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As a person who has dressed since my teens and having passed a time or two in my lifetime the question comes to mind, how do you tr.eat women? Do you treat women better because dressing, or not? Someone once told me how my life is that of a woman, and more than just agreeing I must admit it works for me. So how do you treat women?
My wife always said that I was the perfect mate. Not that my interest in cross
dressing was a big plus in her life, but I seemed to have a better sense of how
to treat a "Lady". Many men have this "Macho" attitude, and women do not like
to be treated as second class people.
I always showed deep respect for her, and today it is hard to fine anyone showing
respect for anyone.
Rader
I like to think that I treat women (and as for that matter, all people) well, though I can't say for certain it has anything to do with my cross dressing. My wife has told me that I treat her well and that it may have something to do with my strong feminine side. If she only knew!
Beth
I really don't think you can make a case that cross dressing improves one;s outlook on how to treat women. It may be the issue of the "cart before the horse." Almost every psychologist or therapist I've encountered over the years has stated how one treats others is formed within the first four years of life. There are few cross dressers who were dolled up as little girls by their mothers or aunts 24/7.
The people I have been drawn to over the years (friends), male or female, all treat their spouses with respect. I will concede a cross dresser probably will treat other people in minority positions in life better than others because he also yearns for respect. I know many many men who truly treat their wives with total respect, and, still find something mind boggling about a man wanting to appear as a woman. They are more accepting of transgender men and woman than cross dressers.
In a nut shell I don't think I would treat my wife, daughter, granddaughter and daughter-in-law or any other women differently if I was not a cross dresser.
I treat everyone equally and for who they are as a person.:)
Could you define what you mean by treating women better? I think there are a lot of angles you could look at this from, and I'm interested to know which you're thinking of.
I treat my SO quite well and I have always treated women quite well. But I had a macho attitude much earlier in life and I know that women want to be appreciated. I think because we think more like them that we have better relationships even though we crossdress.
Stephanie47,
I find the statement about forming how we treat people happens in the first four years difficult to accept. To me it's continuous, we meet a variety of people through our lives all with different characteristics, if we wish to communicate with them we may have to adopt a new attitude, so they also change us . That's how we evolve as human beings, surely if we remain with our knowledge of people from the age of four we would never adopt and adapt and mature.
This may partly answer the OPs question, our attitude to women will change with age anyway. If you you wish to modify that by seeing it through a CDers eyes it could go either way , we may have a better attitude because we try and see it from a women's point of view and try and be in tune with them. On the other side some may be jealous of women and their lives and have a poor attitude , or even may hate thier partners and possibly women in general because of the lack of acceptance of their CDing.
Personally I feel I have a better attitude to women because of my CDing , the more I open up to them the better their attitude is to me, I do feel you become more in tune with women when they know you understand what it's like to be one. I mean that in the sense of clothes and makeup .
So you wasn't always Gender fluid? That makes no sense?Quote:
Originally Posted by Dana44
Becky, why doesn't it make sense? It's not unusual for people to grow and change.
Zooey, my thought on the OP is that when people start presenting as women and start seeing how, in general, women are treated by others, they get a new perspective. The question to me asks "now that you have walked that mile in hr heels, do you see things from a different angle?" I know I wasn't ever intentionally disrespectful to women. In fact I think I was opposite. However, when I started being in public more I did see how people treat women differently. I know of several instances where I have been treated like I lost intelligence.
Lorileah,
I can see where your comment is coming from , women do tend to have a different knowledge base than men, sadly that comes over on some quiz programs, men appear more intelligent because of their general knowledge level, most women don't excel at that but they aren't stupid but somehow allow themselves to be put down for it.
I have always treated women with the utmost respect and compassion. Like the gift they can be to our lives.
CDing has shown me how much work the attempt at beauty is.
How much work long hair, nails, makeup is.
How cruel the beauty machine is.
Most of all I have experienced first hand the dangers and predatory nature of men.
So I always have had a good attitude towards women. Now I have a bit better knowledge what their lives are like.
And I will continue to treat them as the pearls they are.
I treat them the same as ever. I don't see why anything would change.
I would like to think my cross dressing as no effect on the way I treat women. I would like to think I treat all people like humans and show them all respect and treat them all equally. Hope that is true.
I have ALWAYS treated women very well, was brought up that way. But cross dressing made me do it even more I think because I can relate to them , in a way. Got to admit, I am a lot softer inside when I dress and even when I don't.
Bree :)
Yes and no. I have witnessed first hand wild rage in some women, and i tell you, it totally scares me and turns me off, and it is the one thing about GG's i do not want to emulate!! It can be said of guys, too. Out of control anger is ugly! And in me, very ugly. However, i do feel that part of me, is more considerate of what women deal with, when i go out dresses. Unwanted attention! So far, in the past few years, i have not gotten much , if any definite attention, though. I walked down a sidewalk, on a busy street several times, in a fairly sexy dress, and, there were no honks, beeps, or calls or whistles, but, i know if i went out more, soon, there would be something. I can never perfectly understand women. I have big problems even understanding my crazy self! I would rather be around women than brutish men. But, i open doors for both guys and GG's, and try to treat all with kindness.
Bree took the words out of my mouth. I always treated ladies right, I was lucky enough to have parents who raised me that way. Dressing has allowed me, on a personal level, to realize even further what it's like to want to look beautiful for myself, and not for anyone else.
Although I have always treated women with respect, by crossdressing I have come to identify with them more closely.
Some things one could notice that would change your perspective on women:
1. Men talk over you, all the time
2 Men either find you beddable, or a non-entity
3.That creepy guy who you are NOT interested in - he may mean to rape you
4. You are held to impossible appearance double standards
5. Time management is a big problem, because you are expected to do things men aren't.
6. You are not expected to have a whole lot of good ideas
Oh there's lots more I could list.,,
My dressing never really had any significant impact on how I interacted with women - I treat them as I would another person, with due respect and dignity. I hope I am living it out. That being said, in my earlier days I definitely had an extremely distorted perception of female beauty that I held myself to. That's only on the surface at best; I cannot claim to know (firsthand) what anything feels like for a GG, regardless of where my identity lies.
I'm not out in public yet though, so I'll withhold any further comment above this.
Good list Paula.
My favorite is the one where men (for me, most often in/around the Tenderloin in SF) love to tell me "Smile, baby, you're so pretty you gotta smile" when I walk by, and then follow me for a block and a half while continuing to shout when I don't respond. I especially enjoy the part where they call me a bitch (or worse) for not swooning over their antics. Thankfully, they've all given up and walked away so far, though I usually have the safety off of my pepper spray by that point just in case.
...and people wonder why women can be distrustful of men, and don't have much choice but to operate in "condition yellow" a lot of the time. Meanwhile, we're still expected to be smiling, open, and welcoming to pretty much everybody. "Be careful! But never let anybody see that you're uncomfortable!"
These are the types of things I would love for more men to actually experience firsthand and understand. When women talk about walking a mile in our shoes, we're not actually talking about heels...
I don't think dressing has changed the way I treat women. My mother, who was a smart and capable woman, taught me to treat all women with respect. Now, perhaps because I didn't somehow view women as lesser-beings, this allowed me to get in touch with my feminine side, and in part contributed towards my crossdressing... hard to say. Of course, I realize there are some men who dress for the humiliation aspect, but that's not me.
I don't know if it makes me treat them better as I have always had respect for women. What I dont like is seeing other men mistreat women or women that have no respect for themselves. What CD does for me is a acquiring a greater understanding of girls and women that I would not had otherwise.
Paula, Sad but true. Many guys need to change.
I treat women like the goddess's they are.If she's not a total b^*#h.:hugs:
Angie
I have always treated women with the utmost respect. As Angie said, like goddesses! Do not feel crossdressing necessarily had anything to do with it. Just the feminine mystique! lol Hugs Lana Mae
I guess I should have emphasized that I had a negative view of females before coming out of the closet and dressing as often as possible. And now? Even more so.
So Paula and Zooey, has YOUR attitude to women changed? I have to say mine became more clear. I wasn't paying attention to details. I assumed I was a nice guy. I wasn't.
My attitude has not changed in general, which makes sense since I was a woman pre-transition too.
As a result of OTHER people seeing me as a woman and treating me accordingly, affording me a number of first hand experience I didn't have before, a lot of things have come into sharper focus and become much more important to me.
My parents brought me up to respect everyone, until they do something to lose my respect.
Sara
My attitude towards women hasn't changed at all...I just understand what a woman goes through to make herself look beautiful for a man. The all the work involved it is no wonder that need so much time to get ready...what a workout!
.Quote:
I just understand what a woman goes through to make herself look beautiful for a man
nhlighthouse,
This quote isn't necessarily true. Although there may be exceptions, most women try to look good for themselves, not for a man.
I follow the golden rule. I generally treat other people the way I would like to be treated. For women, I go a little further, especially if I can help with a particular problem that others aren't helping her with. I can't tell if my crossdressing has anything to do with this, I've always done this. My dad impressed a sense of chivalry into me at an early age.
I'm in agreement with Amanda. I've been raised and taught to respect women. I still open doors, but some women open their own doors...that's OK.
My dressing definitely has given me appreciation and understanding of women. I identify completely with their dressing, makeup, etc. When I see a woman, I smile when I know what it's like to put on panties, pantyhose, a bra, makeup, heels, earrings, etc. I believe we are fortunate to have these feelings and experiences.
In our area, so many women wear no makeup, don't comb their hair, etc. and frankly do no look good. Here, they have the very opportunities we seek, but don't use them. A little disappointing. I love to wear hose, of all kinds. I rarely see a woman wearing hose, so when I venture out, I don't wear hose. My wife agrees...wearing hose would cause some attention. 😟👠👗
I just didn't imply that women would want to look good for men only but that is the ultimate goal. Feeling good about herself is about self esteem!
Uhh you realize that doing those things have absolutely nothing to do with being a woman right? That's like saying you understand what it's like to be an alligator cause you wore these cool boots one time -Quote:
Originally Posted by NancySue
As for the second part, the fact that you judge the women in your area to "not look good" for not choosing fashions that you prefer is pretty BS. Gee I'm really sorry most women on earth disappoint you for not confirming to your fantasy- really!?!
I definitely understand the effort that women make to appear attractive and the pain of heels. I don't think generally I treat women any differently as I generally treat people who I meet with respect and always have. Having said that if I want them to be more than a friend I still use the treat them mean to keep them keen mantra as it's the best way of playing the game. I don't think dressing as a woman changes my needs and emotions as a man.