relaxed relationship with the "elephant in the room" no longer creating constant background angst.

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THIS is the best outcome possible. No more angst. Good for her to open the door. Let her be your guide.

That sounds so wonderful Michelle, glad it all worked out for you

Hi Michelle:

Thanks for sharing such a great story. I personally find it to be encouraging. I can envision my wife coming around like yours. She's supportive and tolerant (I'm lucky!) but not a participant, yet. Someday ...

Oh, and my guess is you were turning heads because you were too perfect AND six foot tall! You got it - so flaunt it! Thanks for sharing.

Wonderful story, and so great your wife has become accepting (somewhat) with "Michelle"! Perhaps her issues should be considered protective feedback, and knows what (in her view) would make you a more "passable" feminine image. Change is usually always good, and if she is willing to help you, so much the better. Enjoy.

Michelle, first & foremost, congrats to you & your wife. You have been duly blessed after 33 years . Great times are in your future. I saw your photos posted in the picture / video section & they are super. It must have been a dream come true to spend time in Vegas en femme& with the total support if your wife!!!

I am in credibly curious as to your wife's sudden recognition & acceptance of michelle after 33 years of DADT? Why now? What changed in your relationship that she not only recognizes Michelle , but actively participates in public with Michelle? I' m not trying to pry or get too personal , but maybe you ( or her ) can educate us as to what dramatically changed within her.

Congrats again on what sounds like your acceptance into cd heaven . Peace to you & your wife, mel

Great story, Michelle - super you can share that with such a wonderful partner.. :)

There's no doubt in my mind why you were turning heads... You simply looked fantastic...

We should all make the most of it while we can (if we can...)... ;)

Katey x

It's great to see that given time that those fears and reservations can resolve. Michelle, if you look back, what did you do or not do that helped?

Outstanding, Michelle!!
Time out on the town............dressed to impress.............WITH your wife............and positive feedback!!! What more could a girl want?! (Don't answer that! ;) )
And your last sentence was icing on the cake!
Just be careful not to push your luck!

Love reading this and thank you for sharing it with us.:hugs:

I am with Reine on this I go over the top at a club but that is about it.I remember Sherlyn and I was visiting Ottawa and walked from the hotel to a local club. I was a bit over the top and Sherlyn was dressed like the girl next door. LOL I had heads turning not Sherlyn :devil:

Wow Michelle are you lucky!
Great insight from your wife too.

How fortunate you are! Sounds like your wife should be giving classes on acceptance and support at local cd/tg events! Terrific advice. Thanks.

Michelle

Hi Michelle, That is fantastic, Just remember that the ball is in her court now , Don't overwhelm her now you've got a good thing going for yourself.

Hmm, I'm not sure why a large breasted, very tall woman in a slinky dress and big, poofy hair would attract attention. Defies all logic.

Seriously, congrats on gaining some level of acceptance from the wife. As with others, I'm curious why the sudden change of heart. Hope you'll share when you learn the details.

First... congratulations on having a great time. As to your question...

I think you already know the answer because you know what the women your age around you wear. Keep in mind this will vary depending on the time of day and the event.

I personally break this rule a little because I like to wear skirts. Most women around me wear pants. So I do stand out a bit more in a skirt. I have a hard time feeling feminine in pants. This is an issue I'm trying to work on. The skirts I wear in public are conservative in length.

But I was happy to see a few more women wearing long maxi length skirts on my last trip to the grocery. Not sure why but it was Easter Sunday. I had on a long gene skirt and a striped blue and white mid sleeve top with a red male sweat shirt. Add to that some blue sneakers. That's my average mixed presentation look I wear daily to blend with persons my age.

What you decide to wear is up to you. But if you want to blend I suggest you wear what others are wearing that are your age. If not you are going to continue to turn more heads. :)

Such a great story! Thank you for sharing it with you. It has to be encouraging to others. After all those years of DADT to have her come to accept is just remarkable. I'm so happy for you!

Hug
Rita

Michelle,
"Any" feedback from any one's wife should always be construed as positive.

It means that they are taking notice of you and do care..
I am happy for you on this account.

It is great that your wife not only opened the door, but wanted to help you! <3

I appreciate it when my wife speaks up and says "Nope.. that doesn't look right on you. Too much (whatever)".

Further, that she is going out with you in public.

You must be quite happy!

- MM

Great story and I know you had a great time. Take your wife's advice and you'll have an even better time next time.

What was it that changed her mind after all those years?

A bit more background on how this came about. No, there is no rational explanation for a big course adjustment after all these decades. The subject used to come up very occasionally, but pretty much always in support of DADT. ("You don't go out, do you? I'd be mortified if somebody we knew saw you." "You can dress up but, please, no photos.") I complied with DADT, limiting my dressing to traveling or when she was away, and tried to minimize behavior she'd find upsetting e.g., there was a period in which I didn't shave my legs for 10 years!

I might add this has been the elephant in the room, but not a big overbearing elephant. We share a lot of interests and hobbies, and I believe spend way more time in close proximity than most couples. (I have little Michelle time, but I also have very little pure Fred time, and it suits me.)

A short while back she found my boudoir book in my filing cabinet. They're pretty risqué, but these were the photos she was concerned about: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...-it&highlight=

"Who is that woman???" "That's the photographer. Her boyfriend took the photos. Haven't seen them before or since."

She added (between reading my the riot act) that I looked nice in the photos. All of this suggested she was more interested in how my dressing affected our relationship rather than the dressing itself.

So, I asked the DADT update question: "Do you want me to be more accountable about my dressing?" "No, I know when you do it."

So, I sucked it up and asked the forbidden question: "Do you want to be involved?" "How?" "Seeing me dressed, participating, going out." "Definitely not here, way too much of a chance I'd run into somebody I knew. I suppose out-of-town might be OK, Las Vegas perhaps."

The rest is history. Stay tuned for our future adventures! Hugs, Michelle

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Originally Posted by michelleddg

All of this suggested she was more interested in how my dressing affected our relationship rather than the dressing itself.

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LOL, I can see where she's coming from. She's being proactive, good for her! :)

At a party once, many moons ago, it was my perception that my then SO was flirting with another woman, but the kind of flirting that is more than one would expect at a party. My reaction was to befriend this woman. It worked and I no longer felt as if my relationship was threatened. :D

It can feel threatening to witness our SOs want to post pics online dressed in a way that most women dress when they want to attract men, or when our SOs befriend good looking GGs. It took me a while to fully understand what this was all about. Had I not been in love with my SO, I dare say this might have been enough for me to move on from the relationship. I had not encountered this type of behavior in my other relationships and at the time I did take it that my SO's interest in me was waning. Now I understand, and also my SO has been going out for several years now so she has incorporated her feminine self in her day-to-day life.

I do agree that a supporting wife can makes you a real lovely woman at the best of times .....and sort out the best in you as a woman ...The observations given by your wife are very useful indeed ....and that what I need from her all the time ....she can make our life as a woman so pleasurable and exciting ......

Michelle:

Lovely experience that you and your lovely wife had in Vegas. Please tell your wife that, if she ever gets tired of being with Michelle, I am ready and willing to have her as my wonderful spouse! You are so fortunate!

It looks like you and your wife are headed in a good direction. I understand her concern of being recognized. Folks might not recognize you by yourself but if they recognize your wife they will probably speak to her and ask about you.

"like" :)