Older CD's do you think you would have an easier time today getting out of the closet

I was questioning this the other day and my answer might surprise some with the so much more support and knowledge today. My answer is no, I don't think it would be any easier because I would be the same person, have the same parents, have the same social network, have the same fears and anxieties. But it does seem easier and a lot less effortless now in just that I am 52 years old and wiser knowing it is really how we perceive ourselves, motivate ourselves, not what the world around us does. Oh, it doesn't hurt to have more social support but I see more and more everyday how it is up to ourselves to what we do with our crossdressing.

Hi, I am 52 also. The fact that there is the internet now makes so much, a lot easier. I struggled for years thinking about what I was doing and how wrong it was and that there must be something unnatural about me. But, and here's the thing, I found that I could not stop dressing. I purged a lot and do regret what I have thrown away.

This site helped me enormously, and I suddenly found that there was a whole community that was just the same as me and went through the same problems.

So, to comment on your observation: Coming out of the closet here is wonderful and is so much easier without the internet. Also, I can buy clothes, makeup, shoes etc on line and have no problems with having to go into a shop and being looked at and feeling terrified. So in many ways it is much better than it was 10,20, 30 years ago.

Lucy Lou xx

No, without going into details, I find crossdressing "exciting", and that's a conversation I don't need to have with others who wouldn't understand it anyway, So I stay (keep my identity) in the closet.

I also am in my mid-late 50's. I used to go out but never went clubbing. I did go shopping occasionally but usually only went for drives or over to a friends house. Then came the new rules (laws) for trucking and background checks for my licenses so I decided staying home with the one I Love is the better part of valor.

No difference for me....i do as i like anyway. I'm just a bit
low-key about it, but I go out 'dressed' all the time.

I looked at how women dress here in any everyday normal
things they do....

no/little makeup, jeans, flats, plain tops, ponytails are common...
I even paint my nails a neutral color.

I don't have any desire to stand out, so i'm very plain looking.

It works very well for me! :)

It's easier now as society seems less likely to ridicule. Not always but less.
Been dressing off and on for awhile, but out in the RW just recently.

I'm 62 and I'm still "out" about it and won't be at least not where I live. It's no better here than it was 50 years ago and I'm not sure another 50 years will make any difference.

I don't think it's a big deal really but then again like the other Kate, I have no restrictions. It's just something I enjoy doing.:)

without a doubt!! it is so much more acceptable today than when i was kid. people are much more tolerant, so many TG friendly places
and there are laws protecting us. forums like this one uniting us and giving us strength and confidence.
back in my day it was taboo. beating up a gay person, without conseguences, seemed to be the norm, and much worse if you were
a cd'er. there was no internet, so no strength in numbers. feeling you were alone and living in fear. it was a horrible way to grow up!

i'm 71 and i can say that the whole crossdressing thing is so much more open these days. Jeeps, I had nowhere to even find out about what I wanted to do, I just thought that I was very strange.

If the social climate then was what it is today, along with social media and the Internet, heck yeah it would have been much easier to come out of the closet, provided one wanted to do that in the first place. It's like Nicole said up above. Some of us don't want to be "out there" all that much, and prefer to keep this as a private pursuit. I'd never set foot outside prior to the advent of the Internet, and the interaction with others that it provided me. But since then, I've been out and about several times, and done so with very little fear and trepidation. Mind you, that's still not without ANY of that, but there was a time when doing so would have been unthinkable to me, and that's not the case anymore.

I think that were I in my teens or early 20's now with all the available information and support I would definitely have been "out" at that age.
I would have loved to meet others then and not have felt so alone. Who knows where that may have led...

Hey! Not so much of the 'older' thanks... ;)

I'm not sure and I don't know - maybe one day I'll be able to say for sure. :cheer:

I think generally society is more accepting today and there are certainly more safe LGBT-focused venues to help us along... But in other ways being younger has it's benefits... and generally I'd say ones contemporaries are more accepting when younger - by this time they're all a bit set in their ways. That can make us seem even more weird than we are...

Ask me again in another couple months - or actually I may just tell everyone... :eek:

Katey x

For me, yes, it's definitely easier. I couldn't have imagined stepping outside en femme twenty years ago. At that time I couldn't imagine even dressing completely. I just assumed I would look ludicrous. Now, whether through the process of maturing or gaining self acceptance, or both, I don't feel nearly the level of self doubt or harsh self criticism that kept me in the Closet for too long.

I'm realizing how great the internet has become. Great as a stepping stone and catalysts for CD's but don't get too addicted to it. It is way different out there in the real physical world.

I've often thought that had I been born later then I would have had more access to information and experienced far less shame about my urges to dress. I believe that I would have been open about it b/4 getting married and would not have married a woman who was unsupportive. Would I have been "out" to friends, family, and general public? Probably not because it would have been a deterrent in my career. Had I been born 30 years later in a smaller body (I'm 6'3) I may have transitioned--that's my fantasy anyway. Nancy

Since my first solid experiments were when I was 50 I would say with todays society I would have tried much sooner! I have been going OUT almost 10 years now and I can only imagine how different my life would have been if I was in my 20's now. It would have been nice to have my own long hair!

I would vote for somewhat easier now. People know a bit more about sexual minorities than they used to. On average it still isn't that much, but is a lot better than 20-30 years ago. 25-30 people know that I am BI, but only 4 (and 1 is now deceased) know that I crossdress.

Put me in the "I think it is easier now" camp as well. The amount of information available, ability to source clothes and accessories world wide, more tolerant society and laws and work place policies to protect TGs make it easier I think. Now, I get that it is still an tough battle for individuals, but there are some many more "tools" available to inform and assist, like this forum, I think I would have had a much easier time of it for sure back then.

It took me a bazillion baby steps to make it out of the closet...... Now it the 'net was invented back in the 70's, I know this timeline would be much different. I spent way too many years thinking I was the only one in the world born 'like this'.....

Once I found this forum and others in my neck of the woods, getting out and about is so much easier and way fun too.....

Renne.....

Last I checked people are still people, I've seen people mock and harass Transgendered people, Couples still get divorced over TG issues, TG teens are still abandoned by their parents, and members on here have said their immediate family and friends are not accepting. You have to remember that although TG awareness has increased but, acceptance still varies. technology makes us aware of those people that are accepting. Before the internet people were limited to TV, news papers/magazines, and phone/word of mouth. Access to information was limited you didn't know much detail outside of your local area. There was people that were accepting you just weren't aware of them, cause the media had no reason to report on them.

Today information is right at our finger tips and available at any time. It can seam that acceptance has increased but in reality the percentage of change in the increased sample area is smaller then you would think.

I think the past is made out to be worse then it was due to limited exposure to the world beyond the horizon, and the present seen to be better because of increased access to people and information.

Also remember that people might not say or do anything when they pass you on the street, but only to mock you when your back is turned, is that person really accepting of TG people or just trying to be polite and not cause a scene?

At least being TG is no longer considered a mental illness.

I think the internet is a great way for people to access information on any thing at anytime ,so help is on hand with great sites like this one for tips and learning .
As for social acceptance I think its a little better . When I first ventured out dressed 20 years ago I was so self conscious that I felt every body was watching me ,to be fair looking back i`ve made to odd mistake or two lol , for me I don't think there is such a thing as an easier time, personally the key is confidence and it takes a long time and a great deal of effort to achieve .
I also think that personal acceptance being able to look in the mirror and love the person looking back that was my biggest hurdle to going out .
The next time you look in the mirror say to yourself wow today lady you look good ,even if you feel you are a woman of little importance you are still great.
Being able to go out en femme in a lovely dress , great underwear , nice make-up , manicured , gorgeous shoes, good posture with confidence and most important a lovely smile to all those " admires " don't wait for society to accept you, go out and show the world just how beautiful you really are as a human being .

For me I do think it is easier. I didn't start cross dressing until after I retired from work. I know it would have been rough to come out where I worked at with all the negative attitudes about these issues. I also have more time to work with it and enjoy it. I have been living for almost four years in an apartment building for retired people. Most of them are women. I had already been living here for over three years when I stared cross dressing so I think that was good that they got to know me before I started cross dressing. Most of them liked me to start with. I think that helps. I'm still the same person. I haven't gone out of my apartment dressed CD yet, hopefully before too much longer and I hope I will be well received! I think most of them know by now and are alright with it.

I never was in the closet. When I started wearing women's clothes regularly a few years ago I just wore them, taking direction from my SO if she felt I was too femme or my makeup was too heavy. But I usually wear a mixture of men and women's clothes and I don't really consider myself a cross dresser. I'm just me, non binary and free to present in androgynous and unisex clothes. I have never had anyone say anything negative to me. This may be because I am tall, fit, 64 years old, tattooed, pierced and confident. I don't expect aggression, derision or anything except curiosity, compliments or neutrality. I am sure the social cues I project pretty much unconsciously with politeness and deference. It is, after all, the way I try to treat others.

Or it may be much simpler. It may be that people really don't care how you dress as much as some of the members of this forum think.

This is not to discount the obvious danger that trans people experience. We all need to make sure we are safe. YMMV. But in my personal life I do not experience people being unpleasant.

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Or it may be much simpler. It may be that people really don't care how you dress as much as some of the members of this forum think.

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I think that's true and has been true for a long time.

I do think it would be better for me. I certainly think I would have realised I was TS a lot sooner. Whether or not I would go through with it is another matter. I still remain very nervous about appearing in public and coming out to people but there would be greater opportunities to do so these days.

Looking back on my life it's clear that many people saw me as 'different' perhaps effeminate most of my life. Perhaps they thought I was gay but few mentioned it in any way and often it was an oblique comment. In recent years with greater acceptance of LGBT there have been direct questions. Most of which I denied. It was clear many suspected it but never felt the need to address the issue. Which perhaps is a pity. Maybe if someone was direct and simply said: 'You come across as effeminate. Are you gay or something?' I might have had to face up to it.

Definitely in this country it's a better time for issues like this. Only yesterday my sister in law, who's a college lecturer mentioned than an email was circulated relating to a FtM person currently in transition who was only to be addressed by his new name and not his old female name.

That's a change. Also when I was young homosexuality was illegal in this country until 1993. It was never ever enforced but it was on the books. But this state still does not recognise gender change despite losing a court case in 2007.

So there's a bit to go.

I would say yes it is. It really does not make any difference to me. Like Nicole said, I prefer to keep my cding private. Nothing will change that, unless I go to a Halloween party sometime.

I guess it really depends on what perspective are you looking at when you say "getting out of the closet". Are you talking about coming out to the world (your friends, family, work, etc.) or just going out in the world without telling those close to you.

Going out is difficult and think most can agree that it is probably one of the most difficult and scary things you will ever do in your life. So in that sense it is probably just as difficult now as it was some time ago because you still need to work yourself up to a point where you feel comfortable enough to go out. Is society more accepting now than before? I would venture a guess that society is more informed and better able to handle seeing one of us in the wild but I have to agree with Candice Mae that seeing and not saying anything does not constitute acceptance. However I would say that society is more tolerant and hence less likely to chase TG folks around with torches and pitchforks.

As to the crux of the question, I cannot completely answer it as I have no frame of reference having just started dressing and presenting this last year (late bloomer of sorts). I can tell you that I am completely open about my lifestyle in my private life (family and friends know) and my work (my entire chain of command knows). Coming out to my family was difficult but coming out to my work was extremely difficult but I owed it to my chain of command and those who are close to hear it from me rather than the rumour mill. Yes I get a few giggles at work when my back is turned, I have lost a bit of credibility with some but for the most part it is an non-event with my work and I just go about my business. Is that tolerance or acceptance . . . I am going to venture a bit of both but mainly tolerance. Now things might change if Isha decided to go to work wearing a skirt and heels but that is a social experiment I have yet to try. :battingeyelashes:

Hugs

Isha

Great question. I would have probably come to understand at a much earlier age that I wasn't as unique as I thought. That other's were out there, who had the same exact thoughts and feelings that I had. I think it would have been easier to meet others like me at a younger age, which could have had an impact on my life, and made for some differences in the way I lived it. It's really hard to say. I might have done things, outted myself a bit, and then live the consequences of that (meaning, some family or friends might have known). That type of life would have possibly made me regret other things (perhaps I wouldn't have had children?). It really is of no use to think about what might have been. I can only live for today, and for right now.

We sometimes think we might have done things differently, but as others have said, we are still the same person, so we probably would have live the same type of life, just a little more informed.

I think the internet and this site, has helped us loners greatly. We know we are not the only ones! As for going out, I have lost almost all my confidence, and am highly afraid and paranoid. My own anger coming out, at a harasser , or mocker, is one thing i fear greatly. Part of me hates this thing i do, and part of me loves it. It is a love/hate relationship, like all in my family. In the closet yet, but hope to go out and about on Holloween, not that i like Holloween, but it IS a safer chance to go out.

It's seem that I older I got the easlier it was for me to come out ,the fact that I'm older might have something to do with. I would like to enjoy who I am for what ever time I have left in this world.

Tremendously easier, no doubt about it.
The internet has opened all kinds of doors, from getting on the webpage of local bra-fitters and lingerie shops, to CD blogs like this one.
If I wanted to tell a girlfriend that I was a CD, I think I’d find some SO who was married to a CD and show her a testimonial about how great it is to have a CD as a boyfriend and/or husband.

Cheryl, my SO would totally agree with you on that one.

I am sure that with online shopping and support forums it's easier today.
This is not to say it is easy.

I'm more interested in what things will look like in 50 years for the CD and TG individual.
Will Human rights to express ones dressing style be lumped with other items already put to bed like women voting?

Since I'm an older member I can assure you it is easier today than the late 50s and early 60s. While I went out and was accepted as a gg it was illegal. Something I didn't know at first. If I had been caught I would have been taken to jail and my picture would be on page 1 of the newspaper.

The interesting thing is that I don't think a lot of people had different views than today. They either accepted it or didn't. Everyone knew about gays, but it wasn't acceptable to advertise it at that time. I wasn't, but because of work knew several guys who really didn't hide what they were. I had a friend at the time who was and I acted as his gg date. As the 60s progressed people became a lot more liberal in their views about things.

I started to say that if I was young today I would have been more open about it, but I doubt that I would since much of who I was and am is dictated by career and life with family and friends. When I worked in fields that required 3 piece suits, I wore them. For years I wore ties even when hating them. I would not have transitioned because that is not who I was or am.

I'd still have the same family, maybe not the same friends. Parading en femme isn't accepted very much more now days in my area. But when I was 20 (1973) there was really no one to share CDing with without the risk of alienating them.

The internet has made it possible to come out to strangers, without the risk of losing friends and causing family drama. Coming out in the real world is just as problematic for the most part. Courage is needed no matter what the time frame is. It's probably always been easier in the bay area or Soho than in western N. Dakota or Alabama.

We have some control over where we live, but no control over what year it is.

I say yes, we live in a much more tolerant and enlightened society now as opposed to when I was younger.

When I was young and 'had the feelings', I truthfully thought there was something wrong with me..
If I had known then, what I know now, I would have explored CD'ing in a whole new light..
and I'm sure I would have been much more comfortable going out.. Hate the closet!

I do think it is a bit easier today .When i was growing up before the net i used to think i was totally alone in this .Now i at least i know im not alone and that in itself makes me feel better and has helped me accept myself

I think it would have been very different to have had support instead of intimidation. A much nicer life and I believe that I would have been out enjoying who I am.

I agree that tolerance is greater today. Acceptance and embracing has a way to go.
As a 50 something I care less what others think, but I do use caution to not be outed
around home for my SO sake.
Sites like this are awesome, and as long as you are happy thats what matters.

Had the internet been around back then in the late 60's early 70's wow. I might not have gotten into the stuff I got into as a way of repressing these urges to be a girl. Lord knows I was the only one back then. The only thing that would not have changed would be my genetics. The access to information today is awesome. The access to others in cyberland is great and can be very helpful. Had we had this then there might be others who are still with us. Being able to communicate with others who are going through or have been through whatever situation you might be in is priceless.

Societies acceptance does move slowly, but it does move. But for me, with internet access, yes, the last decade has been way easier than my first 50. But it's not just the going out. It's the knowledge about who and what I am. It was nearly impossible to find any "balanced" information when I was younger. Like most everyone else, the terms freak, weirdo, pervert kept going through my head...But now? Hey, guess what? I'm just one of thousands and thousands of crossdressers!! No more mental anguish, and ain't that grand!!

Jaye

When I had a psychological collapse and institutionalization in my late teens in the late 60's I told the therapist that I wanted to be women. At that time there was no acceptance or understanding of TG, and he did his best to convince me that I should be happy being a man. Today a therapist might have advised me to pursue it more, with even the possibility of SRS. Three years later I met a beautiful women that changed my life and allowed me to stay a man with my feminine tendencies. Forty-four years and six children later we have never been happier as husband/wife and as sisters! So what I am saying is that the more closed attitude back then saved me from missing out on what has been an amazing relationship and life. However, I do realize that my situation is somewhat unique and not the standard outcome for men like me that had severe psychological disorder tired to the gender issue back in the 60's.

I think it would have made it easier for me to understand who I am and how to accept myself. It would have allowed me to be out there until I found an understanding and supportive women to share me life with.

I believe that getting out in the public eye is easier now than it was years ago. There are just too many more examples of people in the Trans spectrum being covered in more positive ways in the media than there were before. Laws have changed and attitudes with them in this long slow grind toward a more open society. All this means is the center of the bell curve has migrated closer to the side of tolerance, but there are still a lot of folks under the intolerant tail of that curve, so it's still a work in progress.

The other side of this is coming out to those you know and care about. It may be just a bit easier, only because of that general shift in society and the wealth of examples you can use to fortify your disclosure. However, I'm not sure it's much easier. Family and friends have a major influence and presence in our lives and it is a terrible thing to alienate any of them. It's possible they are understanding of how society is changing with regards to TGs, but we, as individuals are not "those folks out there they've read about" but someone they will have to deal with directly. It's still work, and potentially hard work, at that level for both sides.

The amount of information about sexuality and cross dressing is so large and so easily available today. I remember searching for books in stores that might contain one chapter about transvestism and it was under the heading of sexual aberrations.
Now you can go to Amazon and find lots of books that discuss fetishistic transvestism/cross dressing/ homosexuality and many other aspects of sexuality. With the internet and sites like this one, access to knowledge is easy and the amount of information is huge. I wish I had access to such resources when I was young and trying to understand what this was all about. As others have mentioned there is also more openness and acceptance today than there ever was. If I had this available before I was married I think the outcome would have been much different. Although I opened up about cross dressing before marriage, I don't think even I properly understood where this cross dressing urge would take me and my spouse certainly did not.

I see this as two questions: how has society changed and what changes have I been through. The cultural change since the 60's has been enormous. We're not perceived as being as odd as we were, but are still on the social fringe. It's evident in how we decide to go out en femme or not. Personally, I would be pushing more with my clothing and makeup, but in deference to my wife I'm in drab or vanilla while in public. Since I turned 60 I care less and less of someone's opinion about me. It's my life and their problem.

When I started dressing I had no Idea what it was except enjoying the other genders clothing--As I peruse The Net It seems that it would be easier to say HEY-Here I am--

But I also see many of these youngings letting their hormones lead them and I'm old enough to see wolves all but ready to swoop down on these girls.

Some online try to convince our sisters that being a (true Tgirl) is about being-Excuse the terms please as I DON'T LIKE THEM MYSELF. They try to convince them that taking this step requires you to be a sissy-or a ****. That being a girl means you live to enjoy a mans anatomy and dream about it constantly--I don't find ok-I see these as manipulative predators. Hell I maybe wrong-Or maybe I didn't answer the question. So addressing the question a cautious yes.