Why do I crossdress?

This is a question I have often asked myself. There is no question that dressing is exhilarating and just feels right for me. But what attracted me to dressing in the first place? Is it something in my genetic make up? I started when I was 5 years old and there was no event in my life at that point that could have pushed me in that direction so again, why?

I've read lots of theories on the Internet about why people crossdress but none seemed to really fit me. One thing that many of us have a tendency to do is emulate the people we admire. Kids emulate super heros and sports figures for example. So, my current theory on why I dress is that I love and admire women so much that I want to emulate them through dressing.

Why do you crossdress?

D, This question has likely been the most asked in CD history. I think you are onto something, in that we emulate what we find beautiful in some women. But, we many also have genetic brain proneness to this. Most of us just don't know why. But, the clothes, themselves do something for us.

I used to dress because I wanted to dress to match whatever gender I was at the given time, since it changes.
These days I don't see it as crossdressing. I'm not wearing women's clothes or men's clothes. In wearing my clothes. Bonus if those clothes match my internal gender. No big deal if they don't.

I started young as well ... too young to even remember properly, but my first clear memory of feeling this way was 5 or 6 ... and finally acting on it around 6 or 7.

Back then it was just reaching toward something without understanding. It took me a lifetime, but I still don't really know why in any sort of logically satisfying way. But over time, I have come to understand ... there is for all intents and purposes, a girl hiding behind a whole lot of man-fascade living inside this genetically male mind. I still don't know how that'll play out in the long run, but for now ...

I just try to peacefully accept that she is me and make room for that in my understanding of myself ... and I have to let that out into the real world every once and a while ... if I can maintain that balance, all is well and that really beats the alternative! :-)

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Originally Posted by Deliah

...Is it something in my genetic make up? I started when I was 5 years old and there was no event in my life at that point that could have pushed me in that direction so again, why?...

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Yep. It's in your genes. Nothing else makes sense. Blue eyes, red hair, being gay... it's in the genes.

To emulate and experience being a woman that I want to be (with ).

When I was young crossdressing was an intense sexual experience. Now I still want to crossdress but for for me it's as much spiritual as sexual, maybe more. It just feels right. I accept my self as transgender or crossdresser, knowing why is less important 🌺

I am relaxing at home in a bra and a miniskirt. I feel normal. It's the rest of the world that is crazy :eek:

Ineke
As 'Geraldine' used to say: "The devil made me do it" :devil:

Because it's fun!

I think it is in my case due it is to the klinefelder's and my brain developing with traits of both genders.

I think that I have both sides of my brain open and switch back and forth male/female. Been that way all my life and when fem I naturally crossdressed. Been doing that most of my life.

While there is probably some sort of psychological trigger, I believe that our brains have been hardwired for crossdressing.

You understand that the vast majority of men can crossdress and not feel anything special (except embarrassment), however just the thought of crossdressing makes us experience wonderful sensations. Most likely these sensations are caused by feel-good neurotransmitters being released by the brain (dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and others).

During infancy our brains are making neural connections at a feverish pace and by the time we are three years old we have about 3X the amount of neural connections than an adult brain. This is called synaptogenesis and it occurs at infancy and puberty. Then largely through the learning process we undergo a neural pruning process where some neural connections are reinforced while others are broken. Then you are set up for synesthesia, a neurological phenomenon in which stimulation of one sensory pathway leads to automatic, involuntary experiences in a second sensory or cognitive pathway. In this way your brain can be hardwired to interpret crossdressing as actual contact with a female.

So that is the biological explanation, what is the psychological? It can take many forms, but it usually involves some sort of female envy or valuing female over males. In my case, my mother wanted a girl when I was born, and I was a disappointment. Then just 13 months later she gave birth to my sister. My mother was overjoyed. My sister was my mother's pampered little princess and she was praised for everything she did. I grew up thinking my mother would love me more if I was a girl and I was crossdressing by the time I was three years old. I also grew up believing that girls were naturally better than boys. I thought that all parents preferred girls. When I was a teenager I finally began to appreciate being a male, but before that I had no clue that there was anything good about being a male.

Why does there HAVE to be a trigger?
Why this, why that,if I do this I must be that !!
You just enjoy it and thats all the explanation I need anyway.
The more you dig into the reasons why the more confusing it can become.

Why...........umm well

Possibly it makes it easier for you to shop at Walmart, maybe you just fit in better with the scene and they won't think you are gay or something.......

Seriously though.....Just enjoy the time you spend dressed and don't ask why because there is not a one size fit's all answer

in the end you crossdress because you want to.

Why do you wan to? That's a tough one.

For me I know I like the way I look, smell, feel when dressed in a way I have never experienced dressed as a man. I haven't figured out more than that yet.

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Originally Posted by Tracii G

Why does there HAVE to be a trigger?<snip>The more you dig into the reasons why the more confusing it can become.

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As mentioned, there doesn't have to be a trigger. But it's pretty clear that what we're doing doesn't fit with who the normal male is, because it's obvious that most of the time, it interferes with our chances of finding a mate and passing along our dna (if you've already had kids, and a wife who loves your crossdressing, congratulations, you beat the odds). So something is different somewhere, or something changed. It can be genetic, it can be hormonal, it can be psychological, or any combination of the above. Some of us really needed to know why we do this, because it can really screw up our life....it certainly did mine. If you're one of the lucky ones for who everything about your crossdressing makes things better, great; then I understand why you don't care.
But for some of us, there's a conflict that we have to live with; that being a crossdresser interferes with the rest of what we want out of life. It especially comes into play, when we have sexual desires that don't quite fit with what we think we are. And that's why some of us have to keep digging until we figure it out. 30 years ago, the concept that there could be a physically male person, but who sexually identified as female, who was only sexually attracted to females was considered completely absurd. Now, we understand how that happens, and I'm sure it comes easier for the younger ones to understand and accept themselves. Me, I spent about 30 years figuratively banging my head against a wall because none of it made any sense at all.
Life is simply easier to go through when we have an understanding of why we feel the way we do. Millions of people are miserable because they're in relationships with people they're incompatible with, but they dont' know why; but they're so sexually attracted to them, they won't leave. So they spend thier life in misery, with very brief moments of sexual ecstasy.
Ever wonder why the person you have a crush on, doesn't fine you interesting at all? You can figure it out. Or go on, and keep barking up the wrong tree, while another person is right behind you who's dying to meet YOU.
I don't understand why so many people prefer to live messed up lives in supposed blissful ignorance; then go out every weekend and get drunk, because things don't work out the way they want them to.

for me it's because I don't give clothing a gender(if it feel good I'll wear it), does this mean that my brain is wired to both sexes, don't know

SM its not that I don't care about people that have problems in their relationships due to cross dressing.
In this case the question why was asked so I answered if you didn't like it I'm sorry but the subject of situations like you are in were not the subject.
SM aren't the people that obsess over all the hows and whys,feel they need answers usually the ones that fall into depression?
They are usually the the ones where stress is almost too much to bare so they isolate themselves and have trouble with their families.
So to those that just have to have some scientific answer fine dive into that rabbit hole be my guest but I warned you.

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Originally Posted by Jenniferathome

Yep. It's in your genes. Nothing else makes sense. Blue eyes, red hair, being gay... it's in the genes.

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There is still no isolation to a specific gene or combination of genes that has been shown. This statement defies the scientific method, and therefore is invalid. I believe there COULD be genetic links for SOME crossdressers, or OTHER biological factors, which has more definite evidence. But a claim of GENETICS is still an opinion with little basis in science.

On the lighter side, some made the joke last night that CDS wear dresses, and TS wear jeans. So what does it mean if I'm wearing skorts or capries?

Everything I read here applies, in the genes, emulating childhood hereos, being myself, to be aroused (per sex addiction), to feel feminine, to address safety and security reasons (reacting to early child/ sibling abuse)....I'm sure there is more but at the end of the day I want to feel I did the best I could to take care of my emotional well being and CDing accomplishes that.

Sibling abuse I find that funny in a way.
If you had older brothers and sisters it was pretty much part of growing up they were going to tease you,beat you up (in your mind),not let you hang out with them etc.
It was part of growing up and you had to deal with it.
Do I think it may have contributed to my being gay and wearing womens clothes, being a CD and being TG ? No of course not.
Why is it we feel the need to blame what we do on someone else that had nothing to do with it.

Im sure there are various reasons for different people, Me? I like it or I wouldnt do it. I do get a charge from it, I feel good, I like the fit, the feel, I can relax, I can destress, I enjoy looking pretty/ nice however you want to relate that. Yes I have been drawn to it from a very young age.

The only answer is 42.

Another who has dressed from a young age. I have come to the conclusion I wanted to be like my sisters when I was young. Then got hooked on the fun. I thought for years I was a girl in a boy’s body. Only changed that view a few years ago. These days I go with the female admirer scenario. Whatever it's a whole lot of fun and only adds to my personality and my life. :battingeyelashes:

I think it varies from person to person. From wanting t be like a female friend or family member, to finding a magic box of girl stuff to have a sister or cousin think you are their dress up doll, these thing are some of the triggers. Overall it think the maybe a genetic predisposition to gender bending.
Sara

I stopped wondering about why. I just do it because It's the right thing to do. For me anyway. Daviolin

We've all wondered this and I certainly have a few theories about me. But right now, having just sat in my yard in a blue short sleeved dress with lace on the top that show a hint of bra strap and two inch blue pumps sipping mineral water and admiring the lipstick print on the glass, I think it may be for moments like that.

I don't really get the people who refuse to consider this question. Maybe it's not worth obsessing over, but still I think it's a good question to ask of ourselves if we're open to honest self-reflection. I've been thinking about this a lot recently, and the possible reasons I've come up to tend to fall into two categories, those that positively reflect who I am, and the more negative ones. I can't say I know the answer to this definitely, but these are my thoughts about how to reconcile crossdressing with who I am as a person.

Positive:
- I am a creative type -- making outside-the-box associations comes naturally, and I like exploring the different ideas I have no matter how out there they may be
- I am open-minded -- I am not willing to accept the answer "just because, that's how it is". I was raised a somewhat religious household (now agnostic), but as I grew older I started questioning more why? The more I questioned, the more I saw that although religion could provide a foundation for morality, it does not have all the answers, just as the law doesn't have all the answers, and society doesn't have all the answers. Just accepting the status quo gets us stuck in a roundabout of ignorance. So I've developed a mentality that I should question everything, and should be willing to explore ideas and feelings that may not be widely accepted, and this has served me well in my career and other aspects of my life. -- But this also started very early on for me: I also have this memory from preschool where I had learned what sex was somewhere and was talking about it with friends (boys and girls) out at recess, and everyone had an "eww thats disgusting" reaction, and although I agreed, I also argued that it would probably be something we'd be into when we were older, but no one was hearing that.
- I am curious -- I like to have new experiences as a means to understanding the world and knowing what is possible in this life
- I am empathetic -- when I was younger, I was very self-absorbed (as most of us probably were), but as I grew up I started thinking a lot about "how will this other person feel if I act this way" and more generally "how does this other person feel in this situation" and further generalized to "what is this other person's life experience like?".
- I am introverted -- feelings and emotions and sensations really stand out for me and my internal experience plays a big role in the way I process my experiences in the world. I'm pretty well socially adjusted and enjoy spending time with people, but I know that I'm more internally aligned than externally. (I'd say this is more neutral than positive, it's just who I am and I think it plays a role in CDing for me. Nothing wrong with being more extraverted.)

Together I think these attributes made me someone who is more likely to crossdress, or at least be willing to try it and explore it (if it feels good and doesn't hurt yourself or others, why not do it?). Also, I feel like this curiosity has allowed me to better understand the female experiences and has helped me become much more empathetic of the things women deal with (from subtle discrimination to unfair expectations to the art/skill/challenge that is makeup).

I wonder often if crossdressing is something that most people would enjoy if they were willing to allow themselves to. I mean, how is becoming another person temporarily not like the most exciting idea ever to people?! But I guess that leads me to possible less-than-positive reasons that may have contributed to my CDing...

Negative:
- I had a hard time becoming comfortable with myself and gaining social acceptance growing up, especially during puberty -- This is not fun to admit or talk about, but I wonder if maybe this contributed to the aforementioned excitement about temporarily becoming someone else? To be honest though, I tend to reject this idea because for me, it has never been about trying to escape myself, and more about the excitement of feeling something totally different.
- I also was a late bloomer and it took a while for me for me to be able to connect with girls (identifying as a straight guy) -- I wonder if out of the sexual frustration of my youth, I found that creating my own femininity was a somewhat suitable replacement for a real connection with another person, which I just couldn't make happen naturally as an awkward young man. A counterpoint to this is that I look back to before puberty, and see that I had some CD relevant experiences when I was still young and innocent (eg, trying on my sister's one-piece bathing suit when I was maybe 10, and when we were even younger we would put on these ridiculous play dresses, petticoats, etc and put on these little parades for dinner guests, and for whatever reason that just felt so good and fun.) But maybe these earlier experiences primed me such that later in life, when I was struggling sexually, I drew from those experiences to cope.
- Filling the void of femininity in my life that I need -- Once I did start having relationships is when CDing actually took off for me: to start, my girlfriend at the time left some panties at my place and I tried them on out of curiosity, and it was totally electrifying. Then when we moved into together, I had access to a whole wardrobe of girls clothing and makeup. But I've found that my "need" to crossdress is highly correlated with my satisfaction in my relationships. In that first relationship, I started CDing out of curiosity, but as our relationship developed problems and we were farther away emotionally, I felt a greater need to CD. I've felt the same thing in subsequent relationships too, and of course the need to CD peaks when I'm single.
- Addictive personality -- I have ADD (which is fine), and a friend studying for a nursing degree told me that she learned that it's believed that people with ADD tend to have an endorphin deficiency, so that they are more likely to seek out experiences to spike those feel good feelings. That doesn't feel far off the truth for me. And I've found that as time goes on, I keep pushing things forward to get a stronger feeling from CDing, never satisfied to just let it be, almost like I develop a tolerance and so I need more of it to get the same level of contentment. For example, around 8 years ago, I started with just panties, and then eventually makeup, and then eventually clothing... and then I started playing with my gf's vibrator... and then I got a wig and that was crazy!. And now, despite my conflicted feelings about the whole thing, I've recently ordered breastforms (and another wig)! And I'm so excited about that, but also realize that this digs me deeper into a hole that I'm committed to, but I guess I feel like these evolutions are inevitable and so I may as well just roll with it. And I guess I find that kind of scary to be perfectly honest.

So again, this is just speculation and brutally honest personal reflection. I don't know why I crossdress, but these possible reasons give me some context to understand it. And maybe its these things plus some inherent factor that I was born with. My parents have told me that they were surprised that I was boy when I was born, I think because the ultrasound seemed to indicate otherwise. No idea if that is actually relevant, but is something that has stuck with me that has been somewhat of a comfort, because even in the womb my gender was unclear and maybe it's just the way I am.

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Originally Posted by Alice Torn

This question has likely been the most asked in CD history....

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Never a truer word spoken there - at least as a question asked amongst ourselves... :thinking:

Why do I do it?

Because my gender compass is as stable as a navigational compass in the Bermuda Triangle...

Because in doing this I am visually facilitating a broader expression of a feminine aspect of my persona that can't find another outlet via male mode...

Because it feels right for me to express this, however much society stupidly insists it must be 'wrong'...

And - dammit - because I look good blonde... :p

As if we need a reason... :)

Katey x

i do it because it makes me happy

I've never been able to figure out why I dress or want to transition. It's beyond frustrating.

I started at 3 to 4 years old so my only conclusion is that I must have been born this way. The bonus is that it makes me feel happy, serene and whole!

Basically to outwardly express my inner feelings. :battingeyelashes::)

What else could make me start out of the blue after age 50?:eek:

I was put on hormonal drugs for an enlarged prostate at about the same time.

Maybe just a coincidence!?:devil:

Deliah,
We are all different but I know now I was born wired with a female trait, my testosterone must have kicked in early so a combination of events tied my male side and female side together , that combination has never been broken so from the age of 8-9 I must have become bi-gender . I always liked girls as a male and enjoyed being dressed as one , yes it was very sexual , I have a deep need to share it with a woman and before I married I had two Gfs that I did just that, I now realise that I partly dress to please my female side and also to attract a woman. It's taken far too long and finally with the help of counselling to discover all this. Now I fully accept myself and I'm finally out dressed and admitting I'm enjoying it , even to my wife who doesn't want to know too much about it.

So I crossdress because it's part of me nothing is going to change that , I have a need to satisfy that part of me , no shame or guilt .

I still say it's important to know why we do it, not only to understand it ourselves but also to be able to explain it to others if they wish to know, I just couldn't live with an attitude of shrugging my shoulders and saying I don't know. It's hard enough for a man to come to terms with it let alone the people round you.

Some reasons are difficult or impossible to verbalize. I know why I crossdress, but I find the reason impossible to verbalize. When I get all dolled up, I look in the mirror and see a woman looking back at me and I think to myself, "Yes, that's correct." When I look at myself in male mode I think, "No, that's wrong." It's not a feeling either, because these thoughts are purely intellectual. I have good feelings that are connected with crossdressing, but they're not always present. I dress because of the certain knowledge that this is the right thing to do.

Let me ask another question. Do you like music? You do? Why? You don't? Why not?

Do you like the taste of cinnamon? Why? Why not?

There are many reasons that can't be verbalized. That doesn't mean they are arbitrary, and it doesn't mean the can be changed.

I began dressing early, being initially attracted to the soft feelings of nylon stockings, which made me feel serene and feminine. Over the years, I've tried to find some understandable reasons for my love of nylons and dressing. I told my wife before we got married. After dispelling her fears, she's now very accepting and helpful. We continue our search for answers, but realize my compulsions will be with us. I now have everything I need. I'm very maticulous and detailed when getting ready. When I'm dressed, I still continue to feel serenity, comfort, and warm feminine feelings. We go out together for lunch, movies and, of course shopping. I'm frustrated with the many women who don't wear hose. I'm almost always wearing hose, both "underneath" and when dressed.

I find many of the previous explanations plausible. I can't really say what caused me to want to crossdress, but I do know that it was inevitable. Since I was about 4 years old, the realization that I wanted to be a girl has haunted me. The unfortunate fact that I acquired a truly large and masculine body has always made it even more painful to accept. All the time that I grew up, I have never been interested in any of the male things that my fellow classmates aspire to. Maybe I'm just a misfit.

I wonder if it has to do with women usually being the object of beauty. What's the best way to sell something? Put a beautiful woman in front of it. Men can be handsome, but I've never been interested in looking handsome, to me it's boring. Women's clothing accentuates my body in a way that men's clothing simply doesn't, and that's why I dress. I look in the mirror and I finally feel beautiful. Male, female, somewhere in between, it's not important to me to pinpoint it anywhere, I'm just doing what makes me happy.

Simply put, it's good feel girly sometimes and it's great stress relief!

There seems to almost as may answers to this question as they are members on this list. I share the most common reasons of feeling better, more relaxed, more comfortable and pleased with the way I look.
However, I'll answer this from a slightly odd or negarive aspect. A few months ago I had an eye infection which cause me to miss several CD dressing occasions, meaning a weekend and then a national holiday a few days later. I wear contact lenses when I go out as a CD but could not wear them for a few days and don't have female glasses. I spent these days doing what I would normally do dressed up as a CD, but now inmale attire. I felt utterly horrible, literally devistated. It was wrong, somehow. I envied the people around me who were going about there business dressed mosstly innthe informal clothes people wear on the weekend. I felt I was in some kind of straight jacket. The infection cleared up after about a week and when I went out again as a CD the feeling was fantastic. I was me again.

This is why I am a CD and why I dress.

"in the end you crossdress because you want to." This seems to be the bottom line. Why we want to has hundreds of answers. In the end result, it feels right and natural. Not dressing is somehow wrong and unnatural.

Because I enjoy doing it - and it makes my feel good.

And, after doing it for all these years, i feel it is part of my "core" or "being"

But i am still somewhat ashamed to admit I do it - probably because of a lifetime of fear that my secret would be discovered.