no half measures?

Here I typed a full message but then it decided not to send so this will be be brief.

So I have been struggling with not being able to dress so I decided to take the advice of many on here and underdress.
But all I felt was like a man wearing women's underwear.
I managed to sneak five minutes today to put a dress on. But same thing, I felt like a man in a dress (nothing wrong with that but it doesn't work for me)

Without the wig, makeup, underwear and clothes I don't feel like the pretty girl I know I can be.

Has anyone else experienced this? Is this a normal thing to happen? Am I going insane?

Thank you for any insight regarding this ladies :)

I struggle suspending disbelief. If i wanted to feel female I'd stop at nothing or be disappointed.

Sadly I'm too far in the closet and have deprived myself for so long I do not feel like I can be that pretty girl. I don't have the things I need .. no forms, no makeup skills, no wig..
for me it's under dressing or quite likely nothing.
I can certainly understand how once you've gotten to the next step underdressing might seem like a step back or less than sufficient tho. If I just have panties it's better than nothing ... but during winter with heavy coats I can wear a bra... and when I go from a regular bra to none at all panties does seem a bit insufficient for a while.

Ever since making going out a regular occurrence I have the same problem. If I can't put it all on, why bother? You are not alone at all!

Genny B

Do I feel like that..., not feeling "right" or "pretty" without going girl-mode from the skin out? Sure, but not all the time. Like so many of us, I slide back and forth on the spectrum. Sometimes the swings are under volitional control, sometimes not so much. My underwear is feminine almost every day, and on the rare occasion when I choose otherwise, I am often uncomfortable giving up even that much. But it's not often I need much more than that. If I put it all on once or twice a month, I am content. I should also note that when I am in girl mode, I am happier and more at ease.
Make of that what you will. I lack the clinical acumen to assign myself to a box. Just sharing what happens for me. Hope this helps.

Hugs,


Kelly Marie

I have only fully dressed once and that was just a couple weeks ago. My opportunities to fully dress are few and far between so I underdress whenever possible and it does satisfy me. I would prefer to fully dress but life's circumstances just don't allow it very often. Last night I wore panty hose and a pair of satin panties under my jeans while attending a movie with my wife and her best friend. Would have loved to be one of the girls with them, but something was better than nothing at all.

Yes, I've experienced this. I don't have a clue if it's normal or not. I, too, am unable to dress completely as often as I want to. The way I feel is, while it's not ideal, wearing underneath is better than wearing nothing at all. You still know you're in touch.

I was dressing about weekly until my daughter quit her job! (I support her decision!) Now it is once or twice a month! (Just last night!) Underdressing makes life a little better than nothing! Hugs Lana Mae

If it wasn't for underdressing I don't think I would need to be here, besides a couple of hours every few weeks and maybe the odd drive that's about all I have. When I do have the time it is all or nothing, but for me I love the feeling of wearing silky panties and pantyhose. It's just a little thrill while in male mode. But that's just me

Hi Kairi,

You are certainly not alone. Unfortunately for me opportunities to fully dress are limited lately so underdressing is mostly all that is available but it feels like a half measure. That may change for me soon but it can't come quick enough!

Elizabeth

Underdressing doesn't bother me. Half-and-half doesn't bother me at home when no one but my wife will see me, but if I'm going out in public I can't do in-between. Gotta either present or not. So in a way I totally understand.

I never under dress, it just does nothing for me. It has to be all or nothing as the look is all important, the feel is only secondary. Absolutely nothing wrong with under dressing of course if that is your thing, but no GG I've ever known enjoys the feel of a bra or tights, most can't wait to get them off at the end of the day. And I've tried knickers under my trousers but again they don't feel that different to my male undies so I don't really see the point.

Maybe its just me but do some you just make up stuff to worry about?
I have never felt that way and I'm sorry you have to deal with that.
Insane? Maybe a little but we all are to a degree.
Wearing panties is normal for me but I don't call it underdressing its my underwear.
Its got to be horrible to live in a situation where you fear the world is going to end if you are wearing a female article of clothing.
Especially if an SO blows a gasket over what you wear. I wouldn't hesitate to tell her to go sleep in the garage if it bothered her that much.
Thats just me tho'.

In the past, underdressing would help me get through things when the pink fog set in. Now that I'm out, it's all or nothing. This is more due to gre fact that I now have accepted myself more and understand that my desire is related more to transforming into my real self.

Lauren

I usually say I'm just a crossdresser, but there are days that I think I'm bigender.

Sometimes I get to choose the gender I want to be that day, and sometimes it just happens. When I'm in boy mode, Steffi is always inside of me. Usually she sits quietly in her chair and waits patiently for her turn. Sometimes she loses her patience and wants to be in charge again. I think sometimes she does it just to see if she can get me into trouble. Like when I tell a GG in the supermarket that "I just love her shoes." I'm an introvert and don't just walk up to someone in the supermarket and start talking to her. And, telling her that I love her shoes! In dude mode! Come on! That's the kind of stuff only Steffi can get away with. So sometimes I let her wear panties just to shut her up for a while. I'll even let her decide if she wants to wear comfy or sexy panties. I've also found that taking her shopping and buying her some nail polish or panties keeps her in check for a while. Sometimes I'll take her to Kohl's and go through the sales rack with her.

But, if I miss a soiree with the DC girls (you know who you are). I'll have to pay her back for that one big time.

Am I crazy? Certifiably. Sometimes I don't know who's harder to live with -- Steffi or my SO.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

I think we should celebrate half measures, rather than look down upon as "not enough" or resort to "all or nothing for me!"

My reasoning:

1) Did any of us start out by putting on a wig, foundation, mascara, lipstick, rouge, concealer, bra, falsies, gaff, panties, stockings, heels, and a dress? Of course not. I'd bet that 90% off us started cross dressing by slipping on a pair of panties. Although I own hundreds of panties in all different styles now - I can recall with extreme clarity the first pair I ever put on - one my cousin's beige Maidenform Wise Buys. So if you are bummed out by underdressing - think about that first time to put on a single article of women's clothing and how good it made you feel.

2) Think about all of our fellow sisters in waiting who don't have our wardrobes and maybe have a pilfered panty or two. That to them is their entire crossdressing world. Everything else is out of reach - but they've taken the first step. They may be too ashamed to continue further. They might not be able to afford to go further. But at least they have that. Would you really tell them "Eh, just a man wearing women's underwear" ?

So I say, undressing rocks! Celebrate it, don't knock it.

Seems like I have split the forum haha

I want to just say one thing.
I am in no way judging those who underdress. What other people do is none of my business.
It doesn't work for me is all as I have either consciously or subconsciously split me into two. Paul and Kairi.
Paul may be in the driver's seat but Kairi is a noisy passenger who keeps telling Paul to pull over and take a break. Let her drive for a while.
In this analogy, Paul has pulled over and Kairi has been allowed to turn on the windscreen wipers.
She's not driving, she's just having an illusion of driving.

Now of that works for some people, that's fantastic :) I'm glad other people can get this situation dealt with so easily :)

But for me, its not enough.
Kairi is so loud in Paul's ear right now, the wind screen wipers only seem to antagonise her.

Kairi sounds like a girl I used to know. This Paul chap's got his work cut out.

I'd say take only advice from happy people - they make good decisions.

Haha no no Kairi's lovely, she just wants to drive as she's still only just passed her test

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Originally Posted by LizL

2) Think about all of our fellow sisters in waiting.

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Your points are good but how does this help with the OP who clearly is not one of those.

Kairi,
I depends if you have an accepting partner , how deep you are in the closet and how desperate you are to dress, OK I should add how much it sexually excites you.

Many of us float from one state to another depending on the circumstances, what's the point if you a have a wardrobe full of clothes , no one else is going to wear them. At one time I couldn't wait for my wife to go out and go through her wardrobe , it was all about the turn on . Now I have my own things and enjoy them because I know I'm going to go out totally dressed and made up as a woman . Dressing at home doesn't have the same meaning anymore because I don't like the man in a dress look, at the same time it fulfills an inner need and I accept that makeup takes too long to put on and without that I don't wear a wig .

If I go full time which is something I'm seriously thinking about I will have to have a rethink about my presentation at home , if I lived alone it would have already happened.

I agree on floating from one state to another. Doing the full thing with makeup still takes a very long time for me. I also don't like the look of a man in a dress, although a dress feels very nice on my body and I can usually avoid the mirrors. My half way solution is to use a female, usually polyester, top with regular many jeans. It does the trick for me to take off the edge after a day at work.

Whether you feel like a man in a dress or not has very little to do with what others think lol. That's a sort of stick your head in the sand sort of logic. It is what it us.

I don't underdress regularly; but I do it occasionally in order to accomplish simple chores. Around the house, I dress up completely. However, for a short trip to, say, take out the garbage, or drive to the fast food restaurant, I will regularly take off my dress and put on a pair of man pants and shirt, sneakers, and remove my wig to enable myself to do what i want to do without alerting the crossdresser chasing squads out there. When I get home, I change back. I look at it more as a uniform of sorts, that I need to get the chore done, much the same way a skin diver wears his outfit to go for a dive. My 'man uniform' is used for a purpose only, and I only wear it 'for work'. That way I always remain the girl I feel like I'm supposed to be.
Remember, lots of women do something similar. They still wear their panties, bras, but put on much less feminine outerwear when the task requires it, and also tie their hair up out of the way, too (as I take off my wig to accomplish the same sort of thing).

Personally, i don't often dress up unless i can do so fully, with a wig and make up. I'm not sure why, but i just don't find it nearly as satisfying if i don't have my face on.

Hi Teresa.
You see my circumstances are a little different to a lot of members here.
I'm not married, nor do I have children, I'm not in a relationship either.

So for me, It's a case where I do what I want when at home but as I work away from home and stay in hotel rooms with colleagues its not something I can do on a nightly basis.
Even if my colleagues knew about it, I wouldn't dress in the hotel room as it would make them uncomfortable and as much as I need to dress, I am not the sort of person to make others deliberately uncomfortable.

But the very real need to dress fully is here and isn't going away and the partial measures don't help me.

But hey, if you do decide to dress full time, good luck to you and give me (and everyone) tips haha :)

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Originally Posted by LizL

I think we should celebrate half measures, rather than look down upon as "not enough" or resort to "all or nothing for me!".

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I don't think I've seen any post here that knocks underdressing, indeed I wrote that there is nothing wrong with it if that is your thing. Everyone has different needs, personally I like the full works, for many putting on some femme underclothes under drab is enough. No one situation is more valid than the other. 'Vive la differance', as they say.

Kairi,
To know I've helped one person is reason enough to me for sticking around , the forum is one of the few places where we can openly share our lives .

You should really find a venue or group to get out , you'll find it so much fun, and do try and behave yourself, like I try to do !!!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by DIANEF

I never under dress, it just does nothing for me. It has to be all or nothing as the look is all important, the feel is only secondary. Absolutely nothing wrong with under dressing of course if that is your thing, but no GG I've ever known enjoys the feel of a bra or tights, most can't wait to get them off at the end of the day. And I've tried knickers under my trousers but again they don't feel that different to my male undies so I don't really see the point.

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That pretty much goes for me too. Most of the time I am dressed as a guy anyway.

I am a crossdresser, not TS. When I dress it's all the way or nada.

If I can't see an attractive woman in my mirror that looks NOTHING like me or any male? I won't bother dressing at all!:thumbsdn:

Which is why I dislike dressing to blend and going out in vanilla land, period! Because I see what they all see, a man in a dress!:thumbsdn:

I don't claim to be an expert (not that I could), but the first CD service I went to... I just didn't feel right. All I saw was 'boy' me in a dress with long hair and make up. Though I was cordial and paid for the service; I decided that I would do more research into other services. The second time the experience was so much better. I didn't see 'boy' me, but a very pretty lady (nearly teared up to be honest)! So not going all the way just won't work because the alternative leaves me very disappointed.

When I go out as a guy, I'm always completely underdressed including small forms (unless I know I might get a hug, then no bra). I always wear an extra large, front button shirt to play down my breasts, though they are noticeable, like a man's fatty chest. Sometimes I include dabs of neutral color lipstick, light, cream blush, pale eye shadow and a little mascara just to know and feel a little more girly. I've NEVER had a negative comment or look that I know of. Try it, girls. You too will love it!