Should Women ???

Should women on the whole be more accepting of men crossdressing in women's clothing or are they more accepting than CD's think. On this forum we have heard some women are just O.K. with it just not my husband. Some are really turned off by it, they want a man in men's clothing, absolutely nothing feminine on my man and I am 100% straight, I am not a lesbian!!! Others kinda like it, their guy looks sexy in girl clothes, I'm not a lesbian, I do like soft, colorful feminine clothing more so than the drab, course, sloppy clothes men wear but when he wears something feminine he has that feminine look that I like; we go out and shop as girl friends but when we go home at night his male benefits take over when we go to bed and I like that. So I enjoy his feminine side a lot, probably more than a straight guy and it comes with his maleness, so I'm blessed in two ways; isn't two better than one??? Back to the question, should women in general today/2017 be as accepting seeing men wearing some to all female clothing.... I know, I know, wear what ever you want but are CD's today still getting the short end of the stick???

I think everyone should be more tolerant of CD/TV/TS people.
The world would be a better place if people could express their true gender identity without fear of repercussion.

In the context of a marriage, though, it's a little different. It's probably more to do with the perceived gender identities of both partners, from both partners, within the context of the relationship.
And also where these varying identities find their roles within the relationship.
And that is pretty much just about communication, understanding and a lot of the time, compromise.

Much of that comes down to the core values that were instilled in them. It (tolerance) is a learned characteristic for the most part. When I look at today's generation I answer "yes" to your question about acceptance but I make that conclusion because of our world wide communication capability and not so much what mom and pop tell you what is right and what is wrong. I'm a mid-baby boomer and my values were definitely colored in that era. However, I am progressive as well and I see nothing wrong with what you are asking. I think society is heading that way but I guess what I'm trying to say is that it will take a few more generations.

A thought provoking question that I guess could be debated forever. Your sentiment is wonderful.

Lauren
:2c:

I am out, living as Jean a crossdressing TG person. Women like and even love me as a friend. I do know a couple that don’t like me. They are both close friends with my friends so are forced to tolerate me. I don’t know why, but if I were to guess, one is because I am TG the other doesn’t like men. As for who Women are attracted to, they are all over the map. The one thing that most have in common is they want a relationship.

As far as more "tolerant" goes... "tolerance" is just intolerance with two missing letters. Acceptance and even embracing, are different things. I've found that women outside my marriage can be very accepting and curious (of course this could just be good business... my only experience besides SAs is my therapist). But wives are all over the map. We can't make women be turned on by things that turn them off. We all have differing tastes. My wife, for instance, loves some kinds of food that I hate. Forcing my wife to see me dressed would be like her forcing me to eat a dish that I can't stand (there is one kind of ethnic cuisine in particular that evokes a gag reflex in me).

Unfortunately it is what it is and we as CDs have to adjust to that, not the other way around. No amount of cajoling can make me like the dish that makes me gag, and no amount of cajoling can make her be turned on by me all dolled up. Accepting something on an intellectual level is one thing but accepting it on a gut/emotional level is another.

The word 'should ' is a sticking point. I can't say that other people SHOULD enjoy or even tolerate spinach, although I love spinach and spinach is good for you. Nor can I feel that all women SHOULD find me attractive. I guess some do and others don't (I don't want to know the percentages). I suppose we SHOULD all care for the less fortunate, SHOULD use less fossil fuels, SHOULD love our fellow persons regardless of race, creed, sexual preference, etc., but, well we know how that's working out.

So, I guess the best we can do is try to understand why others feel the way they do, and see the world from their perspective. That doesn't mean agreeing Or condoning intolerance...just possessing knowledge of where it comes from may make it easier for us to accept the intolerance and maybe once in a while, help change someone's mind.

Lauren nails it, at least what I see going on. Generational timing and context and culture is a big influence. My much younger daughters are more open, however it would be interesting to see if one would actually marry a CD.

So if your wife eats food that you find disgusting, you should insist that she doesn't do it in front of you.:eek:

My wife doesn't get turned on by my dressing, but she accepts it as an important part of who I am. She does tolerate it and she's gotten more tolerant over time. For me this is an essential part of being in an intimate loving relationship, acceptance for who we are, not just certain parts of us. Of course there needs to be compromises, but I couldn't live in a DADT relationship. This is my line in the sand and not for everyone. In order for me to gain acceptance of my feminine self, I need to be able to express my girly side and it needs to be outside of the closet. I need the freedom to make it a normal part of my life.

Really!!!! why the hell SHOULD all women be tolerant?????

Perhaps try to be more understanding and learn about what their SO does ....but what you have said comes across as though they should just get on and accept it!

Why should anyone have to do anything?

Deebra,
The frustration is most wives/partners have the fixed thought of what everyone else thinks, I've had the not being a lesbian comment thrown back at me. I feel it's sad that they won't accept it even in private, when there's just the two of you in private if you love each other what does it really matter if you enjoy each other's company? There lies the problem many can't lose the social stigma and what society might say . Most of us are loving and caring people maybe more so than the average non CDing man but we are often rejected for showing that side of us, I do find it sometimes confusing and frustrating not knowing exactly what women truly want at times, being in a no win situation in male or female mode .

Deebra,

Unfortunately you have made a bad choice of words. Why Should women be forced to accept crossdressing.

I think you will find women have less of an issue than men on this subject.

Let's argue about "should" a little bit, my intent was "EQUALITY", if women accept themselves wearing men's clothes (and the public does too) shouldn't women accept men wearing women's clothes equally? (and I'm not talking about women wearing male styled women's clothes).

The acceptance of women in men's clothing is based on a couple different things.

1. Women are considered the inferior sex. Those of the inferior sex wearing the clothing of the dominate sex isn't looked down upon the way the reverse is, as it's viewed as a sacrifice of strength and privilege.

2. Broad social acceptance came from women wearing men's clothing in public en mass. Not a statement of personal fashion but one of joining the workforce in positions that necessitated pants and other masculine dress. That eventually evolved into designer male styled women's clothing, which was popularized by Hollywood actresses.

[Edit] Also, "should," like "ought", has a moral foundation. What moral imperative supports that women should accept men in women's clothing?

I think everyone should accept others for who they are so long as they aren't hurting anyone else. So the above would be captured by that.

So how do we get Hollywood to start featuring more men in dresses, skirt and blouses, and even two piece swim wear? grin??
Did you know men wore two piece beach wear before women (Theirs and many more pieces.)

One thing is to get them to stop using men in drag as a 'joke' item.

Have a visiting officer wear a kilt and whoop the criminals butts. And maybe a few bystanders. Make him a person worth idolizing and emulating.

For me it's hard to say "should" in any situation.It would be great is everyone would look past the external and look towards the internal. The truth is both men and women are visual creatures, we like what we see and we know what we like.

The word should is like a command! Like everyone should wear their seatbelt! Women are not required to accept anything, crossdressing or otherwise! They have brains and can make up their own minds as to what they want to think or feel! Do not demean women or it will bite you! Hugs Lana Mae

NO NO NO women are not required to accept the fact that their SO dresses in women's clothes, but then too do men have to accept that their So is dressed like a man all the time?
Pattie

Women usually pair up with a MAN....

They have a right to feel a little dark if that man suddenly turns into a woman.

You are blessed if you have a wife that is accepting of you after the big reveal.

My big reveal occurred well before I was married.

Still not a great acceptance at the time but she loved the man she married more than the woman in the background.

Since then the woman has evolved and we have worked around what could have been a problem.

Deebra it seems you can't be happy with what women and men do in regards to cross dressing.
When you post its either about the clothes or the differences in the genders and why they feel the way they do.
Maybe you should learn to "let go" and not worry so much about things that you can't change

What women truly want of men is an age old question that will likely never be understood!

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My story is generally the same.

Thanks to all, I try to read all the threads with an open mind and DO appreciate all the different opinions; in this post especially Gabriella111, Pattie (glad you didn't leave and are back) and Traci G. Traci by reading other views they do cause me to change my mind sometimes, I do post a lot to put different topics on this forum for discussion and to help our new CDs with topics that have been previously posted to help them understand what we have heard over the years. So I probably should "let go", we'll see. Next topic, are boxers more comfortable than tight girly bikini panties, if yes then why do ???????????

I don't believe anyone should be telling anyone else what they should or shouldn't be doing. That's how many of us ended up in the closet in the first place. Everyone has their own views and the only king we should do is respect the fact that everyone is different.

people in general should be much more accepting of cding let alone just women.

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Last edited by Nigella; Yesterday at 10:07 AM. Reason: Women in general DO NOT wear mens clothing

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Au contraire! Plenty of women DO wear men's clothing (as an example, both my sister, mom and ex wife sometimes wore men's shirts, jeans and jackets/coats as well as men's work boots and sneakers due to size availability! tall/big women often simply do that because men's medium sized clothing is simply more available that women's tall/large size clothing; so it's actually pretty common).
They just don't do it with the intention of trying to appear to be men! As opposed to us, who do it to appear as much like a female as we can.

Now then. We don't get to choose what women 'should' be. After all, they don't get to choose what they are attracted to, any more than we do. If she's only turned on by masculine things, and is turned off by feminine appearance and behavior, that's not her choice. It's simply who she is. We are the product of evolution as well as culture, so we're predisposed to be attracted to things that increase the likelyhood of reproducing. Feminine males, historically, were apparently less likely to keep their mate and offspring alive.

Every trans should be beautiful and shapely. Food, travel, health care and housing should be free. We should live to a 1000 if we like and pigs should fly. Or, we can learn to live in the world the way it is-----------------:straightface:

From my perspective it would be great if society on the whole - not just women - were more accepting in a general sense. What that might entail could be much less openly ridiculing of men who dress as women, openly laughing at a guy in female attire or displaying characteristics far more feminine than masculine, and educating our children to be respectiful of such personalities. This appears to be already happening but will take quite some time (I am thinking at least another generation.)

The current and past reality seems, however, that people of all ilks and types are ridiculed and/or marginalized by others to some degree. Characteristics of other people make us laugh or, at the very leaast, chuckle to ourselves. I have heard both men and women joke about a fellow in a dress but also joke about some fellow who is "too" manly ("Oh, hey look at Mr. He-man over there") or a woman in a pretty outfit whom they are jealous ("Oh, look at little Ms. Princess.")

It really comes down to respecting people in general. I am not public with my dressing but I could understand others thinking I look silly or strange if they saw me in my silks and satins and heels. (Having said that I sometimes think I look silly in a man suit.) My hope is that they would be sincere in their interactions with me and not assume my intelligence, personality or intentions just because I am wearing clothing not readily associated with my physical gender. Maybe similar to not assuming a man in a suit is rich and a snob and homeless people wearing ragged clothes are not considered mooches and worthless.

It's a slow turning.

I think you have to differentiate between what many women feel about CDing in general and what they feel about their partner being the one doing that. I suspect that the majority of woman don't have strong feelings either way but that a much smaller percentage would be accepting if their SO.

Should women be more accepting? IMO yes people should be more accepting of other people in general.

deebra, I understand what you mean by equality. In an ideal world it would be great if everyone just accepted everyone else for who they are and not what they wear. I do agree with Lauren In that I believe that it will take a few more generations before society as a whole is more accepting.