You Will Never Believe What Happened

My soon-to-be ex-wife came by the house yesterday. I was sleeping due to having to work last night, so I never heard the doorbell or her knocking on the door. When I was about to drive off, I saw a note from her under the windshield wiper.

Today, I met her. She had me sign the divorce papers. My roommate is gone for two weeks. She decided to come by the house. She about had a fit when she saw all the makeup and dresses and heels, etc. She said that she had to get rid of it, at least while I'm still in this house. So, all of my girls clothes and shoes are in her car (except for one dress that I had on underneath my uniform that I was able to hide from her). I was so upset. :sad: I had fully expected to go out en femme this weekend, but now all I want to do is hide and (nearly) cry.

Wow, that is awful & not at all okay. I can't imagine why she felt she had a right to take your personal things. It's so bad, I can't quite wrap my head around it. I do know divorce is hurtful, stressful, & tends to make you go a little crazy, but that's no justification for her behavior. So sorry you had to go through such a thing.

But, couldn't you go buy yourself a new weekend outfit & hit the town? It sure sounds like you could stand to treat yourself! Just sayin! :-)

Actually, if she hadn't come here this weekend, I was going to go out and buy more dresses today and maybe tomorrow.

Don't worry, I had some other dresses on order before she came. I feel so horrible and upset, though.

:Angry3: I seem to recall that she has no rights after the two of you filed for divorce..... Especially if you two are separated and living totally independent of one another. And In the case of her taking your stuff that can be considered theft of property. Just saying.

Makes sense. However, I don't want to hear her mouth.

If you signed divorce paper ,why did she take your stuff? I'd tell her you want your stuff back. My x-wife went around and told everyone that I dressed. Always one in every crowd.

Take what happens to us in life with a grain of salt and always let difficulties be a learning lesson that can only make one stronger. Don't cry just recover anyway you can. Good luck....

Hell-o Charlotte, That's just so wrong of her, I would be furious!
I hope signing those papers will help put your mind at ease.
Dad told me "never get married", best advice ever!
Much Love,
Kristyn

The fact that you may not be able to dress for a week or 2 is not devastating. It might be a bit disappointing, but it will pass. However, I would be more concerned about having my clothing items outside of my control. You never know when a fit of rage might strike and all of your stuff winds up in the Salvation Army Donation Hopper or worse...

By the way, regarding photos on discs, etc.:

There are encryption programs the you can get that will make you discs secure. Further, many USB memory devices include encryption routines. The files only become usable when you apply the password that you select.

Charlotte - I can be sympathetic, but come on!!! :facepalm:

What does that one remaining dress have written down the back: "Please wipe your feet here.."..? :eek:

How can you let her do that? Or is she some absolute monster woman... the Sybil Fawlty of Georgia..?

You shouldn't ever let that happen again... Get some steel, girl! Defend your wardrobe!

:hugs:

Katey x

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Originally Posted by Katey888

How can you let her do that? Or is she some absolute monster woman... the Sybil Fawlty of Georgia..?

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Sounds like poor Charlotte has her very own, "little nest of vipers!" :eek:

I don't know anything about how amicable your divorce is/was but this seems like one last way to hurt you again. If she had come into the home and taken a prized set of baseball cards that she had no claim to everyone would be telling you to call a lawyer and the cops. Unfortunately this is different. I don't know how out your are to your community so I can't give you any real advise on what you should do, only that I'm sorry to hear she attacked you like this aiming to cause pain.

Hi Charlotte, When one door closes another door opens, Hang in there.

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You Will Never Believe What Happened

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Oh, yes I will, as I've been through the wringer too. Had an ex just as mean. All I can say, is distance yourself from her as much as you can, and move on. Not to mention, keep your doors locked.

I am sorry that happened to you Charlotte. That was a very low blow on the ex's part. I think you need to man up as it were and march over to her and demand you belongings back. Not trying to be mean just saying. Once again I am sorry.

Lizzy:)

Thanks for the sympathetic and empathetic comments. To be honest, I have been on the edge of tears ever since I woke up. I feel like, now that I let this part of me out, that a huge piece of my "inner person" (or even "soul", if you will) has been ripped out of me. I no longer feel like a whole person. My crossdressing was one of the things that I really enjoyed in life, and it is effectively gone (until my other dresses come in the mail. If she ever comes here again, I will have to hide everything like I never used it.

She told me, after I complained to her, "I didn't say that I wouldn't bring any of it back."

Sorry, I don't get it. If she isn't living in the house what does she care what stuff you have there?

I don't get it either. Why the heck did you let her in in the first place?

She has a key? Change the locks.

She's half owner until the divorce? Change the locks and tell her to get a court order if she wants to come in.

If she has already moved out, tell her to stay the "F" away and keep her hands off your stuff.

It's YOUR STUFF! Protect your property.

RD

Charlotte does your wife really want a divorce and be rid of you or does she just hate your CDing ?
Her actions are a bit off the map now she's walking away from it, she must really hate your stuff unless she knows it will really hurt you !

Try and pick yourself up and get it all signed and sealed and move on, you're young enough to start over !

She lives in Jacksonville, FL. I'm just west of Augusta, GA. I rent a bedroom and bathroom from my roommate's house.

I can only express my sorrow as to how this is all happening.

I'm sorry to hear your story. I've had two marriages go wrong and completely different ends of the spectrum. my first ex wife was vicious that was without knowing I crossdressed.. However my 2nd wife who we are separated does know I cross dress and although at first she was shocked she realized that it wasn't about her. As circumstance goes I have had to move back in with her in separate bedrooms with my kids in same house. This has when I have had the opportunity to dress in front of her and talk ok over a bottle or 3 of New Zealand's finest bottle of white wine but was able to tell her how I feel dressed and that it is natural to me. She know says anytime I dress words to the affect of 'you look good dressed'.
I guess I'm saying to you Navym2f its tough but you will meet people excepting of you and feed off them not on negative people. Life is an advantage enjoy it

People will walk all over you if you let them, stand up for yourself, she has no right to tell you what to do in your own home and no right to take your things. And I don't understand the wearing dresses under your clothes, underdressing i understand but dresses.

So she lives in a different state and she came to your house and took your things and you let her do it. Nope, still don't get it.

She would have difficulty walking cuz my foot would be deep in her ass. Either this is something we dont know or she just stole all your stuff. She is likely just biding her time to set your stuff on fire and send you the pics.
I would take all four tires off her car while she is asleep. Then offer a trade for your stuff back

While I have empathy for your situation, what appears to be a less-than-amicable separation/divorce, you have allowed this to reach where things are now.

That said, "stuff" can be replaced. I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that given the discussion in your other thread about your military career and that you seem to be pushing the envelope which can result in great harm to said career, it might be best to give this dressing thing a rest for a while.

Hi Charlotte. So sorry to hear about the chain of events. Divorce is never easy and I read that this is not a "amicable divorce". I had a friend of mine who went through a divorce which was not amicable (he cheated . . . not condoning his actions at all). His wife who is a mutual friend lost her mind (rightly so) and after he moved out she went over to his place and destroyed his entire record collection (we are talking thousands of dollars). Now what she did was in no way correct but sometimes when a relationship breaks up, it is easier to vent the anger toward the cause (the other person) and react. Sometimes when we are driven by emotion we don't always think rationally. This could be the issue with your ex.

My advice, rather than swear out a warrant, lodge a complaint or whatnot, talk to her rationally as adults. Explain that you would like your stuff back, she had no reason to take it, it could be considered theft and you are now living separate lives. If she won't listen to reason, then take the moral high road and let it go unless you really want to get into a know down drag out argument with even more potential retribution. The reason I am recommending caution is I note that you are in the Navy. Now I am military but in Canada, TG is fully accepted and not grounds for dismissal or destruction of one's career. I know that is not the same in the US military. So . . . the potential for your wife to bump things up a notch and out you to the detriment of your career is plausible . . . just saying.

However, if you are not concerned who knows, I still recommend a level head vice a bull in the china shop approach. Calm tends to win out over anger IMO. Finally, change the locks and don't give her a key.

Hugs

Isha

When my ex-wife left, on the advice of my lawyer,the first thing I did was change the locks. He also advised not to let her into the house for any reason until everything was finalized. After the divorce was final, she had 30 days to come to the house and pick up the rest of her belongings. I piled all her stuff on the front porch and told her to come and get it or it would go into the trash. There was no way she would step a foot back into my house.

What your ex did was enter and steal your property. What you need to do is use the set you were born with and deal with her effectively. If you allow yourself to be a doormat, you will be tramped on for the rest of you life.

Jodi

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Originally Posted by NavyM2F_WAM

She said that she had to get rid of it, at least while I'm still in this house. So, all of my girls clothes and shoes are in her car (except for one dress that I had on underneath my uniform that I was able to hide from her).

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Maybe I'm confused about the situation, but if you signed the divorce papers, she doesn't have a say-so in your life anymore. Why is she taking your things?

~Mel

Sorry, this just really makes me angry - ex's that think they still control everything. If MY ex showed up on my doorstep right now she'd get my cricket bat upside her rotten head.

You should have told her to go take a flying leap.

Yeah, me - a Texan with a cricket bat. You won't believe how handy they are.

~Mel

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Originally Posted by NavyM2F_WAM

Here is a quote of her e-mail from earlier today:

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I'm terribly sorry that you're having to go through this, but I'm very confused... What was the context of that email? From her perspective, it sounds like she's trying to help you with a problem that you were worried about - some sort of inspection?

She is concerned that my roommate (who is an "old country boy") might look in my room or bathroom and see my girly stuff and want to kick me out. I only have a few months left here and don't want to cause any problems. He told me that he could look in my bedroom/bathroom for emergency or safety purposes (kind of like a landlord, which he basically is).

The only girly stuff I have left is one pair of platform pumps, one pink tank dress, and my makeup (she didn't take it). I asked her, "What am I going to do with that?"

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Originally Posted by Jodi

When my ex-wife left, on the advice of my lawyer,the first thing I did was change the locks. He also advised not to let her into the house for any reason until everything was finalized. After the divorce was final, she had 30 days to come to the house and pick up the rest of her belongings. I piled all her stuff on the front porch and told her to come and get it or it would go into the trash. There was no way she would step a foot back into my house.

What your ex did was enter and steal your property. What you need to do is use the set you were born with and deal with her effectively. If you allow yourself to be a doormat, you will be tramped on for the rest of you life.

Jodi

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This I agree with completely. You have to change the locks and most certainly be done with her completely. There is a reason she is now an EX. The divorce (as far as we know) was a done deal the minute you signed the papers and she no longer has any rights to enter your house. Why you would allow this person to come in and take things that do not belong to her, let her tell you what you can or can not do, is well beyond me. What you do or don't do is now no longer her business.

This is the reason that telling anyone that your a CD is such a risk. We sugar coat it here all the time, Telling is always for the best but sometimes it just isn't. You should KNOW what kind of person your SO is before you decide to tell her, or them, your biggest and darkest secret. It will always be a weapon to be used against you if things do not work out whether the CDing was the reason it came to this or not.

Your a CD, not a TG (I am assuming here), You still have a pair and it's time you start using them. She comes back, you keep her outside, out of your business, out of EVERYTHING. You give her NOTHING from this point out. You need to make sure she understands what a divorce is or she will own you the rest of your life.

EDIT: Ok, I didn't see the room mate part for whatever reason so it seems you have another problem on top of your ex. I suggest that you find your own place as soon as possible so you can get your life back and start with a fresh, clean slate.

I don't understand that email either. She takes your stuff, wants to sell it or return it but wants to help with makeup and wigs? Gurl, you have some serious things you need to sort and the sooner you do it, the better off you will be.

Like I said before, I rent a bedroom and bathroom from my roommate's house. If he had been here, she wouldn't have come in the house at all. I'm only here for another few months and will transfer to a ship that is moving its homeport (where it will be most of the time when not out to sea) to Rota, Spain. I probably won't be able to crossdress while I'm there. :sad:

I never told her that I am a crossdresser. I think she looked at my Google+ page (https://www.google.com/+WAllenMorris) and saw pictures on there.

I am currently a CD. Eventually, most likely after I'm out of the Navy in 2016, I plan to begin my transition to become a woman.

She thinks I overpaid for lots of them. She also thinks that I spent too much period. In addition, she thinks that I need style help. Even though we are (getting) divorced, she still wants to be a "friend" and help me out. It would be nice to have someone to help, but I'm done with her. She just doesn't see it.

She sounds more like a psycho than a friend. Keep your guard up.

I have known that one for years. I want nothing to do with her, but it is intriguing to finally have someone coach me in the ways of the woman.

From what I read, she came into your living quarters without permission, removed your personal items without your permission and is somewhat threatening you with "blackmail". All these things are crimes, actually her coming into your abode is a burglary, felony, removing your personal items is larceny, felony and blackmail is another felony. I realize that you have to be "discreet" but you just can't let her do these things. If you have a lawyer, talk to him or her, there is lawyer/client confidentiality so you don't have to worry about things being divulged. Good luck in any event!!!!!!

Molly

Just be careful as you know the military is very hostile when it gets it's dander up. She can at any time tell your CO or send the pics she might have and you will be sitting in a corner waiting discharge at the least. You can be brought to court martial if they deem necessary and I can garauntee you it can be very hard if they just discharge you and put something like " sexual deviant" on your dd-214 as they did mine. Even tho my ex knew all about me before marriage she told everyone in her family (and probably mine too) about my cross dressing. fortunately for me it backfired on her.

The military sucks in general. I never wanted to join in the first place. The job market started getting bad, September 11 happened, and nearly all job opportunities went away. I was basically backed into a corner, with no other way out.

I'm trying my best to follow the rules. I'm scheduled to get out in 2016 (if I don't make E-6) or 2022 (if I do). I hate being in. Don't get me wrong, I am proud to serve my country and all, but I hate all the little stupid things we have to do, besides or actual job.