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My wife is a fairly conservative dresser. She has worn a bikini maybe 3 times in her life and almost never wears tops that show any cleavage. Whereas I dress for (tasteful) cleavage and definitely show some (appropriate) leg.
Barring the bedroom, does anyone else have this issue? It makes shopping a bit hard because I have to tone down my recommendations.
My girlfriend is a jeans and t-shirt girl while I like skirts and dresses. She also doesn't wear heels and I love them. I'm definitely the more girly one.
Many cisgender women will feel this way because they have been exposed to decades of:
- body shaming
- unrealistic standards of beauty
- horrendous misogyny
- unwanted sexual advances, because a lot of men do not understand that dressing one way or another doesn't indicate sexual availability.
- women who dress less conservatively are often viewed as being less intelligent. There is a lot of femmeophobia in our culture.
Of course some women are just inherently conservative too. There is NOTHING wrong with that.
Also, your experience with femininity is probably very different from hers. Just something to consider.
living in a cold climate (for her) is my wife's reason for being less scantily clad, but on warm days she is game to wear the very short skirts. Going out we try to match eachother - we used to colour match accidentally when i wore manclothes anyway. She likes to show off her body shape - lovely figure.
Paula says it as it is.
hi Jennifer,
Thumbs up to PaulaQ, that was more or less exactly what I wanted to say reading this post.
Adding to that:
There is something you can do about it, I've had two former relationships with ladies that I encouraged to dress less conservative.
(in both cases caused by unwanted advances from others in the past)
Keep in mind if the cause is a bad negative root, in my experience you'll have to be very supportive.
So, positive suggestions (or is affirmations a better term?) and compliments go a long way, especially if you remember to never make a negative remark of an alternative option.
To give you an example, this is what I did cloths shopping;
Wrong: This looks nice, so much better then that previous item (which she might have liked a lot)
Right: Nice! I like the previous one too, but if you're only taking one this would be my pick.
The advice goes for any level, although admitably the less conservation, the less baby steps needed, positivity simply goes a long way.
My SO for instance, who I can't call conservative, as even when we started dating she could be a real little diva sometimes; but when we started dating was ashamed of her behind.
Having more latino curves then normal for someone of asian origin, it really troubled her.
In my eyes it's one of the features I bit my lip for the first time I saw her :) so I've positively encouraged her, even bet her she looked better in a smaller size jeans in which we let the shop clerk settle the bet. etc.
As a result she's really comfortable these days dressing to fit.
Obviously betting your SO like I did is not a brilliant idea at first, so keep in mind patience and baby steps at first.
My fiancee traditionally wore wrap dresses and really high heels. About a year ago she had some neurological issues which means no heels and she has traded dresses for pants.
My 40 something SO has had 3 kids and is what I'd class as frumpy, she is over weight and tends to cover up with baggy tops etc. very conservative, when I came out to her she made a big effort to accept my CDing and would even let me dress in the house while she was about, she even bought me a few things, however, this didn't last and it soon became apparent that she was jealous of my presentation and figure, I no longer dress in front of her, as "frumpy" as she is, she's my world and I don't wish to mess with her confidence as a woman.
My wife (like most women) has spent years figuring out what clothes work for her (I'm just starting to ....) Obviously she is built differently than me so of course we have different styles. Neither of us want to dress provocatively (the last thing we want to do is attract men), so I guess we both dress conservatively .. but I do know that I like more colorful things than she does. And thank you Paula, I think you are right on.
My wife is in her early 40's, but her inspiration for her attire is Diane Keaton. Very, very conservative.
Definitely! My wife is the more conservative dresser. She was a tom-boy growing up and she prefers jeans, a simple blouse and flats. As for me, I love dresses, hose and heels.
My Wife is Muslim, she is rarely seen if public without her hair covered. She is extremely pretty and do not wear make up and wear perfume that is very light in scent. most of the Lingerie I buy for her she doesnt wear so I get it. Put it this way, the things I like would love to wear if I was a Woman she won't.
My wife is defiantly a more conservative dresser. She wears mostly jeans and pants, blouses, flats and wedges. While i hate jeans I love the dresses and heels.
I wouldn't say my wife is a more conservative dresser than I am. She is often complimented for her stylish appearance, and how young she looks. We differ in that I prefer skirts and dresses, where she prefers pants/trousers/slacks/jeans.
Karen
You defiantly make a good point here, but I would not rock that boat it may tip over.
My wife is slightly older than me and beautifully rubenesque. She's retired and dresses daily for gardening and light errands.
Although she is rather buxom, I wear bras more often than she does.
Fine with me.
My wife is my fashion role model. She is always dressed tastefully when out, regardless if it is pants or a dress. While I will show a little more leg than she and tend towards more form fitting dresses, tasteful is always my goal as is hers. She has never been into showing cleavage and I have none so that is out for me.
My wife is a jeans and top woman. As a teacher she has to dress modestly. Her pants are always one color, usually black, but, her tops vary and are colorful. Heels? It's a chore to find comfortable shoes due to surgery on her toe (fusing). It really has to be a special occasion or function for her to wear a dress. Her BMI is over 30, and, she is conscious of it. Before and during the early years of our marriahe, i.e., pre-children, standards or expectations of society were different. The time was the early 1970's. She wore the customary short mini skirts and dresses young woman wore and heels. At the beach it was always a bikini. She had a pair of cut off jeans that showed a lot of leg, which were a definite asset.
I will concur with Paula's remark. However, I worked for over thirty years in a professional office environment. I worked with businesswomen, attorneys and CPA's. Those women dressed modestly in the sense their cleavage was left at home. Want cleavage? Go to Wal-Mart and you'll see lots of it on the women, and, the crack of asses on lots of men. Anyway, it is not necessary to show lots of cleavage and leg to be sensual. If I did encounter a woman in my professional duties who was dressing immodestly, she was the one with a problem. Usually, it was thought her case was weak and thought stirring some guy's loins was the answer to her problems--NOT.
Me? If I'm going to emulate a woman, it's dresses and heels. Maybe my mindset is stuck in the 1950's and 1960's a la June Cleaver. The dresses I wear would be characterized as modest.
Julie isn't my wife, she's my SO, so I hope that's ok here. We live together and she was always a nice dresser, a lil less feminine than I am, but thanks to my influence and the availability of my wardrobe, she dresses much nicer now. Years ago we got rid of all her cotton briefs (BORING!) and now we share lots of pretty lingerie and clothes. Even my woman boss dresses nicer, and she blames it all on me :) She says she doesn't want to look frumpy next to me.
With my wife supportive of my CDing, but not interested in fashion, she isn't in a position to help me find my next dress; a long-sleeve, red bandage dress cut above the knee with a high neckline. If anyone has any ideas, please help!
I wore bikinis until my body stopped looking perfect, which happened after I had children ... in my case, after age 29. I then switched to a one piece suit. I don't consider stretch marks and belly paunch attractive. And I show cleavage and leg either when I want to signal that I am available, or when I want to entice the man I'm with.Quote:
Originally Posted by JenniferYager
It all boils down to biology. We know that if we don't want men to notice us in a certain way, we don't advertise the body parts that men consider are assets.
I never dress to show cleavage and leg nor do I wear tight clothing when I'm hanging out alone at home, for work, when I'm out doing day-to-day stuff, or when I'm hanging out with female friends.
My wife is a jeans and t-shirt type of woman. All she owns is white cotton granny panties and boring white bras.
She is more of a tom-boy. I on the other hand prefer dressing in colorful lingerie and a nice dress.
My wife is also a jeans/nice slacks and nice top dresser. since she has gained a few pounds since we were married 36 years ago. I haven't seen her wear a dress for quite some time. She is more happy wearing slacks. She will not wear heels as she has had foot problems in the past. She tends to go conservative in her dressing. I cannot get her to wear colorful under things. I'm the one in the household who wears the dresses and skirts, with the colorful under dressing. I know she likes to see me dressed up. When we go shopping she usually finds something that she wants me to wear.
My wife will only wear a dress if we are going to something really fancy. Even then she will usually wear a dressy pant outfit. She is not happy with her weight (she always looks beautiful to me) and as a result shies away from them. But we both dress the same way on an average day... Jeans and a cute top! If we go to a play we both tend to wear dressy pants and a dressy top. We both prefer heels lower than 3" when we wear them. I can't even remember the last time I wore a skirt or dress either, so I guess we are simpatico!!! We dress for comfort and kinda like the other women our age.
Hi Jenn:hugs:, I wish I could get my :love:wife to dress up the last time she was really
dressed up was our daughters wedding 10yrs. ago. ~~...:daydreaming:...
My wife is a bit of a tomboy. But on a special occassion when she puts it all together look out. She's a 10+, most beautiful woman in the room imho.
The thing that we both laugh about is that she refuses to wear lingerie for me, but she has seen me in it many times. Usually in things she has purchased for me.
Ummm, yep 😐
Yes she is. Like several others on this thread my SO put on a few pounds over the years. Now she is self-conscious about her appearance and only wears pants and loose-fitting tops. She, also, has had foot issues and now only wears flats and sometimes orthopedic shoes (Not too sexy). I, on the other hand, still weigh what I did in high school and do a little exercise to stay in shape. And now I am the one who likes to wear form-fitting skirts and dresses and I am the one who now owns the most 2"-4" heels and I wear heels much more frequently than my SO. I wish we could all go back to how we looked when we were 25 but such is not the case. Also, my SO has never been into make-up or jewelry. Even when we first met at 27-years-old she rarely wore make-up and very little jewelry. Now I probably wear more make-up than she does and I definitely wear more earrings, necklaces, and rings than she does. Maybe that is part of my desire to CD. I have always wondered if I had a SO who tried to be more feminine and "sexy" maybe I wouldn't have the desire to dress myself as a feminine, sexy CD. Don't know if that is the case but the thought has crossed my mind.
These are the reasons my wife dresses the way she does. In fact she covers her small frame up from head to toe and if she were brown skinned and wore a hijab people would mistake her for deliberately being modestly dressed the way Muslim women do. Homestly it's fine by me. I know what's underneath and i find her quite sexy when she's dressed modestly the way she does.Quote:
Originally Posted by PaulaQ
My girl likes boy-shorts & sweats. I threw all that man-stuff away long time ago.
She gives me grief over my clothing and shoe collection. "I can't wear that!!", but she wants ME to wear it..
<3
- MM
My wife is from Moscow which is ground zero for feminine women (I'm not kidding, every man should go there at least once.) She did start to become more North American in her dress but since I came out to her she has gotten back into wearing skirts and dresses again. On the whole, she likes her skirts shorter than I do!