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so there i was, minding my own business at home, pink cami top, purple leggings, and an old friend calls, they are playing a gig at a local pub.
So down i go, with my SO, all pinked up ... nothing, no reaction, its me being me. i even bumped into an old ultra-conservative friend; np worries.
So ... guys, gals, there aint no problem but that which we bring. Go out, come out, be it, join society on your terms, and you know what? they are sheep and will take it like lambies ...
xxx
That's always been my experience as well. Nobody much cares.
Sounds confrontational to me. Not sure what you mean by "take it".Quote:
they are sheep and will take it like lambies ...
I'm really beginning to understand that more and more, it feels good not sweating it so much!
But, I don't like being seen as a man in a dress, Pam. By me or anyone else.
And, when I go out dressed, that's invariably what I am!:sad:
I'm more a chic in skinny jeans and a t-shirt myself, I'd HATE to see myself in a dress, I'm not a sissy after all 😡 ok, not trying to offend anybody...but I'm not a sissy, OK!Quote:
Originally Posted by docrobbysherry
PS today I attended the funeral of a dear friend, as he knew me, in my brightest dress, purple nails. Literally hundreds of people turned up, no-one seemed to mind, I even got some compliments on my dress. Then I popped into the post office, and the lady there also complimented me on my dress.
Then there was a truck, with 3 workmen in the front, blocking our access to my car. We had a joke, and they moved their truck, no problems. Result!
if i were being confrontational then i'd have received confrontation, by "take it" I mean "take me as i am, dress'n'all" (and several pints of lovely ale)Quote:
Originally Posted by MelanieAnne
Before transition, I was trying an andro phase, just to see it it worked for me. While I didn't do the 'man in a dress', I did wear all women's clothes, heels sometimes, carry a purse, and wear some makeup. The only comments I ever got were positive, a 'You go girl' kinda thing.
How quickly we forget.
There's a recent thread about someone who went to the convenience store semi-dressed and was attacked by another customer. Don't get too comfortable.
This really depends on the part of the world you live in as well.
Where I'm at CDing in public would never fly.
One thing I forgot to mention about my adventure last night happened towards the end of the night.
I'd dreamt the previous night that someone tried to nipple-tweak me, and in the dream I indignantly slapped the hand away before it happened, and followed up with some appropriate words.
Last night however, while I was talking with one person, a couple of guys walked by, and before I could even notice or react I'd been tweaked. It was all jovial and the guys went on their way, but I was surprised at a) that I didn't react, b) if it had been an assault situation it would have been all over for me before I'd realised it began.
Admittedly I do have a good pair of natural moobs that were well displayed in my low-cut cami-tunic, so maybe they wanted to know if the moobs were real. Now, it was all friendly and I felt no sense of danger or threat at any time, but I'm wondering - there's no way a man could get away with that with a woman (well perhaps some guys can), so
1. how was I "inviting" the tweak? e.g. was it because I was "man in a dress" rather than full wig and make-up and falsies?
2. any thoughts?
thanks
Pamela
Easier said than done, Pamela. Some places, such as Arkansas, you could get shot. .
Since I came out in my town, I've had my nails gel'd up more often than not.. and have even taken to wearing my quilted flats rather than my guy trainers.. even my longline cardie has had an outing to the local store.
Once people get over the initial shock.. every subsequent visit is just "oh hiya.. nice outfit" and move on.
Despite what certain naysayers may caution you over, for every bad experience that gets reported on there are tens of thousands of good experiences too. don't let the minority ruin your fun..
Lots of Luv
Abi XxX
It is less you and more of a case of poor upbringing on their part. Who goes around just touching nipples of strangers without asking? If he had done that to a GG he didn't know he would have been arrested.Quote:
Originally Posted by pamela7
Pamela7- why in God's name did you not
Flatten him?
Have him arrested?
Flatten him again...?
That behaviour is unacceptable anywhere, any time, by anybody.
Pamela,
A guy in a dress suggests you're doing it for fun, it's almost an open invitation to give you a tweak ! Not so much in public but where you were at the time .
Fully dressed and made over could prove more insulting especially if you're in transition, only if you were camping it up would you maybe invite an unexpected tweak .
If you are going to come out, Own it! They will except you for you, not what you wear. I have been told this by my neighbors. Be proud out it, and they will except it. Be positive in your attitude toward it. If you explain the respect you have gained for women by putting yourself in their shoes, they will except you, I have found with my friends, yours might be different. Remember there is no going back, so if you are serious about crossdressing , go for it. I have no regrets for coming out, and have met so many nice people since doing so. I do have to say, being out dressed, I have met more women then I have ever dreamed of. And I have had more people come out to me.
Pamela we are on the same page!!!!
Go out as yourself and own it. Thats what I do every day.
Went out to the local sportsmans outlet today wearing camo capris flip flops with my cherry red toenails and olive drab tee shirt (military surplus).
Hair pulled back in a ponytail with a camo hair tie.
Walked around got some cleaning solvent bore brushes and patches. looked around the girls clothing section and the girl that works that dept struck up a conversation with me!!!
She was super friendly and showed me some camo outfits for winter and what they had on sale as far a summer clothes.
Checked out with the guy up front and he never batted an eye and thanked me for shopping there.
Just get out and do it.
I wonder if you will go through phases with colour Pam, just as children do. Going out on a limb I could suggest that you are currently in your little-girls-love-pink phase, where the realisation of your femaleness hits you, intoxicates you, and everything has to be in the pink part of the spectrum. By extension could you imagine passing through purple and one day ending up at black?
Glad it's going well for you and that Sunbird's funeral brought out so many people- some comfort for his son I hope.
Hi Pamela,
Congrats on getting more comfortable with yourself and being who you need to be . . . it's a good thing. :) As far as being in danger, the same rules apply "dude in the dress" or "full on femme" . . . play safe, safe venues, know your audience and things should be fine.
Quote:
Originally Posted by pamela7
Unfortunately this I do not get . . . I would have slapped hand away quickly. This is assault plain and simple . . . nobody is inviting anything when they dress a certain way. These guys may have seen jovial but they douche nozzles IMHO.Quote:
Originally Posted by Teresa
Cheers
Isha
While "tweaking" someone's nipple is inappropriate unless it's friends playing around, I have a very difficult time calling it an "assault". If nipple tweaking is assault, what would a fist to the jaw be called?
Isha,
That was worded in the context of the venue Pamela described, I have been in situations when I've seen it happen, I was a member of the round table and some of the dressing up stuff often had nipple tweaking and bum pinching , in those circumstances a guy in a dress is an open invitation, but no harm intended !
An assault is carried out by a threat of bodily harm coupled with an apparent, present ability to cause the harm. It is both a crime and a tort and, therefore, may result in either criminal and/or civil liability. Generally, the common law definition is the same in criminal and tort law.Quote:
Originally Posted by Krisi
Battery is a criminal offense involving unlawful physical contact, distinct from assault which is the act of creating apprehension of such contact. In the United States, criminal battery, or simply battery, is the use of force against another, resulting in harmful, offensive or sexual contact.
So.... Taking these definitions, you are right, nipple tweaking is not a legal assualt, it is battery. Still criminal, and not appropriate to anyone, at anytime, for any reason, unless you are given permission.
Definitions are taken from Google btw.
thank you all,
to answer Nikki, i'm not always in pink, probably it's been my preferred colour, but 90% of my femme clothing is non-pink, maybe more.
I've just returned from a trip to Eastbourne where i camped at a weekend party, as "man in a dress", safe place, lots of new people including skin-heads - no problems. Today i did return to the pink cami for my trip home. I was also told I was doing the female "sharing" thing correctly, if the subject matter was a little different given our equipment! The gurls are talking to me as a gurl, and the guys talk to me as a guy, so something is working well!
PS i'd also forgotten that my neighbours on both sides were at the funeral and have now seen me in a dress. A big step for welshgirl (SO) that one was.
PPS Tracii yes i think we have to own it, to not even be thinking of it, and then its not even on the topic. I mean with 40-odd people at a party no-one even mentioned my clothing - tho they did all mention they loved the curry i'd cooked!
xxx
Hi Pam, Real friends don't care .:daydreaming:
Hi Blue Orchid,
and real friends also do care, just not about your clothing!
That would be called aggravated assault in the US, and Grievous Bodily Harm in the UK.Quote:
Originally Posted by Krisi
An assault is any intimate contact that causes harm or offense to the recipient, this includes verbal assault and non physical bullying as well.
Good for you Pamela!!!! Not my style but I have always believed that you must go as you feel most comfortable and free. You are doing that. Enjoy!
The next adventure begins tomorrow, where I'm in a field for 7-8 days with a bunch of folks putting on a festival.
It could be very muddy, the probability of showers is near zero, and the loos/washing likelt primitive in extreme.
I still want to go as dressed as possible, but there's a trade on not ruining my femme things.
Pam, I did what you did, six times lately, but today, the fear ans insecurity came back big, and i chickened out.
Hi Alice,
it's okay to chicken out and play safe. One never knows when its an intuition saving ourself.
So I'm back - 7 days / 6 nights at the festival, in ladies clothing most the time. My hot-pink cami tunics got lots of rave praise, smiles and bemused looks. Apart from small children asking me "why are you wearing ladies clothing?", all was well, and actually I made far more connections than I've ever done at such an event before!
there are pockets of acceptance. i live a self-styled "liberal" city on the west coast, and i'm sure that if i went out dressed, it would likely be fine... but there are certain parts of the state (and a lot of my home state) where dressing could be perceived very negatively and could be inviting harm. caution seems to me to be a good idea, but it's also a personal case of risk management, and that will vary with each of us.
as far as getting tweaked... well, if i were out as "theresa-renee", and some young punk touched me like that, i think "she" would take a step back and "he" would come out to handle matters. nobody has the right to touch you in an uninvited fashion.
I am on the Redneck Riviera. If I came out that way I am sure I wouldn't make it home. Homophobia was born here and is still doing nicely thank you very much. I will stay indoors for the foreseeable future.
Just like that fact that one of us was attacked doesn't mean that will happen to all of us nor the fact that one of us going out clearly as a man cross-dressed to a pub mean all here will be received in a positive welcoming way. I think that individually we have the best view of what we can and can not do. YMMV
Gigs at pubs always seem the most relaxing and accepting.
Yes go with friends, solo can be a little taxing.
Hi Pamela,
Truly inspiring in my eyes. I am getting there. Walking dog late in the evening in skirt. Mostly empty streets though. Wife and kids are fine - and their acceptance is more important to me than that of neighbor's. I also hold the belief that to bend the norms of the society in our favor we have actively do something about it. We can't just seat and wait that things will change for us on their own. I am fine with being recognized as guys in a skirt. I am not a girl nor do I feel like one. Yet, I know I need to have a way to express my feminine part of my self to feel whole and I do that by wearing women's clothes. When someone has a friend who is CD or know a CD and they know that person is a good normal person, they start feeling more open to it. And that is how the attitude has changed in the US towards same sex couples. As more people were coming out and became opened about it, the tied started to change in their favor.