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Thinking ahead to the day when I come out to my SO (I know it is long overdue).
If I am to venture out dressed, which is preferable to visiting hotels, there are the neighbours to worry about.
How do others cope in this situation. Have you managed to reach the position where they take you for granted
whether in guy or girl mode?
Quite simply, I don't care if they know or see me dressed but I won't shove it in their face. I assume a few of them have seen me in my comings & goings. None have ever said anything to me. Note that we are not really close with any of them, but we do talk occasionally when we meet on the street.
I usually just get in my car as normal & go.
I'm kinda like Kim -- I take care of me and let the neighbors take care of themselves. I haven't had a problem. I'm waving acquaintances with most of my close neighbors and they all still wave and say hello. Neither they nor their kids nor their visitors seem to have any problems though. Neighbors further up the street see me go by on my walks and seem more interested in their own business than in mine. ;)
I am friends with my closest neighbors and they take care of my house and yard when I am away and I help them with projects so coming out to them as a crossdresser would be awkward. I keep my crossdressing away from my neighborhood and from anyone I know except my wife. Life is simpler that way.
I choose to keep my TG-ness away from my neighbors out of respect for my wife and also children who don't need that kind of static in their young lives.
That said, two things are your friends.
1) No-fly zone, an area around your home within which you will not go out. Mine is pretty well defined but I have very few select places within the zone where I'll go out.
2) Changing-on-the-fly. This takes practice, the ability to change out on the road means you can leave the house in your anonymous-dude self.
Keep in mind that a no-fly zone is not foolproof. Historically, I have run into people I know twice. Once in Vegas, once closer but still outside of my zone. Then came yesterday where my friend Kim and I were at an outlet mall in Carlsbad (well outside of my zone). We walked into a store and within 10 seconds I spotted the wife of a friend. She was staring at her phone so I doubt she saw me. This calls for drastic measures, what Kim calls a "Code 13" which is pretty much an about face and depart with no questions asked. I said to her "let's go" as I turned to leave and she replied "Code 13?". Yep, 'nuff said!
Such is life when one chooses to keep this part of their self compartmentalized away from the normal routine. It is about risk versus reward and taking careful measures without falling victim to paranoia.
My wife is very paranoid about the neighbors seeing me as Jennifer. So she has strict rules.
However, when staying at my mother's house 10 years ago. While mom was in a nursing home. The across the street neighbor, single lady and her adult daughter spotted me getting into my car as Jennifer. She asked me about it next day, and I came clean. She was cool with the idea. Advised me to keep the curtains drawn.
All of my neighbors have seen me en femme. I go for bike rides around the neighborhood en femme. I'm not really friends with anyone around here, but no one seems to care.
I would have to say i am with Kim on this one, but my wife is a little paranoid about it, i basic go out side all the time even with a state highway behind us, i go out and hang out clothes on the line as a woman normally every week. You must know what is right for you, take care, hugs.
When I first started going out I usually waited for fall and winter as it was dark when I left. Next as I became bolder my daylight runs involved a light coat wig on the seat lips puckered to hide the lipstick, then once out of the neighborhood I would find a spot to pull over and finalize my look. Today I dress up, when ready to go take a look out to see if there is a crowd if not I am off no looking back. So far so good!
I have been living full time for three years now, but way back when- I pulled into my own driveway, and my nieghbor was borrowing my lawnmower. I couldn't back out, and pretend I was never there, he had already waved at me. I got out of my car wearing a blue floral sundress, and wedges. He looked me over from top to bottom, and said 'You look great'.
My nieghbors on the other side moved in later. I always waved at them. Some time later, after introductions, she told me she always thought there was three people living here. I got a good laugh out of that.
I tend to keep to myself.The only naighbours I really talk to is the naighbours with small dogs like I have. I really don't need go out dressed.:hugs:
Angie
Before my neighbors across the street left for yet another year long mission, they had Hi def security cameras install on the front of the house. They get a straight on view of the entire front of my house and driveway. As I know he is a retired IT specialist, I'm sure he accesses video on his phone. Probably just to make sure the landscapers are keeping the yard nice. I generally venture outside every morning and lately I've been running minor errands in full Carla mode early on the weekends. But, I've decided that I just don't care what anyone thinks. Funny, this morning as I was returning from an uber buxom shopping adventure, just as I entered the community gate, I pulled up behind my next door neighbor who was on his morning bicycle ride. I just pulled back and followed slowly until he passed my house. I do get funny vibes from my other next door neighbor so, I'm wondering if he's seen me and is just doing the uninformed faux homophobe thing.
:straightface:
You know, I really don't give a rat's patoot!
Neighbors. well, let me think. The guy up the hill is misogynistic, the guy down the hill is overtly masculine and angry. The people across the street are at lesat 3 families in one house and seem to have people coming and going at all hours.
I don't get into their business and they don't make any difference to me in mine. (and at least I am open about what I am)
Actually, some of my neighbors seen me and never have said anything. One called me a lady. LOL but I have been out and go to the truck and anybody could seen me but what heck does it really matter. They may think I am a trans but really, I don't give a crap anymore. I just go about my business and they go about theirs. I go across and talk to them but they are always nice to me and I am sure they have seen me.
Joanne,
My wife is more sensitive to this than me, when I drive off to my meetings she gives me the all clear from a short distance down the road, I walk round my garden now without worrying too much , I do feel the best action maybe just have a quite word with them and tell them that on occasions they may see me dressed differently and hope they aren't offended. They may have already seen me, the point not to forget is we aren't the only CDers who knows what goes on in your neighbour's houses.
I would have certainly approached the situation in this way if I had separated from my wife. It's much better to bring it out in the open and tell them face to face than let them gossip behind your back.
Maybe a good example is when I was shopping in a charity shop in my home town and one of my son's neighbours was a SA in the shop I had a blouse in one hand and a pair of heels in the other, he said hello behind my back , I just turned and explained clearly that I was buying for my own needs and it was part of dealing with a situation I was born with, he just smiled and and politely gestured me to carry on. I could have dropped the things and run for the door so what would he have said then to other people, I bet he never mentioned it to anyone.
I just don't care enough about my neighbors to worry about what they might say.
I live in an apartment building and I could care less what the neighbors think.
Back when I was in my early 20s, and living on my own in an apartment, I occasionally would have neighbors catch me either wearing pantyhose, or in heels, and would say shit like faggot or pussy. Eventually move to another apartment building, and nobody said anything.
Fast forward many years later, and after a divorce, living on my own again, venturing out wearing heels in the summer, nobody ever said anything to me.
Bring things into the present, same lifestyle, happened to be wearing wedge flip-flops at a laundry facility in my apartment complex, and an older woman looked at me looked at my feet and just continued folding her laundry. Nothing was ever said, nobody freaked out, and no fire and brimstone to place.
I've never hidden it and now most know all about me.
I do have new neighbors next doors and they are two middle aged ladies so its possible they are lesbians just not sure yet.
They have seen me mow my grass in capris and pink accent tennis shoes and a floral tank top.
Hair pulled up high in a pony tail with different colored scuncis.
I have spoken with them and I'm sure they think I just the neighborhood gay guy but thats fine with me.
I was with a group of neighbors and we welcomed them as a group like we always do new neighbors.
I have one friendly neighbor, one grumpy neighbor who always seems to be home, one neighbor I will never speak to again, and a couple that shop at the same thrift-stores I do at the same time on half-price day, so they know. At some point I won't care, but it concerns me enough to have changed in the car and in a (men's) bathroom stall the only two times (so far) I've been out and about.
Our neighborhood isn't all that social, beyond a wave now and then. I used to be worried about the neighbors seeing me, including hiding in the back seat as Mimi drove us away.
Over the years I've come to realize that nobody really cares! I now walk out to my car, climb in, and drive away, holding my head up proudly. At worst, I'm just seen as another woman living at my address.
My neighbor across the street is retired, has big eye and an even bigger mouth, :blah: so no I don't go out.
My neighbors are for the most part older than me and we (myself and SO) mow their lawns and shovel their walks and both have seen me en femme and only one put up a For Sale sign on account of it (just kidding, they're wonderful people).
Just had a new neighbor move in two houses down though and appears to be a bachelor who drives a Porsche and a Harley...wait'll he gets a load of me! 🤗
I've been out to neighbors over the years. Had one tell me to keep my drapes pulled because another neighbor was a peeping tom.
Where we live now, I go get the paper in the morning wearing a robe over my nightgown. So by now all my neighbors have seen me and the wind blowing my robe. We wave if we see each other and at the other neighbors doing their walks. I've stood and and talked to more than one with the wind blowing my robe open. One day the neighbor woman and I both had our nightgowns showing as we talked. So yes they know but we all are friends for the most part.
I don't recommend it to everyone if it can cause you problems with work or community involvement such as school etc.
Wow this is surreal I was going to ask the same question today, since I am now on my own I spend more time as Hazel as it feels normal, but at the same time I feel a prisoner in my own house, my next door neighbours are self confessed "nosey" two years ago I fell out with them,( their son-in law backed into my pride and joy and had strange ideas about repairing it" but we have got over that, but kept up polite conversation, however during my wife's illness they have been very kind, even came to the funeral, but the facts still remain his little head keeps popping up over the fence, so I generally keep indoors, also hanging out the washing is a problem as it is nearly always now knickers and bras.
This morning was a nice morning and I would have liked to have had my scrambled egg out on the patio, but I know I could be seen. I then thought I should tell them everything, but would they tell everyone, does it matter if they do, I am not ready to talk to my children who visit so they are all I am bothered about. what should I do. Sorry joanne to gate crash your thread but it was such a coincidence
Hazelxx
Once I got past the issues in my head and my wife and family.
Now I find that I am thinking less and less about those times I step out the door.
I would bet money that the neighbors have seen me dressed, they don't say anything.
And if they do, Do I really care, Note so much anymore.
This is my life, Only one chance to play it out. It would be nice of the people around me can be
comfortable and enjoy life as well.
But honestly if they don't care to see me dressed like I prefer, I suggest they look the other way. :daydreaming:
I take steps to not have my neighbors see. Most of the time, I change outside of the house, so there's no problem. A few times I have left after dark en femme. I have a garage, so I'm able to get in the car, open the garage door, and zip out pretty quickly. That combined with the fact that it's dark out means its very unlikely anyone will see anything. I've also left once during the daylight. In that case, I carefully looked out my windows to make sure no neighbors were in their yards, and then did the same thing. Taking off the wig and wearing a men's jacket can provide extra cover, assuming you are not the type who normally stops to chat with neighbors while in the car.
I live in a condo association and have really only run into one neighbor while I was headed out to a show while dressed. But for the most part just do my thing. I have been dressing and going out more this summer, longer daylight hours. On one occasion as my wife and I were getting dressed the neighbors were eating dinner on the common patio space which has a view of our home via a double wide screen door. They have kids aged 8 and 5. I decided it was time to tell them about my dressing and let them know just in case the kids ever see me and have questions. More of a courtesy coming out.
You may find that it isn't how you react to the neighbors knowing about the other you.
You may find out it isn't about how you react to the neighbors knowing about the other you.
You may very well find out that what really matters is how your SO reacts to the neighbors knowing about the other you.
My suggestion is to be honest with your SO. You have to be honest with yourself first, BTW. Then give her time to get comfortable with the new situation. Keep your dressing indoors until she is comfortable with your new situation. This can take ten seconds or two years. It's all up to her and how well you help her deal with this. Once she tells you she is comfortable with you indoors, then ask if she is ready for you to go outdoors and how she wants you to handle the social interactions. Those are way more important to her than you. If she says NO then stick to it. You may find a support group that meets in a place not exposed to the general population, where you can go, transform, and be "OUT", albeit behind closed doors.
Just be considerate of her. She probably didn't sign up for this and it could throw her for a loop.
Having spent a lot of time today thinking about this I can't decide, do I tell them or do I wait for them to find out? it is easy to say do I care? yes I do, I want everybody to know the truth, but the problem is what do people do when they are told the truth?
Hazel xx
I have a couple of neighbors that snoop and gossip. And one or two know my uncle who lives a few blocks away. I'm just not ready for a can of worms to open up to my family, so I don't share CDing with my neighbors. Of course, they may have suspicions, who knows for sure? I'm not gonna worry about it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Stacy L
I have pretty good neighbors now and do come up to me when I am dressed as Lisa.They talk to me.Use to have a couple bad neighbors I had to call the cops on a few times.One stole from me was one reason why.
I am sure that my neighbors do not know that I crossdress. Though I am fully underdressed when I go to my car, my outer dressing is usually done away from the house, but I can and often do wear thinner outer garments (including dresses or skirt and top) under my male drab. My shirts are a size too large which helps conceal my bra and small forms. And, if I wear trousers, they cover my thigh-highs. I will almost always shop dressed this way, too. Its a turn-on for me to know and feel same, but still present as a male. Did I mention very light makeup, too?
I used to dress away from home. Now with being a widower and my kids out on their own I just go out dressed. So far nobody has said anything to me, but I'm honestly not too close to any of my neighbors.
I don't dawdle, I go into my car and when I get home it is straight in. Maybe they think I have a girlfriend LOL.
I have lived in this neighbourhood for about 28 years. Up until now no one has seen me dressed.
Although our most immediate neighbour may have spotted me dressed indoors (we hardly ever chat).
Another neighbour is heading slowly towards transitioning and has been out dressed on occasion.
When I do eventually go out dressed (in daylight) how that will be perceived will be interesting.
At 65 I am still reluctant to retire, as I still enjoy working and the financial benefits that brings.
To come out may bring forward that day, depending on how people react.
I couldn't get away with my neighbours knowing, I live in quite a backward small town, worst thing is I have church elders either side of me and my mother in-law directly opposite (she's great by the way) I couldn't risk being outed, that said I frequently get out in my enclosed back yard, most of my outings are out of town, works fine for me.
I have good neighbors all things considered, yeah some are noses and others mind their own business.
They have seen me dressed up leaving and returning to the house on numerous occasions. Nothing has ever been said they still waive and speak to me, and whenever there is a cookout I still get invited.
Don't waste time worrying about the neighbors, just saying
Eight months ago I would only exit the house under the cover of darkness. Today, I go out in the bright sunshine. What a difference. Practice and a little confidence.
In my situation, I can be seen by neighbours when I leave the house and walk to my garage, and I can easily be discovered by other neighbours as I pull out of the driveway. But the urge to leave and explore the world; to shop and feel the wind under my dress is stronger than the fear of being seen by someone next-door. Yes I do know my neighbours, and speak with them when I see them, and when the day comes that I am discovered by one, I will not feel ashamed (at least I hope not).
I do want to note that if your makeup is decent, and your dressed to look like a stereotypical female (with forms and a good wig), then the majority of people you call friends and neighbours will not recognize you. Even my SO, when she has seen me driving in my car, doesn't even recognize me. Don't let your fear prevent you from a great experience.
If using a hotel is the way to begin, then it may be worth the expense. I went to a city three hours away with my SO. She was attending a conference and I was planning on dressing for the day. Little did I know that the hotel was downtown and it required us to use their valet service. That meant I couldn't sneak out of the hotel room and directly into my car. I had to walk the long hallway, take the elevator downstairs and present my valet ticket to the man at the front door. AND wait for him to drive my car to me! It was nerve-wracking for a few moments but I got over it. What else could I do?
Hazel no need to tell them let them figure it out on their own.
When the family across the street moved in about 3 months ago thy saw my girl side first then a week or so later they met my guy side.
The lady made the connection but the husband didn't at first but its all good, they know and accept me as a good neighbor more than the fact I'm the neighborhood tranny.
The lady came over this morning as I was watering my lawn and said I hate to ask but I figured since you dress have you got any extra green nail polish?
I said sure matte green or green sparkle?
I don't care what my neighbors think, I don't hide I come and go as I please if someone is out I wave and say hi. No one has ever confronted me about it. I'm not doing anything illegal.
Although I haven't dressed in a while because of an injury to my left shoulder, I am hoping come fall I can once again start dressing as a woman. I do want to start going out as a woman and to do my grocery shopping as one. The woman across the road as well as my next door neighbor has seen me dressed as a woman before but it has been a few years before. My next door neighbor when she saw me she just waved like she normally does when she see's me outside. The woman across the road slammed the door shut. Neither one has never said anything.