Do we care what our neighbors think?

Do you really care what your neighbors think? Do you care what they say to each other about you behind closed doors? I've been out dressed as Jill a few times. I've stayed away from busy, public areas. Several months ago I started dressing on a Saturday morning and would lounge around the apartment all day. But it gets old, so I peeked out and saw that the mailman/woman had delivered the mail to my building, so I checked my makeup, hair, and everything else and popped out the door, down the stairs and picked up my mail. I continued to do this every Saturday, until one day I heard more of my neighbors in the hallway. Anyway, I lost the nerve and started to get undressed when I realized that I'm not doing anything illegal or immoral. This is my life and I'll live it however I choose. If my neighbors don't like seeing a man dressed as a woman, well, too bad. Back on went the heels, picked up my keys, and out I went to the mailbox. There wasn't anyone around, an odd car passed the building, but that was it. I was glad I checked the mail dressed, although as I recall, there were a couple of bills.

of course we care! We are humans. It is part of the human condition. That does not mean we have to do as they expect.

Hi Jill,

I've gone past the point of caring what others thinks neighbours included (however, my nearest neighbour is about 50 acres away). Anyway, if you are comfortable with yourself being who you need to be then you will reach a point where you don't care. In my situation it is my life and I'll live it the way I wish within the confines of what is legal and as you said we are doing nothing illegal. However, you do have to be prepared for the fallout as some neighbours may not like it and will let you know.

Hugs

Isha

Yes I care it is my driving force behind paying off my house so I can move
To the country

Not really, i go out dress for the mail etc.Not much traffic on my road as it's a one way.I really for the most part don't think people pay attention that close.If you think about it do you remember what the guy going down the street was wearing? Not me have more to worry about than what somebody has on

I used to care what the neighbors think. I used to care what everyone else thinks of me. I learned that I cannot care what my neighbors think, nor what anyone else thinks, in order to transition and to live full time as a woman.

When I first stepped outside the house en femme, I would look out the window to make sure that no one was out there. I would check through the peephole of my front door and make sure that my next door neighbor's was closed. I would walk quickly to my car and leave. I always worried that someone would see me.

Now, I am full time and leaving the house as my authentic self is a normal experience for me. My neighbors have seen who I am, and guess what? No one really cares. I have spoken with a few of them and introduced myself as Michelle.

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Originally Posted by Isha

my nearest neighbour is about 50 acres away

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Isha, we are such opposites!!! My nearest neighbor's front door is two inches away from mine and forms a right angle.

My only concern around my house is if my brother happens to drive by.
he lives about a mile down the same street, but he is moving 70 miles away.
only other concern would be my father stopping in, not a huge concern.
he is away almost every weekend and all winter.

as far as neighbors, don't really care what they think, I rarely see them
and certainly not having them over for dinner every week.

I don't care one iota. Even my homophobic neighbor now seems fine with my female presentation.

Please let me first broaden the question: "Do I care what other people think?". Regarding strangers who don't know anything about me or will likely do so (like out of town adventures): yes, but in a different way than you may think. I care that I look 'well groomed' and 'neat' regardless how I'm presenting: fully male, androgynous, or completely en femme. However, I really don't care if they think the behavior itself is weird which I believe is the point of your question. But "Do I care what my neighbors think?" - those people who do know me and my family, yes. I very much consider my wife's feelings. There is no doubt that if I were single, I would be 'out' to other, few and selected people. However, my wife is not accepting of my CDing (barely tolerant) and I care what the neighbors think primarily to respect her feelings.

My neighbor waves and smiles, regardless of which way I dress.

I care. I live in a small town (about 1500 people) where i grew up and my family goes back 150 yrs and are very well know. Not to mention i was captain of the football team in high school. If people knew about me my wife and kids would pay for it.Im fine with the closet here at home for now. However going out of town Im fine with total strangers judging me! Im happy being a sexy girl!!

I live in a complex and we have one particular husband/wife neighbor that we seem to run into daily. Some days they see Tonya and Charlie; other days it's Tonya and Jocelyn. A few weeks ago we were approaching them and the wife said, "Hello". Her husband was a few feet behind and was audibly chuckling. She told him to "be nice" and he protested that he was. He did greet us with a "Good evening ladies". The next day I was presenting as male and he stopped to ask about our new kitten. Eh. People are people. They probably don't "get us", but we maintain a neighborly relationship.

So, to answer the question: Yes. I care about my neighbors in the sense that I wish to be a good neighbor and enjoy it when I am liked and respected. The answer is also, "No", in that I am not going to change this aspect of my life because of what others may be saying about me. Besides, I enjoy giving their lives a little extra spice!

Not really. I walk out of the front door to my car. I'm sure some of the neighbors seen me en femme but just didn't say anything. I live in a safe neighborhood so no worries at all. Also I treat my neighbors with respect.

Julie

Yes I do care. I got divorced last year and had to sell my home. I now live right across the road from my parents. Not the ideal situation for this crossdresser. My mom knows that I dress but has not seen my fem side, (that I know of) but my dad does not know and I prefer to keep it that way. My parents health is not the greatest and I don't want to cause them anymore stress over me and I just really do not want to disappoint them. They may have seen me and not said anything, because I do go shopping as Megan but I try to pick times that they are not home or if they are home, I try to get to my truck quickly but I also conduct myself as if it's no big deal (but it is). My home and trucks are in their line of sight. So if they are looking out the window or front door they are going to see. I'll cross that bridge when the time comes. My brother and sister live in the same neighborhood. Sister knows, brother does not, although I did meet him on the way to town once. There's no way he could have missed me rocking some really big hair that day. Those are the neighbors that live close to me and the ones I care, what they think. But the older I get the less I care what others that are not my family think.

I care as we are very near a small town and gossip spreads fast in small towns. I am lucky though that I'm not right in town but several miles out and have some privacy from my neighbors. I don't want to be out so I keep the outside dressing to a minimum and my back porch mostly. If I'm at the farms we own then I could dress all dolled up if I wanted but hard to get the chores done in high heels and long nails... Yes I do care as there's no sense rocking a boat if it ant gonna sink unless I capsize it.

I care and I care a great deal. Why, because my wife and daughter live with me. That said, does it stop me? No.

I dress openly in women's clothes, I do it daily without question and rarely without compromise. I do occasionally cover up because a situation will require me to or it avoids risks/uncomfortable moments (such as when I walk up to the shops, I may wear a male or unisex jumper to negate something I am wearing underneath). But I do not go en femme so what they see is a man wearing female versions of the clothes he would normally wear. Thus a project a feminine and not female look.

My neighbours see me though, they have to as I walk out the front of my house, down the side to the rear to get to my car and go to work. The opposite in the evenings when I get home. Does it bother me? At times, if I am wearing something a little more feminine than I may normally do or if I felt in a jumper and it gets too not to remain covered when I get home. People have looked, stared but never questions or openly made derogatory remarks to me/my wife/my daughter in the year we have been in this house. That is fine

I would not go out the house in a dress, as that too me would be wrong and too much. So in that respect I do care. MY image is well defined and I think people just see me as that bloke to wears women's clothes and ignore me past that.

Thanks for all the replies. Maybe it's a bit of a devil-may-care attitude to think I don't care, but I do, to a certain extent. My parents and family live in another state, as does my ex and our child. None of my colleagues lives near me, so the chance of meeting one of them is quite remote. That being said, there was an elderly couple that lived down the hall from me. I would check on them from time-to-time, he has Parkinson's disease and she had a hip replacement. I don't know how they would've handled seeing Jill. Maybe they would've been cool or not so cool. I've helped them run errands and carry groceries. I wouldn't have wanted them to struggle because they were turned off by my cd'ing. Anyway, I still check how I look in the mirror about 17 times and look through the peephole and listen before getting past the front door.

Jill

I think if you have the confidence to wear what you do and can handle the public side of it - irrespective of whether it is around people you know or not initially then you will eventually start to become bolder in your approach closer to home.

I spent two years dressing (to various degrees) in public but only when I was away on business where no one I knew would see me. Eventually I started to realise that it didn't matter who saw me because my area was safe enough so I ventured out in our local area (changing part way along the route or wearing limited items) and then out the door where my neighbours would see. I started afar and worked closer to home - and now am at the point I am no longer bothered who sees me because I am who I am and dress the way I do. If there is a problem, it is theirs not mine now.

I do care. A lot of this is some feeling of shame that is part of growing up Catholic. And while I was taught by Jesuits, which means critical thinking, that would have one realize that my dressing harms no one, I only go out after dark to catch a cab/uber when I cannot really be spotted by my neighbors. This limits going out to the fall and winter months. I know it should not be an issue but it is. Especially with a new neighbor, who moved in last fall, who is the ghost of Gladys Kravitz. She is in to everyone's business. Alas, the down side of living in a townhouse.

If course I care about my neighbors but not what they think of me. It's a free country last I heard. :battingeyelashes::)

I don't care about what others think.
My wife cares about what others think
I care about what my dear wife thinks.

(I've been the source of her discomfort too many times already, and have a strong desire not to do it again.)

I only care because I know my wife doesn't want to deal with the questions. So I compromise and try to wear things that could pass from a distance as male clothing, like certain shorts and workout attire. During the winter, it's mostly women's jeans, and I have no problem talking to the neighbors in them (I'm still in guy mode overall). Lately I've been wearing sports bras and the one question I got about it, I answered with an explanation about a back brace.

At the primary home yes, on the QT.
At second home, out in daytime a lot .

If it is family and friends then yes, I care. But when to it comes to people I don't know, Who cares.

Yes, if I were honest with self, I would have to say that I do care what the neighbors think. However, I'm finding that, as I grow older, my need to express myself and my gender fluidity is starting to out weigh my need to have the acceptance of my neighbors. I am finding that I don't like looking around to make sure that "the coast is clear" before I step out the door. I'm finding that my need for freedom is starting to out way my need for approval.

However, my wife and kids do not have that same need for me to express my gender fluidity. My kids are afraid tat they will be embarrassed if their friends find out, and my wife does not want to be faced with the 10,000 questions and disapproval from her friends. So I have tried to take it slow, and not dress in town. However, now that the kids are grown and my wife is out of town for an extended period taking care of her convalescing mother, I am finding it harder and harder to live within those restrictions.

At one time I cared, now if I'm going out I dress and am not bothered who sees me. I'm not very close to my neighbors and I think I look different enough that they may not realize it is me.

I just got in from a walk and met some of my neighbors to the front of my house on the way back. We ended up chatting for over an hour. After a few months here, most of my neighbors don't seem to give me a second thought. Some of them were a bit standoffish but now seem not to care anymore now that they realize I'm no threat to them or their children. Now many of the men who kind of showed me attitude come out when I am talking to their wives and are at least polite, especially since I've lost a bunch of weight and had some after market parts added to enhance my appearance. Standing there talking to them in a pair of volleyball shorts and a sports bra makes me think it's kind of funny that I can hold their attention so easily now! :) Not too bad for an older "lady":)

I live in a nice neighborhood, meaning everyone watches out for each other. I will dress at home, but put men's jeans over skirts, pants, or women shorts. Put sweatshirts over women's tops especially when having bra and forms. I have had the courage to walk around in heels at home but move extremely quick around windows. Hate to think that others are judging me. Grew up going to church, listening to sermons and lessons, and remember all the gossip that was passed around by my parents on the way home. Really, we just got out of church and it starts that quickly. This journey has required I be more perceptive to others and tolerant of things that may seem out of the norm of my upbringing. But, what is the norm. I stop and look at every woman I see while out as a guy and try to greet or acknowledge each of them in a respectful manner. Who knows, they could be one of us, or know someone like us. Or I just might get some insight into this alter-ego living inside of me. I have been walking around this summer with painted nails and shaved legs, and if the neighbors are talking, then better than talking about all the other garbage going on in the world. Maybe I can open a few minds and help to create understanding in the neighborhood. Or, we move to the country and no one will have to know what I am doing.

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Originally Posted by MsVal

I don't care about what others think.
My wife cares about what others think
I care about what my dear wife thinks.

(I've been the source of her discomfort too many times already, and have a strong desire not to do it again.)

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Oh yes, Ms Val! Excellent! On my iPhone now and will chime in more tomorrow.

Jay

I do not care what they think

I always find this idea of nosey neighbours hard. We all look out of windows etc at what is going on but that should be where it stays. I see old 60-70 year old women walk down the street to the shop about 200 yards from in just a nightie and slippers which I think is gross and wrong but I would not say anything to them as it is not mu business what they wear....

Same should apply to us. As long as we cause no harm what should it matter? If people don't like it, that is their problem not ours. I would go mental if a neighbour asked if I was wearing a bra as someone mentioned before (on my phone so cannot check).

Human nature can be very sad at time.

Sadly, as someone who owns a bar, I have to take into considerations the thoughts of my customers

I cannot afford to lose any trade just because someone who spends a lot of money on drink is narrow-minded

Living in a small village, people know who has sneezed before they get their hanky out!!!!!

I am currently in the position of having to wait for the letter from my psychiatric counsellor so I can say I have a legitimate excuse for dressing like I do!

I don't particularly care, except to the extent that it might make things uncomfortable for my family.

I'm pretty sure my neighbor across the street has seen me coming and going dressed, but she has not mentioned anything and neither have I. Since my eventual goal is to live 24x7 female, I suppose the neighbors are all going to know in the end.

I don't care. now if i could only convince them not to care! lol!

Yes, I care about what my neighbors think because we are neighbors, and do neighborly things like looking out for each other, sharing, etc. Having said that, I do not hide who I am and have come out to some of them. Now when I am out and about, I don't worry about being seen or recognized.

neighbours = trouble...!!...ours are great, really lovely people, put themselves out to help, invite us round to evenings all the time...and therefore it makes my life hell in trying to dodge them...pretty much got caught the other day walking out dressed up...one close neighbour was at her garage door and looking over...I did all the wrong things...stopped and retreated in doors making myself look twice as obvious...only waving my arms in the air and screaming would have been worse....I just hope their good nature extends to trans folk....??!!

Ok, it's not that I care what they think, but for me, it's a matter of simple courtesy.

I live in a nice neighborhood of single family houses and am on pleasant terms with my neighbors on either side of me, one a divorcee of similar age, one a married couple with three children, and a retired couple across the street. I'm facing this now, because I'm tired of doing a quick change just to go to the mailbox, so I'm in the process of chatting with them the next time I see them. They're all pretty conservative, but friendly, so I just think I owe it to them to explain a little, that way I can answer any questions they might have with the hope that the more people who have a chance to be "enlightened" about this, then the better off we'll all be going forward...Call me a dreamer:-)

But the main reason for me, is that one set of neighbors have three girls under the age of 6, and I think it only decent of me to let them know that there's not a pervert living next door. Granted, they might think that anyway, but at least it gives them a fighting chance to get over any misconceptions...If I lived in an apartment complex with people moving in and out, then I wouldn't give a rip, but these folks are long-term neighbors. So, while I don't really care what they think, I also don't want to judge them by assuming how narrow-minded they are.

Jaye

After i moved into this rental house over four yrs ago, I went into the bigger city, under dresed, then stopped and removed my guy covering clothes. After dark, i drove home, and got out, and the night flood lights came on! There was my neighbor lady, who i already let knwo, but, kids, and the lady across the street, were talking at her, and i was all lit up by the flood lights. i said a few things and went in. Those neighbors across the street, moved next door, later. I have said hello to the woman and her two sons, but, they never answer me, ever. I guess they are convinced of the deviant loner next door. On a Holloween night, i walked over to the drug store across the street, and back. I may have been seen again. Sad, that some people will not accept a hello, after years.

I use to jolt to the mailbox every now and then fully to the nine's but I can't do that where I live now. So Yes I care but like Jennifer said, It's how we are made to think and hopefully at some point in time I may not care anymore but for now I do so it is what it is.

We all care what people think of us, even if we claim that we don't. It's part of being human.

I care what my neighbors think of me because I own my home in a nice neighborhood. It migh be different if I was twenty years old and living in a motel or cheap appartment and knowing that I would be moving on. It might be different if I was openly gay.

A bigger concern for me is the possibility of embarassing my wife. She knows and accepts my dressing but she foesn't want neighbors, friends or family members to know about it.

I do not cars what my neighbors think. I check the mail dressed all the time but my nearest neighbor is a quarter mile away.

I do care because I want to have a good relationship with people. I like to be friendly with the world, and to meet people. I also grew up mostly in one VERY small area of a big city, with similar groups of people my age all the time.

I don't care, because odds are if I don't give them time to think to much, they won't. Also I've found most people to be pretty nice on the surface, and most of my neighbors I rarely go beyond that.

Nope, not really!
And surprisingly when I began going out 10 years ago my wife surprised me. I mentioned being seen and she said "So what?, I don't care what they think if you don't!".
That made me feel great and now neither of us cares. We've taken afternoon walks together through the neighborhood and seen some of the neighbors, said hi and such and never had a comment, so no worries here.

I didn't care before I was married. I didn't know many of them. Now that I'm married my wife has made friends with almost all of them. If they were to see me dressed they would tell my wife and that would be the end of this marriage.

I don't live in a vacuum. For those of us who are married to a wife who is not appreciative of cross dressing and the potential scorn it may bring, I decline to run he streets as Stephanie. On occasion I have under the cover of darkness ventured forth and strolled other residential neighborhoods. I guess if I was single and lived in an apartment I could always move, if outing myself turned out to be an unwise thing to do.

I do care to some extent what they think. They are a nice friendly family and I don't want them to think ill of me. I care more however because I'm in the closet and don't want anything said to my wife. I'm lucky enough to have an attached garage and my car windows are tinted so I can pretty much come and go by car freely.

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Originally Posted by im-sparkles

I care. I live in a small town (about 1500 people) where i grew up and my family goes back 150 yrs and are very well know. Not to mention i was captain of the football team in high school. If people knew about me my wife and kids would pay for it.Im fine with the closet here at home for now. However going out of town Im fine with total strangers judging me! Im happy being a sexy girl!!

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I'm in much the same situation. I would never bring this on them here.
However, I don't know if I will ever try the going out of town let Wendy paint the town gig.

Hi Jill, I'm a good neighbor and I expect the same from others.

If it is about cd ing or partial cd ing I don't really care what they think
I am just me and don't flaunt it
On the other hand I have one neighbour who sometimes puts my makeup on and one time another asked to vorrow nail polish as she was going out
We just laughed

My neighbors are mostly college students in apartments, I don't talk to them and they don't talk to me. The turnover is quite frequent, so they aren't around very long. Lately I have been getting bolder, going out in the yard to do something in a dress or skirt in broad daylight, but making sure first that nobody is around. Its quite exhilarating and I am doing it more often these days. I don't really care what they think. Small steps. One of these days I will get up the nerve to go out in public in a dress or skirt.