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I myself work in a Mall and have quite a few friends that work in the female
clothing shops. Do you folks even grasp how many shop assistants couldnt care if u are a male buying for yourself or for the "girlfriend". They want the
sale and couldnt care if u are going to wear it or not.
THat said I would like to know who agrees with me or who dont. Come now girls I have been gone a long time but I am back and beautifull.
Love
CHantelle.:bs:
Hi Chantelle,
In the main, i would totally agree with you. Sales assistants only want the sale. However i can appreciate the less confident transgendered person not necessarily seeing that view as i used to be the same myself.
It does take time to overcome the nerves but when you do, WOW! You wonder what the fuss was all about! I'm about to do my first girly shopping trip enfemme next week so please wish me luck! hehe
Sara xxx
Thanks for helping those of us who may not be as courageous. I cannot believe how nervous I get when making a purchase. I only purchased from a store a few times in my life. I have gone out of the way to purchase my cliothing on-line. I just don't have the courage to walk in a store and buy what I want. Funny, I consider myself fearless in all other areas. I am going to "lean in" to this fear, and go ahead and make some store purchases over the next few weeks.
Christine
Hi Christine,
I really hope you get the confidence to go shopping soon. I've only just had the confidence to tell the sales girl that i'm buying for me (when in male drab) and most don't care and are friendly. The best experience was having a bra fitting at a lingerie store here in London. All i did was phone ahead, told the manageress what i was about and asked if she'd be happy to help me. She said "no problem" and said she'd open up the shop 30mins early so i could spend some time trying on bras. WOW!!! That was the best!
You go girl!
Sara x
Hi
I agree no one cares. I bought some new boots on Monday and the girl asked if I wanted to try them? I did try them even though in drab. It was great fun.
x
I can't speak for SA or the USA but unfortunately whilst the majority of shop assistants don't care or don't notice or perhaps are well trained and taught not to embarrass their customers, it only takes one bad apple to make an uncalled for remark to shatter the confidence of a CD . That is why I prefer the Internet or Catalogues, or the relative anonimity of buying in a large Supermarket where the bored check out girl simply scans the items in your trolley or basket and is oblivious if is is a six pack of beer or a six pack of panties. Of course there can be problems even there if the barcode is missing or unreadable and she has to hold the item up and ask the supervisor to get the price. It would be a bit blush inducing for many if in a crowded checkout aisle the assistant had to ring the bell and held up such a package saying "Pink Panties Extra Large 6 Pack" .
My own feelings are that shop assistant should simply sell the goods the customer brings to the pay point or check out without comment unless the customer asks for their advice or assistance and if in the situation we are discussing they guess that the male purchaser is buying the women's clothing for himself they respect his privacy and say nothing, at least until he has left the store.
Most of them probably don't care, but it's still nerve-racking. Just before Christmas or Valentine's Day is always a good time to make a few purchases.
Hi, ages ago, I worked at a Learners {is that even in business any more?} and I know back then there was no specific policy. But I do know guys came in often and bought items...were they for a g/f or for themselves? I can't remember any of the sales women ever making a big deal or scrutinizing them or even talking behind their backs after they left. Dont get me wrong, sales associtaes see alot and every now and then something odd will happen and you can't help but giggle or gossip...but I can't remember any woman ever being openly rude to a guy.
I go shopping with my husband and I believe most people think what ever we buy is for me. Which is fine. My guy is not a very "in your face" type. My big concerns are jsut making sure that the store has a good return policy.
I also do a shopping service in Toronto for cd's and I have litearlly called all the big stores and talked to management ..most are acepting 100% fi the guy is dressed en feme about using the changeroom. SOme stoers prefer that I take the client to a "family/handicap" change room if their ladies area does not have doors...and the guy is not dressed. Sounds reasonable to me. Most clients have liked that I do work as a go between and it doss take some of the stress of associaties off yoru shoulders. SOme will be more hatty, and I think that over zealous frinedlyness scares alot of cd's from buying. But I do know that most stores tell their sales girls keep chatting up the customers if they appear to be unsure or need help.
ANyway...my heart does go out to those that dont' have an SO and are too nervous to shop in person. I think that is half the fun of the clothing. Seeking and finding and spotting deals and the perfect thing!
I agree for the most part. The only encounter I had tht was different was that a sales person at the Goodwill told me that men's jeans were upstairs. I was like, oh, ok; and I kept on looking through the women's jeans. I think she was just being helpful.
Most DO NOT want the sale. Why would they, they get an hourly wage, so they do not care about the sale. AND they do chat about what your doing buying womens clothes.... they have nothing else to do in the boring retail world.
I do get very concern about when I shop. Only had one sales girl said something "you do your thing and I will do mine". I was on a business trip last week and had my first chance to go to a VS. I walked in and told the sales girls this was my first time in VS. She took me around and showed me the different things. She could not had been older then 17. She would hold up a pair of panties and say this pair should keep everything in place. I did not tell her I was buying for myself. It was my best shopping experience.:bs:
HI..
Um, you are right in that most places are NOT on commission {gee I miss those days!} but they still have a quota to meet. And if an associate is not meeting that quota they usually get on probation or talked to. I have friends whose daughters worked in the mall shops and that is what I am told. I know back when I worked retail we were on commission and I liked that much better. Min. wage was for the unmotivated.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mistress Frillee
I buy femme clothes for Nikki whilst in drab...and I simply use the "only tell them if they ask" policy...I don't tell them who the item(s) are for..but I do/would if they ASK...and I haven't been asked that many times.!!!!
Nikki. x
And any wage increases the salespeople get in the future are based on the sales they complete, all of which are tracked and logged by management (which I once was).Quote:
Originally Posted by kathy gg
hi all
I've been dressing on and off for years and i find that as long as you remember that it doesnt matter what these people think about you. and realize that your not doing anything illegal, you can shop with more comfort and confidence. the last time i went to fredericks of hollywoods at the mall here there was one girl that was very snide and rude. I asked for the manager and well to make a long story short I still shop there but she doesnt work there!!
luv janny
If you act nervous, or seem anxious to tell "your" tale (This is most definately for my GF) the associate might make a comment.
If you go in, pick what you want, and pay for it without saying a word, you're just another sale, and forgotten 5 minutes after you leave.
I've had comments made to me from "Wow someone's in for a manicure", to "thats really not your color". I replied "Stocking stuffers, it's never too early to Christmas shop" to the first, and "I kinda like the color, but will it make me look fat?" (Hint, I'm fat) and she laughed, and that was all that was said.
Thats my 0.02
Here's a post on the topic from a while back.
Mitzi
I do very little shopping on line. Most things I buy, are from stores. I bought a padded panty and the sales associate asked for size. I said that it was for my wife but I wasn't sure the size. After looking at me for a sec (more a glance from head to toe kinda thing), the sales associate suggested a medium. Then when asked what color, I said it didn't matter, the sales associate sugested white as it wouldn't show as much if "she wore shots" (putting some stress on she). Then she said "she will have buns forever", in the same way. I think she knew it was for me, but no funny looks, snide coments or anything, and still made the sale. No, I really don't think that the sales associates really care who will be wearing the pretty things.
Ariel
Yes , I'll agree with you on that thats been my experiences to. Only one
matters in today's society and the goes for anywhere in the world and
that something is , you guessed it , $$$$$$$$$$$$$. I guess that for
me anyway , I look and act soo femme that most shop personel never
even attempt to say anything to me , I cant recall the last time that one
did. I think it was tho , back in 2000' at a butiqe type shop on the AVE.,
this old crone of a shop lady tried to make me feel uncomfortable, by
saying-in a sarcastic tone , how are you doing ?, I just said to here,
"what the hell do you mean "how am I doing " ?, then she again replyed
HUH !, YA!, you know what I mean , I could of said more to that old crow
but I just left that day and never returned, but by today's standards,
that is not the norm.......my answer to this thread......shop assistants
could'nt careless just buy it and leave................Sierra
I have gotten more reaction from other customers than I have had from the sales associate.
I agree with you, Chantelle. I have shopped at places where I ws the only male in the store. It doesn't bother me who's looking. I am shopping for my SO and "girlfriend". I have a good reason, too. :D
Gennee:rose2:
Just about everyime I have purchased something with out trying it on, it has not been right. Thus I do most of my shopping en femme. I have had only one bad experince and that was with an old woman at a makeup counter (that I probably should not have been at!). On my most recent trip, the sales girl even was making suggestions for things I could wear that could go from work to evening out. She was so helpful and I had so much fun! I am generally passable, so I do not know if she knew or not, but either way it did not matter. And that is how I usually find the clerks. I have even found that the younger clerks at makeup counters are really helpful. A lot does depend on your "presentation". If you act like you know what you are doing and belong there, most of the time it truly is an non issue.
I have slighty gotten over my fear of shopping at stores in drab. My main fear is runnng into someone I know or having someone in the store running into me while I am with my friends. I shop as far as I can go without going into another state, and somehow I still hear my co-workers talking about the mall or store I either had just gone to or was planning to go to. Now I know that it is not any of their business, but they do know that I do not have anyone in my life to buy for so questions would be asked. Now to avoid running into them, I just try to plan my trips to the mall after work when I know they will be too tired or have to go home to their families. I am tired but that is the price i must pay.
As for my other fear, the running into a store clerk while I am with my friends one, I unfortunatly have this annoyuing habit of talking alot when I get nervous. Shopping is a nervous thing for me, so i always create a long conversation with the clerk. Usually the conversation is me lying about the girlfriend I am buying for. I do not like to lie, but it helps with the nervousness. My fear is that the clerk would see me out and about with my buddies and approach me and ask how my girlfriend liked what I got her. That is the reason I go far out to shop. I constantly run into people that work at the stores that I go to for my guy stuff as well groceries..etc, at the movies, in other stores, etc...
Those are my fears and my results for those fears, should anyone have similar fears, try out my solutions to them. Yes it will cost you a bit more of gas money, but that is just a small price for those of us that for now want to stay well within the closet.
As I have said previously, I worked at both New York & Co and The Limited as an SA. We didn't care who was buying what for whom. JUST BUY. We would sell you the whole store if you were willing to buy it. Did we as SA's know if a guy was buying for himself? The answer is yes. To understand this, you must work as an SA and be observant. So, you girls can make up all the stories that you like if it makes you feel good, but you are not fooling anyone.
At New York & Co, and at any of the Limited Brand stores, ie Limited, Express, VS. There is no commission, but sales are tracked. You are given a goal at the beginning of the shift, and then rated on how well you do. Future continued employment and future pay raises are based on your sales. Also, daily sales tags from the register were posted on the bulletin board in the back room with comments written beside SA's names by the manager. Comments like Great job, good work or not good enough, work harder, etc.
At New York and Co, I had several guys that shopped for themselves emfemme. I was able to break the ice with them on their first visit to the store. I never told them I was a cd, but was sympathetic to their plight of shopping. I made it pleasant and easy for them. These guys would drop a bundle when they shopped. I always looked forward to them coming in. Loved to barter their money for our clothes. We loved it when they bought. Just don't yank our chain, be impolite or be nasty. My advice as a former SA is to be open and honest with the SA. This allows the SA to do his/her job on matching color hue, style and fit. Just suck it up, and tell the SA, you are buying for you. Takes all the pressure off.
BTW to Kathy GG. Lerners is now New York & Co. The change took place while I was working for them. In Dec 2002, Lerners split off from Limited Brands and went independent. It was at that time that the name changed. It didn't happen overnight, but evolved over the next year as they could get the names changed on the storefronts.
Jodi
Yes, One time when I was at sears standing in line in the lingerie dept with a handful of panties, this old lady in front of me says, THOSE panties will never fit you! This took me toally by surprize! I was all red & mumbled something about them being fo rmy GF!
LOL
But the funny thing was she was right! My question is, HOw did she know????
:eek:
I have had nothing but good experience and help from sales assistants. In one Layne Bryant store i was in in drab, was looking for a skirt for a party, asked the girl if they fit large or small. She commented that it could be returned if it did not fit right, I then told her it was for me, only commernt really, then immediately said I could try anything on i liked. Good thing i tried it on, as I needed the next smaller size.
Have also had good experience in Dress Barn. I was femme at the time, tried on a suit. The assiciate, asked how i was doing over the door, then said when i had it on, to come out and see how it looked in the 3 way mirror. Also commented as to how well the skirt hung, and also how well that particular suit went with the blouse i had on. ( I also thought the same before she mentioned it.)
Have also had girls in the stores comment on my ear rings. If any of them did realize I was TG they sure did not shoe it
Shopping fully femme is fabulous
Denise
I had to but some drab clothing to wear to work BORING :yawn: Having done this I walked through the Ladies Lingerie section (as one does) and saw some nice panties 5 pairs for £6 UK the full briefs I like and as there were some pink ones with a floral pattern I bought 3 packs. No problem from the Assistant, a woman in her 50s, as I put my basket on the counter. She simply scanned them, I paid and that was that. No strange looks, no unasked for remarks. I could have been buying some pairs of men's socks as far as she was concerned, and that's the way I like it! :thumbsup: :jumping:
"...money...paper that no one will destroy...passed indiscriminately across race, class and gender lines" Josh Koppel
I pretty much always shop drab, and nobody seems to notice. However, in the past, when I was asked if it was for a girlfriend, I tended to lie, and make up an epic and convincing story.
It is nor the sales assistants who care one way or the other that is the issue. It is when you are standing in line with something frilly in your hand and you get strange looks from the other customers that can be off putting.
I generally have a good time shopping. Most of the time the clerks are fine with the whole situation, but there have been exceptions.
I like wearing women’s jeans as a male. Just normal jeans without hearts or shiny things sewn in but that lift and separate.
I’ve found that Value City has a great selection in my size (18 or 20), but the problem is that it’s a huge open box store. Everyone in the store can see the only male in the women’s section.
The store nearest my house has a men’s suit section and that is where the male dressing rooms are. The men’s suit sales men are not usually very busy and I’ve seen them watching me make the long trek from the women’s area to ‘their’ dressing rooms. To make it worse, the dressing rooms are just along the wall with those stupid short shutter/door things.
I’ve found another Value City in the area that does not have a staffed suit area and its male dressing rooms are all off in a sub room, normally without an attendant.
There is a rack that people are supposed to put there returns on. I like leaving the ‘girly’ things exposed so that all the other shoppers will know that a CD was around.
I've never had a negative experience. If I did I would simply inform the mangement and shop elsewhere.
My approach with sales women is simple. When she ask if I need any assistance I walk up to her and look her directly in her eyes and say: I am shopping for myself, and I am a little embarrassed about it, do you have a problem with me buying womens clothing for myself? I have received nothing but the best help that any person could ask for with this approach and I am usually ask by the woman to please ask for her personally the next time I return, followed by letting me know what days she worked and what days she is off.
I recently went outlet shopping, my first time shopping enfemme. I popped into a couple of shops then went into a Dana Bauchman/Ellen Tracy shop. There were three sales ladies and noone else. I greeted me then watched me walk around the store. I felt really uncomfortable. I left quickly and was thinking about leaving but decided to go into a J Jill outlet next door. I went in and was greeted by a very freindly sales lady. She and another sales lady talked to me about sales they had going and tried to help me find what I was looking for. They saw I picked up a couple of items I was interested in and they offered to set up a dressing room for me. They treated me like the other customers they were dealing with and really made my day. Two totally different experiences in stores right next to each other.
Katherine, The staff in the Ellen Tracy shop may have just been lazy, and would have treated a gg the same way. Probably had nothing to do with you being a cd.
Jodi