Am I Transgender?

So with all the media hype and focus on Transgender brought to forefront by Caitlyn Jenner (and I still wonder about a 60 + woman calling herself Caitlyn - is that for real), I feel like I have been left behind in the public Transgender discussion as the focus has been on those who transition. I love to dress and have been doing it in some fashion or other since I was 12 (I'm 52 now). There has always been some eroticism in my cross dressing but mostly just wearing lingerie with my wife in the bedroom. That has diminished over the years as many her have notes in previous posts. I dress fully when I can but just really started doing so about 5 years ago when I told my wife I really wanted to dress and present completely as a woman. Thankfully, she has been supportive and helpful. I don't know if I will ever go out in public. I'm just content with where I'm at in CD spectrum.

On the other hand, I like the "male" side of myself. I like my motorcycles, '66 Mustang, football and hanging out with the guys doing guy things. I have no desire to dress full time or transition. So am I Transgender? the term seems so fashionable now. Would society be anymore accepting of me now that Transgender is such a hot topic? Somehow I don't think so since my place on the Transgender spectrum isn't really discussed publicly or understood.

Thoughts?

Thx

Eva D.

PS: Moderators - I hope I posted in the right place?

Hi Eva,

That is a topic of much debate and discussion here and if you ask 100 people it is likely you will get 100 different answers. Most (not all) tend to view the term Transgender (TG) as a spectrum encompassing a wide swath of gender non-conformity. On one side you have the CDing crowd which in and of itself varies. Specifically, some just like to dress up for a moment or two feel good then pack it away until next time, others want to dress and go in public, where as some will only wear clothing (no make-up or wigs). On the other side is the Transsexual crowd (TS) and those are the folks who truly feel trapped in the wrong body and work to align their physical self with their gender identity. In between it is a wide spectrum. For myself I am gender fluid, I sometimes identify as a woman and dress according in my private life, public life (including work) and sometimes I identify as a man and dress accordingly.

So to answer your question . . . Are you TG? Well, if you view it as a spectrum . . . then yes. Where you fall will depend on how far down the rabbit hole you are.

Cheers

Isha

Isha

Evadan,
Why worry about labels, you know where you want to be with your CDing and your wife is OK about it, you're not questioning your gender ! You have a comfortable life with other guys doing male things why try and complicate all that with thinking you have the wrong label !

I have so many uncertainties, a DADT situation and brain going round in circles , at the moment my labels keep changing ! Consider yourself lucky !!

The thought of ending up on the same road as CJ at the same age is very scary when you don't have that level of support !

Hi Eve, You just sound like a normal Crossdresser. :hugs:

Isha covers it very well. Yes, you are somewhere on the spectrum of transgender. No, you're no transsexual. It's not a rank or a grading system. You're fine right where you are.

Yes, you are transgender - this is an umbrella term that means your gender identity and / or gender expression don't conform to societal norms for your assigned at birth sex.

In your case, you are male identified - you're a dude - but you dress like a woman sometimes. Your gender expression crosses societal gender norm boundaries, therefore you are transgender.

That you feel "I'll never go out in public this way" is a valid choice shows just how far we need to go in the advancement of trans rights. I'm not saying what you are doing is invalid or a poor choice given the realities you face. I am saying that you shouldn't even have to worry about such things, in a world that wasn't transphobic. Unfortunately, that isn't our world.

The reason you aren't a transsexual is that you do not identify as a woman. I do, and I also present as one, and do a great many medical, social, and legal things to transition to living my life as a woman.

BTW - expression is independent from identity - I could end up transitioning to live as a woman, but present really, really butch. I don't - but some trans women do.

Based on my understanding of the term, yes you are :-)

Will people be more accepting? Depends on the people. There certainly doesn't seem be the same reluctance to discuss TG related topics in mixed company, as before the media blitz that happened this summer (becoming us, I am jazz, I am cait, OITNB, transparent, probably some other shows I forgot about).

I think that's probably a good thing ... though it probably means it's safe to come out now, in the same way racism is over because we have a black president, lol. YMMV as they say.

Ahhh... The whole TG vs CD debate. It appears to me that on this board there is about a 33/33/33 split on that opinion. Some think you are TG and some think you are a CD and some think that no labels should be used at all. Personally I would say that you are a transgender person who expresses that by cross dressing. But that may be offensive or just plain wrong to some. It kind of depends on your definitions of TG. I take it to be an umbrella term that covers anyone who experiences any sort of gender variance. I suppose you have to decide what definition is acceptable for you.

But what is up with this thought of your yours:

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Originally Posted by evadan

(and I still wonder about a 60 + woman calling herself Caitlyn - is that for real)

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What is wrong with that? Should she have chosen a different name? Is that name too young for her? Or what?

Most people I've seen who are content with expressing both the masculine and feminine aspects of their personality at any given situation or prefer to present as neither exclusively one or the other seem to identify themselves as genderfluid or bigender rather than TG, but it all falls under the same trans* umbrella I guess. I wouldn't concern yourself with overly specific labeling unless you find it necessary, the plebs do a good enough job of doing that for us already.

I have wondered what would happen if I witnessed a crime while out in public em femme (some would say that itself is a crime - haha). On the witness stand I am asked if I am transgender, to reconcile why the witness who appeared to be a woman appears in court as a man. To answer the question honestly I would need to know if we're working with the same definition. As a CDer I answer yes (under the TG umbrella). Those who hear my answer think I'm TS, gay, whatever.
Eva, you ask if you are TG. If you can define TG, you can answer for yourself.

You are not "transgender", you are a crossdresser. Plain and simple, just a crossdresser.

As for the name.... what is going to happen to a new born girl whose parents name them Caitlin when they turn 60? Are they going to have to legally change their name at a certain age??

I co sign what everybody else has said,

1. it's a very common question, one I have nearly everyday,

2 everyone has their own opinion about it

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Originally Posted by Nadine Spirit

Ahhh... The whole TG vs CD debate.... I take it to be an umbrella term that covers anyone who experiences any sort of gender variance. ...

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I think this is the first time I have seen it written like this. I can not argue that as a cross dresser I am experiencing/exhibiting some kind of "gender variance." So Nadine, you got me with definition. Well done! What always sets me back is that I do not FEEL that variance. I'm a dude always. Whether in a dress or racing a mountain bike. I wonder if there is a "feeling" that others have that I do not.

In society's eyes, yes you are transgender, in that you do not fully conform to the expected "norms" of male behaviour.

In your own eyes, you are whatever you choose to be.. there are many terms and labels, gender fluid, gender blending, part-timer, but it is rare that anyone finds a "perfect term" for how they feel.

You're a guy with a strong feminine side moving towards female impersonation.. some call it crossdressing, some call it transvestism, some call it transgender.. you own the labels you choose to own.. just like in your wardrobe :)

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Originally Posted by evadan

(and I still wonder about a 60 + woman calling herself Caitlyn - is that for real),

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Well, I kinda wonder about a 52 year old man calling himself Eva.

“Transgender” is an umbrella term that covers many diverse groups that have little or nothing to do with each other. Many people assume it refers just to transsexual people, but they are wrong. Transsexual people only represent a small fraction of those who are considered “transgender”. And for the record a transsexual person is someone who was born with a brain-body mismatch, literally a female brain in a male body or vice-versa. It is a naturally occurring birth condition. Through the process of TRANSITION transsexual people change their bodies to match the true inner gender and assume a gender appropriate role in society. Also one does not “become” transsexual; as I said we are BORN that way.

“Transgender” refers to anyone who varies from the societal norms for their gender as assigned at birth. Other than transsexual people other groups under the transgender umbrella include:

Cross-dressers (obsolete term was “transvestite”)
Drag queens
Drag kings
Androgynes
Genderqueer
Genderf*ck
A-gender
Bi-gender
Two-spirit

And more.

Now, take a moment and think about yourself. Where to you feel you fall within this spectrum? Or, do you fall within it at all?

As usual, Krisi is dead wrong. You crossdress because you are somewhere on the transgender scale...

Yes you are Transgender, even if your identity is male. I am male, I don't even have a female name nor I want one, and like me, there are others. Not all Transgender means we will end up transitioning, and the term is not well explained in the media.

PaulaQ explained everything perfectly. I suggest you pay attention to what she defined in that post.

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You are not "transgender", you are a crossdresser. Plain and simple, just a crossdresser.

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Sorry, the OP, by the current definition of the term, yes s/he falls under the Transgender label.

Krisi, I don't know you, but you seem to be even more "fem" than me, given the fact you use a female name, whereas I do not. If I am okay with the label, why aren't you?

I know you will say you are a dude, but I'm a dude too and I have no problems with identifying as Transgender.

Don't take it as an attack or anything, Im not trying to enforce my opinion on you, so please don't misunderstand me as you usually do, I dont want we end up having an argument like usual.
But I'm just curious why some here want to divide crossdressers from other transgender when all we have in rights will be lost if we do such a thing, atleast now in this moment of time.

My advice is to stay together to be strong. If the community is divided, we will suffer more.

Those who think crossdressers should stand apart, well, maybe in the future, but division right now will only make us weaker against those who want us to suffer.

Jorja (and several others) pretty much described it. That said, a significant source of confusion may derive from the fact that the word 'transsexual' (TS) is rejected as self-descriptive by many (but not all) who live full time as the opposite gender because they feel that it is

1. primarily a medical term that
2. is archaic and
3. suggests there is something medically wrong with them and
4. may imply that they have had genital surgery.

As a result, the term 'transgender' (TG) also serves in popular parlance as the new word for 'transsexual', and so there is often some ambiguity as to whether one means

1. 'falling under the TG umbrella because one is gender-variant in some way' (e.g. a crossdresser) or
2. 'living full time and identifying as a member of the opposite gender' or
3. 'living full time and identifying as a member of the opposite gender and having had gender confirmation surgery'.

The impression I get is that some CDs reject the TG label because they have no doubts about their gender. The question then becomes whether or not 'transgender' refers to gender identity or gender expression, a question on which there appears to be no unanimity. The edges are fuzzy.

The trouble with language is that it evolves. I feel that it is unfortunate that the common usage of transgender, at least my observation of the more recent media usage, has morphed to become synonymous with transsexual. While we, here, may hold to the older usage of the term in its generic sense of any departure from normative gendered expression or behavior, that is not the same usage having currency in the broader social conversation.

The dissonance became clear some time ago when my wife reacted to my use of the term transgender, and she immediately thought that I was going to transition. In her words she asked isn't that what Bruce Jenner is?

It's disappointing to me that the common understanding of the term, transgender, is losing its broader, more generic meaning. As a consequence, it makes discourse and understanding more difficult.

Wow, that sounds SO familiar.

Eva, my advice to you is to disregard labels and follow your heart.

I wondered the same things that you do. Worse still, the introspection resulted in different answers on different days. I was confused. I was afraid that I may be transexual and wanting to be no more than "just a plain vanilla crossdresser". For several months I spent many anxious days fretting about the label. Several times I asked my therapist "what am I?" It took a while, but my therapist finally convinced me that I am ME, just plain old ME. I don't need a label. People with labels often feel a need to validate that label rather than following their own heart.

I no longer try to make a label fit me, or me the label. There are more important things to fret about than a label.

Best wishes
MsVal

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Originally Posted by Jenniferathome

I think this is the first time I have seen it written like this. I can not argue that as a cross dresser I am experiencing/exhibiting some kind of "gender variance." So Nadine, you got me with definition. Well done! What always sets me back is that I do not FEEL that variance. I'm a dude always. Whether in a dress or racing a mountain bike. I wonder if there is a "feeling" that others have that I do not.

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I, of course, can only speak for myself. I do seem to have days where I feel male and other days when I feel female and want to express that with my appearance. Sometimes I even desire being flirted with by cute guys, but haven't put myself in any situations where that could occur yet :D

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Originally Posted by Brenda.Clark

The trouble with language is that it evolves. I feel that it is unfortunate that the common usage of transgender, at least my observation of the more recent media usage, has morphed to become synonymous with transsexual. While we, here, may hold the the older usage of the term in its generic sense of any departure from normative gendered expression or behavior, that is not the same usage having currency in the broader social conversation.

The dissonance became clear some time ago when my wife reacted to my use of the term transgender, and she immediately thought that I was going to transition. In her words she asked isn't that what Bruce Jenner is?

It's disappointing to me that the common understanding of the term, transgender, is losing its broader, more generic meaning. As a consequence, it makes discourse and understanding more difficult.

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And I'm sure this is why many, myself included, don't consider ourselves transgender. If I were to say to someone "I'm transgender" and mean "I'm somewhere on the transgender spectrum" instead, what they hear and understand may not be what I said. To most people, to be transgender is to live (or desire to live) as the opposite sex. I don't have any desire to do so, therefore to most people I am not transgender. Therefore, I should not consider

Language depends on people understanding one another. If I used the word "stick" whenever I should use the word "tree" (or vice versa) and tried to correct everyone's understanding of the words to fit my definition, that would be confusing to everyone. To add to that, including too many subcategories under "transgender" and defining yourself as such muddies the water. If the word means too many things, it is meaningless altogether.

To Eva, it doesn't sound like you fit the "popular" definition of transgender.

Hell-o Eva,
Your a CD'er? You fit the TG profile.
A male that intentionally wears female clothing for his own personal satisfaction has to have some degree of GID goin' on (don't ya think?)
Now if that doesn't qualify as transgender.....
Much Love,
Kristyn

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Originally Posted by Jenniferathome

I wonder if there is a "feeling" that others have that I do not.

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This:

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Originally Posted by Jenniferathome

How to tell your wifehttp://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...t=#post2428087

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argues that at some point, you felt something most men don't feel. Most guys don't need to come out to their wives.

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Originally Posted by Hell on Heels

Your a CD'er? You fit the TG profile.
A male that intentionally wears female clothing for his own personal satisfaction has to have some degree of GID goin' on (don't ya think?)
Now if that doesn't qualify as transgender.....

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Nicely put, Kristyn... yes, I think the same although I express feminine much, much less than some on this forum who just do it for 'fun'...?

And the accepted definition of the term is as an umbrella for gender identity OR expression that crosses NORMAL societal standards. It doesn't mean you're TS Eva, and you should just enjoy, manage, deal with... whatever... this weird condition in the best way you can.

There's a lot of denial and attempted rationalisation of what we do, but if any of us didn't have something more feminine about us than the other 99%+ of cis-males, we wouldn't dress like females, we wouldn't use a femme name (nods to Ezekiel here...), we wouldn't get all gooey about our latest dress or wig find, and we certainly wouldn't post those pics for a whole bunch of regular guys to comment on our choice of heels or accessories.. and it's that extra feminine expression shard in us all, that makes us TG. Or we'd all be on JUST the woodworking site, or JUST the train site, or JUST the car site, or JUST the bike site.... Not here... :)

Katey x

It's often been said in these discussions that labels are for soup cans. For what it's worth, I agree with Paula and Jorga, but increasingly it seems that the press and media seem to equate transgenderism with transsexualism.

This question is asked here very often but periodic postings are good for us to review where we are. Back in the 80's when I was frequenting NYC events dressed to the nines in heels and satin dresses I never would have thought I was transgendered. With all the new info out there now and some more years under my body shaper I gladly admit that I am transgendered. I identify as male and female. My profession as a Hospice nurse allows me to express my more feminine side of compassion and sensitivity toward my patient's and their families' needs. Yet, like you, I still enjoy my time in the garage with my '33 Chevy and '65 Rambler. I have a wonderful relationship with my grandchildren even though I will admit that I am a little closer to the granddaughters since I am not a big sports fan. I am close with my grandson who is in the chorus and does lots of theater. I tolerate freezing in the stands to watch his brother play football like any good grandparent. I guess that sounds like "girlie whining" but tan that is who I am and I'm fine with that. I would have liked to be able to express my feminine self with all my family but that is Jenner's world, not mine. Maybe in 2050 that will be O.K. Maybe in my next life. Until then, I'm at peace knowing that I am transgendered and having found my place in the world. Transgendered is not the horrible label it used to be and as the public gets bombarded by shows like "Call Me Cait" and "Jazz" there me be some softening of public opinion.

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Originally Posted by Claire Cook

It's often been said in these discussions that labels are for soup cans. For what it's worth, I agree with Paula and Jorga, but increasingly it seems that the press and media seem to equate transgenderism with transsexualism.

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This being the case, it is our job to correct it.

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Originally Posted by Jorja

This being the case, it is our job to correct it.

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Jorja...exactly!

I don't think transgender is what you are. You sound like me. You just love to wear womens clothes because they look good and feel good. I treat it like a hobby, that I hope I never grow tired of. Daviolin

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Originally Posted by Krisi

You are not "transgender", you are a crossdresser. Plain and simple, just a crossdresser.

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Where do crossdressers fit on the LGBT spectrum?

Pssst, look under the T.

*shakes head*

You do realise why I asked that question in response to Krisi's comment?

yes Jenni, we know why you asked it.. ironically, the intended target of the question is probably blissfully unaware of the irony of her original statement anyway and will therefore, quite ironically, miss the irony of your subsequent question. :)

Oh and Jorja.. haven't you heard.. it's now LGBT+.. we had to have a designation for all those who are "just crossdressers plain and simple".. next it will be LGBT+% for all the half and half.. and in 10 years time it will be have a high security rating as a password :)

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Originally Posted by AbigailJordan

yes Jenni, we know why you asked it.. ironically, the intended target of the question is probably blissfully unaware of the irony of her original statement ...

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Where is the up-vote button? I'm simply loving this post. Nails, heads, and hits are doing cartwheels in my mind!!

Why is there the attempt to make sure members do not fit under transgender umbrella? If it is just about the clothes 100 percent then why the female names? Why associate or converse with other people who assume female names? Why wear make up or a wig or even attempt to present as female ? I understand that there a lot of you who love being male and this is a hobby. No complaints and I think that is great. But if you like expressing femininity and were born genetically male aren't you somewhere on the spectrum even if at the opposite end from me? Why so adamantly profess you are all male ? Isn't that part of the shame we all grew up with ? No offense intended I just want to understand how such all male people can have a need to have a female name and presentation.
Suzanne

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Originally Posted by Jenniferathome

I wonder if there is a "feeling" that others have that I do not.

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Think about it this way. How do you feel when you make the decision to dress (that is before you start getting ready)? What is your motivation? Like Sugarbabe I have moments when I distinctly feel one gender or the other. Those feelings affect my reactions to situations, like am I going to act with empathy or with aggression. Of course its when my feelings are more feminine that I feel the pull to make the outside reflect the inside. Why that happens is the $64,000 question for all of us.

Bridget

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Originally Posted by Suzanne F

Why is there the attempt to make sure members do not fit under transgender umbrella?

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1 - Transgender term has been so skewed by the media that right now it makes people think it equals TS.

2 - They seem unable to see that by standing united, whatever is your identity, we will gain the respect we deserve. For the people who's never had any proclivities of crossing gender norms in any sense, they don't really care as it is right now, what you are, they don't get it.

Stand united, explain properly that Transgender actually means "Transgresion of gender norms" whatever they may be, and we will reach a point where we will start to be seen as normal.

You are a male? Okay, its all good, but you dress in what your society considers ment for the other gender. So just by that little fact, you are already Transgender, as in you are transgreding the norm, like when you transgress anything else that is a rule by convention of society.

All of us here, whatever may be our identity or predilection, we are all the same in one thing, we are insurgents of gender.

Suzanne F, I think you might have just made some money for the makers of Tylenol or Motrin. :raisedeyebrow:

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Originally Posted by Danica F

what they hear and understand may not be what I said. To most people, to be transgender is to live (or desire to live) as the opposite sex. I

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as with everything in the world, definitions that are misunderstood, need to be corrected. By saying you're not something when you are confuses the people you talk to and everyone around you. I get the feeling that so many here will spend 6 hours on makeup and zero minutes on education because it's too hard for them

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Originally Posted by Suzanne F

If it is just about the clothes 100 percent then why the female names? Why associate or converse with other people who assume female names? Why wear make up or a wig or even attempt to present as female ?

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For me, When I first started going out en femme, I thought it was just about the clothes. I did not even have a female name for about the first nine months of going out. A lot of people do not want to confront the fact that they may be somewhere on the spectrum, so you just proclaim I am a male, who likes to occasionally dress up as a woman. It can be so much easier to not confront being on the spectrum.

I did confront that yes I am somewhere on the spectrum. It was much more than the clothes. Eventually I did select a female name. Now outside of work related stuff, I am mostly dressed en femme. Around a year ago I did not consider the idea of transitioning. Now I think of it as a real possibility. I have even changed my e-mail accounts to not reflect my first name, but now it reflects first and middle initial and last name. So if I go for a name change my first and middle name will still have the same initials.

Where I am right now is a place over 4 years ago I never thought I would be at. Now a lot of my thoughts are occupied with the idea of transitioning at least to some degree. In a lot of ways it would be so much easier if I could have clung to the idea that I am just a male who likes to occasionally wear female clothes. It is not always easy for me to confront who I am, but I am a better person for it. Now I am starting to view myself as a woman. Hopefully some day I can live as the person that I truly am.

I honestly wouldn't be asking these types of questions here. 90% of these people here are very unsupportive and will just start being completely rude to you after you have posted here a few times. I come to read, but hardly post anymore, due to the fact that many people here have nothing else better to do than to put people down, question their judgement, etc.

'I'm not transgender, I am a crossdresser'

Is the SAME thing as saying :

'That's not liquid, it's water!'

Exactly. But water IS a liquid. Much in the same way that a crossdresser IS transgendered. Why is this so difficult to understand?

Why do I get the feeling that people who don't want to exist under the accepted umbrella term, have some personal, negative association attached to it... Don't like the TG label? FINE, how about not calling it a label. Lets call the term transgender a category. A category that encompasses all gender variance in between the polar opposite ends of gender expression, or at the very least, what society considers normal expression for ones birth given gender. What are they going to say now? 'But I don't like categories'.... Sigh.

Don't like being thrown into the same box as all the other TG terms? Great, whatever makes you feel better about yourself. You don't need to use the term if you don't like it. But I really don't think it's fair for anyone to throw their opinion around like it's a fact. These terms, labels, words are there so we can decide for ourselves where we exist under the umbrella. Whatever word seems to fit most closely with your acceptance and situation, I would say, is probably the term you should be using. Not doing this just confuses the hell out of people who are truly ignorant to the actual meanings of these words, and now have someones opinion giving them (in some cases) flat out wrong definitions of said terms.

Tracy, Abigail, Suzanne and others...thank you for bringing some common sense to the post. Can't say it enough: you crossdress because you are transgendered. People, what is so hard to understand about this? Protest if you want, but it doesn't change the fact. So you can either wear the label with pride, or you can wear it in denial and shame.

Without reading all the comments all ready given I'll give you my $0.02. The short answer YES you like to where the clothing of the opposite gender. Now to explain.
I thik there should be a scale and maybe there is maybe a 1 to 10 rating with 1 being the lost, LIkes to dress occasionally in private and 10 transition. I would say you fall at a 1 or 2.
I am very similar I dress when I can enjoy it find it erotic usually although this has diminished as I have aged. I enjoy guy things, although not sure why we call them guy things, girls can like them to I just also enjoy high heels. My advice accept your fate enjoy don't worry about and please keep it in perspective with the rest of your life.

I was never in any denial that I was transgender from the first time I ever put on lipstick and tights, even though the cross dressing has become mostly irrelevant to the means of expressing my identity now.

You gave a very good definition of what you do in the OP. If this is your definition of "transgender", then you can call yourself transgender. Everyone else does. :)

I define "transgender" as an umbrella term for anyone who engages in practices culturally deemed appropriate for the opposite gender than birth sex (for most people, gender ID does match birth sex). Dressing and presenting as a female, for a birth male, fits.

The media refers to people who have transitioned as "transgender". They have it wrong, people who have transitioned like Caitlin Jenner are transsexual. Caitlin is altering her male sex (her body) with hormones, she has had breast augmentation surgery, facial feminization surgery, trachial shave, she may or may not opt in the future for SRS. So in effect, Caitlin is moving ("trans" means to cross) from her birth-male-sex status into female-sex status. True, Caitlin will not be able to fully change her sex from XY to XX, but she is doing as much as medical science will allow. Hence the proper term, "transsexual".

It doesn't help to understand the differences when people are called trans.