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Sometimes I pass. Sometimes I don't. Does it really matter? Sometimes, I just feel like a man in a dress with a wig on. If I feel not so feminine and maybe don't look so feminine, doesn't it count that I'm out and about? I mean, it's not like it's a point system. Sometimes at work I have good days and not so good days. I don't beat myself up on the bad days. I just wait for the next day and try to do better. Anyone feel the same way (but don't say yes just to make me feel better)?
Hi Lily,
I have given up caring on this point. It did bother me at first when I first started going out and I soon realized I am not fooling anyone. I in no way pass / survive first contact and it is glaringly obvious I am a guy. The salient point for me is that I am expressing a part of my identity which I have hidden for way to long and whether the sees a man or woman, I am happy being me.
Hugs
Isha
Lily,
I believe the foundation of happiness is self-acceptance. If you are happy with your presentation that is all that matters. After all, who are we doing this for?
Yeah I can accept it. I don't even try to change my voice and there are just so many movements women do differently. It's kinda fun getting close to people and seeing the surprise. Such as sat a park bench, someone sits next to you and you pick up phone with a male voice :)
I agree with Isha acceptance by others is only important to the extent that they do not treat you badly - I count my blessings that being ignored is the worst that has happened to me so far
As long as I can accept myself, I really don't worry what strangers think. But then again I've had no negative experiences, which means that I either look decent or that people don't really care or notice.
Pass or not pass...meh....as long as I am treated with respect. Saying that, I always try and hope to blend in, and if I pass, well that is a bonus.
Erin
Lily,
Who cares what other people think as long as you are happy.
Love,
Lexi V.
So true Erin, try to blend ( working on passing ) but as long as there
isn't overt mistreatment so what.
I try to look as feminine as I can when I go out, however I do know that sometimes it is impossible to pass, as the woman, I am trying to present.
I can't speak for the GG's that may visit here, but I'll bet they have those days when they don't feel so "feminine" either; that's how life goes. Good days. Bad days.
Forgot to add that I'd give you extra points for going out and not always passing! At least the public see you and in a small way may help acceptance. Those who always pass or stay in their room are never noticed.
I'm fairly small and that helps but I have broad shoulders and my SO says that gives me away. So it's based on what I wear and how much makeup. No foundation, I'm made. I can pass on the voice except when I slip. Not enough practice I suppose. Do I care? Hmm, sometimes. Depends on where I'm at.
G
I AGREE THAT IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT STRANGERS THINK. THIS WEEK I made a purchase as a male, it was broke, I had planed to dress so I did and returned it dressed as Dee anne. I was a little mad also because it messed up my plans. But I dressed not as going out to club, minimal make, 1 1/2 inch wedges(which I love because I can walk in them)shirt and sweater. I felt good and had no problems. The SA even said "yes I will take of her" to his associate. This was a first for me.
Dee Anne
Yep. I agree about self-acceptance especially. It's also nice to be accepted by people close to you, family friends, etc. Also good to be treated with respect and/or courtesy out and about. At the very least, to not be hassled or harassed in any way. Passing doesn't really matter to me as long as I'm being me and expressing myself and not getting any flack for it. And so far that's what I've experienced. :)
Justmetoo:
Glad to hear you don't get any flak! If there were no flak at all in the world, I certainly bet more of us would be out there!
What only matters to me is that I have fun and enjoy the outing. The stress and worrisome of my appearance is left in the vanity mirror at home.
Self acceptance frees you of the bonds of having to pass every time you venture out.
I do try my best but as we all know not many of us do pass.
Absolutely. Sometimes I feel like I'm just wasting time and money. Sometimes it's hard to get motivated to get dressed, but I always feel better afterwards. It's like you said, just with a job, there are good days and bad days. I think the best days for being dressed and going out in public are when we feel as feminine as we can be and we own it.
Just another thought. I don't think GGs always feel feminine, sexy, attractive, pretty, whatever. I think how they carry that feeling makes them that way.
Give up on whether you pass... Most of us will never truly pass; however, we can endeavor to present the most effective feminine person possible... Be comfortable with yourself and enjoy the moment... Most people are too busy with their own personal needs to really be bothered...
Some folks won't even go out the door en femme unless things are totally stacked in their favor. I gave up long ago caring what others think. I'm not going out for them anyway. I'm not afraid of running into someone I know either. If they attend the venues I do, then they have no complaint. Simple really.:)
Sometimes, I don't feel as feminine as I do on other days but I think that's common. I have had an instance where I wasn't completely dressed (wearing a bra under my typical clothes) and I was not happy how I felt. I didn't like the feeling of being in a gender limbo. Overall, I know my desire to dress will not go away but the intensity does vary from time to time.
Sometimes I have off days, I do make the effort to present nicely at all times.
You could have the same concerns presenting as a male too...guess the moral is just to seek your own happiness and not worry about what the rest of the world may think. I know being enfemme makes me happy and I'm good with that.
I guess that applies to most of us.. albeit probably with varying ratios. Does it matter? No.. not for me... and no.. not in the Netherlands, where most of the people don't care.. as long as you're on time for an appointment! :)Quote:
Sometimes I pass. Sometimes I don't.
I think that is what scares me the most. If and when I go out I want to pass. I know it is going to be hard but I would at least like to look the part. In the same breath I would like to think that I wouldn't give a crap what other people thought of me. I guess what would help also is having a friend there to help me along. Point out what I am doing wrong and stuff.