I may have outed myself..Absolutely mortified!

I get on here often to read the posts but don't always log in, but felt I needed to share this story, so here goes....

So, last night I was enjoying a few drinks, probably a few more than I should have however.

I was texting a friend of mine who has no idea that I dress. He is very conservative in his beliefs and we were discussing a mutual hobby of ours and also that he needed some advice for a small home improvement project and was planning on possibly calling me today so that I could take a look at it.

A few minutes later, I was also talking and texting a man that I met online about a week ago, who seems very nice and is interested in dating me. We had exchanged pictures previously. I decided to text him another picture of me, a selfie and a very tasteful picture with me in one of my favorite dresses, completely done up with makeup, wig , ect.

And by now, you might have guessed.....I sent the picture, NOT to the man Ive been chatting with, BUT to my friend instead!!:eek:


The picture was taken at a distance and there was no text from me to go with the picture,( luckily) just the picture itself.
Realizing my mistake, I took his number, and added it to two others as a group text. The other numbers were two women I am out to. I quickly called them and told them my situation so they would go along with it, then I texted, " Who is this? Emily?" , referring to the picture I sent by mistake and pretending the picture was sent by one of the women I'm out to, to me, and I was commenting back As far as his number being in the group text, I was just going to pretend that his number was in there by mistake.

No response was received by him and I received no call from him today either. Ive been trying to figure out if he knew it was me in the picture. I even texted the picture to myself to see if it was obivious .From the distance it was taken, I might have been completely passable, but not sure. I guess it was a lame attempt at a cover up and not sure it worked, but I am a nervous wreck and have been all day.

Any advice is appreciated, however I will never drink and text again without deleting previous texts at least!

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Worst case scenario you will have to lie and say it was a costume for Halloween and hope he buys it.

Lol done that sober! Fortunately for me all parties involved already knew about me. But yeah, texting multiple people at once is dangerous.

I have done that not texting more then one person and I don't drink so it happens

Your friend will not know it was you, so don't fret. Many stories have been posted by members who have come face to face with neighbors and others who knew them in male mode, but had no clue of who they were in femme mode.
The mind plays terrible tricks on you in those situations. We have been programmed to feel we are doing something wrong, but in reality we break no laws.

You should have called or texted him today about his project, as if nothing happened.
To me, not getting in touch with him today, puts thoughts in his head that it may have been you in the pic, and/or it was you who sent it.

Are you sure you didn't do that on purpose?
The old flirting with getting outed syndrome.
Now you have had to create a big lie to which you will have to continue to lie about.
You should have acted like it was nothing and called him about the project.
This is a case of if YOU don't make a big deal out of it it won't be a big deal to your friend.
You have peed in your oatmeal enjoy.

Hi Franngurl. This is something that happens to all of us from time to time. I would not worry about it since the picture was from a distance. I'm sure he will not know. And if he does....no big deal, all will be fine...

a picture from your phone number, then adding him to group chat, AND silence. you will find out soon enough. A good friend will not care.

Thanks for the mostly positive replies.
No, I didn't do it on purpose.
I feel a lot better about it after thinking about it,especially since I don't see him that often. I plan to say something tomorrow about his project, even though he was the one who was suppose to contact me. If I hear nothing I wont sweat it either way.

I'm sure it will all work out I really wouldn't worry too much about it.
Act like its nothing and talk about your project.

I'm somewhat new to the forum and I know tracii can be blunt sometimes. I think she is awesome though because it challenges my perspective as well. Don't take anything negative hun! (Tracii) I know you didn't mean to, but the worst that could happen is you lose a friend that wasn't a true friend after all that wouldn't accept you for who you are! If there is any questions just say "yes I like to CD and I'm still who I am and want to be your friend, I'll understand it if you think it's too weird for you to handle."

I do have to admit, you have a point Tracii, and the only thing as bad as texting while drinking is Facebook posting! lol
No offense taken, its sort of a self-inflicted gunshot wound.
I plan to feel things out tomorrow. He was suppose to contact me, so Ill just text and say " I didn't hear back from you about your project, let me know whats up" and maybe follow up with, " By the way, sorry for the mix up in the message the other night, I had yours and another number mixed up"...and then I'm just gonna leave it at that. If anything is said Ill just deal with it.. no sense in worrying about it since that's about all I can do. Thanks everyone for your input. I really like this forum and enjoy hearing others experiences also!

All you can do is wait and see what happens and play it by ear.
My comment on the outing syndrome is because its a prevalent issue on this site.
People actually try to get caught because its a rush to them.
You have no one to blame for what happened but yourself so you did mess up.LOLOL
We all have messed up but please don't think I was being hard on you it was not meant to be a dig at you personally.
I am blunt and I pay the price for it but 90% of the time I'm right in my assessment of the situation.
If I make people think and cause them look at things from a different perspective hopefully they will see the bigger picture.

Post the picture so I can see,but not worries, call him up and ask him this "what do you know?what do you see?"then ask him how's Tony? You should be good .

Im with traci on this, Been kicking around here for a few years, And this issue ALWAYS pops up. People "Accidentally" outing themselves. Not to say you did this with intent, But you weren't very careful either, Otherwise it wouldn't have happened. My advice is to feel the situation out, And perhaps come clean to him about it instead of lie if need be. Lying sucks, and gets old real quick. You must have an idea of how he will take it? If you thought he really wouldn't be ok with you, Then would you want to hang around with someone that can't accept you for you? There could be a lot of different scenarios playing out here, But Im guessing honesty might be your best option. He might have recognized you and now has no idea what to think? Try and view it from his point of view. He just got a pic, randomly sent to him, From you, that might be you dressed as a woman, Then some shady story about group texting? I know I would be confused.

In any case, Good luck, Let us know how it turns out. I will add I just came out as Trans a few weeks ago to everyone, And I have gotten support from some people that I would never have thought would have my back. In my reality people have been more understanding than I gave them credit for. Not always the case for sure, But, Sometimes it can be.

If you have dated GGs before, and he knows it, just say it was a picture of a woman you know or such.

I don't text about my cross dressing to anyone. I have sent texts to some one it wasn't for. ( Stupid phone):hugs:
Angie

Angie G & Frann,
This is why I don't even take pictures with my phone.
Too easy to be seen by others, I use a separate, non-connected, camera only.

Hugs, Connie Marie

Frann,

What's done is done. I had a somewhat similar experience which I described at the below link. The only possibly good news I can share is that the power of makeup is powerful and I doubt if you're friend will recognize you especially if you were full glam and the pic was taken at a distance. When my wife inadvertently saw pics of me all dressed up on two separate occasions (once with my pre-teen daughter) they didn't recognize me at all. In fact, my daughter asked my wife who that was in the pictures (and the pics were closeup portrait shots). Now, my wife knew it was me b/c I'd shared my feminine spirit to her before we were married. I do hope everything works out for you! Loveyah! Nikki p.s. If I was in your situation, I'd probably not bring it up with your friend. Just not pay it any attention.

https://www.crossdressers.com/forums...-up&highlight=

You're over thinking this, Frann. If you've never given him, or a anyone else, hints u CD, why would he think the pic was of u?

Or, would even care, if he didn't know/recognize the woman in it?:straightface:

I posted a picture of myself on Facebook wearing a skirt presenting as male. It has been my profile pic for over a year and no one had said a thing until I pointed it out to someone. He is pretty conservative and aside from some stupid gifs nothing more was said.Just to be clear none of this was done on accident.

It is most likely that he will not recognize you en femme! That is how I came out to my sister in law; I handed her Lana Mae's picture (actually my avatar pic!) And asked her who it was! She had absolutely no idea! So just stay cool like nothing happened and you should be fine! Hugs Lana Mae

He'll probably think you accidentally included him in some other conversation. Most people aren't interested in digging into other people's deep dark secrets, so he probably won't give it another thought.

I've been caught many times by friends of family members and neighbors who have just dropped by. I've also been caught on video phone calls by family members. Just act like it's no big deal, and don't offer any explanations. If pressed, just say "this is how I like to dress" and change the subject.

You have a right to live your life as you choose, and you don't have to justify yourself to anyone. Unless you want to.

This is why I only use my phone for texting and have all my pictures on a flash drive only use them on my old computer that's never used. It has a cracked screen where I had sat on it accidentally. It still works but is slow as heck.... Now I do have a couple of friends from on here that I have their phone numbers and we visit sometimes. I have them on my phone under my fishing buddies so really no one knows they are CDs or can put two plus two together and know that I am. If you don't want to be outed one has to be very careful.
I have had accidents before that are not about CD'ing but texting about other things and send it to the wrong person.... I realized how easy it is to do so that's why I'm so careful on my pictures.

Just a couple of thoughts, and I'm not judging or being confrontational, just observations.

1 - Unless your friend is a total techno-boob, he will know that the first message was NOT part of a group text. My phone gives a different sound for group messages, and lists the numbers.

2 - You panicked, tried to cover, and involved 2 other friends in your cover-up, and decided to mislead your guy friend. In hindsight, you probably should NOT have involved others, but I can relate to the CYA aspect. Not only is it kind of unfair to them, it also INCREASES the odds of the deception being uncovered. Remember the old adage: "3 men can keep a secret....if 2 of them are dead"

3 - You went into 'stealth mode' with your guy friend, and didn't follow up on the project he wanted to talk to you about instead of calling and asking what's going on with that. Silence, on your part may give him time to put 2 and 2 together. Just as you are imagining HIS silence to mean the worst possible outcome - He KNOWS!!!!!

At this point, you are forced to play the cards YOU dealt. You have three choices: Continue the charade; come clean; or ignore it.

As George Clooney said to Quentin Tarantino in 'Dusk til Dawn': It isn't a big deal unless you make it a big deal.

I heard if people saying it was Photoshop CS

It can do some amazing things.

Most people are very caught up in their own lives and their own issues, I reckon the less you worry about it and the more you communicate with him as usual the less likely he will ever give it any attention. If he asks if that was you simply laugh it off and make a joke about it something along the lines of I am actually a woman I have been pretending to be a guy for years and change the subject.

Well, the "cat is out of the bag", there is NOTHING that u can do at the moment so try to relax and go about your daily routine. BTW, YOU LOOK VERY VERY GOOD TO ME and I would NEVER suspect that you weren't anything other then a woman.

Mollyanne

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Originally Posted by Nicole11

. This is something that happens to all of us from time to time. ...

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Nope, not all of us. If you don't ever put photos of yourself dressed as a woman on your phone, you can't accidentally send them to anyone.

If you are trying to hide something like crossdressing from the world, you have to think carefully about what you are doing and what you might do wrong.

As for the OP, I would hope that your presentation as a woman is good enough that you don't look like your male self. You will need an explanation of why you had that photo on your phone. A friend, perhaps? A relative?

Act naturally until he asks.

BTW: Tracii usually tells it like it is. Some folks are not willing to accept reality.

My first thought was that unless the background is something your friend would recognize like around your house, it will be easier to fib and say it was some friend and you were trying to forward the pic to someone else...

If you decide to come out, there might be some awkwardness at first but more often than not, if we have a good relationship with whoever we come out to, they are not really going to care either way.
But yeah, the main thing is try not to act like it is a big deal, even though it could be difficult to be like, ""yeah, I like to dress pretty on weekends..." with the same non-chalantness as someone mentioning a stereo hobby or something that no one cares about.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Tracii G

You should have acted like it was nothing and called him about the project.
This is a case of if YOU don't make a big deal out of it it won't be a big deal to your friend.

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There is still time to call and act like nothing happened. It is probably better that fanngurl waited a day or two because that gives the nerves a "cooling off" period. It is hard to think on our toes when something bad and unsuspected happens.

That is scary! i can relate a bit, as i accidentally uploaded photos of me dressed onto my male Facebook account as the profile pic. I was mortified, as you said!! I finally replaced, and said it was my sister!!! One was on there all night! i think some people must have read me. i am very careful now. but another time, accidentally sent the wrong PM, to the wrong person!! It was very personal about me as Alice. mortified again. Did not know what to do, so Unfriended the person!! I think you may have barely dodged a big bullet, with your text question under it!! Some of us CD's are fairly conservative, too. Hey! C.Jenner is one!! I never take photos of Alice on my cell phone.

Frann,
Just to repeat a story recently , I came out to some very old friends and showed them some pictures, the husband said , " Does your wife know you're seeing another woman ?" I had to spell it out to them it was me in the pictures. If people don't expect it they will hardly ever put 2 and 2 together.

A slightly older story is about being out to many in my painting group but not all, the tutor does know about my dressing so I Email him with details of my recent social meetings accompanied by a picture of my outfit . I use his art group address and on one occasion I couldn't remember if I clicked sending solely to him or I clicked send to all, which would have gone to the whole group along with some very funny text ! I have to admit it didn't bother me as I asked at one point if I could attend the group dressed at one time anyway.

Krisi,
I'm past trying to hide it from the World, others may wish me to do so , well that's becoming their problem. I'm not ashamed to be dressed as a woman whether I pass or not , it's part of me . The World does not end, people do not reject you in droves , I have more friends now through being open and honest , I admit it's an something I didn't expect to happen but when they see how happy it makes me they are more than happy themselves to go along with it .

You're obviously still not comfortable with it which is a shame .

Oh yeah. You bet your friend has figured it out, and keeping quiet.
This is toothpaste out of the tube.

That's the problem with photos on phones and the web. It only takes one mistake. I know.