Do your male feelings carry over to your female side?

An experienced crossdresser recently told me that residual feelings of childhood insecurity from male-them transfer over to female-them. Does that ring true for everyone out there?

I'm still thinking about it, but I can say truthfully that since Nikki surged to the surface this summer, I've been noticeably less insecure- dwelling far, far less on past mistakes; fretting less about home security, feeling more confident, more content with myself and my life in general.

CDing for me has been a move away from my insecurities, thank god.

Nikki

I am the same person enfemme or in drab, so I will yes, my personal insecurities carry over, but I am more relaxed and more in touch with myself. This comfort zone makes those insecurities less pronounced.

Since embracing all of my feelings, I've learned from past insecurities and negative experiences, have turned them around and made them work for me. As a result I'm a stronger person all the way around. :)

I don't feel quite so ugly. I hated to see myself in photos and mirrors even though in hindsight I was quite good looking as a boy. But I'm a better looking woman as I keep telling myself. The difference being that I believe it more when presenting as female.

I have lately however been less concerned about the things that bothered me most of my life. Whether or not it's related to the fact that I have completely accepted my feminine self at this point, I don't know. It could be the other way around.

Hi Nikki, Having been in this program for 68yrs. now no matter how I'm presenting on the outside I am still the same person on the inside.:daydreaming:

Lots of sound comments here, Nikki.

As you say, thank God that all those insecurities have moved away. We could just say "life's too short" to worry about everything.

You are who you are and despite the fact that Nikki was below the surface, to coin your expression, you may have been subconsciously keeping the lid on her and thus living half the full rounded person you should be. I don't think we change personality, just emphasise those parts we like, especially when femme. But the underlying things like insecurities will still be there unless dealt with. Maybe you just don't feel them as Nikki blossomed again. Or perhaps that was the cause of some of your insecurity as you suggest.

We are all made up of lots of things, and all men have a femme side and all women have a male side, some more or less than others. I believe there are many men out there who take up testosterone fuelled activities, sports, careers, etc to over compensate for their femme side. For my part, bringing Kim to the open has allowed me to express both sides of me and allow me to feel a more full person as a result. Also my male ego is a more relaxed, tolerant and happier being these days, just a better dude to be around.

Kim

Since Tina appeared well into my adult life with the help and support of a loving wife, there has never been an insecure moment.

But the "carryover" part of the discussion has been fascinating for us. My wife took advantage of a moment where we had been talking about a variety of issues as husband and wife. Tina came to visit later in the day and they had the same conversation as girlfriends, specifically because my wife was curious to see if opinions would change looking at issues from a woman's perspective. It made us look at Tina in a different light, showing just how much transition there is between my two gendered selves. Oh,there were some significant differences, which really surprised us!

Wow- total consensus so far: crossdressing is good for you!

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Originally Posted by suchacutie

Oh,there were some significant differences, which really surprised us!

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I'd be fascinated to hear more about those significant differences Tina...

When I 1st began on my own journey of acceptance 2 years ago, my 1st few months especially were wrought with ping pong in emotions and focus on gender binary. And it was quite difficult at times. While this can and still does occur for me at times (especially in malls ) I am less concerned about exact emotions concerning gender.

If say I am dressed and browsing the net and come across something that is male oriented, nbd. Same now goes for me when I am doing more male typical things but something fem strikes me, or a feminine wave of emotion comes through, I don't fight it or attempt to resist it. Makes life much smoother for me.

I think you have a point, Gendermutt. For me it's not so binary, I am made of both male and female which both come out irrespective of how I'm dressed.

Maybe the reason lies in childhood insecurities based on conscious or unconconscious anxieties to do with gender. By allowing your feminine side to be expressed now, you have taken a big step and maybe removed or diminished one of the anxious areas of your life.

I was insecure as a child and as a young adult, as I got older I realized there was no reason to feel insecure. Now that I've rediscovered dressing and in turn rediscovered my true self I'm much more secure, happy, and content. Hugs Jaymee

I feel like I'm more insecure as a male than when I'm dressed. When dressed, I feel much more comfortable with who I am and I'm happier because of it. That's not to say that I'm unhappy as a male, I just end up setting aside more of my feeling aside in male-mode.

I'm the same person really. Although I do agree with Ryce here in a way. When I've been out, I get into a more confident state... either that, or I'm just hiding behind my glasses. :)

Hi Nikki,

Growing up I was shall we say "physically small" for a guy so I got picked on quite a bit and this carried on into high school. I was always waiting for that growing spurt (which never came) - funny how not being physically imposing didn't seem like such a great thing back then but now is a blessing in disguise :) Anyway, as a boy and teenager I had a lot of insecurities and it never truly dissipated (overtly) until I joined the military and over the 33 years of service I have grown personally and achieved much both in life and career. However, that shy, insecure little boy still lurks below the surface and probably always will. As Isha is part of me the insecurities of that part of my personality also accompany her and in a way she can magnify those insecurities. Specifically, this is different then being "boy me" and being able to express to the outside world a level of self confidence I have developed from 33 years of life experience "en boy". However, as Isha is relatively new to my life, I am cognizant that I am a guy in women's clothing which in a way strips me of my "boy" identity and removes some of my defenses against the world so my insecurity about how I look "en femme" gets amplified. My wife always tells me I blend well and for the most part people probably (on quick inspection) probably just see an older woman. However, those early insecurities tell me different and I find myself not at all convinced I look anything like a woman and so have learned to accept that . . . one true constant in life . . . our personality rarely changes.

Hugs and thanks for such a great post.

Isha

I was terrified constantly as a man. As a woman, I'm mostly fearless as best I can tell.

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Originally Posted by PaulaQ

I was terrified constantly as a man. As a woman, I'm mostly fearless as best I can tell.

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That likely speaks of a correct alignment gender wise. I think anyone who feels comfortable with themselves tends to not have fear run their lives. Other than obvious fear of impending danger and such, but fear when it comes to daily living, no.

Nikki,
I think this is about self discovery and maybe you will find the satisfactory niche to fit into.

Nikki - could be your insecurities are just shrouded by pink fog... ;)

No - you feel positive which is a Good Thing - I can't honestly say the same...

I'm happy and comfortable when CDing but for me I think that's the release of reality and escapism coming into play - I still have numerous wtf moments when ruminating on this and even when doing unrelated things. It's not insecurity but still probably a degree of guilt... kinda goes with the interior of a closet for some of us... whatever... <shrugs> :thinking:

Katey x

I wasn't quite sure to make of this topic. I mean, short of a lobotomy, I have to assume that life experiences from childhood or otherwise are present in us, regardless of how we dress. I would suppose that the process of coming to grips with being transgendered...learning to accept oneself...can have the complimentary effect of helping us resolve old insecurities. For example, for most of my life I've had terrible stage fright. But, after appearing in public as a woman, I have far fewer fears about speaking to a group of people. But I still don't like spiders.

No, my male feelings don't cross over to my female side. Thank God for that. My male side is some weird fantasy world. My female side is real.

Never been insecure in either mode. Parents gave me opportunities daily to prove my manlyness and my girlyness, being it cutting the snake infested lawn with a sythe or baking a cake, chopping wood or knitting, driving or playing with makeup.

Do my feeling cross over? not really, I might be pev'd off as a guy over a situation, but when I swap over, I find understand and compassion. Likewise if I'm bitch'd off, I cross back to male and wonder what the heck that was all about.

While Kimgirl does not change personalities and same for a lot of others, I have what a group of psychic termed a split personality, each personality has different likes & dislikes

My female side seems to almost be a super set of my male side. I have more variety of thoughts and feelings.
As for childhood insecurities it seems pretty logical that exploring your personality is a lot like when you were young. with that said there is something freeing about acting on that desire to explore (i.e. dress) and not hiding or holding back.

I share the feeling that some of you have expressed -- as a skinny kid growing up I was shy, lacking in self confidence, and knowing that there was something inside that needed to come out. Now, no, my male feelings do not come out when I'm dressed -- rather, I'd like to think that I'm embracing Claire, that she is part of me, and if anything that is spilling over to my male side. And I think that makes me a better person!

Nikki when I am dressed for some reason I really feel different about life in general. It relaxes me. I am not as concerned about politics, or the worlds situations. I feel more at peace with every thing almost like I go into a peaceful transition to not being the one that that has to worry about the every day living. Maybe it's because my dressing is more like playing. I do know my wife says she loves my male aggressiveness, my male theories on life, and those things are what attracted her to me. She loves a rugged male almost like the ancient provider type. She says she feels safe with my male side. On the other foot when I have my heels on, my makeup and dressed up she says I am a much nicer person to be around. She tells me I am more compassionate, more sympathetic towards others feelings, and that I am less worried about things that doesn't really matter or things we can't change any way. I think she reads me like a book because I feel I'm at peace when dressed. I love my male side and I love my female side. It's crazy we can't balance the two into one body and be the best of both worlds. We call an out going physical GG when young a Tom Boy but if a young male puts on a dress or something soft we call them a weak weird child and worry about them. Why can't we be both? I have been really trying to work on my female side even when I'm dressed as a rough male. It seems some of my friends have noticed this other side of me and tell me you have really mellowed in your old age. If they only knew the truth why I'm a better person.

When I dress I become a different person. My male feeling for the most part are totally separated. Having gone out only a few times my sense of security and awareness come instinctively. I stay aware of my surroundings always looking for threats, which I guess is a good thing.

I am more confident when in fem mode, since I started wearing make up to work and bras with enhancers, I am more confident at work.

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Originally Posted by mariehart

I don't feel quite so ugly. ...The difference being that I believe it more when presenting as female.

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Yeah, for me it's like that, too.
I have tons of insecurities, and I always have regardless of the mode I'm in. In girl mode, it seems like I manage to give myself permission to forget about some of them, though.

For instance, insecurity about my appearance ... when I'm in girl mode, I generally Ike the way I look. I give myself permission to believe I'm pretty (even if objective reality probably disagrees, lol). I can put on nice clothes in boy mode too and try to look good, but the difference is that at a really basic, perhaps subconscious level, I just can't buy it. It feels like a put-on, I guess, where girl mode just doesn't.

But that's about as far as it goes for me. All the same curses and blessings of being me are constant, regardless of whether my outside matches the inside that day.

I think as we try to embrace what we believe to be femininity, we also try to focus on what we believe women focus on. Clothes, appearance, fashion, makeup, jewelry, nesting behavior/making our homes look nice (some guys will spend hours looking online at what they consider more feminine furniture/window treatments/paint&wallcoverings, etc), babies, diets, relationships. It's one sort of escape from the male world of feeling responsible for the general safety of the rest of the population, which can potentially feel like a burden.