Who of you are going to assume the woman role full-time?

I am curious about this.

I am asking it because I have read several testimonies of mates telling how they live almost 100% of time in girl clothes, hang out like women, etc, etc, and it sounds kind of suspicious to me that they are not crossdressers anymore and that they have passed the point of no return ages ago. When I think about a crossdresser it comes to my mind the image of a dude that lives mostly of his time as a man (say 95% at least) and eventually dress up as a girl as a sate to his urges. Then when I see someone that does the opposite, that is, already live 95% of time as a girl it rings a bell in my head that says that this person is not exactly a CD, instead he is moving toward to the switch.

I am in the first group (very little time dressed as a girl).

My aim is to go full time at some point. And you're right. It's more than just CD. But I've always known that.

Considering the way this thread has gone, I feel like e I should expand upon my above comment. As I've stated many times, I'm a woman with male body parts. I don't hate my body, nor do I feel like I have a woman inside me screaming to get out. Would I like to have real breasts and a smooth front? Of course I would! Is it something I have to have? No. I'm already a woman. Hormones and surgery won't change that. The way I am is a normal part of the human condition. It's something to be proud of, not a disease that needs to be cured. I may opt for a physical transition someday, but for now it's not a priority.

Although dressing as a woman full time definitely has it's appeal.
I don't see that it really would ever fit in my life full time, :sad:

I don't think you can just put a percentage on what makes a CDer from TS. I think in some cases there can be "just a CDer" who may dress most of the time. But, deep down they are still a guy and won't ever change that. Being TS is more than just dressing all the time. It is about actually being a woman on the inside, regardless of how they are dressed or what they are doing.

If I could, I would.

It becomes a question of semantics does it not? What is the difference between a CD and a TV? None really in definitive terms. Is a Cross Dresser/TransVestite who aspires to become a TranSexual not one or the other? As with everything there are degrees of difference, and all we lack is the ability to accurately label it. Whilst such pigeonholing is anathema to many, labelling does provide a convenient shorthand in discussions such as this.

Nothing wrong with either category, they just have different aspirations, but both experience many communal issues which can be helped in forums such as this.

For me it is mostly about the clothes and if I could I would dress more in clothes im comfortable in but without doing the makeup and all that because if I just wore a skirt or girly top it makes me look gay and that's not how I want to be looked at I want the freedom to dress however but our society isn't ready for that so when I'm in public I have to look more feminine and that's ok I guess cause it is fun to get dressed up to me it's just a fun game sometimes but it has become more serious lately.
Hope I made sense
Leigh

I like to dress especially around the house...on a part time basis. I would say in reality I do what most men would say are allot of the women's duties. I do allot of the cleaning cooking etc...along with some husband duties....I agree probably not a percentage in anything but what is comfortable to you. I will not ever crossover...just not for me.

I'll probably never go full time, but I may well end up spending about half my time en-femme. I consider myself to be gender fluid. I'm happy in both presentations, and which I prefer changes from day to day and from occasion to occasion.

In the last two months I've gone out about 12 to 15 times en-femme for social activities, while I only went out twice socially as a male (plus four or five dinners out at a restaurant with my daughter, as a male.) But for 40+ days of those last two months I was male all day.

Removing body hair, getting my eyebrows shaped to be thinner and more feminine, and soon getting my ears pierced is likely to be the most I will actually change my body, even if I spend half or more of my time in female mode. I don't plan to ever go for HRT or surgical changes.

I would if I could too. Have to figure out how to keep making a living first.

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Originally Posted by Luciana

I am asking it because I have read several testimonies of mates telling how they live almost 100% of time in girl clothes, hang out like women, etc, etc, and it sounds kind of suspicious to me that they are not crossdressers anymore and that they have passed the point of no return ages ago.

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So did they finally come out with that unambiguous definition of what a crossdresser is? Because it reads like you're saying that you know better than the people who profess to be crossdressers whether they are or they aren't.

There is like a .0000001% chance that I would ever want to be full time. I still enjoy presenting well as a male. I would enjoy dressing ambigous/fluid. I do enjoy dressing femme as much as I can.

Also, I think my unknowing SO would find full time to be a deal breaker. With that in mind I don't see any reason to eventually push since it not a priority to me.

I wish I was brave enough to go full time , and though I dream of living as a woman I don't think I ever could.... my problem is that I am still too "blokey"....while my large figure may help me filll my bra it does also leave me butch looking in other ways. I am starting to go firther and further out of my comfort zone, driving around as Charlotte. I guess the next step is walking into a shop or something lol.

I guess you can quote Ru Paul or to paraphase "We're all born naked the rest is drag".

I cannot change what I am, do not want to be separated from my wife and daughters, so I just dream to be able to dress in any way I want, female, male and anything in between. The tag? Crossdresser all the time!

You have to remember that there's a complete gender spectrum out there, with every type of person that you could imagine, and of course many more than one of each type. So lots of us fall right in the middle somewhere. I'm one of those. I'm not exactly TS and I'm not 'just' CD. I couldn't survive transitioning. It would leave me far more unhappy than I am now. But i can't just live as a normal guy, either. So sometimes i feel I must be 'girl', and sometimes i must be 'guy'. I accept that.

Look at the word "transsexual" literally. "Trans" means to cross, and "sexual" refers to a person's body, their male or female sex. A transsexual is a person who crosses over from being one sex, to the opposite sex than birth. It is done with hormones, facial feminization surgery and breast augmentation surgery if the hormones are not sufficient to produce the changes, and sexual reassignment surgery although attitudes are changing as to whether SRS is needed since the public doesn't see a person's genitals. Anyway, a TS changes the physical self in order to align it with their gender identity which, for a MtF TS, is female. Does it matter what clothes they wear? No, not really. Clothes are just an aid to help others determine the target gender and I dare say that a successfully transitioned MtF TS can wear what she wants, even a Tshirt and jeans with no makeup and people will still see that she is a woman.

The other end of the spectrum is a crossdresser who wants to hang on to a male identity and who dresses as a woman only occasionally and outside his milieu. He is seldom seen as a woman when out dressed, even with the best of makeup, wigs, breast forms and fashion.

And in the middle, there are people who are physical males who do not alter their bodies and who present as females to either all the people in their lives or a selection of people. Are they transsexual? No, since they are not changing their physical sex. Are they CD? Some are, but others aren't since in many cases they do not feel they are crossdressing when they wear women's clothes. Do the people who do not alter their bodies identify as a woman, a man, gender nonconforming, or gender fluid? You'd have to ask them. But, if they do not alter their bodies, most MtFs will have a difficult time having others see them as women. People will tend to see them as males who are presenting as women. I think this is unbearable for a transsexual and this is why transsexuals go to the lengths that they do. But it doesn't mean that a MtF who does not alter their body does not identify as a woman.

That would mostly depend on if the clothes make the woman or the woman makes the clothes. :battingeyelashes::)

Luciana,
If I had separated from my wife I was intending to move away and dress almost full time, after going through counselling I know it's more than just CDing, I've worked out that I'm not TS.
At the end of the day I couldn't walk away from forty years of marriage and leave my wife to pick up all the pieces, the possibility of losing touch with my children and grandchildren was going to hurt too much in exchange for no guarantees of happiness.
I'm probably like most I will have to accept a compromised lifestyle and make the most of it !

Hi Luciana,

The best way to look at this is the "coveted" spectrum which many have already described. Some will gravitate on the far left, dress up as the target gender on occasion and spend a predominant portion of their lives as their birth sex. Others who gravitate on the far right will seek whatever means they need to be the target gender full-time in their daily life and that means living, socializing and working in the target gender. Where a person ceases being a CDer and becomes TS well . . . open for debate and to be honest . . . it is really that person who decides it is so and not some definition of a term IMHO. I consider myself a trans woman but I have no desire to alter my physiology via hormone replacement or surgery. However, I do live and work as a woman.

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Originally Posted by ReineD

Look at the word "transsexual" literally. "Trans" means to cross, and "sexual" refers to a person's body, their male or female sex. A transsexual is a person who crosses over from being one sex, to the opposite sex than birth. It is done with hormones, facial feminization surgery and breast augmentation surgery if the hormones are not sufficient to produce the changes, and sexual reassignment surgery . . . Anyway, a TS changes the physical self in order to align it with their gender identity which, for a MtF TS, is female. Does it matter what clothes they wear? No, not really. Clothes are just an aid to help others determine the target gender and I dare say that a successfully transitioned MtF TS can wear what she wants, even a Tshirt and jeans with no makeup and people will still see that she is a woman.


And in the middle, there are people who are physical males who do not alter their bodies and who present as females to either all the people in their lives or a selection of people. Are they transsexual? No, since they are not changing their physical sex . . . But it doesn't mean that a MtF who does not alter their body does not identify as a woman.

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Hi Reine,

IMHO this is the inherent danger in trying to use a hard and fast (boxed) definition to describe something that is fluid and differs from person to person. Yes, the literal definition would imply that in order to be considered TS you have to change your body chemistry and undergo surgery to be seen as a woman by society. However, who decides this is so. I consider myself TS and to be honest I do not feel the desire/need to alter my body to be perceived as a woman. Nope, not living in some "seven degrees of Narnia fantasy land" in that by dressing as woman and working as a woman . . . people will see a woman. I just know in my heart of hearts I am a woman and that is my outwardly expression to the world. When people see me do they see a man? Most definitely, but that is their perception and not mine. My body does not define my gender, it defines my birth sex only. I don't look in the mirror and see a man (gender) I see a woman with a genetically male body (sex) but that does not change the fact that I am a woman . . . I just have to work a bit harder to present as one :battingeyelashes:. Even if I was to go the route of FFS and BAS I doubt it would all of a sudden make me a super model . . . way too guy looking for that to change anyone's perception.

Cheers

Marcelle

Oooh - please let's not convert this to the dreaded definition discussion again... :eek: I'm applying myself to Luciana's question...

I'm not, and doubt I ever will come close - my <5% is fine for me now, but circumstances impact that. Perhaps if you asked people what they would do if circumstances were different you might see some change - Would I do more? Probably - at first - but I have a feeling it would decline again to where it is today. It's more relevant - I believe - to understand the motivation for dressing... As has been said many times, but not always absorbed, TS and full-time folk are no longer crossdressing - they are simply dressing normally to reflect their true gender identity.

CDs, on the other hand, imho, are satisfying a need to express both aspects, at different times and to differing degrees. I think for many of us that never goes away and is a reflection of an aspect of being transgender and genderfluid that is much harder to grasp than being TS. :thinking:

I want and need to be both and either, when I want and for how long I feel the need, but I never, EVER want to be just one - for me, that would be wrong, and that is why in some ways, it is also much more difficult being stuck in the middle in a binary world. :bonk:

Katey x

I don't think I could do that. I like being a man and wearing man's clothes - oddly enough. There is more freedom in walking and running, moving about in general.

My crossdressing has always been an urge, a desire. It comes and it goes. As I type this I am wearing guy's clothes. But for four days last week I wore nothing but women's clothes (and shoes).

For the past two days I have been in guy's clothes. The urge might return but it's never constant. It never was. In all the 50 years I have been dressing up, it was always an urge - THE DESIRE.

I dress as a female far more than 5% of the time but far less than 95% of the time. What does that make me? In my mind, I am a crossdresser.

I have no desire to try to live my life as a female. For one thing, I have friends and family that I would like to keep. For another thing, my personality is male. I could go the whole nine yards with breast implants, SRS, electrolysis, facial surgery and hair implants and I would be essentially a guy in a female body. And I wouldn't be the hot chick we all dream of being, I would be a somewhat large, old woman.

So to answer your question, I am not going to assume the role of a woman full time. I do plan on being reincarnated as one though. That's what I was in my previous life, a woman.

Interesting responses!

I was not after to dive into the meaning of terms or evaluate the psychological aspects of the theme, because I have to agree that this subject is too much more complex than I would like!

I was really more interested on know how you see the crossdressing in your lives and make a comparison of how it is for me. :)

:)

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Originally Posted by Marcelle

IMHO this is the inherent danger in trying to use a hard and fast (boxed) definition to describe something that is fluid and differs from person to person. Yes, the literal definition would imply that in order to be considered TS you have to change your body chemistry and undergo surgery to be seen as a woman by society. However, who decides this is so. I consider myself TS and to be honest I do not feel the desire/need to alter my body to be perceived as a woman.

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Marcelle, I didn't mean to imply that the only way to describe a MtF who identifies as a woman is "TS" and that you and others on similar paths are not women. I'm saying that of all MtFs who identify as women, some will physically alter their perceived secondary and/or primary sexual characteristics (transsexuals) and some will not. Sorry if that part of it got lost in my post.

Does anyone ultimately wish to identify as TS anyway? Being TS is not the end point, it is only the phase of changing from one sex to another? The people who do physically transition do not identify as TS, they identify as women, just like the people who do not physically transition. But, the people who do not physically transition generally have a more difficult time being perceived as women, if they look like men, no matter what they wear ... unless they are genetically blessed.

Katey, the OP kicks off the thread by defining what is and is not being a CD. I was pointing out that in order to be regarded as a woman (as opposed to being regarded as a CD), a person needs to do more than wear women's clothes. My post was not meant to debate definitions although the very nature of the thread necessitates some definition, just as you have in the third paragraph of your post.

I would be full time but my wife does not want me to be "out" in public at all. I am full time at home. The only time I will put on men's clothes at home is for yard work or repairs where cleanliness or safety is a concern, or if I am on the roof or outside the privacy fence where the neighbors might see.

I also dress male for work, again because my wife does not want me to publicly transition.

But if I had my choice and could keep my marriage, then it's hormones, brow reduction, nose job, and Brazilian fat transfer for me.

One good explanation I heard was "A crossdresser likes to pretend to be a girl. A transgender, has to be a girl". I enjoy dressing up and sometimes wonder just how far I would take it if I ignored the real world consequences. However, if I had to get rid of it all tomorrow, I wouldn't like it, but I would be fine. On the flip, asking a transgender person to do this is like asking a girl to stop being a girl. I've heard stories of TG's attempting suicide and suffering form bad depression from suppressing who they feel they are. That's how I see the difference, optional and fun vs literally can't live without.

Several years ago I had the opportunity to wear women's clothing 24/7 for seven to ten days while my wife visited a family member in the mid west. I also had extended times, several days when she went to a convention or two. I enjoyed the time I had to wear women's clothing. However, except for taking a stroll in the evening, and, with the intent not to mingle with the masses, I never felt like a women. I was wearing clothing that made me feel good in the sense I was escaping societies demands made upon men. Wearing women's clothing is relaxing, but, so is wearing male clothing when I am doing non stressful things. I just washed my favorite pair of guy jeans that are so worn and comfortable my wife bars me from going no further than the mailbox in them.

I will agree there may be some boasting on this site. I really cannot envision a cross dresser donning a dress and heels and heading off to work every day. A person transitioning MtF? Sure, but, that is not cross dressing.

I do not have the feeling that a woman is trapped inside me and trying to break out and assert the protoplasm's true identity. Then you have to ask what is the difference between a man and a woman these days in society. Are women not attorneys, dentists, doctors, engineers, soldiers? Isn't a women who is driving that dump truck and wearing steel toed boots, jeans, flannel shirt and hardhat not a women?

I may have a "dual" personality, but, the male is dominant. Is it not possible a man who wears women's clothing 24/7 or close to it suffering from sort of compulsive disorder? Just wondering?

My intention is to go full time when I retire (in as little as 5 years). My wife and I (with the help of a gender therapist) are negotiating and defining exactly what that will mean. I would like to have BA, Orchi, some FFS and hormones. She is currently opposed to all of that, but hasn't balked at dressing full time. I dress full time at home. My only males clothes are for work and some social functions. A lot of time between now and then.

If I was in a position to try it for a six months time frame and then decide I would go for it. I doubt I would but you never know. If I could pass would also have a big bearing on it.

My wife started a new job and does not have very much vacation time. With the time I have at work I took off a total of nine days vacation and today is day three of trying for the nine days. I am closeted and do not leave the house but I enjoy when the dressing is not anything special but the feelings I have are normal.

I would never do the year with my wife as I would miss being her husband to much.

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Originally Posted by latex-steph

One good explanation I heard was "A crossdresser likes to pretend to be a girl. A transgender, has to be a girl".

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I don't want to raise the dread definition debate, but I think perhaps instead of "transgender" you meant "transsexual." Crossdressers and transsexuals are both in the transgender spectrum. Most transsexuals I know would argue that "has to be..." should be replaced with "is...". They're pretty certain on that point. ;) (And I've never found a reason to disagree with them.)

In general I think it's safest to say that a crossdresser is anyone who says they're a crossdresser. I might not agree with the way they present or how they define themselves, but I'm not really in a position to tell them how they feel. Likewise, if some guy wears women's clothes on a regular basis and says they're NOT a crossdresser, I accept that as well. THEY know. I'm guessing. ;)

I don't worry about labels. I get up the morning, take off my nightie, and put on a full outfit with forms and jewellery but no make-up. Then I remove all but the panties and change to male clothes for work. On returning home I shower and once again dress completely (as in the morning, no make-up or wig). On days I am not at work I often have tights and a women's top on under my male clothes for the hour or so I am dressed outwardly as a male. And then there are the days when I go out dressed. I spend the vast majority of my time dressed in 100% womenswear and there is no way on this earth I would consider living as a woman - I interact with the world mainly as a man or a man who looks good dressed as a woman (not as a woman) and I love that. I am already at my destination = apart from buying one or two more dresses and pairs of heels!

I am gender fluid. I had this issue all of my life and was very confused growing up as a man's man. It took me over forty years to understand who I am. I would say that I could dress for a length of time. But life circumstances and the fact that I switch back to male would make it very hard. My male side does not like to be in lady clothes. My female side does. So yppipe ki yaaa. I get to do both.

Some transition to be made whole. If I transitioned I think it would break the whole. Need both sides. Before I got the chance to slightly escape the closet I swore up and down I wanted to be a woman. Once I got out I realized that wasn't the case at all. Well, at least not in this present societal reality. Too many pressures against it. But if there were a green light, I'd definitely try a RLT just to see.

After about 3 days at a convention just trying to maintain makeup, shaving twice daily, I was quite relieved to return to male mode LOL. I just don't think the socialization piece is there. I certainly couldn't keep shaving like that, would have to grow out and learn to do my own hair. It's just too much and although it is there at times, my gender discomfort as male is just not strong enough to push me over to the other side completely. But the environmental stresses of reality as it is must be considered. The fantasy of it would be better than the reality I believe.

Just had to compliment you Jennie on a very pleasing posting that was beautifully concise, simple and level headed!