Ever had someone just seem to "know?"

I was at a fantasy convention recently and there was a booth where they were painting faces and putting eyelashes on people for a small fee. I was walking by with a female friend and we started talking to the ladies at the booth. Then, one of them turned to me and said, with no irony or sarcasm "would you like some eyelashes put on?"

Here's the thing: I wasn't presenting as a woman. As a male I didn't look particularly feminine either. But it seems perfectly reasonable to her to ask me, not the woman I was with, if I would like eyelashes.

So my question is have you ever had someone just seem to "know," especially a stranger?

Hi Violet,
When I'm in dude mode, I don't think I'm very feminine. But little things happen all the time that make me think that they know.
Once a co worker showed me a picture of an ad for a sexy lingerie all-in-one, and she said "I think you would look good in this."
I didn't know what to say back to her.

I would say you are making something out of nothing. They were there to make money selling eyelashes and you were taking up their time. The offer was to get you to spend money or move on. It was a bit of a joke on their part.

I went to a pharmacy recently to buy a few supplies, full on male mode. As I'm naturallly a quite shy person I asked for help choosing some cosmetics 'for my wife'. The very nice lady who served me discussed what I was buying and said to me, are these for you? Maybe she's served people like me before.....

Maybe because NO ONE buys cosmetics for their wife. Might as well have said they were for your cat.

ha ha yep...happens to me all the time. I always go shopping with my girlfriend and we act pretending buying clothes for her sister that is my size and have no time for shopping. At the very end one day the girl came to me and whispered at my ear: "You will look good in these clothes..I know you are the sister...". It was funny and I felt happy with her comment.

Good point Paula, maybe it was a bit obvious!

I recently stopped in to a small gift shop to pick up a scarf for my wife (and yes, this time it actually was for my wife). The shop owner immediately asked if it was for me. Mind you I was in full on chain-sawing-yard-working guy mode at the time, and it was clearly a woman's scarf. I just smiled and said not this time.

I think there are certain things about many of us, masculine dude mode or not that some, especially some women are intuitive about. I have felt this and experienced this myself on many occasions. Although in my case I tend to be a bit on the feminine side anyway, so it probably doesn't take a ton of intuition, probably just some casual observation.

Maybe they caught you set one night. You are a huge YouTube star ;)

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Originally Posted by DIANEF

I went to a pharmacy recently to buy a few supplies, full on male mode. As I'm naturallly a quite shy person I asked for help choosing some cosmetics 'for my wife'. The very nice lady who served me discussed what I was buying and said to me, are these for you? Maybe she's served people like me before.....

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Going to have go with Paula on this one. Always wondered how my cat's whiskers would look with a bit of mascara, ha!


And hopefully you told the truth (that they were for you) -- as perhaps the SA really wanted to help get the best look for you? :)

Maybe she did! next time I go there will be no pretence, what I want is for me...

Do you pluck your eyebrows? This is noticeable if someone presents male, especially if she is familiar with our community.

And why would she ask you specifically and not your friend? It could be that if she is familiar with this community, she knows that its members are very interested in things that enhance a female appearance?

I'm still wondering if Violet got the eyelashes! :battingeyelashes:

I was outed by a neighbor who saw me coming home with makeup still on. He knew then my S O, who has put the CD and makeup questions to me in every way.I have presented my crossdressing to her bit by bit but she is the type to not make a distinction between homosexuality and cross dressing.

Me personally, never have that I noticed.
:)

While on a business trip out of town years ago, a cancellation allowed me to window shop at a mall just before lunch. Not something uncommon or uncomfortable for me to do, either for my wife or myself. Had a very nice skirt in my hands from the rack at the store entrance. It was discounted enough that I got thinking hmmm, maybe one for each of us. Very shortly after that thought entered my mind, a young SA approached and remarked "that one is a bit small for you, but I think we have one in your size." Her smile got even bigger when I replied "I likely need a 10."

My wife wore a size 2 at the time, and she was in luck. No such luck for me, but I had fun with the SA while looking at a couple other styles of skirts with her.


Karen

I've never received a knowing, wink, nod, smile or comment about being a crossdresser even when buying clothing or accessories or makeup for myself. I do assume some SAs have thought it. I do occasionally get clocked as gay though I have no physical or verbal tells (that I know of): but I'm not.

Ever had someone just seem to "know?"
Friends and colleagues at work often talk about their ‘gay-dar’ being activated off by someone they meet who hasn’t said anything in passing to indicate their sexual preferences. They confidently claim an uncanny ability to intuitively spot a gay person, not via mannerisms, or voice or the content of the conversation. Just that instinctive perception about an individual’s personhood and energy. The lesbians I have the privilege of knowing are so accurate in this discernment. I often wonder if these same people have a seventh sense called ‘cd-dar’ or ‘trans-dar”? Because I hide my crossdressing in the closet, I catch myself manning it up a little around them in my language, just in case. There is probably so much more about ourselves we transmit out into the ether of our world than we are fully aware of!

At the spa I frequent, I have a young (early 30's and very attractive) nail tech who treats me like one of the ladies. During one visit a companion nail tech struck up a conversation with me about all her gay friends. My tech kept looking up at me during the pedicure and we would girl giggle under our breathe about the conversation. I have little doubt she knows I dress as she HAD to notice the remnants of polish on my toes on numerous occasions, and I do believe she's got my number. She's never said anything about it, only treated me like someone special.

Who doesn't know the famous Violetgray from You Tube fame?

Some women have fantasy and fetishes to dress a guy up in girl garb.

they want him to look good to complete there fantasy/fetish.

I know a few women who try guys to find them out.
I was educating a group of women about fashion,beauty products,makeup and nail care.
It kinda seems like they know but they also know i sell a lot of women's stuff too so that might be plausible why i know so much about womens stuff.

I once complimented a woman on her shoes and she responded with "men don't notice things like that, are you a crossdresser"?
As I was being quiet about things then I denied it.

Violet, if you were at a fantasy convention I would think any thing goes. Isn't that the reason for the convention? To be something you're really not?

As to sales associates selling obvious feminine products to men I think sales associates have had sufficient interactions to recognize there are very few men who feel comfortable buying undergarments and cosmetics for their wives and girlfriends. In the past I shopped for my wife, who at the time was a 34B and petite. There was no way what I would be buying was for myself. I would burst the seams if I tried the lingerie on. It was the same with outer clothing. The sales associates always made helpful suggestions.

On the other hand if I did buy something that was really out of the ordinary for a man to buy for a woman, then I think the sales associate guessed right. Once I bought a Vanity Fair pull on shaper half slip. I had the display ad from the newspaper in hand with the size written on it. I did not fool anyone. The sales associate was qn older woman, who made the comment, "She gave to the ad and size? How convenient! with a smirk on her face. That was in the early 1980's. Really? How many men would buy that type of garment for their wives? Some..very few. Maybe a guy with a fetish to see his wife in girdles and long line bras? Age is a factor also. Newly married guys will try to buy lingerie and undergarments they think their wives would like to wear so they can take them off her. :) At my local mall some of the stores at Christmas or Valentine's Day will have "guy nights" to cater to fumbling men trying to figure out sizes. You rarely see an older husband at those events.

Frankly, I would expect a seasoned sales associate to be able to discern whether or not the guy is probably a man who enjoys emulating a woman.

I once bought 2 bras at a big box mall store sale. I thought I was so clever. The SA who rang me up gave me that knowing smirk, and was rather bitter about it. Note to self: men don't buy everyday wear bras for their wife/girlfriend. I could have gotten away with it if it were perhaps a sexy Valentine's outfit.

If you really want an "excuse" for buying something feminine and a sales person makes a comment, say "My wife is in a wheelchair and it's difficult for her to shop for herself." That should shut them up and end the conversation.

I've never used that, I usually shop with my wife and we wear similar sizes. When I have been alone, I've never had anyone challenge my right to buy a bra or a blouse.

Yes, my last serious girlfriend. She used to ask me if I was a crossdresser because she had visions of me wearing a dress. I brushed it off with jokes but I think she was on to me somehow. I thought about coming out to her later but I don't think it would be beneficial to either of us. I sure wish I knew what kind of dress it was that she saw me in.

Marcelo

The whole point of this thread is--don't tell a lie or make up a story when shopping. SA's know the drill. Be honest. Tell the SA what you want and that the item is for you.

When I worked the floor at New York & Co, We could very easily spot the guys who were buying for themselves. MY female peers could not understand how a grown man could act like such a fool and make up such outrageous stories, just to buy a dress. The only guys that were talked about and laughed at were the scared to death ones with the made up stories. Just be open and honest.

jodi

Honestly, it seems like our minds may simply get in the way of things sometimes.


Someone might say something as a joke or innocent remark that they'd say to pretty much anyone -- and they really don't suspect anything.

Of course, since *we* obviously know, we make a mountain out of a molehill, and totally blow it all out of proportion. "Eek, they know!"

I was checking some women clothing out at a Walmart many years ago. The sales lady was ringing them up and asked if they were mine. LOL I did not lie to her and said yes they are mine. She rolled her eyes and said why do all the good looking men do stuff like that. LOL I figured that she wasn't a supporter so I went on my way. Never had that happen anywhere else and now even at Walmart, they just smile and ring them up and talking nicely.

I came out to my partner of 5 years last year. She was amazing about the whole thing. She enjoys it when I dress up which isn't very often, but also try's to encourage me to dress up for carnival or Halloween as a lady. This is something that my subconscious has always steered me away from. I love my partner for being this encouraging and I would love to do this but so many years of being macho makes it difficult.

One of my favorite sales advisors at Ulta commented that we are going into world series season, I looked puzzled - she said half the men coming in between now and Halloween lost a bet with their wife / girlfriend / fantasy baseball league and now for Halloween I need to

When I began dating my wife, out of the blue one night after returning from a party, asked me if I ever wore women's clothes. After stammering a lot, I made the decision to tell her, expecting her to dash out the door. She didn't leave but said "we have a lot to talk about", and we did. Much later, I asked her what made her ask me. She said, " I just sensed lt". The way I watched her dress, especially lingerie, when she wore hose, I'd smile, etc. She very much supports and helps me. I have total respect for women's intuition.

Very early on in my public shopping adventures, I bought a pair the large dark sparkly sunglasses at a target. I of course through in some other more mach items as well figuring the cashier would just think my wife was in the bathroom or something. I should note I present very masculine. When the cashier (who I am fairly sure was gay) kept insisting on taking the tags off so I could wear them. I also had my very manly oakley's hanging by my shirt collar on purpose. My guess is that he was just trying to get a rise out of me by joking but he was really scaring me that I had been made.

I don't buy all that often now but I hope to think I wouldn't break into the cold sweats in a similar situation now.

Actually my second wife noticed something about me and brought it up saying she does not mind it and she would like to see me. But as things go when we divorced, she outed me to everybody including my sister. But she always broke trust and that is why I divorced her. So if you have girl friend or wife trust is so important.

Let's see.
I have shaved legs. I keep them as nice as I can with moisturizer and ect.
I also use women's body spray scents. My coworkers often comment how nice I smell.
A waitress once said I probably have smoother legs the she does.
The other day we were talking about Facebook and how many options it has for sex and gender. I simply said it has like 45 from male, female, Transgenders, cross dresser, and so on. A co worker asked which are you? A cross dresser?
I didn't reply to it. But it's safe to say they know. But they don't care.