Anyone here bi that care to share? Trying to figure out if im a idiot. My so and i had a talk tonight about it. How does one sustain a relationship with the opposite sex while needing more than they have?
pm's are welcome
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Anyone here bi that care to share? Trying to figure out if im a idiot. My so and i had a talk tonight about it. How does one sustain a relationship with the opposite sex while needing more than they have?
pm's are welcome
CDing doesn't really enter into this at all, in my opinion.
I'm bisexual. You don't have to be non-monogamous because you are bisexual. It just means you can be attracted to either sex - you care about the person, rather than their gender.
There is nothing particularly special about bisexuals wanting more than one partner in my opinion - plenty of heterosexuals end up having sex with more than one partner. (Both sexes do it - but I think it's more prevalent amongst men.)
People who want to have an intimate relationship with more than one person have to have really great communications with all of their partners, and for this to have any chance of working, all parties have to be completely and rigorously honest about what's going on in the relationship, limits, if any, who are the primary parties in the relationship, etc. This is not for everyone! In fact, I'd bet that doing this isn't for most people!
Secrets, sneaking around, not telling one or more people involved in the relationships will generally destroy them pretty quickly. (How many happy secret affairs have you really ever heard of.)
I am involved in an open relationship with more than one person. I'm happy to discuss it via PM's, if you are interested. I'm not sure the site's mods will let me discuss how it works for us openly. I'm also not sure I want to discuss this openly here, quite frankly.
The short version, though, is that both you and your spouse will have to agree to one or both of you being in an open relationship.
If you find you are attracted to the same sex, while also being attracted to your wife, and she is not willing to allow any opening of the relationship, my best advice would be to love the one you are with - i.e. her. (And if that isn't possible, break up - either one is a much better option than sneaking around, imo.)
I think there are different types of bisexuals. Some want partners of both sexes, and some want a partner, but it doesnt matter which sex they are. I guess you have to figure out what is most important to you, and what you and your girlfriend are okay with.
Communication is the key to everything :). Not knowing anything about your situation I can't say anything definite, but find out her feelings about what it is you want/need. If you aren't comfortable coming right out with it, find a way to ask roundabout questions to get her feelings on it.
However you go about it talking to her about it will in the long run make things better. My 2 cents anyway.
Mrs Sparkle, not knowing your whole situation I can only comment on how I feel. I am bisexual, but oddly enough only towards other cds though. I feel no attraction to the genetic male gender but do have that need for the something more you speak of. But when it comes down to relationships, I could never see myself in a relationship with a male or another cd.
So as far as the original post, how does one find just the right gg who can accept me being a cd, plus throw in the need for "something more" ? I guess that is why I am single.
I'm kind of like Erica. I have no interest in having an actual relationship with a man (or CD), but I've fooled around with a few. I've had many relationships with women and had been married once. I'm enjoying being single now days.
Not sure what one has to do with the other really. :)
I kind of confuse myself i suppose. While i have only ever been with women,i have often thought about what it would be like to have a boyfriend. My thoughts,and daydreams are always me as a cd. I help around my house with dishes,laundry,cooking,etc. I think i would love to 'take care' of a man. As i mentioned though only when 'dressed'. I dunno mayb suppresing gay fealings when not cd-ing. Confusing myself!!
Three or more doesn't divide well into ONE!
But to each his/her own!
At one time I had a girlfriend and boyfriend at the same time. Both new of the other and were ok with it for awhile. I was in guy mode with the girl, and spent time with the guy as "Gina". The girl knew of Gina but wasn't interested in going down that road. At the time, neither of us was particularly interested in a long term meaningful relationship with anyone, and just enjoyed spending time as it came. However, in time this changed, and one demanded that a decision be made as to what side of the fence I was going to walk. I guess this was inevitable and led to a complete separation with both "friends". If your so is willing to work with both sides of you, great. There are ways to live out each side of the sexual coin with the right equipment. But, I think that is only wishful thinking. Bringing another into the relationship will inevitably end with some kind of friction that will likely end at least one relationship. Good luck.
Not sure about needing more than I have. I am happy in my marriage and very satisfied sexually. I still find it exciting when I'm dressed to the max and someone on video call or FaceTime or Skype tells me how pretty I am and calls me baby. For some reason it reaffirms my dressing. I went thru a period where when ever I dressed I would become sexually aroused by just looking in my own mirror and seeing a beautiful gal. She was a neat, fun loving loving gal, that knew my every desire. I even thought I wanted to see what others thought about me thus some contact with other CDs. We would tell each other how beautiful we were and usually turned to watching live sex shows. That part I really found I didn't care for. I just wanted to be the pretty one and have someone think I was pretty or validate my ability to transform into a beautiful women. My wife is a very open minded person. She helps me dress when I want to be Jaylyn and we are finding that I enjoy the dressing more after we have been though a stressful time wether it's not enough money stress, a funeral, or work-related stress. I seemed to have out grown the need for more than dressing and now am content to be Jaylyn when I want is enough. I guess old age will cure the want for something more. Lol
PM sent this morning.
It seems the general thought here is that "threes a crowd". I've always thought the same thing. Thanks Gina I was looking for an experienced answer like that even though i was sure that was the response id receive.Our relationship is very strong and we have discussed my bisexualism many times. Although she doesn't like it nor does she want to share me we are seeking ways to deal with it. I have no interest in a relationship with a man. My cravings for men are strictly sexual . However she lacks the "equipment " to satisfy my needs. These are the general things we discuss.In the end however i will never trade what we have for sexual needs..She is my life!!
Sparkles I woudl equate this to anyone in a relationship...how man guys fantasies about those playboy bunnies and how many girls fantasize about guys with six packs or really big packages. At the end of the day if you are in a relationship and that relationship makes you happy then you have your answer. The grass is not always greener. It is hard but you can buy toys, you could look at pictures and you can always mentally fantasize about things.
I am in the exact same place in my relationship as you. I have had sexual experiences with men prior to my current marriage and have enjoyed them very much. I came out to my wife last fall and shared how I felt with her vs with men. For me they are very different mindsets which come from different places on my gender spectrum. She has been supportive to the point of letting me play as Julia. I will say there are rules, and she can choose to do the same. I've known her for 28 years and we are best friends which is the only reason this works for us.Quote:
Originally Posted by im-sparkles
Feel free to PM for any specifics.
Julia
On the other hand, the phrase "needing more than they have," which was used by the OP, could (and should) refer to more than merely anatomical differences. Most GG are not psychologically equipped by either hormones, education, or experience to play the role of the penetrating partner. Buying a suitable toy for your SO and persuading her to use it are two different things.Quote:
Originally Posted by Rhonda Jean
I do consider myself bi. I'm mostly attracted to the female body and as such, I'm mostly looking at females when I walk down the street or sit in the train. Sometimes because I think they look appealing, sometimes just because I'm jealous of their look and wish I could look like that! With males, I guess I'm a bit more picky, at least when just looking at them. I do love looking at sexy, masculine men and when I'm in my girl mode, as Amanda, that attraction grows stronger. Not sure what that actually makes me, but I believe it would be bisexual. In all honesty, I don't find much attraction in female genitalia. I much prefer the male equivalent! However, I find the female body being generally more appealing.
If the OP's "needing more than they have" refers to equipment, I can address that. My husband confided in me a while ago about his attraction to the male equipment. I didn't freak out about that, and we got a toy for me to use. We don't do that often -- it's not physically fun for me, and I think my rhythm doesn't feel right to him. So I thought that was a dead-end. But this year we tried it a different way, with me wearing it. Easy for me and he can have fun with it as much as he wants. Since discovering this aspect, we've found it much more rewarding for both of us. Just one data-point.
Members... :)
If you can't stay within the rules on this thread it WILL be closed. I'm sure there are plenty of other forums out there that will allow more latitude and explicit discussions of your chosen areas of interest...
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One does not. It destroys the relationship. IF you are TRULY 'in Love' with your WIFE/SO then one does not desire to go outside the relationship for intimacy with another person. If you find yourself NEEDING that, then it was never REAL Love in the 1st place.Quote:
Originally Posted by im-sparkles
Sex and love are really two different things that intersect IMO. Many people grow apart sexually in long lasting relationships but still love each other. But affairs will devastate relationships when love isn't strong enough. Some partners need sex more often or may have a kink that the other partner doesn't like. It's too bad that jealousy gets in the way of understanding each other's desires.
Good question.
As drab, I like girls.
As Cheryl, I like girls AND men.
Go figure.
My husband & I are both bisexual. I am primarily attracted to femininity, & also attracted to adrogyny & gender-bending in general, within limits. I find CD/Trans girls very attractive, which makes being married to one very nice for both of us. Sexually, I basically like it all, but the more masculine someone is (big muscles, body hair, general machismo), the less I find them attractive.
My husband & I enjoy each other's bisexuality. We take turns being in male & female roles & on "top" in our intimate life. I think I do most of the topping. It works out very well for us. :-)
I have been bisexual since my hormones first switched on that part of me. I've heard a lot of misconceptions, especially the one about how bisexuals can't be monogamous. It's BS. I am very happily married, & I would never do anything to betray my husband's trust. We've talked some about having a 3rd party join us for fun, but it would only ever be OK if we were completely honest with each other every step of the way. In any relationship, it is never OK to deceive the one you love for the sake of infidelity.
I spent about 10 years in the California BDSM scene. My physical relationships there were evenly split between the genders so I guess I qualify as bi? I stopped worrying labels like that long ago. I started CD five years after that phase, and have never been conscious of a link between the two.
Being attracted to both sexes if I am with a man I like to play the female role but can be very masculine when with a woman until she asks why my toenails are painted
what I do find interesting is the number of married people of both sexes that do find it a sexual fantasy or experience a cd er
Percentage I find is higher with men but I am cool with that
My neighbour who is a very attractive older woman paints my toenails and sometimes does my make up and really likes it when I am en femme
At this point in my life, the list of male partners is somewhat longer than the female list, but neither is particularly long. I think the difference is more situational rather than by design. I wouldn't describe my attractions as being dead center, but there or thereabouts. However, that is not a prerequisite for bisexuality. All you need is "some" degree of attraction to the same sex.
Anyway, I knew my 2nd wife for better than 12 years before we got married 9 years ago. She knows everything about me except for the extent of my shoe collection! However, so far I haven't felt the need to go looking for anything else. I wouldn't say that would be an absolute certainty going forward, but it would take some extraordinary circumstances for me to consider doing anything different. Also, in contrast to some here, I don't have any coincidence of dressing and male attraction. For me, they tend to be sort of mutually exclusive; not saying it couldn't be, but that would be counter to my history.
In regards to the original question, I think it depends upon the relationship and the people involved. What needs to get sorted is what kind of relationship do you want and how much variance/flexibility can be tolerated. This is not the work of a minute as these are tough questions and it is different from how people usually think of relationships. And, in any situation like this, there are always the possibilities that it either cannot be worked out or major sacrifices need to be made. For the former, it can be tough to fold up the tent and move on, but sometimes that is precisely what needs to happen. For the latter, sometimes sacrifices can lead to long term resentment.
Anyway, Good Luck on your journey.
Gender identity and orientation have -nothing- to do with each other.
It is an easy thing to conflate, but they are quite different.
Identity: Who/what do YOU feel like?
Orientation: What turns you on?
- MM
but what / who turns you on can affect HOW you feel like (or see yourself! even just in that moment!)
it's complicated!
Sparkles, I'm dealing with a very similar situation. My wife tells me she's willing to do whatever it takes, but I'm terrified how how bringing in additional equipment will affect how she sees me. It's one thing to talk about it, but it's a completely different thing to actually do it.
Best of luck to you on the situation. Feel free to PM me if you'd like to share more of your successes/failures. Would love to hear how things are going for you :)
MM pretty much states the gender thing correctly. Although the OP asks more on relationship sustenance. I'm analyzing a bit here as I can't really qualify myself with experience. (And I realize after typing all this that others have said similar parts to mine, and Sparkles already replied mid-thread)
It can get a bit logically crazy to consider. CDing-affected sexuality changes aside, both partners would have to be a lot more open to realizing differences between your marriage's relationship/love and freedoms of open sexuality and experiences outside the "normal" monogamous system. A seperation of 'ok this is fun to do..but at the end of the period I still want to be with and make sure my life partner is pleased as well' kind of thing.
Then there's other nuances of what exactly is going to be agreed on as far as allowances..
A married couple friends of mine (where the husband realized his BI-ness more recently) essentially made an agreement where both he is free to explore his BI with other guys (not with other girls) and she was free to explore her side with other girls (but no guys). They keep the M-F sex to themselves and don't explore this BI side together (like 3-somes,etc). Anyways this works for them. They have a very strong marriage going on 10+ years now.
It would just all come down to openness, communication and acceptance I think to really support such a thing.
At least if you're trying to be truthful with your spouse. CDing just adds 'flavoring' to the BI experience.
I've also studied in depth the polyamory relationships as well. Although, this isn't specific to the sexuality but to the relationship side, I can say that I'd think that poly 'partnerships' have it all properly handled when it comes down to the communication side. There's an extreme amount of communication, planning, arrangement, to make sure the relationship is amicable across the group and no ones overlooked or missed out. With these you really have to work out boundaries, and deal with other aspects (jealousy and other conflicts) and it really stretches a bit the thought of 'ownership' of the partner prevalent in old-school marriage thought.
This level of communication is likely really what's needed to make a BI-sampling standard marriage work well.
So.. That pretty much is _my_ knowledge of what I think it'd take to work.
Sadly, a lot will not even consider these alternative conditions even worth discussing, whether due to the partner having _no_ desire to negotiate or even consider due to outside society (or religion) factors. Then there's not much that can be done..as far as an open sustainable relationship. The one that is accepting of the 'different' desires may be forced to decide then between sticking to the spouse's demands or to doing their own thing and putting the relationship in jeopardy. And for some if the spouse refuses to discuss this aspect, there might be some relationship issues to begin with, as any good long term relationship I think would come down to good communication and good give and take across both parties and not just demands that are one-sided w/o thought of the other person.
But then again this also is my own idyllic thought of a more 'progressive' situation and I am a very logical-minded person to begin with.
Anyways, that's my thought. Dunno why I typed all this. I'm a bit of an outsider in my life. No relationships (or even hook-ups) because I can't talk well with others face to face (social anxieties). Myself, am more Pansexual than just outright BI. Parts don't matter, it's feelings and emotion for me. But I still favor the female more, even dressed..and even though I'm soon to be continuing on with TS transitioning. (Will wait and see how _that_ affects thought down the line, but still may not matter with me)
This is a very difficult question to answer as not only do we spread over a spectrum, as opposed to being put into neat categories, but it has been my experience that sexual preferences change considerably during ones lifetime.
As a pre-teenager I revelled in the delights of cross dressing and my sexual exploration was almost entirely via cross dressing and experiencing the intense sexual arousal it triggered. Yet I did have a couple of very brief homosexual experiences of the sort that could happen to any very young person.
As a teenager I was strongly interested in girls and my sexuality was completely directed toward the opposite sex. That changed when I found a couple who enjoyed cross dressing and I had my first true homosexual experience.
From that time forward I would have described myself as bi-sexual as I had several relationships with women but also some rather fleeting but deeply satisfying sexual encounters with men.
Currently I find that I do not look at men sexually at all. I much prefer women as company and friends though I do have a very warm non-sexual relationship with a male couple. Yet I now know that any sexual relationship that I have has to be with either a man who loves cross dressers or with another cross dresser. Strong social relationships with women are also still very important.
I wonder if others have found such complication. Not only do we seem to lie somewhere along a spectrum of sexual relationships and desires but we seem to move along that spectrum in unexpected ways.
I am a bi Cder:) I understand it is kinda difficult.. I have a gf and she accepts me for who i am. But i still have urges for the other sex. We talk about it. And what i've kinda figured out, is that its not a big deal!:) Just think of the same sexes as the same! i mean an attractive guy is an attractive guy! im not just gunna go for him:P same goes for girls:) i am in a relationship and happy:) no need to ruin it. I treat my urges for guys as i do for dressing up. I find a middle ground. I can have thoughts of guys:) and i can dress up when i feel like it:) also try having your SO be more dominate in bed, it can help!:) just remember what you have:)
I am not Bisexual but Gay and the majority of my sexual relationships have been with married not crossdresser bisexual guys , I can imagine is very difficult for a bisexual individual remain faithful on a relationship
For me it's a bit confusing, I love women and everything about them. I think it's why I love forms and heels. I've been with men and i do like to s d but I love women. If I could be a man with large breast, wear heels and not be ridiculed I could die a happy ..person
I love women but sometime wonder , mybe if it the right person.
I embraced my very bi-sexual side years ago. For years I tried to deny it and would meet with guys or other cd/tv girls for some intimate fun, I would feel guilty and shameful. Now that I have embraced it, it has become a fun and relaxing experience. I often wonder what it would be like to go full time as a woman and have given more and more thought to it. There is something special about being dressed as a woman and spending some time with a guy as his girl......don't knock it till you try it :))
"Trying to figure out if im a idiot".
An idiot? Only if you think you are NOT just another animal roaming the planet, who can do as/he she pleases and disregard the programming that EVOLUTION has worked out for you.
We are at the top of the food chain ONLY because we learned to walk upright multiple tens of thousands of years ago.
Humans cannot control what pushes their buttons or floats their boat anymore than any other animal roaming the planet.
ANY kind of Relationship between adults can/will work when BOTH parties have no issue with it. Nightline alone has had 2 segments in the last 6 months on UNconventional Relationships that many "clueless" people would claim is "wrong".
Adults IN a relationship are the ONLY ones who can decide what is "wrong".
How does one maintain a relationship with one woman when one finds other women attractive too? Maintaining a relationship has more to do with loyalty and commitment than sexuality.
That said, statistics do tend to show that bisexuals have increased rates of infidelity. So to high income earners.
I get folks who feel radically different when dressed. You are changing your appearance and 'role', so your headspace goes to a different place. If you are internalizing being female, interacting with a male is more attractive. It fits the 'hetero-normal' space. It is natural, IMHO.
You are feeling like being a woman from a *sexual* perspective, in addition to whatever other things you feel inside.
That does mean you cross into some bisexual territory, but not in the same way as a 'stock' bisexual. I like guys & girls equally. If I like you, I like *YOU*... I don't care what bits you have. Presentation doesn't really come into it.
But as I said, role changes can do a lot to your perception and headspace.
- MM