My story so far

Hello,

I am a very new member to the site and I hope its ok but I would like to offload a few thoughts and feelings I have had recently. I have never said any of the below out loud so this is new to me. I appreciate this is very long so I don't even mind if no-one reads it.

My wife knows of my dressing but we don't talk about it much and I am generally poor at sharing my feelings and talking. I am very much in the closet, I have only ever told my wife about my dressing (before we were married). She needed help dealing with it and told one of her friends, I didn't feel it fair to make her keep it a secret I am just fortunate she did not tell any of her family. For me I do not know where I am with cross dressing, I do not understand why I want to do it I just do. Every time I dress it leads to the same end result, I am sure you can all guess what, this ends with feelings of guilt and a huge desire to remove all feminine clothing afterwards. From all the reading I have done most people say this changes with time, however after 14 years I am beginning to think maybe I have a fetish. This doesn't make complete sense because I think about dressing most of the time, I have a huge desire to do it, but just because I want to do it not for sexual pleasures, it just always ends that way. I have no interest is leaving the closet or letting anyone else know about it or ever going out in public.

Back to my wife, I wasn't brave enough to tell her early on in my relationship and I convinced myself I would stop, I think we were about 5 years in when I told her. I only actually told her because she was dying to get married and I knew I couldn't marry without her knowing my secret. One day she pushed me as to why I hadn't proposed and I told her, apologized and cried. As with so many it hurt her that I lied to her rather than what I was doing. Although she felt betrayed as I did wear some of her dresses, we are similar sizes. She asked a few of the usual questions, I basically explained I only did it for sexual reasons and I didn't know why and it wasn't mandatory for orgasms. We had a slow start and with time she not only seemed to be ok with it but it was also started to enjoy it and it even spiced up our sex life on many occasions. The normal routine would for her to give me her underwear and bra during foreplay and I would keep it on until after, you know, we finished. Once I slept while wearing her bra, which was something I had always wanted to do but was really hard because I would have an urge I need to released. When I did finally do it my heart wouldn't stop racing for hours. In the morning she wasn't too happy, because it didn't fit in with my "only do it for sexual reasons".

As time went on I felt like I was allowed to do slightly more, she even bought me my own set of matching pink underwear, a basque and even some stockings. I think I have a lower sex drive than my wife, she would often want it but I would rather go to bed on time so I could get up in the morning for work. It got to the stage where she knew if I was wearing lingerie then I wanted sex, she loved this and it got us both in the mood.

Moving forward at some point I mentioned wearing more than just underwear, I wanted to wear dresses and move, however she was not keen on it, although she let me wear them a couple of times. She has even given me one as a present, I think because its too small for her.

I should mention that I love to dress my wife up too, I often bought her sexy clothes and underwear. She loved dress up as much as I did, but no matter how much she let me join in I always had the feeling she wasn't completely ok with me doing it.

About 2 years ago during an intimate moment she was telling me how she loved how it felt to have my hand go up her dress, I agreed and imagined it for myself (resoles reversed me in a dress) and she flipped out. I felt terrible of course and more guilty than ever. I haven't mentioned so far that all through the years I have always felt guilty and have never come to terms with my dressing. During intimate moments my wife would sometimes offer to dress me up in any item I wanted, but when I suggested a dress she said no. As time went on this changed to was there anything she could do for me to make "it" better, I would mostly say no for fear of saying I want to dress up would annoy her or kill the mood. Every now and then when it felt right I would say what I really wanted, sometimes she would allow it but others not, she would say not tonight. It got the stage where it annoys me her asking because surely she knows what I want (obviously she doesn't or she wouldn't ask). At one point it was almost like after a few intimate moments without me dressing should we reward me with a bra.

Not long after the hand dress moment above my wife and I actually had a proper chat about my dressing. She explained although she was happy me with in underwear, she did not want to see my in a dress. She says she is not a lesbian and she doesn't want to have sex with a women (remembering I only dress for sex). She asked if I was happy for that never to happen, but I could do that in my own time. She knew what I did while I was dressed before telling her and said she didn't notice then so I could do that again. I was happy with this as I believed it meant I could buy a dress and wear it out of sight in my own time. I spent a while online searching, its funny for years I imagined buying hundreds of dresses but when it came down to actually buying one I couldn't find one that I wanted. I then stated to think I never agreed if I should show her what I bought first, or show her before I buy. what if she opens a parcel with a dress I have bought and not told her. What if she finds them after I bought them, where do I store them. What I buy something to girly, to our there! We never agreed any of this. Currently all my girly things go into shoe boxes in the wardrobe. Thoughts then changed to what if I misunderstood what she meant altogether. Rather than talking to her I buried my thoughts again and kept quiet.

Time moved on and I used the internet and imagination to fulfill my cross dressing needs, reading stories and posts imaging what it would be like if it was me in their shoes. We now have a baby, during pregnancy we were not very intimate at all. I was scared of hurting the baby and being too rough and generally stayed away. Now he's here and my wife is practically back to her usual self. I still avoided intimacy with her but still spend the odd occasion alone using my existing clothes or internet. I think it got to the point where I almost forgot how to be intimate with her, and scared I would hurt her sensitive breasts (she breastfeeds). She jokingly asked my recently if I had spent any "alone" time, I said yes to which she flipped and we had an argument. She felt awful that I had not been near here but I had spent alone with myself. After this happened I did some reading and found a very helpful article on here, explaining how she would feel after birth and she needs me to show her I still love her and find her sexy. Even though all her clothes are now bigger, comfy, and sorry not sexy, all bras and knickers included (I have actually told her this, followed by a compliment, I have a way with words/I am stupid). In the last 2 weeks I have made a real effort to put my needs to one side and show her she is still sexy. We have had intimate times and I have bought some protection so we can have sex again.

The problem is I have not dressed since this conversation with her, now the feeling is there more than ever, eating away at me. For some reason I am still unable to talk to her about it, but maybe that's the right thing to do because we have just had a baby and I need to think of her. She did actually mention it the other day again, but was a very brief mentioning. I am still so embarrassed and guilt ridden I really struggle to open up to her, or anyone. The more I think about it I don't really open up about anything serious.

I am wondering about writing her a letter explaining how I feel, this will help make sure I am completely honest with her. She has asked me to open up with her generally and never hide anything from her.

Thanks for reading

Jon,
First of all I think you are worrying too much, much of what you describe is fairly normal for a married Cder. I know you're finding it confusing but it will become clearer, you have made a start by joining this forum, so at least you can talk to like minded people.
To me you need to sit down and think through how it started, write it down if needs be but be honest, you can always show it to your wife if she is prepared to see it. Also try and think what Cding means to you now, I know you admit it's sexual, mine is too but eventually the realisation that you may be born like it and it's for life will start to take some of your guilt away. Therapy may help if you can't get through this alone , the important thing is be honest with yourself, once you can do that you will accept yourself and the guilt and shame will start to subside. You mustn't feel guilty about something you can't change.
Your wife may struggle with some of this but she isn't going to lose you, she will end up with a better husband and now a father . She has to trust you and accept you but she may never fully understand you, women don't have a trait like CDers do so they can't relate to it.
She does sound as if she's been very supportive try and hold on to that, but a child will change your lives now so please be prepared to take a back seat, Cding may be important to you but it's not to her now she has a child to raise.
Also remember don't make promises you can't keep , CDing does evolve there's always a feeling of wanting more, so talk to her when she is prepared to listen but don't force the issue, she will always need time for it to sink in .

I wish you all the best, it's not an easy road but you have friends here now to support you.

Hi Jon,
Every thing Teresa said is so true. I also identify with many of the things that you said, and it wasn't until I came to this community and started to really look at my life and my history of cross dressing that I really understood what it meant to me and what part it played in my life. As Teresa said you need to make that quest for yourself before you can move on. You are welcome to PM me with any personal questions and I will try to answer you. Happy Dressing, and Hugs always

Thank you both for your comments, just writing it down and having some feedback feels like a good step forward. I might just take u up on the pm Rachel but I think I need 10 posts first.

The most important part of my life is my wife and baby, hopefully talking through my thoughts on here will help me to remember to always put them first. With regards to personal acceptance, I hope this comes in time. I know this has been said many times but if I could turn it off I would.

Thanks again

Hi Jon, I can't speak for anyone else but I CAN TELL YOU THIS-------YOU DESCRIBED ME TO A T when i got married also. when I started cd'ing it was for sexual release. My wife was supportive to a point and the further I pushed the envelope the less supportive she became (I couldn't blame her for that).

My wife was the only person I knew that was aware of my "thing" but what I didn't know was that my mom knew and that knowing was from when I started wearing her clothes and returning them folded the same way and re-hanging them or so I thought.

PLEASE don't try to rush anything except for you showing her that YOU DO LOVE HER!!!!!! Being that there is a child now that little angel will change perceptions as to how you interact with your wife and cd'ing as well.

I struggled with me being me until I went to a therapist. I have finally accepted myself as to who I am, what I would like to accomplish and in some instances why I am the way I am. This takes time and there will be "ups and downs". For me, the art of presenting myself as a woman is my reward. The sexual gratification issue is over, my intimate relations with my wife has ceased due to our age and her medication. We are now best of friends!!!!!!

We are wired differently!!!!! We have a hard time trying to understand ourselves but once self acceptance is resolved it makes it soooo much easier to live in our skins.

BE KIND, BE GENTLE AND MOST OF ALL BE LOVING!!!!!!

Molly

Jon, I have never been married, nor has sex with a person yet, at age 62, but have done only solo, pretended with one guy. But, the guilt thing i can understand. i did date some women, but found they considered dressing a perversion, so i am single, but long for a special GG friend, yet. I have told one platonic sort of friend, and sent her photos of me in dresses dolled up. She thinks i need to overcome the problem, but is not totally condemning. This thing surely affects relationships! I have told a VA therapist, who accepts. My 95 yo difficult father, toxic sister, and toxic brothers would ridicule and jeer me the rest of my life, if they found out. My brother told me years ago, that he thought i would be homosexual. It is good for you to tell it all on here, and vent, and share it. It is so destructive to bottle it all up. I think there is hope for you and your wife and son together. It sounds like a heartfelt, truthful letter to your wife would be a great idea, tempered with love.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Jon_mtf

...The problem is I have not dressed since this conversation with her, now the feeling is there more than ever, eating away at me. For some reason I am still unable to talk to her about it,...

I am wondering about writing her a letter explaining how I feel, this will help make sure I am completely honest with her. She has asked me to open up with her generally and never hide anything from her. ...

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Jon, the problem is NOT that you are not cross dressing. The PROBLEM is that you are not talking to you wife. She's your wife. She knows. Your barrier is in your head.

Regarding the letter, perhaps you need to write the letter for YOU to really understand you?

Hi Jennifer, thanks for your reply. the reason to write the letter was to say to her what I am too afraid to speak, my hope being that after she had read it we would very likely talk about it.

It makes so much sense to share everything with your wife, the one person who I should be able to tell anything. Unfortunately my default seems to be too bottle it up.

I am not sure if it's what you meant but I think I will write a letter to myself, I could use it to work out what it is I want to say to her.

yes Jon, what I meant was to sort of write your autobiography. Not that she would read it, but it's more likely you'll be honest with yourself and expose every nook and cranny. THEN, edit it heavily for the "she has to know this, now." This includes your love for her and your child and what they mean to you.

discussion will cover the rest. I highly recommend that you sit with her while she reads it

Jon,

The others have already told you most of what needs to be said. The two things I would add are:

1. You are not a freak or weirdo. There are many men, MANY, just like you. Almost unanimously, none of us could tell you why we feel compelled to wear womens clothes but we do and you're not going to outgrow it. The important thing is, there is nothing to feel guilty about as far as crossdressing. It harms nobody for you to dress privately and shouldn't if you were 'out' but other peoples hangups and misconceptions do make it difficult for yourself and others you care about. But it's not a sin.

2. If you haven't already, read the sticky about coming out to your SO. Even though you're out to your wife there is good information for you and her in the post. Also some links to other good articles.

You're at the right place here, there is a lot of help and advice and sympathic shoulders to lean on. Welcome and good luck.

Liz:battingeyelashes:

Hi Jon,
Your story touches me too, since i share a number of your experiences and feelings, and in particular I REALLY want to figure out a path for us all to connect better and help our wives be able to support us without pain and fear.

Four ideas:
1. You are very matter of fact, which helps, and as others have said, keep writing here, and look for the 'i don't know' and then say to yourself, yes, I do know, and it is because [fill in] . I dont' know turns out to be I don't want to say. Now it is clear that you love your wife and child, and you are determined to be a good husband and father. Your wife has extended herself way beyond where most women go for you, and she has been clear about her feelings, so you have a very strong basis for doing even better together.

2. You might want to treat this a little like a collaborative mystery club, where you and your wife recognize some of the many important mysteries- why you crossdress for sexual release is one, but it is just one, and has to share with other mysteries, like how she feels different now your son is born. A mystery is why she is ok with bras but not dresses. A mystery is why you are choosing sex with yourself and not her. You see- each of you has some things to study about yourselves, and share with trust with each other. As you become perfectly truthful and deep, the answers will get more humane and both of you will be blessed. I guarantee that if you put this together not as a project for her to allow you to expand crossdressing, but as a project to build your understanding of each other, on an equal time basis, you will be building a stronger relationship and a platform of mutual respect and care that both of you will be happy your son learns by watching you and feeling the commitment.

3. I did discover that my wishing someone would put their hand up my dress was because I wanted someone to reach for me. My wife understood that and then really reached for me and paid attention to me as sexually desirable to her, and it really hit the spot- I thought the next day she had annihilated my desire to crossdress, and she did-for three days I was cured! The point was that my dressing is a symbolic way to tell the world I want to have X number of things reserved for women generally. The more I focus on letting myself have those feelings, the less I care whether I have a dress on, since I am feeling whole.

4. Read this thread http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...rom-a-GG-s-POV

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Jenniferathome

Jon, the problem is NOT that you are not cross dressing. The PROBLEM is that you are not talking to you wife. She's your wife. She knows. Your barrier is in your head.

Regarding the letter, perhaps you need to write the letter for YOU to really understand you?

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This sounds like really good advice.

I haven't popped in for a bit but still walking this journey. My wife knows and has seen me dressed. However,
She is not real comfortable with seeing me dressed. We talked and have boundaries for now.

Best advice I have taken from here, sorry don't know who said it but, the gist was do not allow the CD to becoome a substitute for your SO.

Hello everyone,

Phili your post had so much great advice, especially point 2. All be it a little late as my wife and I had a very long chat last night where we shared all our thoughts and feelings. Fortunately from the help I have been given the Convo followed what u said in point 2. I don't want to give all the details as it was a private convo but I do want to share the highlights:

I explained how much I love her and out baby, and that they come first in my life. I am bad at sharing my feelings so we were both happy I said this out loud.

I told her how pleased I was for her encouraging me to watch my baby been born, best moment of my life. (i am squimish so was not keen before hand)

She offered to read up and learn more about me dressing.

We agreed a way forward for me to explore both with and without out her.
This included practical things like where to store clothes.

I told her about posting on here, on one hand she was happy I was getting help to help us, but she did feel bad I couldn't go direct to her. In future now I feel I can.

We agreed we can tell each other anything.

Finally she is happy for me to buy a dress, to wear in my own time, although she said she would feel a little left out.

She understands my needs might change, and if that happens will work through it together.

It was the best conversation we have had and it was all about love and honesty, dressing was only a small part of it.

Thank you all so much for your help.

Jon, you can also invite her to join here where she will have access to other wives, girlfriends, etc who are part of this forum. If you look at this thread:
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...ssers-only-Why it may strike a chord with your wife. They have a need to talk about this differently than we do.

Hi Jon, While I agree with and admire nearly all Jenniferathome's advice, I would be cautious about encouraging your wife to join the forum. It sounds like you've made really positive progress with her, and you've begun to be able to talk about your feelings - no small thing - and it's possible that she might read things here which would scare the crap out of her, for example the comments about CDing leading for some to full male to female transition.

Keep writing out your thoughts, whether it's here or to yourself, and once you feel you've established something solid, then share it with your wife. Encourage her to ask you questions too - anything to keep the dialogue between you flowing.

Good luck to you, you're doing really well.

Thanks Nikki, for now I am going to follow your advise and I have left her to do her own research. Hopefully is she did read anything then she will ask me rather than presume its something I would do.

One thing that does concern me is when I mentioned to her about possibly wanting to do more in the future. She wondered what more was, for me it would be:
Shoes
Makeup
Lipstick
Nail varnish
Forms
Wig
Shopping (physically)
Meeting other CDRs

And I am sure there is more after that too. My answers to those, some are a little appealing, others are not, but that's today.

So lucky to have the internet and a great forum like this.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by SeanErin

I haven't popped in for a bit but still walking this journey. My wife knows and has seen me dressed. However,
She is not real comfortable with seeing me dressed. We talked and have boundaries for now.//

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That's good to be respectful of her wishes. My ex-wife was pretty supportive and was OK with dressing for Halloween parties but otherwise it freaked her out.

Hi again Jon, if you haven't already discussed this list with her, I wouldn't. She's got enough on her plate right now without imagining a load more!

There's honesty and then there's saying too much. Don't rush her.

Hi Jon.
I have read your story and see so many similarities from my past as with others.
The one huge mistake I see (one that I made) was to give my SO a similar list to the one you have given us.
Now if you have already mentioned this to her the damage is done. I say damage because you cannot now undo this.
My situation was that my SO thought all of the list would make me want to leave and live with like minded people.
All I really wanted was more support and a little help.
We went back to DADT.

Hi Jon,

Just read through your post and all the replies and almost felt like deja vu. I can see exactly where you are coming from with bottling up your feelings and having trouble having that openness you need with your wife. I think there has been plenty of good suggestions from the other girls on here and that you have been working on your relationship as well. Just wanted to say good luck with everything and I hope you and your wife grow closer and that you get a better understanding of yourself out of all this.

Hi Jon,
I've been dressing since I tried on my first pair of pantyhose at age 6. Went through everything we go through. I've done a lot of reading, hoping to find some answers to "why". All I gleaned is it's here forever. One, if not the toughest situations I've experienced is how to tell, or should I tell my fiance. I read and my senses told me be honest and tell her before we wed.. One night, after a party/wine, she was taking her pantyhose off and said, "I'm glad to get these off". I smiled and said, "it must be nice" She threw them at me, laughing and said, "OK, here, you wear them. So I did and it was then that I decided to tell her...totally expecting her to sprint for the exit door. It turns out her brother is a dresser and she was familiar with it. So there I am, sitting there in her pantyhose feeling total relief. Then to my shock, she went over to her dresser and brought me one of her black bras and panties. The bra didn't fit, but the panties did. We married and soon I had quite a wardrobe. Her "deal", one for me...two for her...seemed fair to me. She helps me with fashions, makeup, etc. Life has been good. The Midwest isn't ready for us, so we are very careful...very.

Hi Nancysue thanks for your response and great story, no matter how many you read you can't beat a story with a good result like yours.

As other threads have said its good to write stuff down, so again I don't mind no replies but I am going to continue my story, sorry if its a long one again.

After talking with me wife and being "allowed" to buy clothes for the first time I started shopping, online of course. Now I have been "fake" shopping for years, that is I browse with no intention of buying things, I can't believe now I can buy things how hard it really is! I spent hours looking but I eventually decided on a few things: I wanted to buy a dress, it had to be silky, tight fitted and free returns postage (when it comes to money I am a bit tight, and chances are first time it won't fit). Eventually I settle on a cheap dress from Boohoo http://www.boohoo.com/restofworld/dr.../invt/dzz87104
Free delivery, free returns, looking at the price anyone who knows anything about shopping knows whats coming. The dress arrived when my wife wasn't home so I straight away opened the package with anticipation, felt the fabric and it was horrible, almost starchy and not slightly soft. I tried it on and it was massive, so it was too big and horrible. First lesson learned, nice dresses cost money! There is slightly more to this, I actually got this for free as I had money left on rewards card which needed spending straight away, so I worse comes to worse I lose that. I ended up getting store credit for it so I just need to pick something else, thing is I get the impression most stuff they sell is of poor quality. I returned it without my wife knowing, although I did tell her after but only literally that it had gone back.

Attempt number 2. I found out that Amazon UK has quite the selection of clothes, and some of it has free returns. So I looked through the thousands (no joke) of dresses over the course of a week and eventually picked out 2 I liked: first one in blue, second in red
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Miusol-Wome...8356033&sr=1-4
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Miusol-Wome...356033&sr=1-18

I was bound to like one of them, fingers crossed. Next I wanted a corset, ever since I start dressing I can remember finding out about corsets and being intoxicated by them, I knew one day I would have to have one. So again I trawled through amazon and settled on an over-bust pink one.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/BSLINGERIE%...ds=pink+corset

Lastly I thought I would buy some bras that fit. Now my wife has over the years given me a few, and at 34C they nearly fit, but I wanted some 34B as, well why not! One of the first Bra's I tried on when I was younger was a Wonderbra, it was so nice so I thought why not get one, I finally settled on the following:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Wonderbra-G...ords=wonderbra
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Wonderbra-W...ords=wonderbra

OK I said I wanted one, but the one was pretty in pink and the other boots two bra sizes! Also chances are one wouldn't fit.

They day these were due to arrive I knew I would be out so I got amazon to put in a safe place. When we got back we had friends over so I had to wait longer, but whats another few hours on 10 years of waiting. When they left I told me wife I had a parcel and I wanted some time to myself, she knew what I meant and agreed it was fine. This was a huge step and it feels good to be honest.

The result, in order of trying it on:

Corset: It looked lovely, great colour and nice detail. I tried it on and soon realised it was too big, I fully tightened it without any trouble. Also it had ribbon which came lose very easily, I think this is a fashion corset and a cheap one at that.

Bra 1 (pink Gel): This looked great, I was expecting the front to be soft not lacy based on the picture, but it was described as lace so there you go. Tried it and it felt great, gave me a nice hug. This was a keeper.
Bra 2 (black gel+foam): This felt so soft to touch, really soft, everywhere! Little surprise is the inside of the cups is a nice red colour. I tried it on and wow what a hug and what a boost it gave me, the tags came straight off. I soon realised it was probably a bit tight, left marks after having it only 20 minutes. Maybe I could buy extenders or just wear it so often is stretches. This was a keeper.
I will note that while writing this I was wearing this bra, when I got the photo I saw on the picture it can have crossed straps, wow. I immediately took it off to try, but how do you put it on, over my head, pull it over. It was very complex, and tighter, but I got there in the end. I guess when crossing straps on bras you need to adjust the strap lengths.

Dress 1 (red A line one) I could see this in the clear packet, didn't look nice or soft. Got it out and fabric was ok, but not great. Tried it on, did not fit, not even close, it was all to big but the bust was huge. It had to go back
Dress 2 (blue sleeved one) this was inside an opaque bag so I couldn't see it, given it was the same size, make and fabric as the red one I was not hopeful. I carefully opened the bag, in case I needed to return it, my first impressions was this feels soft. As I got it out it I examined it, the back and sleeves where lace while the front was silky or velvet type material, it was perfect. I undid the zip and pulled it up, arms in the sleeves and to my surprise it looked like it was going to fit. I started to do the zip up behind my back but I struggled to get it up all the way, how on earth do I do this? Tried to reach over my head but to no avail. This must be a common issue, youtube will help! I watched a few clips but all involved wire or something to hook through it, sounded like too much effort and I didn't have anything in the room like that anyway. I was not going to fail at putting it on after getting this far, maybe I need to just try harder. I pulled the dress down as low as I could, this wasn't far given my arms were in the sleeves, I then reached behind my back and pushed the zip up as far as possible. I then pulled the dress up as high as I could, reached over my head where I could just ticket the zip with my fingertips. Eventually I grabbed it and pulled it up! Wow it looked and felt fantastic, my 34b double push bra I still had on improved the look somewhat. This was a keeper.

Now as I explained in my other post, Whenever I dress the result is always the same, its a means to an end. However with my dress and bra on (and male boxers, sorry!) I sat on my laptop and started looking through this site. Although I felt turned on, my urge was to keep the dress pulled down below my knees so it looked nice rather than do anything else. I won't say I felt happy wearing the dress, or unhappy, just comfy. This worried me a bit as when I spoke to my wife last I explained how I only do it for the sexual thrill, but this new experience may change that. That being said the end result was the same, but not because I the overwhelming desire to do so, because I wanted to, I did have a free pass! Afterwards the urge to undress was not as strong, and guilt not really there.

After returning the above two items I decided I really wanted a corset, so I began shopping again. This time I went with corset story, theory being a dedicated corset shop would have better quality off the shelf corsets. I always wanted an overbust corset, but many say underbust is better for men's figures as we are shaped differently. This website currently has BOGOF, so I got one of each! They are on there way so I hope they fit, free returns and exchanges/refunds if not.

A few days later I found myself alone at home, this doesn't happen often so I got my dress back out. This time I put both my bras on above, triple the boost! upon putting on the dress I looked great again, but hairy legs are not great. I went to the other room to get my stockings to complete the look. I admired myself in the mirror and even took headless pictures for you guys, unfortunately I wimped out and deleted them, my close it staying glued shut for now. The stockings were not very dark so you could tell I had hair underneath, and all that was going through my mind was that high heels would have finished the look. I spent some time walking around and on the internet, only 10 minutes or so, got undressed and went about my normal activities. This is the first time I have dressed up and not finished in the usual way, I just didn't want to and there was no urge.

So many on here so the sexual part of it dies down, maybe this is happening to me to, i am not sure if this is a good thing or not.

My and my wife have not spoken about dressing since my items arrived and she doesn't know what I bought, she asked I am stupidly replied "are you sure you want to know", of which she didn't really reply and changed the subject. I guess I know she is not completely ok about dresses and I don't want to upset her, but I regret not just telling her, she didn't want it to be a big deal. 3 days have passed now and I still not told her, I don't know why I am still so scared to talk to her about it. I know I need to stop this and keep things honest. At the minute I think I am little obsessed, but I am hoping its because I feel free after keeping it bottled up for so long and soon I will calm down.


I did end up writing most of this twice as I lost it when it timed out, does anyone else have this issue? Autosave only kept so much and I am sure I wrote it better first time around.

Jon, I think it's great you're able to have these convo's with your wife. I've been together with mine for 25 years, and it took me until a few months ago to realize that I hadn't been completely honest with her. I told her early on about my CDing, and it progressed from bedroom to her putting makeup on me and fully dressing, and it freaked her out. So I never mentioned it again and surpressed it all except for lingerie in the bedroom. And then I realized that I had been dishonest with myself and had been in denial about my gender ID issues, because it freaked me out, and I felt ashamed and embarrassed that I felt sometimes I wanted to be female, and I always recalled that look on her face.

So once I was honest with myself, I told her everything. Everything. Which was very liberating and made me realize that hiding was part and parcel to being a closeted crossdresser terrified of being discovered. So like you, I was not forthcoming with my feelings and other things on my mind with her. So I'm working on fixing that. Which is taking time....I've had 25 years of muscle memory of keeping stuff to myself. But that honesty is improving our relationship overall in most areas.

My advice is to be honest, but move slowly. I have a list just like yours, most of it she is fine with, but she has her concerns which I respect. And because we have a long track record together, she is now ok with seeing me totally dressed, wearing makeup and a wig, though she says it's weird for her, which I get. It is weird!

Good luck.

Edit: Oh yeah, the sexual part pretty much went away once I was honest with myself it was more that just a kink. Why I have no idea. Or maybe it was fading over the years and I coincidentally realized it at the same time. I dunno.

Thanks nikki, it really helps reading about others in simular situations. Not long after posting this I brought up the items I bought, she was a little suprised I bought so much but apart from that didn't say much, subject soon changed. I don't think she realises just how often it's on my mind at the minute, but why would she if I have not said. I think you are right about taking it slow, it's a lot for me to take in let alone her.

Thanks again

My corsets came today, wife heard the postman come and asks what the package was I replied "it was for me". Ok I could have been more precise but
clearly I am still embarrassed, however she replied something like "oh I see". Feels good that ther
e is no lies and if she wants to know exactly what I bought she can ask.

Further to this they arrived this morning, and I have not even opened the package yet! Been busy today and I am prioritizing my wife as well as trying to have some restraint.

Lastly I have read the last 10-15 threads on here about corsets, not one mentions how heavy they are! The bag has 2 in at and it weighs a ton!