Sex with men?

I've read about tucking, it was really helpfull for me.
I've read about support of your SO, about telling your couple about you cding, but I haven't read about sexual activity with men and if your wives know about it. I'd like to hear about it because I'm thinking to share my cd hobby, that at this point is more than a hobby for me. Being a cd is part of my life and I feel frustrated that I can't do it with freedom. I feel bad hidden it from my loved wife but I know is gonna be hard for her because we are from a latinamerican country and just last years they are open more to homosexuality but being straight and cding, being bisexual and like sex with my wife but with men too is something I haven't heard here.
So as always, I expect.you honest and open shares...

Vanessa.

Read the thread "Have you been with a man." It is full of information there and some like me who is BI, have come out to our SO's. Now that don't mean I get to do it. LOL My SO does not like to share but has acknowledged and may sometime in the future , Yeah uh huh let me have a male. But you know how that works.

Vanessa

CDing and having sex outside a committed relationship are two very different things. This is certainly not my interest. I enjoy being with my wife and have had sex crossed dressed ( though it is not her favorite thing)

Well this tough for me to answer. For me I have been out with men. I guess you could call them CD admirers. There was know sexual activity at all. What are u really looking for,casual relationship, discrete relationship, or some other form of it. I take it your wife doesn't know. I would break it to her as gently as.possibly. I know from experience it's not going to be easy for her. Whatever you decide to do good luck. Also as being out with men it was fun haven't done anything with one yet but you never know. Best wishes to you

I never have had sexual activities with men, I have a long term female partner

I'm also bisexual. I've dated men and women. The trick is not to date both at once! There are couples who "swing" and have open relationships, but I prefer monogamy. If you haven't discussed something like that with your wife before you get married, well...you may have a hard road ahead of you.

The most important thing in any long term relationship, is honesty. If your SO is happy with it then fine. Other wise your are asking for a troubled complicated life. To be honest I think my life is complicated enough already.

Towards the end of my first marriage I did have intimate relations with other men. I enjoyed it and it seemed very natural to me without any shame or guilt associated with it. While it was a factor that led to the divorce, it was one of 3-4 and not the biggest. However, in the 10 years I've been with my second wife I have not sought out anything outside of our marriage. Not saying I wouldn't, but as J G said, it is asking for complications and I'm not willing to invest effort in it.

However, in spite of the sex scratching That Itch really good, I never desired a long term relationship with a man. It would seem to much like living with myself, the way I see it...

DeeAnn

Being bisexual doesn't mean being promiscuous nor does it mean that you can't have a monogamous relationship. Heterosexual guys have monogamous relationships with one woman despite being attracted to many, bisexuals can have a monogamous relationship with one person despite being attracted to many. There's just a bigger field of people to be attracted to. ;)

I am single....and do my thing...boys, girls, cd's...whatever....but i know on the party circuit there are a few married gals who play , they get one night to squeeze all the girly fantasys in like dressing, dinner, dancing,partying, and fooling around like a 20 something....and on Monday they are back in the office like nothing happened never to show face again till the next party. This is a minority though, the majority are straight and happily married and have no intrest in such things.

Your sexual proclivities are absolutely nothing to do with me, so no comment on that side. However, you appear to be asking for advice on how to have an affair whilst cross dressed or the consequences of it. That's one for you to work out on your own mon amie!

Becky

No disrespect to anyone... but I Ike women. Well, one in particular. Never had any attraction to men,

Vanessa,
Like the British philosopher Mick Jagger used to say, You can't always get what you want.
If you're bi, it would be great to be able to come open to your wife or SO, and be accepted just the way you are. However, it is not a constitutional right and should not be given for granted. My wife is a conservative person who would not even want to hear about my cd'ing, much less my bi escapades. So I keep my mouth shut, and try to make sure none of those damn fake nails get lost in the car floor, only for her to find them later. It's not a perfect world, but then again why should it be?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Jamie390

No disrespect to anyone... but I Ike women. Well, one in particular. Never had any attraction to men,

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So do you experience your cding? Don't you feel more femine and the more you dressed more femine and better to feel to the point to experience the summit of cding that, for me, would be a man being attracted to me and fulfill it on a sexual relation?

I like Jennycd's post. I have told my gf that I am semi bisexual but I am in a loving commited relationship and would never hurt her or breach the trust we share.

Vanessasissy, there are many cders who are straight and have zero attraction to men. Sexuality and gender identity are totally seperate, just like a lesbian has zero attraction to men even though she's a woman and may feel feminine. Hope this helps.

I personally am not attracted to men but I admit I have gad a weird dream where I was about to make out with the male drummer in a band...but I think that was just the girl in me taking over...I woke up before we did the deed! I like women myself, mostly cuz I can relate!

Vanessasissy -- I often blather on about how transgender should describe you, not define you. The same can be said of being bisexual. You should be who you are / do what pleases you and if on reflection the things you do fit the definition of bisexual you should use that word to describe yourself (brevity is the soul of communication, after all.) But you should never do something because you are bisexual. There are no duties associated with being bisexual, least of all duties to have sex with anyone. I'm sure there must have been bisexual monks who never had sex with anyone. That said, if you are bisexual and you do feel an attraction to a man while you're dressed and there are no other complicating factors -- go for it! You don't need permission. And if there are no "complicating factors" you don't need forgiveness. You're just being who you are.

I would say that if you only feel attraction to males when you're dressed, and you've never done this before, you should approach this carefully because you may shock yourself when you have an encounter. Typically nothing bad happens other than panic followed by guilt, shame, and lengthy explanations (I hate the explanations -- look, you were bi-curious and now you know; move on) but there's always the potential of something worse happening.

well it's kinda like guys who are married or in a relationship with a gf who digs women too and he enjoys the idea of her and another gal!

except totally not like that because when it's the guy who wants to do stuff with a guy it is 100% sign he is gay and she must not allow it!

or so the legend grows!

I'm not sure exactly what you are trying to say or ask, but for me, no, I have not had sex with a man. Strapping on a pair of boobs and a wig does not change my sexual desires. I will admit to wondering what it would feel like to be a female and have sex with a male but since I don't have the female parts to do that with, it must remain a fantasy. Yes, there's one form of sex I could have with a man while dressed, but as I posted, strapping on a pair of boobs and a wig doesn't change my sexual desires.

Two more things: I am married to a woman and plan to remain faithful to her and I have no practical way to approach a man and offer to have sex with him. The married part is far more important.

Having sex outside of marriage is cheating. It doesn't matter if it's with a woman, with a man or with a man while dressed as a woman. It's all the same. I can tell you from experience that even if you don't get caught cheating, once you do it, it stays in the back of your mind and you will feel guilty about it.

Tell your wife about your crossdressing if you can, but don't try to take it any further (sexually) unless you want a divorce.

This particular thread has less to do about a CD having sex with a man than having sexual activity with another while in an existing relationship.

Always dangerous. Do not do it, will almost certainly break up the existing relationship.

If a CD is single and is looking to explore sex with a man, then go for it.

Definitely read the thread called Have you been with a guy? You'll find all sorts of different reasons why CDs do (or don't) have sex with men - just as you'll find that there are many different reasons why the people here crossdress in the other threads.

We have straight (heterosexual) people here who have no interest in being with another man, whether they are dressed or not. We have people who identify as heterosexual and who are interested in being with another man when they are dressed because they say it makes them feel more feminine/female. A few have the fantasy of doing it while dressed but no interest in actually doing it. We also have bisexual and homosexual people who enjoy being with another man, though usually in these cases the dressing doesn't matter because they like men already.

If you weren't married and felt like trying it, I'd say go for it and see if you like it; whatever the result, you'll learn something about yourself. But because you're married, doing it would be cheating and is probably not a good idea, especially if you don't have safe sex.

I am a lesbian trapped in a mans body.

Anyways back to the topic..............have a word with yourself.

If you want to have a relationship with a man, please do not use crossdressing as an excuse to justify it.

First, to answer your question, yes I do know about my SO's past sexual relationships with women and his experimentation with men when he was single. And my SO knows about my past sexual relationships and experimentation. But, our relationship would not survive if he wanted to have sex outside of it, with either men OR women. I dare say he wouldn't like it if I sought sex outside of our relationship either.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Vanessasissy

Being a cd is part of my life and I feel frustrated that I can't do it with freedom.

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By "do it" do you mean having sex with men (your title), or just dressing in women's clothes.

Assuming you mean having sex with men, tell me: would your wife agree to your having sex with other women? If not, then why would you want her to agree to your having sex with men?

If you want to have an open marriage, would you be OK if your wife had sex with other men too (assuming she is hetero). At any rate if your wife will not agree to an open marriage and this is what you want, then you might consider that you and your wife are not compatible. The solution to this in the long term is to separate and seek relationships with women who do want to be in open relationships keeping in mind they will also have sex with others.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Vicky_Scot

I am a lesbian trapped in a mans body.
Anyways back to the topic..............have a word with yourself.
If you want to have a relationship with a man, please do not use crossdressing as an excuse to justify it.

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I agree with Vicky, please do not use crossdressing as an excuse to justify having sex with men.

Many here find satisfaction, completeness, solice, or some other form of emotion release, in dressing, whether it is occasional or full-time for them.

As Jasmine, and many others, have pointed out (here and elsewhere) - Sexuality and Sexual Identity are totally separate things. In her interview with Caitlyn Jenner, Barbara Walters quoted "A writer who is transgender put it this way: Sexual desire is whom you go to bed WITH. Gender is whom you go to bed AS."

I am reading "She's Not There: A Life in Two Genders" by Jennifer Finney Boylan right now (and highly recommend it to anyone who is trying to figure out who they are, and how that fits into their own needs, wants and desires). You seem to be exploring that now, and that is okay - I recommend the book as a place to start.

But part of deciding this will be communicating with your wife. You said you are frustrated with not being able "to CD with freedom", and I think most of us here get that. But if you bring something else into your life, "having sex with men", I suspect that will add even more stress to your personal life, and your marriage, because you probably won't be able to do that "with freedom", either. If she does not accept your CDing (and from what you wrote it looks like you have not discussed it with her, yet), its not likely she will accept bisexuality, and multiple anonymous relationships, either.

So, let me be sure, the original question was how do we tell our wives that we dress like women and have sex with guys? It sounds like you're already having sex without consent. I've always said "asking for acceptance after the fact is better than asking permission.". But not when it comes to my marriage. She's not gonna give permission or acceptance.

I don't really want to sleep with a dude anyway but (don't hate on me for this) it there were an offer from a transsexual....... I don't know why dudes look so dirty and unkempt but .... Never mind.

Everyone has a different relationship and yours is obviously different from mine. That said, if my husband came to me and said that he wanted to have sex with a man (or another woman) because he needs the "freedom" to do it, I would give him freedom - in the form of a divorce. It is selfish for anyone to marry and then say they want freedom to do it with other people - unless that was part of the original arrangement when you married.

I don't really care if you are a CDer, TS, or any other initials that you feel you are entitled to use, wearing women's clothes does not make it ok to run around and cheat. Give your wife her freedom first.

Hopefully, things work out for you. Maybe your wife will also find someone else to have "freedom" with.

So, Vanessa, you wife is loved? Not much apparently, since tou want to cheat on her with a man.

I don't think that the Latin heritage has as much to do with your SO's reaction or potential reaction to your new sexual orientation. If you are married, remember just before you got married, when you were making promises? Remember the vows you took? She remembers them. Or if you are not married, remember the vows and guarantees you made even if via patterns of behavior, discussions, and commitments of love? THOSE are more likely why she would react negatively. And those are applicable for most women confronted by a future they did not see when they were getting to know the guy.

Put yourself in her place and look at things from her point of view.

Have I had sex with guy? yes. Have I had sex with a guy while with my current wife? NO! My escapades were before my wife now, will NEVER cheat on my wife with anyone and she is my everything along with my kids. She is a woman who is sticking with me while I transition and will be there while we grow old together and in no way will I EVER want to break that bond. We have been through hell and back and obtained souvenirs from that travel and laugh about it afterwards. I'm Puerto Rican and I know the struggles of a latin community (for the most part) but we as a whole are breaking new grounds in the LGBTQ community. I think you need to stop and think how it will affect her if you decide to act upon that urge and how it will affect your relationship. I would advise to talk about and try to break the grounds so that communication will a stead flow and then you never know what will happen.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BillieAnneJean

I don't think that the Latin heritage has as much to do with your SO's reaction or potential reaction to your new sexual orientation.

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Maybe, maybe not. Remember that in various Latino cultures (and perhaps nearly all), gay sex has a different spin. If you are the agressive partner, or top, you are not considered to be gay. Conversely, if you are the passive partner, the bottom, you ARE considered to be gay. To us, it is an unusual way to look at things, but different cultures have different realities.

DeeAnn

I have had sex with men while enfemme as Karyn. I love being able to bring a man to orgasm orally and even anally. I enjoy it immensely. But I prefer women. I am bi and I am happy with it.

Please remember that this just my own thoughts, but it is inconceivable to me that one would after much thought conclude that she is truly female; dress act and have mannerisms like a female, and not have the basic female desire to have sex with a man. The feeling that I have when I am beautifully dressed, sitting and listening to good music having a glass of wine is exhilarating, always. I have enormous desires to be seduced by a man, but after a lot of thought decided against it. Instead I use a dildo at least once a week. Words cannot describe this pleasure, but it is100 times more pleasurable than any heterosexual experience that I have ever had. I am confident that a real man would put me in the heavens. For many years my wife has know about my female side, but wants no participation in it. We enjoys one an others company and travel a lot together. To answer the second part of the question, sex with a real man is just too complicating. After a lot of thought, I concluded that I (we) enjoy our relationship and lifestyle so much, that I simply needed to make a compromise. We have never discussed this matter, but both of us have compromised for the greater good. My final comment is that given our puritanical society, I believe that if you tell your wife that you are having sex with a man it would lead to divorce in 90% of the time. Think about things comprehensively, and let that be your guide.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Amanda M

So, Vanessa, you wife is loved? Not much apparently, since tou want to cheat on her with a man.

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Amanda if your question is about sex, we have sex regularly, weekly, sometimes 3 times a week, passionate sex, we both enjoy it, but sometimes my mind is having sex with men.
Yesterday I was with man. My condition to be with a man is always he liked kissing. We kiss a lot, a lot of foreplay, in a moment he told me, I never have kisses like these with my wife.
So sex with a man is completely different than with a women, no better no worse. Different. So I don't see it as cheating because is not a woman who I'm having sex, Even if my wife would play the part with me it's very different be in the arms of a man kissing you, grabbing your hips from behind.
My wife cannot full fill what I feel with a man.

I am into monogamous relationships.

CD ing is a hobby.

Sex with men is not.

I must be damn boring. :-)

I'm straight, but when I'm dressed as a girl I do get these thoughts of being with a man. I didn't have them at first but they've grown over time. When I'm in guy mode I hate the idea, and when it would come down to it I probably wouldn't be able to do it, but still I fantasize. I think it has more to do with the full experience of being a woman, which includes pleasing and being pleased by a man.

Just a related side note here.
I am of the opinion that when trans identity is added to the equation terms describing sexual orientation go right out the window and become meaningless.
You may differ in your opinion, of course.
Part of the reason so many men are apparently transphobic is because they are afraid that even being friends with someone who is TG may subject them to ridicule from other men for being "gay". And there are many, many straight males who are interested in TG, but for this very reason afraid to admit it.
Meanwhile, many TG express indignation and disgust when approached by men. The normal statement from them is "I am straight and guys are gross. I just tell them to get lost". I hear it all the time. However, whether you are attracted to men or not, it is important to remember something. The straight male who actually finds the courage to express interest in a Transwoman is likely also trying hard to overcome fears himself. If they are rudely rejected out of hand they are likely to have more difficulty trying again.
IMO, a straight male engaging in a romantic relationship with a Transwoman is engaged in a hetero normal relationship. The sooner straight males begin to be comfortable dating a Transwoman, confidant that this does not make them "gay", the sooner transphobia will begin to disappear and being TG will begin to achieve greater "normalization" and acceptance in society.
So whether one is attracted to men or not, there is definite reason to treat "interested" men with kindness and respect.
At least, that's how I see it. Lol

I've been with both men and women. All of my sexual experiences have come within committed relationships. When I was in a serious relationship with a man I missed the touch of a woman, but never strayed.

I've been with my wife 10 years now and I am still attracted to and miss sex with a man sometimes. But the relationship with my wife is some much more than just sex. She's everything to me, from best friend to lover. I wouldn't want to ruin everything over the need to feel a man inside me for a few minutes. That's what fantasies are for.

I'm a gay guy and have sex with men on a regular basis (well, less frequently as I get older), but I must admit that using my feminine side has had its perks. The guys I have slept with as a girl were very straight, and one guy I dated as a boy took me as a girl one night while I was dressed in my lingerie and kept growling about what a pretty girl I was as he took me. That one experience utterly spoiled me. Every crossdresser deserves to be treated like a lady at least once in her life, and that night was like a dream come true. I continue to chat with transoriented men online and want so much to be that woman they all want. Just need to work on the makeup and lose that gut!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Vanessasissy

Amanda if your question is about sex, we have sex regularly, weekly, sometimes 3 times a week, passionate sex, we both enjoy it, but sometimes my mind is having sex with men.
Yesterday I was with man. My condition to be with a man is always he liked kissing. We kiss a lot, a lot of foreplay, in a moment he told me, I never have kisses like these with my wife.
So sex with a man is completely different than with a women, no better no worse. Different. So I don't see it as cheating because is not a woman who I'm having sex, Even if my wife would play the part with me it's very different be in the arms of a man kissing you, grabbing your hips from behind.
My wife cannot full fill what I feel with a man.

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(emphasis added)

You seriously don't see this as cheating? You are married. Having sex with anyone else is cheating. It doesn't matter if it's a man, a woman or a donkey, it's cheating. You cant rationalize your way out of this fact.

For once I agree with you Krisi!

Hi, Vanessa… I don’t want to sound like a self-deluded, crazy lady, but I’ve always found that we’re all different and have to find our own way. If someone feels a strong desire to become intimate with another, there are always negative and positive scenarios hanging out there at the edge of reality, waiting to tear us down, or to lift us up.

I’ve found this site filled with sage advice. The folks posting here are very caring and open. They have so much to offer. Plus, I do so enjoy reading it all.

But, when it comes down to it, we can only expect to be experts in our own little worlds. We can borrow from others sometimes, but in the end, we’re responsible for our own narratives.

Perhaps, one, small slice of knowledge my little world can offer is experience in bisexuality and long term relationships.

One surety my little world can offer is that I have precious little to offer for CD’ing. Cd’ing is a lifelong fantasy that I’ve only shared with my wife. I truly love it, but I’m an absolute screw up at it. So, I’ll stick with what I understand.

My wife and I have decades of experience in alternative lifestyles, including swinging with other bi couples and singles. We’ve played together and apart. We’ve also experienced a few disturbing conflicts. But, those conflicts did not find their roots in jealousy or any other destructive feeling. Those conflicts resulted from matters concerning safety and care.

Through time, we learned that if we had reservations about talking to each other about anything, then we really had a problem, and that problem really needed to be resolved. Otherwise, it would eventually rise to the surface and fester. So, when something did come up, we made sure we discussed it, understood it and accepted it for what it was, and what it meant to us as a couple.

I honestly can’t expect that our relationship history could conceivably help anyone else, but I have learned that for my wife and for me, if we can’t share our most intimate and closely held secrets, then we aren’t really sharing our true selves and our full capacity for love.

But, that’s just us. We’re living, breathing evidence that non-monogamous relationships can work and even thrive. But, they require an uncompromising acceptance of trust – Trust not in our rules or our expectations, but in our love.

And, I really hope I didn’t sound like a bat-**** crazy, old lady.

I don't think you sound crazy Jaylah. I think the main point that I take from your story is that you and your wife both knew of the activities that each of you were engaged in and it was all agreed upon. Niether you or your wife were in the dark about the others activities.

Krisi I totally agree it IS cheating.
Maybe I'm old fashioned but I have yet to hear Vanessa use the word love.
I have to have deep feelings(love) for someone before I engage in intercourse.
I have had several great boy friends and it took me a while to get to the point where I felt right going all the way.
Using CDing as an excuse to have sex with a man while married to a woman is just wrong.
Love honor and cherish doesn't seem to mean much to her.
OK I made another honest post so I'm ready to get slammed for it. Pile on ladies.

I 100% agree with Tracii G
( hey, that kinda rhymes)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Vanessasissy

Even if my wife would play the part with me it's very different be in the arms of a man kissing you, grabbing your hips from behind.
My wife cannot full fill what I feel with a man.

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I dare say this is why so many GGs leave their CDing husbands. They don't like being second fiddle.

hi vanessa,
im sure if you did a search here there are older threads about having sex with a man,

but what i find hard is that you equate crossdressing and acceptance of infidelity because of it,
talk and ask your wife if its ok, whatever country your from being married is a commitment, if you not committed move on.....
you can do it with freedom.....if that is what you truly want go for it....

S

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Vanessasissy

Amanda if your question is about sex, we have sex regularly, weekly, sometimes 3 times a week, passionate sex, we both enjoy it, but sometimes my mind is having sex with men.
Yesterday I was with man. My condition to be with a man is always he liked kissing. We kiss a lot, a lot of foreplay, in a moment he told me, I never have kisses like these with my wife.
So sex with a man is completely different than with a women, no better no worse. Different. So I don't see it as cheating because is not a woman who I'm having sex, Even if my wife would play the part with me it's very different be in the arms of a man kissing you, grabbing your hips from behind.
My wife cannot full fill what I feel with a man.

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I agree that there's really no way for a woman to satisfy that urge and desire to be taken by a man. Even if she uses a strap on and plays the role, it's never going to be the same as having it done by an "actual man". It's not what's being done to you as much as it's what you're letting happen to you. It's the fact that your actually doing it with a man more than the act itself. It's the same as when I had exes ask me why I didn't just wear satin boxers instead of satin panties. Yes, it's the same fabric, but as all of us on here know, it's not the same... It's the act of actually wearing panties that wee intended to be worn by women.

IMO, your fantasies are just growing. In fact, your description of feeling his hands gripping your hips tightly from behind is one of the most amazing and exciting feelings I could imagine in my dressing fantasies. While I romantically only want to be with women and am attracted only to women, I do get turned on by the fantasy and the thought of being completely vulnerable and taken by a man simply because it's so diffeent from who I am in real life.

The one thing I don't agree with that you stated though is that it's not cheating. It is. Without question. Make no mistake.. If you're engaging in any physical or romantic behavior with someone other than your wife, it's cheating.

If you decide to propose doing this, the ONLY way I think there's even the SLIMMEST possibility of it working out, is if you approach in from the prospect of having a threesome. If she accepts your dressing AND loves you unconditionally, then this MIGHT work. That being said, I don't think it will, but I think if you're going to do that, this would really be the only way.

In my experiences with the women I've told about my dressing, they lost a great deal of respect for me and viewed me as less of a man simply because I wear panties and lingerie at times. I also brought up the idea of me watching them be with other men while I watched, but that was never received well either. It just made things worse. I didn't even bother telling them that I wanted to also join in while dressed as I knew it was never going to happen and the relationship was doomed from that point on. It's probably just a lot more than many women can absorb.

I think you can have both and explore this while keeping your marriage, but only if you continue to lie to her and cheat on her. I'm not condoning it, but that's the only way you can really have both. It really depends on if your conscience can tolerate that. I think you're just telling yourself what you want to hear when you claim it isn't cheating, but regardless of if you really know it or not, it is infidelity.

The last thing I'll say is to be careful what you wish for. Some things cannot be undone and can take a long time to heal and overcome - or worse, bring about the end of your marriage. However, I understand the urges you have as well... I also understand that as these desires continue to be denied and are kept bottled up inside, that they can become toxic to the relationship too.

In this instance, the cliche of honesty is the best policy is probably the best advice you can get.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Krisi

(emphasis added)

You seriously don't see this as cheating? You are married. Having sex with anyone else is cheating. It doesn't matter if it's a man, a woman or a donkey, it's cheating. You cant rationalize your way out of this fact.

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I 100% agree with Krisi!

Cheating is cheating no matter how you are dressed.

As Adelaide, I've done it with a beautiful long hair girl from this site. I felt so feminine, so me!
I've also done it with pre op trans and it was amazing each time....better than it ever was with my SO.
Can't wait until next time.