Are we all supposed to have such hardships with crossdressing?

So tonight after the Folklorama outing enfemme with friends, I decided to go to my favourite late night coffee joint to relax with a nice cup of java. About 15 minutes of enjoying my coffee, a little liquored and wobbly aquaintance (a friend of a ts friend) sat at my table and started engaging me with some chatting. I have seen this person at night clubs and at the ts friend's annual house parties for nearly my whole crossdressing "life", however have never exchanged a word with her prior to tonight.
After several minutes of her drunken blabbing of her situation she had that night, she started praising me with her support of all the hardships and pain that I have overcome and am currently dealing with. That was where I tried to cut in and mention my past & present state of happiness and the lack of hardships I had to overcome to where I am currently.
I can't for the life of me remember or think of any real hardships or pain dealing with my crossdressing that she started questioning me with. "Society treatment when out in public", "relationships (family, spousal, friendships, etc) or work being jeopardized if found out", "the dire need to be accepted", "the fear of being seen as a freak", "bullying", "unhappiness with outward appearances", "rebellion of your family upbringing".....

So are we all supposed to have such hardships and pain with our crossdressing?

I can't be the only person that has/had a wonderfully blessed crossdressing, could I?

I've had a good time with mine. Never any guilt/shame/regrets for "being this way".
Never any purging. I keep a lower profile, but that's due to the area I live in.

But then again, I knew I was different from early on and lived my life with that
in mind....lol

There are things I haven't done...(going out, for one)...but when I eventually
do, itll be thought through to minimize any problems. The experiences of others
helps very much with knowing what to expect in that regard.

I've Very happy myself. I don't have any problems with being myself.

:)

Chantal you must be one of the lucky few ! It really can be a rollercoaster ride ! The TS friend must have gone through hell or knew someone who had to to say those things and probably assumed everyone must experience the pain as well as the pleasure !
I'm glad you can call it a fun HOBBY and mean it !

We each have our own situations and no two are alike. Some have a very difficult time and some have it a bit easier. For me it has been a cycle of purging and hiding in my closet. Wondering if there is the right person to open up to or if its best not to. Of the few people that either found out or I told only one accepted me for who I am. It can be a difficult life and Im sure for people who transition it must be even more difficult.

Ihave faced lot of criticism from my wife and friend whom i disclosed my desire

Hi Chantall, I'm only out to my wife and I haven't had a lot of pain and suffering in my 67yr. CD life

Not unless we want them Hon. :battingeyelashes::)

Erica is so right ... we are all different and have different circumstances. Let's just hope that the fun and joy exceed the pain and guilt and other negatives. I know that is true for me.

I have been pretty lucky in that area too!! Also being a part time cd is a big help as well.

Setting aside the decades of confusion, guilt and shame thing (now largely passed) I haven't had to suffer any of the 'embarrassment' moments simply through remaining closeted...

I don't think this is much different to regular life in that some folks have a rocky ride, while to others it's like sailing on a mill pond.

Clearly you're not the only lucky one, Chantal, but there are probably times when one should just count ones blessings... :)

Katey x

I'm not sure it's really possible to set aside decades of confusion, shame, guilt etc. I would guess that many of us have some emotional scarring. We learn to adjust, reconcile ourselves to the past and to who we are today, then move on.
If you've avoided these things, more power to you.

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Originally Posted by Teresa

Chantal you must be one of the lucky few ! It really can be a rollercoaster ride ! The TS friend must have gone through hell or knew someone who had to to say those things and probably assumed everyone must experience the pain as well as the pleasure !
I'm glad you can call it a fun HOBBY and mean it !

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The acquaintance was actually a lesbian gg who is a friend of my ts friend. The ts friend has had many hardships that she has had. She's been in the news quite frequently spreading her life story over and over again which is great. Actually her and I were a part of a documentary that was supposed to be about the Masquerade crossdressing group and crossdressing, but then her struggles and achievements through transitioning overwhelmed everything. Lots of the crossdressing information was cut out of the documentary.
I am quite sure many of you know how the media could influence how people think. It just seems like the focus is on the hardships and pain that many tg people go through, but very rare you hear from those that don't go through them. Quite occasionally I get a pat on the back from supporters putting me on an undeserving pedestal because of the assumed hardships that I go through.

I was a late bloomer so I had/have no personal internal turmoil. But I certainly have a HUGE AMOUNT of respect and COMPASSION for those who struggled with this throughout their lives. It is not uncommon to have a sweet soul come to our Group meeting and be in tears from a lifetime of turmoil. If I sense that it will be well received and benefit, I end up hugging her until the she is better. Nothing improper or sexual about that BTW. It is just that even though we think we are separate from everyone else, we really aren't. In the least we are responsible for each other's happiness in some small way. Either make someone's life a little better or default on our obligation as a fellow human being.

For personal sacrifices as a byproduct of CDing, my daughter will likely never see me or speak to me again. I will likely never see my grandchildren again. And My SO read every negative post on this Forum and was convinced that I was going for SRS, wanted to be 24/7, was gay, was bi, was Santa Claus and the Easter bunny. I kept saying and living the same thing, that this was just fun. It took over a year of HELL to get her to see that I was just having some fun. Without the debris thrown in there by family it would have been all good. Isn't it amazing that the very people that are supposed to be the closest, supposed to be who we can count on, are the ones that hurt us the most? Can't do anything about my daughter, even though I keep trying. I am happy to say that The most important person in the world, my SO, finally started listening to me. That I was not changed at all. Just having some fun. The marriage is probably better now than before CDing. Not because of CDing but because she FINALLY opens up sooner about anything that is bothering her. There are all but no issues hidden, everything is on the table and can be resolved right away. Or at least she says so. Never know when a woman is filing something away for later explosion. But I try.

For me it has always been just about SUCH FUN!

I can't say that I've had any of these difficulties either. My big problem was self acceptance. Things have been pretty smooth since passing that hurdle.

But if it drew the sympathy of a bunch of pretty young ladies, I could always fake it ...

Hi Chantal! You aren't the only one... I've been blessed too and can't remember anything that I would consider real hardship either. Like Kate said, I've known from a young age that I was a bit different and I've always embraced it. I was raised by some awesome parents who always taught us to be ourselves and not to worry about what 'everyone else' thought. I think that went a long ways to me and my siblings happiness as adults.

We all have fears that we don't 'fit in' or are freaks. What we all need to remember though is everyone, even the 'normal' people are all a part of the freak parade...

BillieAnneJean,
I don't think I could ever say my CDing was just for fun ! I would find it hard to accept that losing my children would have to be a deeper reason than that ! I now have three lovely grandchildren, losing that contact would hurt me and devastate the wife ! I would walk away from my marriage rather than hurt my wife to that extent !
It's not a criticism of your life, I see mine in a different way, it's probably why mine has been such a rollercoaster ride over the last fifty years.

Oney my wife knows I dress. She is great about itI dress about 80 % of time and sleep in nightwear. I don't go out. So I have no hardships.:hugs:
Angie

I have haven't had any grief for my lifestyle since I was a teenager, and more recently after I decided I was transgender I still haven't had any criticism over the way I dress, except from my wife who just wants to be sure I'm fashionable. Maybe, if I was younger I might have had some problems, but I don't think so since I recall that wearing women's clothes wasn't nearly as noteworthy as the length of my hair. But I haven't had a job working for someone else in nearly 25 years and I'm cut off from most of my family for reasons that have nothing to do with gender and everything to do with refusing to associate with drama queens, of which my family has way too many for my peace of mind. I think most of the problems trans people have come from problems with acceptance, self acceptance and the acceptance of others. I'm lucky that everyone I care for accepts me as I am, and so do I!

Everyone has hardship and pain, not necessarily tied to CDing, it how we deal with it that makes it a problem. For me the last few years, I turn off my Give a Dam.

Without hesitation, I see my TGism as an incredible blessing. It's given me the ability to see life from male and female perspective. Any pain and hardship was self-inflicted through years of repression and denial. But like Billie, I do have a great deal of compassion for younger people wrestling with their gender, in particular in unforgiving family situations. Bottom line, however, is that with self-acceptance comes joy from this gift.

The only painful part for me has been fluctuations of my wife's acceptance/non-acceptance to near divorce.

All's good (for) now, however.

I have a gift for denial. It was only a year ago I came to understand myself. I remember sporadically throughout my life putting on women's under garments for self gratification purposes. Once that high passed the guilt shame and loathing were so intense I would just block put the memory of it ever happening. A little over a year ago I had this aha moment. Fortunately for me, my wife was instrumental in both my coming to understand and to accept. I feel so fortunate! My life as a CD/TG (still figuring things out) has been amazing. If I wrote a fantasy of how I wanted my life as a CD to go, I doubt it would compare.

I have read far more stories of sadness and tragedy on these pages than support and acceptance. Stories of long term marriages ending, children refusing to ever again see their parent, or parents refusing to acknowledge their children. I attended a funeral of a beautiful young woman. She was hunted at the club and killed. I looked into the eyes of her parents. These people who in the loss of their son accepted and honored their daughter.

Yes! There is lots of pain and sorrow in this world I find myself in. There is also far more stories of love and acceptance than I would have thought possible. In my small little circle of friends I know of five married couples. The wives ranging from full support to trying hard to understand and support. I read lots of stories here of self growth. I see the love and support that pours forth from this community when one of us is in pain. Some of the best humans I have ever met, I have met in the last year in this community.

Hug
Rita

Crossdressing has given me a totally unexpected joy in my life. I'm able to spend time with my wife while dressed and just hang out and be myself.

The tough part is figuring out where it's going and what it's all about. Am I TG or TS. I'm feeling some pull toward transitioning. I'd like to try living en femme for a week. I'm taking it slow, seeing a counselor, and monitoring my feelings a lot more. We'll see what happens. I am lucky to live in California and have many friends and family who will love me no matter what. But still, it's scary to think about changing so much of my life. That's the rough part.

Too many people feel the need to be victims. We are not afflicted with a disease. We are not under some tyrannical influence. We are not pawns in a cosmic game. We are not being required to suffer.

I won't pretend that this is easy on anyone. This is a very confusing situation to find one's self in and, oftentimes, there are external circumstances that complicate the issue for us. We are, however, not prisoners of our circumstances and we are not powerless. We have the innate ability to overcome any situation through our own determination according to our own willingness to take charge of our lives.

We're talking about wearing dresses here. It really isn't that big of a deal.

I have no doubt whatsoever, that the the small handful of folks who participate here, and actually READ the responses would all agree on one thing. Most CDers are their own worst enemy.

I can't recall a single bad moment, although there has certainly been enough tragedy in my life; mostly because I did not acknowledge or realize it until a pretty advanced age. It's not so much I rejected it as that I could not even conceive of the possibility.
It seems as though I have always had a "motherly" aspect and a lot of empathy for those who were having a tough time. I've also learned how to face the real world when I must, which has been mostly a matter of "stick and move, stick and move"; if you have a vulnerability, don't reveal it, there's always someone watching and listening.

I have had inconveniences but no hardship yet.

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Originally Posted by Princess Chantal

I can't be the only person that has/had a wonderfully blessed crossdressing, could I?

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I will say I have noticed alot of deep dark issues disscussed here, lots of fear, complaining, etc...but this IS the place for that kinda thing so..it goes with the territory...i have had my share of ups and downs too...but overall it has been an enjoyable experience even with the occasional purge. Acceptance plays an important role in that for me My REAL hardship though is zippers.....

You've all forgotten the pain. The worst may be in the first few years of life. A good explanation of the pain of growing up in western society can be found in Jean Liedloff's book, The Continuum Concept. And the website, http://DrMcKenzie.com, says similar things more scientifically.

I remember at about age 6 feeling proud that I learned to suppress my feelings, so as not to cry. I told Mom I hadn't cried for a whole week. Boys aren't supposed to cry. Right? Why did I cry? I was sensitive and my parents didn't respect my feelings. Parents tend to be insensitive. Kids suffer needlessly as a result.

Look at kids who grow up free, free to wear what they want to and do what they want to, if it doesn't harm anyone. Compare that to kids who are needlessly suppressed (abused). Pain is more severe for young kids than older ones and adults. People need to understand that. The effects are lifelong.

Things haven't been easy for me with regards to crossdressing during my teen years.. but that was mostly because there was no way to CD while living with my parents.

And if I listen to the stories and experiences of my friends,.. some lost everything... then I can say that I've had rough periods, but never any real hardships.

Consider yourself blessed if crossdressing has only been a source of bliss and happiness for you! :)

A lot of us have face hardships with our cross dressing. I don't know that I have. I was raised to be a proper male you know the the type. I didn't start exploring my femme side until this year but I have learned what fear of persecution is because I saw it happen with one of my female soldiers when others found out she was lesbian.

Emi,
I find your comments are only drawn from you own cicumstances and do not apply to me and perhaps many others !
I agree we are not required to suffer but the fact is we do ! I have been a prisoner to my circumstances for years and was powerless to deal with my CDing because of the pressure and responsibility of what was going on with other things in my life !
If it was just about wearing a dress I wouldn't be doing it, what drives my CDing is much deeper than that !!
Please try and be a little more sympathetic and tactful with your comments, some people are desperately struggling with Cding !