GG dating a CD...is it for the bedroom only? Does it become more?

Hello!

I have tons of questions... My bf has always liked the idea of dressing up. He thinks the sissy boy thing is hot...luckily I do as well.

He just opened up to me about this maybe a month ago. He's dressed up 3 times for me when I get home from work on Friday night's. And I LOOOVE it!!!

Today I asked him if he just does it for a sexual thing, like fetish...or does he legit enjoy the feeling...or both. He really didn't know how to answer at first...but ended up saying probably both. It's new to both of us I feel like he's still learning. He looks up ways to be more girly, why does he feel girly, music that is for TGs and the like, videos of sissy boys and so on...etc etc.

I just want to know if it's just a fetish or a phase. I honestly hope not because I love it. I tell him I love it and I want more. And that makes him incredibly happy and comfortable perusing it more. But then I just feel like he's not as in to it as I am or as much as I'd like him to be. So I feel like I'm lost....maybe he's lost.

Anyone have some advice? Or similar stories? We're still both young yet.. 25 and 28.

Probably not a phase. Most crossdressers do it for life. Could be a fetish as well, but probably not exclusively a fetish. Most crossdressers would kill for an enthusiastic partner, so he's a fortunate guy but may not realize it yet. To get his head straight, he might consider some gender counseling. But overall -- keep doing what you're doing!

I'm not sure if you're the guy in question or not, but that doesn't matter. Anyway, it's not really a phase most likely, unless he also has other fetishes that he likes to indulge in as well. His tastes could change over time. I also enjoy the "sissy boy" thing as well though. Why? I have no idea. Sometimes I have the urge to play out my fetish in real life though and have people unwillingly become a part of my sexual fantasies, but I manage to keep that stuff under control for the most part. Part of what arouses me is being accepted by women as a woman, heh.

If you're real, which I doubt, you are part of that 1% of women who love crossdressing guys and don't just tolerate it.

For alot of people dressing starts as a fetish and grows to different stages with time. Maybe for him it is partially fetish and partially expressing his feminine side. Like you said you both are young and any one of us would die to have a SO like yourself. My best suggestion is keep the lines of communication open. Let him know not to be afraid to express his true feelings. Even if he feels that it is more than fetish to him, no reason behind closed doors you cant still enjoy some fun time.

ask him, speak to him, not to us. if you like it, tell him you want more!

Probably not a phase, most certainly he is trying to handle having someone else genuinely interested in his activities.

Take it slowly with him and I think you are in for a wonderful relationship.

I know other readers here would be envious of his situation, I also think it is wonderful.

Wow, really Mikeyp? A bit rude, no?


Lexi -

Despite what others may say, yes, obviously some women do enjoy it when their SOs do this.

So is it just a fetish or a phase? Hard to tell. It is hard to tell what is going on, even when it is happening with ourselves. I honestly thought my dressing was just a sexual fetish and it actually took my wife pointing out all of the other things I was choosing to ignore that occurred long before I ever donned my first female clothing item. So.... I only know my personal experiences. I have been gender non-conforming my whole life, kind of wanted to ignore it and hope it would go away, started dressing in my 20s as a supposed sexual fetish and ten years later finally realized the truth, it never was a sexual fetish for me, the sex part just kind of allowed me to express it.

I would say, just let him know that you like it, lightly encourage him, and support it as you see fit. If it is just a phase, maybe then you two will move onto something else you both enjoy, if it hangs around, the most important thing is to make sure you keep the lines of communication open, which it seems as though you are doing wonderfully! Good for you!

Thank you for the replies. And yes I'm real? Lol. I've never liked manly men. I'm that small percent of women that love CDs. Something about it is just so interesting and hot.

I support my bf 100% and have bought him special outfits, makeup, a wig, self adhesive breast enhancers, etc etc. I want him to be happy, comfortable and free.

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I want him to do it more and more.. maybe because it's so new to us he's a like hesitant and I'm a little pushy lol.

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Originally Posted by Nadine Spirit

Wow, really Mikeyp? A bit rude, no?


Lexi -

Despite what others may say, yes, obviously some women do enjoy it when their SOs do this.

So is it just a fetish or a phase? Hard to tell. It is hard to tell what is going on, even when it is happening with ourselves. I honestly thought my dressing was just a sexual fetish and it actually took my wife pointing out all of the other things I was choosing to ignore that occurred long before I ever donned my first female clothing item. So.... I only know my personal experiences. I have been gender non-conforming my whole life, kind of wanted to ignore it and hope it would go away, started dressing in my 20s as a supposed sexual fetish and ten years later finally realized the truth, it never was a sexual fetish for me, the sex part just kind of allowed me to express it.

I would say, just let him know that you like it, lightly encourage him, and support it as you see fit. If it is just a phase, maybe then you two will move onto something else you both enjoy, if it hangs around, the most important thing is to make sure you keep the lines of communication open, which it seems as though you are doing wonderfully! Good for you!

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Loved this. I think(hope) it's more than just a fetish. He shows other signs I feel... A few things he said to me that stood out were he's jealous of how beautiful I am and when he sees me looking all cute he wishes he could look the same lol. I told him I wish we could trade bodies for a day or more...he said he'd love that. He wants to know what it's like to be a girl. I imagine with more time, research, talking about it.... We'll both get more involved.

He may well be hesitant because all his life up to now admitting to the crossdressing couldn't end well. He has to learn to trust (trust himself, mostly.)

My wife, who was my GF, supports, enjoys and encourages my crossdressing. It has added a significant dimension to our intimacy. She enjoys being part of my crossdressing. We do a lot of things together dressed - and make it fun for both of us.

As far as where it will end up, that is up to both of you. Role play, joint adventures, weekend trips, crossdressing functions. Be creative, have fun, enjoy each other, love each other.

lexi: A woman like you is a dream-come-true for a guy who is a crossdresser.... Go with it... go with him... and make a great relationship together..... 'cuz that's what you (and he) will have..... Congratulations...

Your story reminds me a bit of my husband and I. He has dressed for most of his life and always hid it before. I encourage him, I enjoy it, mostly because it is when he is most comfortable and I see it is a sign of ultimate trust between us.

With that said, it is difficult for him to dress as often as he would like in front of me for fear of rejection. Although this is getting easier for him, I believe there will always be a hint of hesitation.

As for the doubting you're real, you'll get that a lot. There are honestly so few of us that fully support that it is hard to believe for some that we actually exist. Sometimes my husband still jokingly asks if I am real.

Fetish or more? Only time will tell. I agree with other posts, talk to him, keep assuring him that you enjoy and support it.

Wow, lucky guy to have someone so supportive. I would guess it's not a phase. The feeling will ebe and flow throughout his life most likely so try not to be too pushy. I went about a year recently without dressing. But do talk to him about it. Communicating about the issue will help him understand where he stands overall on this, CD, full transition, etc. But as long as you are both into it, have a great time!

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Originally Posted by Sierra_juliette

Your story reminds me a bit of my husband and I. He has dressed for most of his life and always hid it before. I encourage him, I enjoy it, mostly because it is when he is most comfortable and I see it is a sign of ultimate trust between us.

With that said, it is difficult for him to dress as often as he would like in front of me for fear of rejection. Although this is getting easier for him, I believe there will always be a hint of hesitation.

As for the doubting you're real, you'll get that a lot. There are honestly so few of us that fully support that it is hard to believe for some that we actually exist. Sometimes my husband still jokingly asks if I am real.

Fetish or more? Only time will tell. I agree with other posts, talk to him, keep assuring him that you enjoy and support it.

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Love this. I feel very close to my bf when he lets me see this other side of him. And he feels closer to me.

I do know he worries he won't be girly enough, cute enough or sexy enough for me.... But he doesn't need to worry and I've told him that. I've offered up my entire closet of clothes for him to wear since we're the same size lol. I want him to be comfortable and happy and feel beautiful.

The first time I saw him dolled up for me...I couldn't even speak. He was stunning. It literally took my breath away.

My first question is: MUSIC FOR TG'S????? I didn't know there was such a thing.

If it's just a fetish, that's not going to go away. And not likely a fling, or a phase. Though, in the past 25 years, I have discussed this with maybe TWO guys who claimed that they only did it a few times. literally less than an handful.

Anyway, he's a lucky guy. Most of us will never meet a woman who will share this kind of thing.

Hi Lexi, My only advice is to enjoy one another's company my friend. :battingeyelashes::)

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Originally Posted by Scarlett Viktoria

Wow, lucky guy to have someone so supportive. I would guess it's not a phase. The feeling will ebe and flow throughout his life most likely so try not to be too pushy. I went about a year recently without dressing. But do talk to him about it. Communicating about the issue will help him understand where he stands overall on this, CD, full transition, etc. But as long as you are both into it, have a great time!

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I will be with him every step of the way. Even If he wanted a full transformation... I'd still love him and be with him.

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Originally Posted by sometimes_miss

My first question is: MUSIC FOR TG'S????? I didn't know there was such a thing.

If it's just a fetish, that's not going to go away. And not likely a fling, or a phase. Though, in the past 25 years, I have discussed this with maybe TWO guys who claimed that they only did it a few times. literally less than an handful.

Anyway, he's a lucky guy. Most of us will never meet a woman who will share this kind of thing.

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Yes music!! There is an album called Transgender Dysphoria Blues by Against Me. He went through a full transformation. Then two songs by garbage called Cherry Lips and Adrogyny. They are great!!

hi lexi,
noticed your avatar...assuming its you and i must say you are adorable, my son loves the color streaked hair himself, he is 16 though so stay away.

at 25 and 28 i hope for your sake it definitely becomes more, lots of time for you two to grow and bond and share with each other,
your story will read like a fantasy for many here as us elder folks grew up in a society which shamed us for being who we are and here you are buying him forms....wow....hope he appreciates what a catch you are.
guess you have a whole new meaning for TGIF....thanks for sharing your story....

Very doubtful it's a phase especially at his age. He's just a late bloomer. More than likely the fetish part for him will trickle over more so into his identity and could be something he wants outside of the bedroom as well. It is rare that a partner would enjoy it more than the crossdresser so I guess he is lucky there.

Lexi,
As has been said repeatedly here, you are a dream come true for the majority of us. Your BF is one lucky guy to have someone like you to not only accept this side of him, but to also nurture it. On the flip side, you are also one lucky lady. For myself, and many others here, this side of us presents a true yin/yang personality.

Only speaking for myself, once I was able to come to accept this part of me, and eliminate the majority of guilt I accumulated over the years, I have found that I no longer have the extreme masculine/feminine characteristic swings. I don't feel compelled to over exert machismo to show my male side, nor do I have to overdo anything to cherish my feminine side. I feel comfortable crying at certain movies, have no problem downing a couple of drinks with the guys, going shopping with or for my wife, or going into "I'm going to rip you apart" mode if someone messes with my family.

You have someone who can be more empathetic to your wants, needs, and feelings, as well as someone that shouldn't feel like they have to establish their dominance in the relationship, and would treate you as a true equal partner.

The chances of this being just a phase are slim to none, based on my knowledge and experience. I don't know him, his background, or upbringing, but his statements you shared indicate that this could be more deeply rooted than a phase.

My best advice I can impart is to take your time with him, show him that he can trust you with this, and most important, don't push too hard. Too much discomfort could put him in to a fight/flight response, and you could lose out on an incredible life journey. Communicate with him. If he's not able or willing to talk about it, let him know you're there whenever he's ready. Keep showing him the subtle gestures like notes stuck to the mirror with things like "you're beautiful. I love you", paint his nails for him while you're sitting in front of the TV, bringing him a flower from time to time, or the simple little feminine gifts.

No matter where this relationship goes, take the time and cherish every moment of it!

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Originally Posted by lexi0922

Yes music!! There is an album called Transgender Dysphoria Blues by Against Me. He went through a full transformation. Then two songs by garbage called Cherry Lips and Adrogyny. They are great!!

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That actually reminds me that Sonic Youth has a song called "Andgrogynost Mind" off of Experimental Jet Set Trash and No Star. Fantastic album if you're into post-punk/noise-rock!

When I first saw this thread, I thought it was another one of those, "my boyfriend crossdresses and it scares me" threads. Very glad to see I'm wrong.

It's really heartening to see a supportive partner like yourself. It makes me appreciate my girlfriend all the more because she, like you, is very supportive of me.

As for whether or not its a phase, I doubt it. As you're both young, I'm sure you'll discover all sorts of ways to explore this together and keep it fresh and exciting.

Lexi: You've told him that your OK with his crossdressing... now let him reveal to you how much - how often - how intensely - he likes it to be...... A G/F like you is a dream-come-true... and we (C/D-ers) have to learn and understand just how you see this piece of us...... TELL HIM!!!! AND, let him TELL YOU.....

I am the lucky C/D guy who has emerged from years of hiding myself (My C/D identy) from women-friends... and have now found a G/F, S/O who is so OK with the "real" me... that it damn near brings me to tears...

You and he WILL strike the balance which is "just right" for the two of you... and life will be great as you learn, understand, and live that....

Good luck...

All of you are so kind. I love what you all have posted and it makes me feel a lot better hearing similar stories.

I want to have the best life ever with my bf. To lose him would literally be losing a part of myself. The yin yang comment is so true. We are equals and that's how we see each other... I love him more than anything.

Hi Lexi, I'd say your boyfriend was a rare find, but as an encouraging gf you are like one in a million!
Obviously it is destiny :daydreaming:
Please take your time and enjoy exploring and refining your bf's feminine side together.
We girls here on the forum will weep happy tears of envy and wait for updates :)

And thank you so much - posts like yours are rays of hope in a usually hostile world.
(I am blessed to have a tolerant wife, but even so I'm amazed by your enthusiasm!)

Aww Jacky �� I believe it's destiny. There's nothing else that describes it. I will definitely enjoy and cherish every moment together with my bf while we learn and explore his feminine side.

I hope someday the world opens its eyes and becomes less hateful to people who are different. The world needs to not fear abd judge, but try and understand and accept. We're all human...all here for the same things...love and happiness. ��

Hi Lexi,

It is disappointing that according to what you said, your boyfriend seems to feel uncomfortable with your encouraging behaviour. It gives me the impression that perhaps he is not really into crossdressing, that maybe it is not even a fetiche for him and it is only kind of a phase. If that is the case I am really sorry, I think you deserve a guy that is not afraid in embracing and expressing his femininity, one that can notice the immense beauty in you, one that can see you as an incredible girl, like a sort of an angel.

If you consider it necessary, I will be pleased in helping you to find that brave and feminine looking guy. You only need to send me a private message so we can discuss the situation ;) ...

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Originally Posted by lexi0922

I just want to know if it's just a fetish or a phase.

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It's different for everyone.

He's the only one who can answer your question and with the CDing, things tend to develop gradually and become clearer years down the road sometimes. This is why it is difficult for our SOs to answer our questions. They just don't know yet. And there are lots of other factors that can change the equation over time like just normal aging and how his personality will change, your relationship dynamics, his and your life experiences, the reactions of other people when he is out dressed, etc.

Chances are this is not a phase. He likely will always want to crossdress although the intensity of his needs might ebb and flow depending on what is going on in his life.

If it is a fetish (or if you prefer ... a sexual preference), this likely won't go away entirely. People seldom are able to change their sexual preferences. It can morph to just feeling a general level of excitement when dressed without necessarily having it be sexual each time (libidos do decrease as we age). Also, what a lot of people call "fetish" here doesn't necessarily always play out in the bedroom. Some CDers seem to have a thing about being a sexy (or pretty, or beautiful) woman, just like your bf, and when they accomplish this the brain is flooded with dopamine (to different degrees in different people) and it either turns them on or it gives them a sense of euphoria, or just a general sense of well-being. But, if the two of you like to play in the bedroom when he is dressed, then I seriously doubt he would want to put an end to that. :)

Just make sure to keep the lines of communication open, and give yourselves permission to take a break should either one of you want a break once in a while, without judgment.

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Originally Posted by lexi0922

Then two songs by garbage called Cherry Lips and Adrogyny. They are great!!

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We have that! :)

Saw an episode of "Baggage", kind of a dating game hosted by Jerry Springer (so that tells you something about it). A girl was deciding between three guys. All had to reveal what their baggage was, going from a little thing to bigger. She had picked her guy, then had to reveal her biggest baggage. Hers was that she forces her man to crossdress in the bedroom(!). The guy turned her down because of this(!). Like lexi0922, she was one of those who was apparently enthusiastic about it. They do exist.

Hi Lexi,
A word from an older CD and now transitioned TG; IMHO, the desire to dress never goes away. Transition is another VERY personal choice and is different for everyone. If you are into the academic I recommend the book "GRRL ALEX" by Alex Drummond. Alex is a British TG who identifies as female but would be ripped to shreds by the "self appointed" guardians of 'transition' over on the TS side of this site. Alex is a credentialed psychotherapist and so has some real credibility in the field.
In the end it is ALL a personal decision and how it plays out is decided by what works for you.
Transgender folk are like snowflakes, when you've seen one, you've seen one.
Life is a journey, enjoy the ride.
BTW, Alex also has a web presence but not a large one.

Be well and have fun
Sandra1746

It won't go away but it will ebb and flow during life and it will morph and probably become stronger with age. For many there are aspects of fetishism involved with cross dressing but it is more than that. It will also change in its expression, so be prepared for that.

I would recommend that you read as much as you can about cross dressing and relationships. There are many good books available. Take a look on Amazon or Barnes and Noble. Talk a lot and be very open. If you can find a professional counsellor who has experience in this area I recommend a session or two to set you on a good path of discovery. However, beware counsellors who have little or no experience with cross dressers. Knowledge is vital.

Thank you everyone for your advice, encouragment, compliments etc...

I asked him several questions today about if he thinks it's a phase, would Jr ever go out to a dressing event, does he think he'll get more into it... And all his answers made me smile.

We're on the right path. It's just going to take time to figure it all out.

My day has been made!!

Hi Lexi. Some cders/tg people are gender fluid meaning that the degree of male and female that they feel fluctuates. Sometimes they may feel mostly female and then the next day they may feel mostly male. Sometimes they may feel 50/50 and its unique to the individual, they may fluctuate hourly, daily, weekly etc. My mixed gender is fixed so I dont fall into the catagory of gender fluid but it could possibly explain why your bf sometimes is not as enthusiastic as you about dressing. Perhaps his enthusiasm reflects the gender he is feeling most at the time. Im not saying this is the answer, you two will have to explore whether or not this fits but it could be an explanation.

Lexi, You are a wonderful woman. Hope he knows it. I too have a GF that is wonderful. I appreciate her and let her know all the time. It is a great relationship for two that can communicate and enjoy the different type of life it offers. For me, I am gender fluid and would never transition. Yet when I switch to female, I am female at that time and it is very special to be able to express that.

To Lexi (and Reine), only one word comes to mind......WOW! You are both extremely rare women and belong on pedestals! Most of us here can only dream of such acceptance (and encouragement) from our significant others.

It makes me so happy to read all these great comments.

My bf thinks I'm very special. He tells and shows me everyday. He told me today after makeup shopping that I'm something most people only dream of.m I nearly cried lol

If you would have asked me this when I was your age, I would have definitely said it was a passing phase. In fact, I got married about that time and (almost) completely quit crossdressing for the next ten years. I couldn't get it out of my mind, though. I would search for and find female domination and transgender themed literature to fuel my fantasies. In those days, before the internet, you had to go to adult bookstores or read Penthouse Letters and stories in magazines like Variations. Being a fetishist was a lot more work than it is now! Once I got divorced, the floodgates opened but I was more into Femdom than CD at that time. It wasn't until I got married again that I took up CDing again. For the second marriage I made damn sure that we were sexually compatible. My first wife was a bottom and so was I. She wanted me to take charge, be rough with her, use her and all I could say was, "Yeah, I know exactly how you feel." LOL! What happens when two bottoms have sex? Nothing! I wouldn't say that my wife is enthusiastically into my CDing but she has fun with it and requests it at times. I let her be in charge with what goes on in the bedroom. Does it go away or become something more? So far, for me the answer is no.

@stevie

Like you, I'm highly into the sissy and femdom stuff like foot worship, etc. I'm debating on quitting for awhile though, in hopes of finding a partner who is open to this stuff. I feel like keeping this open in a relationship is absolutely key. I can also be dom though. Obviously not preferred, but I have my moods :)

I'm sure you know how addictive this stuff can be when satisfied alone though, lol.

You two are really lucky to have found each other so have fun with it enjoy life and experiment.
Go out together as girlfriends and have a great time while you are young.
You do need to realize if he isn't into dressing that day don't push him because he still needs to feel like a guy every now and then LOL.
PM me if you ever need to ask questions I would be happy to help if I can.

Thank you Tracii 😁

We're planning a video game date as a girls day together lol. He's getting more into it and I'm pretty happy. I do understand the not pushing too much. I still like to have a man around lol

That sounds like fun lexi.
Being comfy with each other and keeping a healthy balance sounds like a great way to live life.
The Yin Yang approach is how I live my life and its been working out just fine. Balance and harmony are awesome if you are lucky enough to be able to attain it.
I wish you both love and happiness :):)

I have liked dressing since early teens some times part time other times all the way. Opened up to wife after married about a year. She totally loved my outing my secret to her. She even hinted at some lesbian thoughts, so when we go out as girls she is happy being out as girl friends. When she packs for vacation, it's always ladies clothes. One male outfit just in case. The last 20 years have been great and getting better.

Hi Lexi!

You are definitely doing the right thing by talking and taking your time. I wish you the both the best as you learn more with each other!! :)

Thanks for sharing!

Tracii, I love the yin yang reference. I believe we are like that throughout all our relationship. Job, responsiblities, loving, etc. We're a team. 😁

And Wilt...I've always thought I could be bi. I think the womans body is beautiful. But I really really prefer a feminine guy. And I'm happy I finally got one

Hanging out as girls playing video games? Sounds like a good day to me. Hey, did you check out that Sonic Youth song I recommended? Not the happiest of songs, but on topic and kind of bada$$

@Scarlett yes I did!! I liked it. My kind of music

Fetish? Probably a lot of that at the moment. A phase? I would guess not, at least not meaning that it is something that will go away, probably will change, develop in some ways, fade in others. It will be different for you two, because you are younger than a lot of us, have been exposed to a lot of stuff on the internet that us older folks never even imagined growing up. I'm sure that even so, your BF had times of confusion, fear, self disgust, all that growing up. That, I hope, means that he has less repression to get past, all those layers of confusion and misunderstandings, and horrible stereotypes that far too many of us on here can tell you about.

I am extremely fortunate, that at my advanced age, I found a woman that didn't flinch when I told her about my dressing, and found me interesting enough to take a chance on. Even so, I'm still a bit envious of your BF, my partner isn't terribly into it, not against it, but it's nothing exciting to her as it is you, and we are not terribly close in sizes and no invitations to share her clothes. She has given me stuff that she no longer wears, but her day to day stuff is off limits. Le sigh.

Just keep lines of communication open, and be open and honest with each other. Sounds like you are off to a good start!

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Originally Posted by lexi0922

Tracii, I love the yin yang reference. I believe we are like that throughout all our relationship. Job, responsiblities, loving, etc. We're a team. ��

And Wilt...I've always thought I could be bi. I think the womans body is beautiful. But I really really prefer a feminine guy. And I'm happy I finally got one

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lexi, she is very happy with her feminine guy. What I meant say or imply was, when were out as girls, she doesn't mind people looking at us thinking we are lesbians.

@Wilt

I gotchya!! That's awesome. I asked my bf once he gets more comfortable with his look if he'd try going out with me in public as two girls...and he said yah, he could see it happening. 😁

Also sidenote... I think I know he's pretty serious about all this...he committed to shaving his legs. That was a nice treat! Made them easier to massage too lol.

Wow great reading all this! If there is any doubt that you are there for him, you should have him read your comments here. What a supportive wonderful person. He is lucky and clearly you are too. I think it is so wonderful you are young and exploring together. In my case though being older there was no internet to learn from so felt really isolated. I finally came out to my wife after over 20 years of marriage (now 10 years ago),and she has become supportive. But I still enjoy my alone time to dress up. I guess it was always hidden so awkward to share to much. Enjoy the journey, sharing what makes each other very happy is the ultimate gift.