My Flame went out where do I go from here?

I came on here to seek out some advice on what I should do to relight my flame for my desire to crossdress, In the past 6 months my desire to dress up has gone down hill ever since for many countless years I could hardly wait for any chance to dress it was thrilling! Recently I noticed something was off I've had a bunch of chances to dress on various occasions and just didn't want to for some reason I guess I've lost the drive to do so. I've always loved this side of me it's different and unique I certainly wouldn't want this to be pushed in the corner and forgotten about, my question is what are some things to make it interesting again thank you for any advice :)

Perhaps it would help if you would describe your dressing as do you stay in doors, go out for a drive, or go out in the midst of the general population? Do you dress and sit in front of a computer, go for a drive to a drive through, or go shopping and/or dancing?

thank you BillieAnneJean
I do only dress indoors because nobody knows I do it but perhaps a drive would be fun!

Personally if your still feeling good without the dressing - enjoy it while it lasts (because it probably won't last).
If it's getting you down, then dress up and go shopping, movies to add more adventure in your day.

Go out to the mall, take a flight enfemme or apply for a part time job enfemme the flame will never burn out this is a part of who you are, at least in my case

I think it is normal for your desire to dress to go up and down, I know mine does. New outfits help me, Amazon Prime is great, cool cheap outfits and anything you don't like you can send back no questions asked. Drives are great, even something as simple as new glasses or a new wig to try on really motivates me.

I suggest the opposite approach. Stop dressing. Stop visiting online T sites. Stop chatting with and about T's. Sounds like your closeted so u should be able to do this. If u really want to!:heehee:

Try NOT to think about any facet of dressing. Then, see how long u can go before everything to do with dressing finally becomes more important to u than oxygen!:D

Don't worry about it. The flame may have gone out but the pilot light is still lit. Just let it go until something or another turns the flame back on. And if it doesn't and you're happy, enjoy life.

Ineke
sometime philosopher in residence, uh, closet.

I'm good either way myself but if you can believe what some folks post on here, many would love to be in your position as the CDing seems to be something they would rather not have. The reason I can be either is because I've made it a total choice to do or not rather than leave it as a compulsion, then I'm at the helm and not the "pink fog". :)

Hi Natalie:hugs:, What goes around, Comes around !!

You are just in a lull right now don't worry about it.
Where do you go from here ? Anywhere you want I would think.
Not having the desire to dress doesn't mean anything other than you just don't want to dress. Its not the end of the world.

If you don't feel like crossdressing, why push it? I have had many hobbies come and go over the years. Somehow the interest goes away and I move on to other things. I was big into model railroading, working on and customizing cars, woodworking, antique clocks and probably some other things that have slipped my mind.

There's no point in doing something you don't feel like doing unless it's something that needs to be done or you're being paid for it.

I think the ebb and flow happens to a lot of us. For me stress and how if feel about myself can be a factor. Many times I simple don't have the time. Thing for me though is the dressing is less and less about an erotic thrill of some kind and more about my desire to embrace my feminine side needs. So if I'm in a dressing lull or in the pink fog, I always seem to still find the time to pamper my skin, hair, hands, feet and face in ways that alow me to reafirm that this side of me deserves my care and this helps.

Plus I like what others have shared about using that time for other healthy hobbies or activities.

Amanda

sounds like there are other problems here that need to be addressed.

Mollyanne

Hi Natalie, absolutely nothing to worry about happens me all the time. Really bad idea to force yourself into it. Just enjoy all the other aspects of your life.

I'm with you on that...I used to think nothing of going out fully dressed. It was lots of fun. The only place to have good time was at a gay bar. (to be accepted)....daily, I wear ladies clothing, toned down a bit, but I can always find something to wear to where I can blend-in in public. Don't worry.....(and who cares anyway) a keen-eyed GG will always spot you (or me)...LOL...good luck!

Most days I wake up praying to god that my flame would just go out.
Almost 42 years now, and it never does for very long.

Honestly, I'm not sure how I'd cope, if I actually got my wish. I'd become a different person, and I'm not sure I'd like that long term.

Thankfully (or unfortunately, depending on your POV) ... like someone else said "the pilot light never seems to go out".
As long as you're happy where you are now, who cares? It'll probanly come back 'round like a bad check, LOL.

On the other hand, if you want to dress, but it just doesn't feel like the same dynamite that it used to ... try something new! Buying a new wig always seems to lift the CD doldrums for me ... Especially one that really changes your look. It's like your whole wardrobe is full of new possibilities :-)

Some days I feel like a girl, some days I don't. Just go with how you feel on any particular day. Hugs Jaymee

I went almost a year without dressing. My SO is ok with my girly side so it was just losing interest for some reason. Then the weather got hot and she asked me to shave my underarms... Which led me to shave my legs... Which led me to shave my bikini line... And the rest is history! :) I say do what feels right. Dressing or NOT dressing is only a problem if you make it one. Go with the flow sweetie.

Hugs.
Katie

I am starting to come out of one of those!!! No desire to dress; not even underdressed panties!! It has lasted three days! Tonight underdressed! Tomorrow dressed!! Yes, the pilot light was still on!! I am so wanting tomorrow to come!! This has happened before and I just go with the flow!! All drab for a few days and then boom the desire comes back like a bull!! (but I have promised myself to not spend any money on anything this time) (transformation coming up in a month!!!!) Just go with it , it will change!!! Hugs Lana Mae

I have noticed that the desire to cross dress has waxed and waned through the years while it also evolves and takes you down different paths.

For me there is always a baseline. I only wear feminine underthings and I use perfume daily and keep my body as hair free as possible. However I find that I have periods of a few weeks to a few months when I have no desire to put on that lovely skirt or slip into that pretty blouse. I just accept it as part of being the cross dresser that I am. It always returns though so don't for goodness sake go and throw out your female clothing

Such is the life when it comes to gender VARIANCE. You were born male, and right now that is the dominant side. Just go with it. (same can go when the feminine side is the controlling side too.)

Hell-o Natalie,
Getting bored dressing at home? I totally get that!
I'm not sure what you do when dressed at home, but
running out of new things to do is bound to happen.
You need to expand your CD zone...get out of the house!
If you're willing, I'd try to find a friend, or group to meet up with.
Once you're out of the house, you'll find many more things that will make CDing interesting for you again.
Much Love,
Kristyn

Natalie, Welcome to the club. I have been a CD girl since I was 10 years old. I dress for 4 or 5 years, take a break "just not feeling it"
and than BAM, I have to dress again, Take a break, BAM, I have to dress again. Repeat, Repeat, Repeat. Totally natural.
RULE NUMBER ONE..... DO NOT though away any of your clothing or famine supplies. You will get bit by the bug. And it would really stink to have to buy a new wardrobe all over again.
I think this advice goes to all T-Girls that stay home, Go out in public, Surf the web, ect.............
It's normal to have down times. If you are truly a T-Girl it will come back to you.
In closing I do have to say Natalie. I you are posting on this forum. Your T-girl break should be a short one.

XOXO Tiffany Amber Rhoads.

Hi Natalie. I'd like to echo what everyone has mentioned. I've been going through this myself, but that's just the way it is. Take it in stride, and just enjoy your times when you do and will dress. :)

Natalie ,
I too am in the middle of this. I threw on some dressy shorts and a Ralph Lauren top and sandals last night- meh! It was like jeans and t shirt for work. I, like you don't really go out. I know too many people in my town and surrounding towns and I'm not "out". My SO is supportive so it's not that. Just gonna wait and see and continue doing things I like.

For me the time recycles and I've been male for a length of time. But it always came back strong. One thing you might try is going for a drive and see how that feels. Then perhaps go to a movie. It will be far more exciting.

I normally just the dull moments time; like how distance makes the heart grow fonder.
:)

I've also hit a plateau with my dressing. I was pretty heavily into it in my 30's, now in my 50's, not so much. I had a great wig back then that made me feel like a million bucks. I'm having trouble finding a wig that makes me feel that way now. Dressing for "my age" is not as inspiring as it was when I was younger.

I still underdress, sleep and lounge in lingerie, and that seems to be enough for now. So I say don't worry about it.

It will return, it always does. When it does return, believe what the Pink Fog tells you. And whatever you do, don't try to figure this thing out. Because it's like Christmas after you stopped believing in Santa Claus. It's still OK but it's never the same after the magic is gone. I haven't dressed in so long even my wife is complaining.

I have very set days when I can get to dress, sometimes the thought of applying make-up, wigs forms ect just doesn't appeal to me. However I go through with it. and when I'm ready and look in the mirror I think, Yes!, I'm so glad I did this. I'm very much a stay at home person, but I have been out a few times and loved it, it was sooo exciting and I'm definately doing it again . Just being outside is a real thrill.

If only it was that easy for it to go away

Your flame went out - where do you go from here?
Phoenix, where you, crossdressed again, will rise from the ashes.

Wow, I was so caught up in the Pink Fog for about seven months, dressing at least once a week, bought at least for dresses a week and posted quite a few photos.

Now the fog is just about gone. I think I'll go through my stuff and only keep the things I love.

I'm looking forward to the next Pink Fog, after 40 years of dressing I pretty sure it will come back!

That Pink fog will come and go. Sometimes it`s really thick for a while and then will lift for a while. I know it`s that way for me. I belive for me it`s stress related for the most part. The main thing though is DO NOT PURGE!!!! LOL.. Or you will have to buy new heels to kick yourself in the ass.. And yes the pilot light will burn for eternity.. :battingeyelashes:

I don't think anybody really knows the "why" of wearing women's clothing. If you have lost the desire for any length of time so be it! As long as you still have the opportunity to act on your desires when they re-emerge, why push it now?

Fluctuation in your desire to dress isn't entirely unexpected. Lest I invoke "Don't think of a polar bear" - just carry on, carry on, as if nothing really mattered. If it's here to stay it'll be back - just a matter of when. This, as with everything, is likely to pass.

To wit, don't worry.

i just want to add that loss of interest in things is a sign of depression. If you're feeling generally low and disinterested you might want to look into that.

Hi Natalie,
I have two answers for you.
First, I too have the CD desires that come and go. I stopped a couple times and put it on hold for months at a time. The down times seem to correspond to other things in my life (such as big work load, family problems, etc.). So don't worry, and don't purge your things. Put time away and keep all your stuff for the next time around.
Second, make a list of things you have never done while cross dressed. How about going to museums, parks, make over, shopping malls, etc. And then start going and checking these off the list. Every time I check one off my list, I seem to add two more! Have you tried a "meetup" group? In the Washington DC area we have two meet up groups for CD's that meet about once a week. I really look forward to going to these meetings, and seeing the other girls there.

Good Luck, Steph!

"The flame may have gone out but the pilot light is still lit. Just let it go until something or another turns the flame back on."


Ineke, that's a great quote! And how true it is.


I just recently came out of a 3.5-year absence from this stuff. Was probably the longest I've ever went...

I guess you could say some things happened years ago that freaked me out a bit, and gave me pause about where my life was heading.

Plus I honestly had no real desire anymore. I sort of did everything I had wanted to do with the whole CD thing at the time, and just lost interest. Didn't really miss it. And during that period, my time & energy & money were focused on other things, including a resurrection of a long-forgotten-about (non-CD) hobby of mine.


It's whatever. No need to force it. As mentioned, seems like that pilot light is always going, regardless what's happening in your life.



Though at the same time, maybe you're seeking new CD experiences to get you out of a slump & to revitalize the whole shebang?

Going for a drive, getting a whole new color wig, going to a club/meeting, dressing up for a Halloween party, or whatever it might be. Lots of fun (and sometimes not-so-fun) adventures & experiences to be had! :)