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Hello everyone!
Are you or were you in a relationship and you had to hide that you dress? What would you even say to your girlfriend if she found your panties? Tell her that you wear panties or maybe worse, tell her there some other girls?
I ask this because I have been in, well all of my past relationships, I had to hide the fact that I love to wear women's panties as well as bras and everything else from them and the most feared outcome would for them to find where you hide your clothes.
well the best thing is to come clean of course before you get caught, but if you get caught , then you should tell the truth because they will find out.
I, thankfully, never gotten caught by a girlfriend. But I always wonder this when I am in a relationship. Currently single and moved out. Actually liking it.
Everyone is different. I would leave them out and have the discussion. Then there would be no hiding. My thought is the woman should love me for who I am as I love her for who she is. If an article of clothing is what keeps us together or separates us then the fabric of our relationship is weak. Others have had disastrous outcomes from telling their Significant others. My feeling is if she doesn't want me why be with her?
I never needed to hide that I dressed. I just didn't volunteer that information. If a girlfriend ever found a pair of panties I would have told her the truth. Those days are in the rear view mirror now that I am old and married.
Like that thought Billy! I guess I always thought of the social side of her telling other people or whatever. My ex was incredibly religious. And raised in a high class house and everything had to be perfect. How'd we ended up together is beyond me but lasted two years and lived together. While she was in college, I would dress up. Than I started to go to the store and buy some which no one in that state would reconize me but I always feared she would have needed to go to the store for something for school and see me. But I would actually store my "stash" inside my old computer case.
Actually after several failed relationships. I found a girl who love me for me. When I came out to her. She asked to see my clothes and I had them packed tight in a backpack. I brought it out and took each one out and showed her. A bit of a rough start and now even when I am dressed and beside her she tells me that she loves me. and we embrace and kiss. It is so nice having an acceptable SO. Now on wash day, she tells me to put my panties away as well as anything that needs to be hung right away, she treats my clothes as well as hers.
Wow, where can I find one like her. I always joke like "You wear my boxers, so why can't I wear your panties?" than she would reply, that would be weird. So I never mentioned it to an ex even when asked what would be the kinkiest sex ever.
Leave yours out for her to find. When she asks you about it tell her that she said it would be weird if you wore her panties so you bought some of your own.
Well, currently I am not in a relationship. However, girls around here? Would tear you a new one if they saw panties that were not hers before your brain can begin to send a signal to your eyes to blink.
Well if you are not in a relationship then you have it made. Wear panties when on a date. You will know right away. Have her meet the real you from the start.
And I'll be across the table and her cute little arms wouldn't be able to reach me. Man, you are a genius. Haha, yea, I think the next one will be one that I marry. Since being single for 4 months now, I gotten close to girls but had to break things off for another reason. But the next one, I'm playing to win. But honestly, good advice though. Never thought about bringing our quirks in the beginning. Find out sooner rather than later. Pick them out quicker. Thanks!
Can't really say it was ever a big risk. Never dressed much before meeting my current wife. Did come out to one serious girlfriend, who was as accepting and supportive as my wife is now. Honesty has worked well for me, but the numbers say that I'm just lucky.
women always find the truth, so always best to thell them everything before you get serious in a relationship.
Get up and buy a dang lotto ticket! Than maybe slip me a small percent for giving you the idea. Haha Well I am young. Late 20s. Well glad others are having success in their relationships. That really shows me that there is hope.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kelly Marie
when I was dating I would let the girl know on the second date that I was a cross dresser. If it was a deal breaker, it was far better to let them know early on. It would be disastrous to wait for a couple of years or after we get married. I need my SO to know who I am and accept me as much as I accept them. My SO and I have been together for over three years now. She loves spending time with my Amy side. She will buy me clothes and encourages me in ways that I never thought anyone would. She has even said that if I decide to transition one day, that she would still love me all the same. It really does help to be honest up front. You don't have to hide, and its far less embarrassing than letting her find out on her own or years down the road.Quote:
Originally Posted by Billy
First girlfriend [age 15] said, on discovering my sister's nylon panties on me- " Hmmm, couldn't you find something more masculine?" She let me wear one of her short dresses once when I asked, for a few minutes, as a "well, ok- try it- it's not that great-! and don't get it dirty! " I was younger and she was way past me on everything.
Second girlfriend [age 20] listened to my long arguments about wanting to feel light and pretty, skeptically, and refused to agree. Then she wrote a German class paper describing my feelings [licht und schon]. She really did love me, and bought me a very nice pair of panties as a Christmas gift, and never minded me wearing them.
I always made a point to tell GFs when sex was getting to be a possibility, early on, and I am very grateful that occasional lingerie wearing was tolerated understandingly as some kind of immature sexuality. Which, I suppose, it is for me. My wife felt the same way until I said I wanted to actually wear dresses in public, and then everything went up in smoke.
Men being turned on by seeing, and then wearing/wanting to wear women's sexy underwear is a common universal occurrence, so it's a rare girl who hasn't considered the thought, and for most it is a great relief when her man is satisfied at step 1!
First off, your sig is amazing and fits what I've been trying to say. Second, honesty does seem to be the best policy. I mean, nowadays today, I think the shock of two people of the same sex getting married is over. Why can't the word accept that no matter what color our skin, heritage background, our believes, that we all eat and poop the same. Yea yea I know I'm a little immature.Quote:
Originally Posted by Amy R Lynn
Years of being with someone who totally hated the whole crossdressing thing made me rethink it all after she left. Decided to be straight honest if it looked as though someone was getting serious. Oddly I met more than one lady who loved me for me and those who didn't like it well I just passed them on. Best thing I ever did. My fiance loves me for me and it feels great. Today I can say I have more nylons, dresses, heels, and am in a dress pretty much everyday.
Lokkee,
Great homework and use of the forum. I tell you, dear. The wisdom and sound advice from the members here has greatly helped my craft my existing relationship with a wife.
There's a host of CD fundamentals I've learned from reading the stories of others.
1. Honesty is always the best policy. You're not likely to abandon your attraction to women's clothing. You will eventually be found out; either by accident or by telling on yourself. Sneaking and hiding isn't good for you or anyone close to you.
2. Coming Out appears to be easier early in a relationship (with a woman). I came out to my wife of 39 years very late in life. I understand and appreciate her difficulty in coming to terms with a "new me" she never realized before. The successful relationship narratives I've read on this site appear to be young men in age who came out in a non-marriage relationship or early in a relationship.
3. Curb your enthusiasm. Not everyone needs to know. It isn't "dishonest" or returning to the closet. It's just darn smart. If your femme life expands to a more full time role, you'll tell those closest to you. Wives, parents, close girlfriends; maybe even male friends. Before you do, take a breath and ask yourself if they truly have a need to know (as: they will see you dressed up anyway). Know your people. If you're doing it for your own bursting sense of joy, calm down. You are handling the most important Classified Information regarding your life. Handle with care.
Good luck. If you're grounded enough to ask such basic questions , you are on the right track.
Hi Lokkee:hugs:, I have been dressing for over 69years and will be married 53years on Feb 01, ...:daydreaming:...
And I bet you can still show up us youngins eh? Haha Wow... my hat is off to you sir with all respect. If only I could sit down and have coffee with you to hear your stories. I am a huge fan of history regarding the 60s, 70s, and 80s. Because what happen than, shaped what we are now.Quote:
Originally Posted by BLUE ORCHID
It is better to be honest early in the relationship.
My previous was appalled when I came out. Helped kill off what was already a struggling relationship.
However, the next one after that I met online many years ago. Before we met, I admitted being CD whilst talking on the phone, but also that at that point I no longer owned any clothing. We met and all went fine. But on the second occasion we went back to hers and several packages we there for me to open. She had only gone and gotten me some lingerie and a dress. Also got the sizing right.
We dated for a while, moved in together and eventually got married. Been together for well over 10 years now.
I always believe that for everyone the right person is out there. You just have to look and be honest.
Sigh. To quote Kenny Loggins' Danny's Song: People smile and tell me I'm the lucky one.
In an ill-advised early marriage, I hid it, although ultimately not very well. It had little to do with why we went our separate ways after four years. Way too young for matrimony. I assumed it was something I could compartmentalize and wall off indefinitely, which is a very common approach here. This was early 1970s.
Fast-forward five years. Finishing grad school at age 30, still single and ready to go career-hunting, when the gender bomb exploded in my face.
Three years of reading and experimenting and coming out to friends and (eventually) family. Started a full-time experiment that lasted nearly eight years. A little fatigue, an infatuation with an unresponsive cis-female, and denial returned and persuaded me that the experience might have cooled the obsession enough to live a compromised male life again.
Six years of distractions and avoiding advances from single women who liked the looks of the compromise (plus an unusual long-term, long distance relationship that was doomed but interesting), and I was back in my home town helping my dad ease my mom into Alzheimer's care, while venturing out looking for answers personally.
Stumbled onto a Yahoo CD group in the Bay Area and went to one of their outings. Met the then-wife of the group leader, who was seriously exploiting her good nature but had introduced her to the whole CD idea and gotten her past what freaks out so many SOs. Neither of us thought we'd ever love again, but suddenly there we were. After some soul-searching and counseling, she elected to leave him and join me. She met and fell in love with the girl months before she got to meet the boy.
We've been happily married now for 13 years and counting, senior citizens with a unique secret garden of intimacy. I dress as I please at home, and I increasingly seem to be offering little clues to our pretty large circle of (largely artistic/musical/aging hippie-type) friends. I sense that my years are dwindling to fewer rather than more and simply have to live more authentically. One thing she made absolutely clear to me from the beginning was that I should never hide it from her, and that whatever I decided to do outside our home was up to me, that she was with me regardless.
So, I'm not the one to ask how to manage bringing an SO into the light, but I just wanted you to know that there are real, honest, beautiful, intelligent, worldly women out there who are totally OK with the right TG partner, however that TG manifests itself. I know it for a fact, because I found one and got to keep her.
There's that cloying Loggins tune in my head again...:daydreaming:
Hey Lokkee, crossdressing for me pretty much started in my first relationship. I asked my then girlfriend if I could try her miniskirt and tights. She didn't bat an eye and handed me them. I did that few more times and then told her that I felt really comfortable in them. She was really okay with that and I could wear them around her. She didn't mind; she told me, "Everybody has something, you wear skirt and tights, so what... It's you." However, we drifted apart and broke up.
My second relationship was not that all sunshine and rainbows in regards to my crossdressing. I hid it during the time we were together. It's not that I didn't want to open up though; early on I got the impression that it wouldn't be a good idea. And personal suffering and shame ensued.
In any case, if I'm that lucky and meet a girl eventually, I've made it a point to confess before it gets serious. This is what many members here say and I think it is a very good piece of advice.
Well, shit. I've been single for pretty much six years now, going on 31 in march. I've had one woman during that stretch of time, who lasted a week or so whom i confided that secret in. She didn't care one way or another. She ended things pretty early on but it had nothing to do with crossdressing. Working three jobs and choosing to spend her free time with her family instead of me was the reasoning. Just be straight forward and honest. Either she will accept it or she won't. Either way, don't waste each others time and be happy with someone who is gonna love you for all your quirks.
When I first started dating my wife and when first started talking on the phone, I mentioned that I like 'pretty things' and she figured out what that meant and she was ok with it. I was feeling bold since I had a female roommate who found my girly things by mistake and she was cool with it. I am blessed to have an understanding wife.Quote:
Originally Posted by lokkee
If spouses treated each other more like roommates rather than trying to control them marital relationships would be much better.
Hi Billy...I have to agree w/ you as it relates to my relationship w/ my wife. Working hard to accept each other for who we are rather than trying to control one another or make someone be who they are not really has been the best approach for us. Nikki
I have a supportive wife, so I try to balance it out to where she gets enough time of having me in man mode and try not to be too obsessed with being Stephanie. Balance is the key if you ask me.
I am married and have been for over 13 years. I hide the fact that I dress for 10 years. Prior I never had my own wardrobe I just wore my SO at the time when they weren't around. On the odd occasion I got caught I simply said "I missed you and thought this would make me feel closer to you." I remember one time I tried sneaking out of bed at midnight to go play my wife woke up before I could leave the room and I pretended to sleep walk... I thought it was funny so the next night I did it again just to see how far I could pretend to sleep walk... O the things we girls do... Haha.
Having come out to my wife and being honest is by far the most honest strategy and totally freeing. I even told her all the things I did to cover it up and we had such a laugh about it...
One Christmas, I bought myself some panties. I hid the panties, and I left the pantie hangers where I would remember to throw them out. Well, I forgot to throw them out. My wife found them. She called me at work to tell me what she found, and she wanted to know whose panties they were. I told her that I couldn't talk at work, but we could discuss it when I came home. I had two stories I was considering telling her. 1. The whole truth and nothing but the truth, or some version of it. 2. I bought them for a girl "friend". I ultimately decided on option 1 and begged for forgiveness. Can you imagine that I was even considering admitting to an affair instead of outing myself?
Why hide anything from someone who is in the most intimate relationship with?
Don't you think that hiding your feelings, desires and even your clothes from that significant person must weigh heavily on the CD and it has to impact the relationship on some level. You can begin your denial now...
I knew my wife in high school. 5 years after graduating we started dating. It started out as a halloween joke costume and i have never looked back with her. She did my make up and wig. Later on i turned bi and she is still good with that. She is my soulmate but i still have an occasional date
Being honest and up front with any potential partner is always best , why hide such an important part of who you are as a person with someone you want to build a relationship with ?
Once I accepted feminine self and my dressing as positive parts of who I am as a person I've told several friends, family members and potential and my current girlfriend and no one had any negative comments or reactions , my girlfriend is very accepting, supportive and even encouraging .