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My wife and I were at a buffet last night, I was in drab, which is very unusual. When we sat at the table my wife asked me if I had seen the woman in front of her. I told her I hadn't and asked why, she said " oh I think she is one of you". When I did see her, she was a tg. My wife is very supportive and not a judgmental person but I think the comment was a little harsh. I'm just curious to see what other people think about it.
I tend to be more easy going about this sort of thing, but it seems to me it was just her way of shortening "cd/tg"
If the wording bothers you though, why not let her know how you'd like her to phrase it?
My wife can usually pick us out.. She notices more of those things, because I dress..
Regular people don't notice those things.. Mine does it to let me know I'm not alone..
I'm thinking maybe she was just 'funning' with you.. Mine does that.. I think its kind of neat!
I do not think it was meant in unkind way or anything like that it must come down to the fact that maybe facially there is something that could give us away to other people. I certainly don't think it was aid in a harsh way at all in any case your wife appears to be amenable to your dressing and everything that goes with it.
Hard to tell without hearing her tone of voice. Either way, her wording could have been better, but from the personality you've described, I doubt there was any malice to it.
I wouldn't sweat it much, she just needed a way to describe that a sister was there in the restaurant with you. Would you have rather she shouted "look there's a CD!"? Each of our SO's will handle it in what form she feels comfortable with, let it be.
It sounds like a compliment from an understanding spouse to both you and the other person, a quiet, subtle way of asking whether you noticed too. It's way too easy to get hung up on specific words in such a setting. I hear "one of you" as nothing more than "apparently biological male presenting as female", nothing more.
This is a bit harsh but then my wife always makes comments when she sees one "of us" that does not pass well. Mind you, my wife is not supportive and can not understand why any of us could enjoy the work we put into trying to look pretty, if only in our own eyes.
Obviously I don't know your wife, nor did I hear the tone in her voice. I'll suggest that unless she was purposely trying to be "harsh," and considering she's supportive of you, she likely wasn't harsh.
Karen
I suspect that your supportive wife was using shorthand as was suggested by AllyKat.
Well I don't know if my wife is any better, when she sees a crossdresser she tells me that she just seen one of my friends. I actually look for one of my male friends.
I would find such a comment to be harmless
Maybe your wife is saying "your not alone".
We all have free will to take anything the wrong way, that is THE CHOICE of the listener (not the talker).
Just curious, why harsh? Is there a negative connotation in there somewhere?
Do you think your wife's comment was harsh because she said "one of you" instead of "crossdresser" or "transgender"?
Maybe your wife used a vague term because she feared that if the person in question had overheard her use the descriptive term, s/he would have known she was being read. Or, maybe your wife didn't know what term to use - cd, tg, or ts, and so she decided to use a vague term instead?
Some people have a job making model airplanes (which may be large and fly).
Some people have a job making "real" airplanes (which carry real passengers).
I suppose the average woman not working or experienced in those industries
might lump both of those groups together.
...but only one of them would be insulted, and the average person
who is not working or experienced in those industries
would not care that they were insulted.
I've been married long enough (40+ years). I would know if my wife was being judgmental or not. I think you may be a little to sensitive. Of course, you have not given us any indication of voice inflection. If she sounded harsh towards the woman she saw, then maybe she is not as supportive as you think????
Monctongirl, I'm not sure if you're referencing my suggestion that the OP's wife might not have known whether the person they saw was CD, TG, or TS. If you are, I can only tell you that when my SO and I go out, the people we interact with have no idea how my SO identifies, so they might be reluctant to label my SO as well. And I know that if my SO overheard someone refer to her as a CD, TG, or TS, she would feel disappointed that she had been read.
... and maybe the average man not working or experienced in the industries you mention might lump both of those groups together too. :)
Thank you all for your comments. Maybe I was just having a bad day, wife thinks I was just being hypersensitive she thinks I was jealous because I wasn't "Jackiefied" as she calls it. I guess I know she would never say something hurtful about me or one of our sisters
Jackie,
I could imagine my wife saying that, I'm afraid most women aren't going to differentiate between our groups, it's one big umbrella to them. If you wish to point out her error make sure you choose the right time, I guess I'm just saying that from my own situation.
Probably best to let it go , at least she accepts you as a CDer !
oh come on now....just about everybody and pick us out.
i would like to think she was being supportive and letting you know you are not alone...hope you had a chance to give a smile and a nod to other woman
Jackie,
I am not sure I understand why you felt it was harsh?? And judging from the replies, others are also unsure. Could you explain please.
Hugs
Suzie
I doesn't sound harsh to me…of course it all depend on the tone. MY wife and I are 90% DADT, but occasionally, she'll mention (playfully) "I saw one of 'your people' today." Not harsh at all. In fact I kind of like it when she at least acknowledges my cross dressing even though she doesn't want to see it.
To me it doesn't sound harsh. I know my wife would be at a loss to find the proper term, be it CD, TG, TS, and would simply use a shorthand label.
Doesn't sound harsh at all, but as others have said, tone is a factor.
There have been a lot worse things said.. personally I would have laughed had it been me
Wow you have a wife that supports you and a comment like that bothers you .??
This is likely very simple: Your wife is coming to terms with your crossdressing and probably crossdressing in general via the media: the quoted words make me consider this an outreach, awkward as it may have been. Non-CDs, and even a number of CDs as well, I'm sure, are still in a youthful stage of understanding and being able to deal with the concept of crossdressing. Progress is being made though, faster than I would have imagined.
You might even let your wife know how you felt, but only if you can believe she was not being negative.
Personally, my wife and I are always looking out for LGBT people,
It wouldn't bother me Hon. I'd probably take it as a compliment. :battingeyelashes::)
This. And also. As a wife who was not as aware of the cding world, I would point out to lucas when I saw a cd or tg. Sort of as a, "you are not alone, or this is more common than I thought thing.Quote:
Originally Posted by Krististeph
I am going to way over simplify it. But it's kind of like when you get a new car, and now everywhere you see the car. Are there more out there then there were before? No. But your perception of the world changes and you are more aware of items that are new or familiar to you. She might just be noticing more cd/tgs because it's become Apparant to her. I would not be offended.
Also, while trying to get used to it, wives fumble on words. I would try to give her some room to make mistakes, as you would expect her to with you.
What I think will be nice, is when people don't even feel the need to mention anything at all. I'll be happy when we reach the point where they will notice, but think 'Oh, that's a crossdresser. OK, no big deal' and just continue on with their day (sort of like Louis CK's 'mild' racism', of which I too am guilty; A long time ago, I once went to a pizza place run by a Pakistani family. The first time I went there, it struck me as odd, but hey, they made great pizza, so, who cares, and from then on I never thought about it).
In my opinion, that was a poor choice of words. A bit insensitive. If you were a cancer patient and had lost all your hair and she saw another person in a similar situation, she probably would have said things differently.
However, you know your wife and I don't so you'll have to be the judge. It might be best to just ignore it.
I would go looking for problems that aren't there.
She may have been the tiniest tad insensitive.. maybe, but to take offence would be hypersensitive.
Reine (as always) has shared good insights.