At what point did it no linger become about the cloths.

Have any other girls here ever had to deal with this issue?

At what point did it turn from being just a crossdresser to wondering who you really are. When did it go from the cloths being the main point to it being more about you as a person.

For me dressing up just to appear female on the outside has lost its appeal, I feel the same inside no matter what I see in the mirror. I no longer need womens cloths to justify feeling this way. I have slowly been blending female traits into everyday life, such as my current hairstyle, shaved legs, pierced ears and and some of my mannerisms. Now I just have no idea of which direction to turn to really sort it out.

Have any others here ever felt this way or is just the appeal of appearing female enough?

Ive only been Dressing a month or so and already feel this way. I just finished reading two feminist centered books. Im trying to empathize with the feminine condition and bring it into myself. Its more than the dressing. The clothes are a tool and an expression.

I think I'm in the same boat as you are. I'm not an expert - However, have you considered the idea that you might be a trans? that it's more than dressing up and showing off because thats how I feel deep inside and dressing up is just a means for me to express it out there. I hope that helps.

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Originally Posted by Kate_Santiano

However, have you considered the idea that you might be a trans?

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This does indeed bear consideration. For all of the trans women I know who started out CDing, it's no longer about the clothes - when they realized that the clothes were just "their clothes", it signaled to them something deeper was going on. For me, I realized last February / March that the only time I felt normal was when I was crossdressed - presenting as a man just wasn't who I was. And here I am now, 10 months into transition...

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Originally Posted by PaulaQ

when they realized that the clothes were just "their clothes", it signaled to them something deeper was going on.

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Funny you should mention that, because that was the point I realized I was serious about CDing. But I'm not at all a transexual.

I think a key sign of being a transexual is gender dysphoria. I accept both the male and female parts of myself. There's no battle between them, and they're both often active at the same time, psychologically speaking.

I'm told this means I'm androgynous.

Not quite sure. I still prefer women's clothes, it mor as context than an end in themselves. To me it's about being in harmony, inside and out.

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Originally Posted by Erica Marie

Now I just have no idea of which direction to turn to really sort it out.

Have any others here ever felt this way or is just the appeal of appearing female enough?

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A gender therapist may be able to help you sort out these issues.

As to your question, I think there's a distinction between feeling feminine and wearing women's clothes. I've been aware of and accepting of my feminine side most of my life. I've only started CDing a few months ago. Neither led to the other.

I started dressing Sep 2011, out of the blue, so of course I was a cross dresser. I dressed every time wife was out, i took pictures after picture. then in Oct 2012 it hit me that my clothes were not women's clothes, but they were merely my clothes. I was suited to wear whatever was available, and my inner self did not change with the clothes. I did not dress or take a picture from Nov 2012 until Nov 2013. I was female regardless of my outer shell. For me the dysphoria hit hard, and i started hormones Nov 2012.

I am female. i do not hide my breasts, my lack of hair, my soft skin, my nails. Wife can't stand to see me dressed so I dont, and she has set boundaries i am trying to honor. She accepts that I was meant to have been born a woman.

Just keep on doing what you are doing as long as it is enjoyable. what you are, CD, TG, gender fluid, etc. will develop and you will be yourself. If you begin to feel uncomfortable, a therapist might help. If you continue to feel comfortable, just keep going.

Barbara

For my entire life, I have wondered who I really was.
The femme me is a lot more comfortable.

Sorry but that isn't the road I am traveling.

For me it has always been about the clothes.

I don't know ... for me it was more like there was always something not right inside, and I have never felt all that confident in who I am. As if, for my entire life, I've been trying to put together a jigsaw puzzle of self. There have been a few defining moments along the way, where a puzzle piece snapped into place and at a very base layer something clicked in my mind that said "oh, that's for me!".

The first time I picked up a musical instrument was very much like that. The first time I ever used a computer (a C-64 in my elementary school) was like that. Oddly enough, when I first met my wife it was like that too ... which is odd because it was also exactly like that the first time I tried on some of my mother's clothes when I was about 7 or 8, and you'd think those two things would be at cross-purposes. As it turns out, they aren't.

When puberty hit, it sort of distorted my view of what was going on I think. It became highly sexual. So sexual, for a time it seemed like that's all there was too it. It was easy to rationalize, and so I went with it. It wasn't until much later, after being married and half way through raising my kids, did I finally get some perspective on what I'd been up to for so long. As it slowly became less and less sexual over the years, I began to realize that I've always been doing this, and I always would because I had felt like "oh this is for me!" from the very beginning ... and then one day it registered that there's a word for people like this, and that this word applied to me.

I can relate to your post Erica, I've been stuck at the same stage for quite a while.
I just want to interact with people as myself and for them to see me.

If I was wearing jeans and a sweat shirt and people saw me as Sarah I would be so happy.
I'm not at that stage yet.

Sarah.

Hi Erica,

I am not sure on this one myself as it is "not about the clothes" for me but then again it is not about the clothes for me when I am dressed "en boy" as well. Clothes are clothes for me "boy" or "girl". I like to go out as Isha and I like to go out as boy me the two just sort of exist. Are you seeing a gender identity therapist? If not, it might be a good place to bring order to chaos. You may be TS but then again my may not.

Hugs

Isha

I've always felt different since I was 4 or 5. Then at around 12 I would wear my sisters clothes. Somehow it felt "right." Now that I'm 61 and have been the route of constant dressing, today it's more for comfort and to again somehow feel "right." I know I interact better with women than with men and the male dressing side of me is just to fit in with male friends. Would I transition today? Most likely not because I'm not up to all of the challenges and social implications. So, I just live somewhere in between. When I go out I dress male. At home I dress as most women would. I love seeing myself fully dressed and feeling the comfort of all of my clothes that fill a dresser and closet. But they are just clothes. I'm comfortable in womens jeans and tops. Occasionally a wig, bra, and earrings for my pierced ears make me feel better. And as I said in another post, I love going in our pool in a one-piece ladies suit. I like the comfort and living a dual life that satisfys a predominant female side of me. How many women do you know who dress to the nines and spend time with makeup every day? For the almost 30 years I've known my wife, she's never used makeup.

Cheryl

It depends on the person really. Once I got in touch wit ALL of my feelings, accepted them and was no longer ashamed or afraid of them and made them my own, I was able to be anyone I wanted to be, presentation notwithstanding. I am in charge of who I am at any given time, regardless of presentation.:battingeyelashes::)

It was a gradual transition for me, although it has ramped up over the last ten years.

Hi Erica, For me it's the clothes I like to be able to enjoy the best of both worlds.

It has never just been about the clothes for me. Feminine clothing is just the main way in which I bring what is internal to the external, and in doing so brings me a type of comfortable feeling.

I have since a small boy, had feminine mannerisms, and had a type of comfort around girls/women most men do not. I am not a female in any way.... but I do relate to females in certain ways because of femininity that is within me. CDing connects the inner femininity to the physical world.

As my name suggests, my gender is very mixed. I relate to women in certain ways, better in some ways in fact than I do with men. Then other ways in which I have masculinity which makes me relate to men in ways far better than women. Some aspects of women I will never understand, and while there is a general curiosity as to why women think and act in certain ways which I do not, I don't make a monumental effort to figure it out, I can't anyway, so I really don't put much thought or effort into it.

I do not put any effort into being feminine or more feminine. My efforts these days is to accept myself and my gender difference, and to learn how to be comfortable with it and balanced with it.

Going thru that now but I am seeing a therapist about my uncertainty. It seems to be working and opening up my eyes to who I am. But the clothes are still a part of my identity.

I don't remember exactly how long it took before I really believed that I was supposed to be a girl. I mean, the concept occurred right away; what was suggested sort of made sense, penis size, the dress fit, my hair was long enough to be feminine, and of course when I looked in the mirror, instead of a boy in a dress, I saw a girl. Then when I realized the underwear fit too, it kind of cemented the idea. Then when I went home, I started thinking about all the things in my life that might have indicated that I was female instead of male. Pretty deep thinking for a kid that still believed in Santa and the easter bunny. The girl's clothes that fit so well were simply more evidence with the past things in my life that could have suggested that I wasn't who I was supposed to be. So; my answer is, maybe around when I turned seven? That would be my guess.

Only took about 40 years or so. Been thinking about it for about the last 5 years. Still no resolution.

Michaella

yea it stopped being about the clothes a long time ago...i noticed one year (2003) ish.. during the summer..i started wearing less and less clothes due to the summer heat...and even though i wore less, i still FELT the same, I still felt like a girl ...I think somewhere along the line the male and female ( in me) combined and turned into one ..or I found myself...either way..I have been comfortable ever since...I could be wearing pink sweatpants, or a skirt and heels and I still feel exactly the same inside. Clothing is just on the outside. My opinon ( for what it's worth)..the real girl starts from within...it dosent start out that way...but for some of us, we discover and learn a bit more about ourselves through the clothing.

I've only been crossdressing for a few months, but I have wanted to for a long time. More than that, I have had a deep-rooted desire to become a woman. I am not sure what caused this desire, but I have wanted it so badly, I can metaphorically taste it! Unfortunately, I will have to wait until I get out of the Navy to go through with this. <sigh>

I can't say that there was a single point where that became apparent. It was more of a flowing river than a bend in the road.

I have spent my life in deep denial. As I look back I can see things and think "now it all makes sense." Over the years there were a small handful of times I would wear women's clothing. It was always undergarments and only for as long as it took to finish my fantasy.

A year ago my wife painted my nails. When I looked down at my pretty nails something clicked inside. I knew it was somehow right. I don't think I'm really a woman trapped in a mans body. I don't really think I'm just a dude in a dress. Maybe somewhere in between. It was that moment; looking down at my nails I understood that i was a crossdresser. It is not only all about the clothes but at the same time it's not.

I have three different presentations. Occasionally I present female. Using dresses, wigs, make up and forms my wife assists in the transformation to Rita. Very rarely I present fully male. If we are going out somewhere I need to wear something nicer than jeans I will put on a suit. Or if I'm doing work that might ruin the clothes I dress as a dude. Most of the time I am wearing female pants and tops. My nails are painted and my ears pierced. Regardless of how I'm presenting I feel exactly the same inside. It's definitely not about the clothes. But life wouldn't be quite right without them either.

Hug
Rita

Again this is one of those threads which are extremely useful for someone like me who has now decided to embrace my female side and stop hiding it. I'm not the only one going through this.

As for the clothes, looking back it was never about the clothes for me. I see that now. I did try to work out why I crossdressed and decided it was a way of getting close to girls. I was of course ignoring the elephant in the room. Really I wanted to be a girl, in fact I was a girl. But it was an impossible concept for a child growing up in Ireland in the 1970s. People like that only existed in England or America.

CDing allowed me to express my female side completely. Actually I say 'side' but it isn't a side, it's the whole. When dressed I relaxed and became myself. The problem of course is that in male mode I tried to suppress the all feminine traits, not very successfully as I mentioned in other threads. This had a very negative effect on my life. But eventually I accepted I was TS.

But lately I decided to stop pretending and simply be myself. However I still need the clothes if only a piece of underwear which acts if you like, as a catalyst. By permanently wearing something female at all times I'm giving myself permission to stop trying to act like a man. In theory I shouldn't need to wear any female clothes if clothing doesn't matter but it's just a little trick to help me.

But the effect is huge. It's like a weight off my shoulders. I'm more relaxed and a nicer person. Life has a much more rosy glow. I know I can never transition but it's the next best thing, short of actually spending my entire time fully dressed as a woman. Who knows, that day may come yet!

I first started to realize it was not just about the clothes about 5 or 6 years ago... but that's only in retrospect. At the time, I suppressed it.

I finally admitted it to myself about six months ago and have since come out to my family.

I have always loved wearing the cloths.Even when i was young it wasnt about a sexual thing it just felt right. Today i just dont feel 100% onless i am wearing something femme. I now keep my body hairless and have begun wearing clear nail polish on my fingers and toes. All of this just makes me feel whole. I have wondered for as long as i can remember about what it would be like to transistion, however it is not an option i would ever consider. I also noticed i am blending more Fem traits into my everyday life and not really on purpose i just noticed it happens. Even my wife says "she has noticed that i stand differnt and act differnt more fem". I do know i am much more happy when i am at least partially dressed. Ok so i am a confused person??? But i am what i am.

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Originally Posted by hope springs

Ive only been Dressing a month or so and already feel this way. I just finished reading two feminist centered books. Im trying to empathize with the feminine condition and bring it into myself. Its more than the dressing. The clothes are a tool and an expression.

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Just a warning on some feminist books out there most women I know don't agree with them.

It always was about more than just the clothes, or we would not cross dress to begin with.

Decades ago I use to dress for sexual excitement. I may have been in a "pink fog" for a long time. Now? Well, I now dress either way, a man or a woman, depending on how I feel. I feel extremely comfortable dress as a male in cut off jeans, sweat socks, torn tee shirt and baseball cap. Today, well it's a red and white maxi Merona sun dress with white ankle length full slip, white bra and panty, red 2" heels, hosiery and grey wig. I feel comfortable either way. Yesterday I bought some new Jockey men's briefs. Today I bought a white short length full slip to go with some of my above the knee dresses. Tomorrow? I'll figure that out when I awake tomorrow.

For me, I don't think it was ever just about the clothes. The clothes are more a means to an end, a way to say something about myself. Something that's true no matter what I'm wearing.

LOL my dressing should of told me something when I started:doh:, I was dressing from a young age, well age 6 to be exact and as a kid dressing in friends clothes I never thought anything of it....I mean really??....alarm bells should of been ringing! but it was the 80s I was having to much fun to sit back and think "man what are you doing why are you dressed like that" but would you think that at that age?....probably not, when I reached my teenage years that was a truly difficult time for me because that's when it all started to kick in...here I was a teenager wishing to spend his life wearing girls clothes and acting like a girl and to top it all off I think I fancied guys:straightface:, so was it a woman I wanted to be etc etc, I spent the next 10 years on a lonely unhappy road trying to find my self, it was only when I hit 25 after various flings with woman that I met what is now my bf and that was the point where everything began to fit together, my crossdressing is a result and what I've put it down to as gender mismatch, I like being a guy but inside is most definitely female and if I had the chance of a genuine female body I would take it instantly, but the strange thing is as a guy my body looks feminine minus the boobies and the below bits, I also like to be and am treated like a girl especially by my b/f, lol so what the hell went wrong when my folks were making me heaven only knows.:doh:

Fast forward to now....well I just don't care I'm fed up with trying to find answers to everything and if I carry on ill be old before I know it, I just live my life to how I see fit, I love crossdressing and I know who I am....it's who I am now!

Erica,
I still have the strong urge to dress, constantly.