What is the hardest thing your wife adjusted to?

To my surprise my wife was open to me getting forms. She is also ok with me wearing eye makeup. But recently I mentioned something about him and wig, and well she is not so comfortable with that. Without a wig, I'm just a miad. I need can wear dresses, bras, nylons, swimsuit, but as soon as I mention a wig she got uncomfortable. She has always been supportive and given me my pink time, but out of all things, why the wig. I'm sure she will come around soon, just surprised me.

What is the one thing your S/O had a hard time adjusting to or flat out said no way?

Ummm...EVERYTHING! :(

Also known as DADT ("Don't Ask, Don't Tell"), or some other variant thereof such as DWTSIDWTKAAI ("Don't Want To See It, Don't Want To Know Anything About It")

I can be dressed up and well made up and when we are out my wife will say "You're not going in there with that hair on, are you?"

Very strange, I can't work it out sometimes.

Other times it is all okay shopping in a mall somewhere, high heeled boots, makeup and wig.........

I just don't know.

The body shaping seemed to be the boundary edge for mine.
My first presentation of a bra drew her wonderment at "why would anyone wear a bra that didn't have to?!" The breast forms freaked her out, and I haven't gotten around to showing Ilene in her full glory with hip forms. She knows I have them because I showed her a photograph where I have obviously assumed a more hippy shape.
The clothes were OK, not wildly enthusiastic about clothes, but the body shaping into a woman's shape seems a bit far for her (yet).
Trying to explain that most dresses and some garments & looks just won't work or fit without foundations.

For my wife, it was jeans. It was a firm NO. I did end up convincing her to let me get one pair from a thrift store just to satisfy my curiosity. (My favorite curvy boot cut style). Once she saw they fit and looked pretty good, she's okay with them now. It's the butt shaping she still hasn't fully accepted. Wig, makeup, forms, no problem.

Who's screwed up here??? Women that accept their men dressed all out as women with breast forms, hip padding and don't want them to complete the presentation with a wig??? How does a man completely dressed as a woman look with male hair or bald??? Men's jeans showing they have no butt look terrible, she says no to tighter fitting girl jeans then changes her mind when seeing they fit him better but then has a problem with going from no butt to a shapely butt???

And to go back to where all this started why does a man want to wear women's clothes anyway???

Dogs, cats and animals don't have this cross gender problem, if human's are smarter than animals why do they???

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Originally Posted by deebra

Dogs, cats and animals don't have this cross gender problem

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maybe they do? No one has ever bothered to ask

My wife had big issues for about 2
Months with makeup and wigs.. fast forward to Now and it all seems good!

I was surprised when she was irritated that I took off the wig whenever she came into the room. But she hasn't succumbed to any shaving, and I think would like me to leave on the facial hair if it were up to her, as a reminder that I am male. Fortunately with my skin problem, that isn't going to happen anyway. The rest....we'll see.

My wife accepted/tolerated my dressing for many years. Her acceptance varied depending on God knows what. I never figured it out.

I remember the day she came home and Linda was standing in the breakfast area looking at her. She knew Linda would be home but she'd never seen "everything", including the first wig. It rocked her back on her heels. At that point I stopped being a Man in a Dress and was presenting as female. She jumped to the conclusion that next stop was hormones and SRS in Thailand. (Nope, that's not the road I'm traveling but she wasn't listening to me)

Things were degenerating. Everything I did seemed to confirm her belief that I was going to transition. She even felt my therapist was conspiring with me to make this happen. When I asked her to meet with my therapist she honestly thought this was the death sentence of our marriage and that she was going to get the news that I was starting my transition.

Luckily that wasn't the case. To this day I don't know what the Therapist said to her but my wife now understands and has been supportive ever since.

What was the hardest thing for my wife to adjust to? The wig, because it made Linda complete.

It is interesting what is and is not accepted!

I can be facially made up all nails done and wearing a most stunning rouge silk scarf! - Tolerated and possibly seen as stylish!

I can wear yellow, purple and lime green with orange thongs (flip flops) - yet I'm frowned upon when the pink comes out!

In my own home I am not to be seen in a dress, a wig or any breast!

A short apron and lace panties around the house is fine though!

Any wonder I'm so confused!

So not confused Stacy!

My wife seems to have adjusted to everything because I brought it on slowly and didn't make a big deal out of it. Boobs, butt, wig, clothes, jewelry, etc. I only wear a bit of beard cover and lipstick and she noticed and adjusted to that. More makeup might be a problem because she doesn't typically wear makeup herself. I find that if I progress slowly, she doesn't complain. If I had just walked into the room as Krisi, I think that would have been too much of a shock for her to accept.

Part of the original question was "flat out no way". Well, that would be leaving the house dressed and made up as a woman. OK, I'm fine with that because I don't want my neighbors knowing about my "little hobby". I have gone out underdressed and changed in a deserted parking lot several times when she has been out of town. My goal is to go out in public as sisters or girlfriends but I'm going to have to figure out a way to do this from a hotel in another city. We haven't talked about it.

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Originally Posted by Leslie Langford

Ummm...EVERYTHING! :(

Also known as DADT ("Don't Ask, Don't Tell"), or some other variant thereof such as DWTSIDWTKAAI ("Don't Want To See It, Don't Want To Know Anything About It")

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Prior to, and for many years after we married, it was the same for my wife. Couldn't/wouldn't accept anything about it. Currently I can dress as I please around our home with one notable exception...a wig. It's often said that a wig is "our crowning glory" so perhaps that's why it's "a bridge too far" for my wife. Since my wife still doesn't talk openly and candidly with me about my crossdressing it's difficult to know why a wig troubles her so much.


Karen

If you are in a position to grow your hair out, a wig wouldn't be necessary.

That said, my choice at this time is to wear a wig rather than growing my hair out. Being a different color and style, the wig is a big part of what transforms me from Homer to Krisi. Maybe that's the final straw for many wives.

You're reading my mind Krisi. :) It's not easy to do at my age, but I do still have most of my hair. It's a bit thinner than it once was on top, but I've been letting it grow and been getting it cut differently. No comments about how it looks from my wife about it to this point.


Karen

A wig must be the last thing separating a wife from her husband. I'm in a DADT. I have not tried to present as Stephanie at all. I fear she would have a melt down. Back to the wig or hair issue. My wife is now termed a "survivor" of breast cancer. During chemo she lost all her curly hair which is now growing back. Losing her hair was actually worse than the breast cancer. Go figure? Breast cancer has a real possibility of killing a woman. Losing the hair temporarily....it'll grow back in. She has her hair was part of her visual image. I suspect adding that wig may have erased the last vestige of manhood. I wonder what a woman would do if her husband had always been the "long haired hippie" type with shoulder length hair? If he had a beard and went to shave it off would the meltdown then be the lack of facial hair???

Yes, it is interesting the things that the wife may take exception with. I have an understanding and excepting wife who had a couple of issues that took time to over come. One of the first was a bra, to her it is a very feminine article of clothing and she didn't like me wearing one, that was well over 10 years ago. Funny, now I have moobs that fill a B cup mostly and now a bra doesn't bother her any more, so I very often wear one. She has even helped me in buying bras. Maybe it is because I now have something to put into the cups? She can't stand pantihose and thinks that I am nuts for wanting to wear them, she had a bit of a difficult time when I first started shaving my legs. The most resent issue was when I bought a lacy feminine nightgown, and it upset her, then of couple of days later asked why I stopped wearing it. I told her I didn't want to upset her and she apologised for her response saying that it initially took her by surprise and it was okay for me to wear it. The last issue was a month ago and she has been accepting for over 20 years. I dress as I choose around the home and she has helped me buy clothes on countless occasions, so go figure when it came to the nightgown!

For me it seemed like biggest one was when I shaved my body. Forms, clothes, makeup and wig didn't do it, but as soon as she was touching smooth hairless skin under the covers in the dark it changed her comfort zone.

She loves it, but it was certainly an ah-hah moment.

I transitioned for her (for 5 years), I went back for her, we have done a lot of crazy things together when I was Jennifer. During it all, she always said I was the same person no matter how I was dressed. So what got her? Not real sure, but her total attitude change came about one weekend when the girls were gone to the Gp's and we were cleaning out closets about 10 years ago. I had surgery about 15 years ago that kinda killed my stomach muscles. So since then I look like I'm about 6 months pregnant all the time. Well, as we were cleaning out the youngest's closet, we came upon a couple of boxes of my wife's old maternity clothes. She threw an outfit at me and jokingly said try it on. So I did and as figured it fit...really well. She made the joke then about "barefoot and pregnant, thats how I like 'em..." and we just kept on with the closet and me still in the outfit. We finished up and went to clean up and after showers we were headed to the mall and as we were getting dressed she through another outfit at me to wear. The exchange went something like this - me..to the mall?!? her - what, you ashamed to be pregnant? So I shrugged it off and changed into the outfit. Again, the outfit fit like it was made to...as if I was 6-7 months pregnant. With my shoulder length hair and a bit of styling and light makeup I looked like any other woman...pregnant woman that is.
The outfit was nothing fancy. As I remember it was a floral peasant blouse and a pair of slacks but with the empire cut of the blouse, bra (and I did/do still fill a underwired C cup pretty well) and plain tennis shoes I guess I was very convincing. To convincing.
Doors were opened, people stepped out of the way, a few times a checkout line was opened because we were waiting/standing there with arms full. Then it happened. Within 5 minutes, I was asked when the baby was due and two different people said "I had that glow". Well, my wife came up with the cover on the due thing thinking it was funny, but the look on her face changed totally when I was told "I had that glow"...twice. We went home shortly after that. She didn't say much just finished boxing up the rest of the closet stuff and put it out in the garage. Dinner she didn't say much either and when we were getting ready to go to bed as I took off the outfit she picked it up and put it in a trash bag. Nothing happened in bed that night either. Ever since then she has been cold to me not so much when I wear "regular" clothes or panties, but if I put on a bra or other really feminine artical of clothing I feel like I'm standing in front of an open refrigerator door.

The hardest thing my wife had to adjust to was me crossdressing and even having a name interesting she said!!
We can go shopping for her and I look around for something for me but I have never bought anything with her.

she asked once if there was anything I would like and realized what she said and took it back very quickly. lol
as I was about to say there is a black and white dress that I would like to get. so we stay in this dadt world.

Silky,
I feel when the wig goes on the guy finally disappears , maybe that's also you wife's thought, I'm not MIAD when I go out it would feel wrong to me .
Also your wife may think the next step is going out, so where does that leave her, just she go along with it and possibly join you or start making more stringent rules ?

I'm in a DADT situation , my doesn't want to see me at all.

Ilene,
I have a mental block on wearing forms, if my wife found out it might have been a step to far, besides they can be expensive depending on the quality. This is why I devised my water filled balloons , the twist is I really like them and preferred them to some forms I was given to try. Even when I move into my new home I may stick with them.

The hardest thing she adjusted to ??? Let's just say ME.
Jon

This is hard to just give one thing that was hard for her to adjust to but at first she was all on board with the dressing. She even bought Jaylyn Christmas presents, helped me with makeup she has even helped many times apply my makeup, we bought bras together at Lane Bryant, we had a matching leggings and top once. Here's the hard part since she went thru the change she doesn't enjoy playing dress up with me any more. I suppose the answer to your question is her hormones has been the hardest adjustment. I know she is the same person but something changed her thinking that it was cute for us to be soul sisters anymore. Dang the life change in GGs.

My wife is fine with everything I wear, but, like Gillian, she can't seem to understand five things I wear...underwire bras (that's all I have), shapewear for the hip/butt pads, pantyhose/nylon stockings, heels and shaving my legs. Every time I wear any or all these things, she comments, "how can you stand to wear those things?" My response, with a subtle smile, is "easy". She's not angry or negative...just bewildered as to how and why I wear these things. After I'm dressed, she's OK. Obviously, she never wears any of my favorites. Life is good.

Hormones and implants were her two no no's.

I had to snicker to myself about the maternity clothes in the Jennifer in CD post. One of the bra's that my wife bought me came from a discount rack in Walmart, and it was a maternity/nursing bra. It is very comfortable and fits great. Again when it comes to wives, go figure!

I guess it remains to be seen what clothing or other items might be too much but for now I'll say that she did have a hard time when she realized it wasn't just clothes but mannerisms and persona as well.

To the fact that I was a cross dresser and that I wasn't ever going to give it up. She has finally accepted that fact but I don't get to get my Scarlett on while she's at home which is fine with me. I'd feel rather awkward around her with me all dolled up as Scarlett!

The other thing was the shaving of my legs. Initially she was against it but now I think she loves the soft feel of the bare skin on my legs while we are making love! When I where shorts, and I don't like the long long shorts they make for men now, I don't ever have anyone ask me why my legs are shaved. The sculpted military officers at the military base where I work out have shaved legs. I think it's OK if you are a regular at the gym and stay in great shape. I notice that many of the military officers shave their whole body too. 4

Mine are usually khaki or black and are about two to three inches above the knee. They are both sexy and classy for guy's shorts and I don't mind showing off my legs in guy mode either. As you girls have noted, I have been extremely blessed in the leg area!

So the fact that I'm a cross dresser for life and it's just a part of me being me that I don't shove down my wife's throat in anyway and I respect her limits she places on me. There will never be a girl on girl date with her but I would love to do that one evening even though we would both feel very awkward first time out together as girls! And the fact that I'll be shaving my legs and the rest of my body forever. I only do my underarms about once every month or so. That hair as well as other hair on my body grows really slow.

So those were the two things my wife had the hardest time adjusting to. She still has no idea I named myself Scarlett when I get my girl on!

XOXOXO Scarlett :c9:

for me after my wife's initial nervous breakdown it was me shaving off all my body hair.
6 yrs later she is tolerant and just goes with the flow

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Leslie Langford

Ummm...EVERYTHING! :(

Also known as DADT ("Don't Ask, Don't Tell"), or some other variant thereof such as DWTSIDWTKAAI ("Don't Want To See It, Don't Want To Know Anything About It")

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I would also say it's everything, but really it's nothing.

We have a DADT, but I call it, "See no Evil, Hear no Evil, Speak no Evil."

She has never seen me dressed at all, not even in pictures. She's never seen my forms, padding, makeup or wigs, never mind me wearing them. She has never seen any of my clothes. She doesn't know that I go to a salon to get my toenails painted, and sometimes my finger nails, if I can keep them painted for more than a few hours.

What she does know is that I go out dressed and have CD friends that I meet. She knows what time I'm leaving and what time I'm coming home, but not where I'm going. I leave the house as a boy and return as a boy, and change someplace in between. Sometimes I change at a friends house, sometimes in a public bathroom, sometimes using a dashboard vanity in some remote parking lot.

She knows that I go to the Keystone Conference, but like Vegas, what happens at the Keystone Conference stays at the Keystone Conference.

I guess the hardest thing for her was letting me go out, and imagining all the bad things that can happen. But like any cis-woman, I've learned the rules: always be aware of your surroundings and buddy up with someone instead of walking alone at night.

This is a very interesting topic as my wife and I had a similar discussion just the other night. My wife knows fully that I am a crossdresser and is currently OK with that knowledge. She has seen pictures of me dressed and often sees me in panties. So far she is accepting. I openly asked her what she would think if we planned a day where she left for the afternoon and I dressed for her return. She initially stated that she might not be happy with that if I chose to do that without her knowledge. But she thought about it and said she might be OK with it if we both had agreed in advance. Then our conversation moved on to her asking why I felt the need to wear full make up and wear body shaping attire. My impression (might be wrong) was the make up and wig might be the tipping point of her acceptance/ understanding of her husband desire to crossdress. I wish there was an easy explanation I could provide but so far I have none. I wish I understood what it is about dressing that holds my appeal so much. I do think seeing pictures of me fully dressed and seeing me fully dressed in person are not the same. The good news is my wife does make an effort to seek to understand and I truly believe she is not judgmental but actually has a desire to openly discuss my desires for her better understanding.

I am not sure that I have the courage to dress in front of my wife yet. I am a crossdresser who enjoys being enfemme when I have the opportunity but I do not have a desire to dress full time all the time.

Having open conversations about crossdressing desires is not easy but it sure has been helpful in our relationship. So we take our time share our thoughts and find common ground. Talking things out and being open and honest isn't easy for me but it sure has been a blessing for my wife and me. One thing she has made perfectly clear to me is her knowing about my dressing and me not hiding my dressing from her is more tolerable than leaving what my dressing is about to her imagination. I guess to sum it up her knowing what I do when dressed her efforts to understand it is better that her wondering what this desire is all about.

Learning how other couples deal with this has been insightful. Thanks all for you life's experiences.

Thank you all for your responses. I am in a conflicted stage as she is the love of my life for over 22 years. She has accepted more than I ever expected and tries to supportive. I have the upmost respect for her feelings and do not want to hurt her emotionally our jeopardize our relationship in any way. I hope in time I can continue to grow. I have zero desire to try hormones, surgeries, or fully transform. But there are times I want to experience the complete feeling of being 💯% women, feminine. She is ok with me being a Miad, but shaving and a wig just scare her.

Reading all of the responses has given me some peace. Sometimes I think counseling would help us both. Sometimes I enjoy being Tough and manly (Blue time). Sometimes I enjoy my pink time. There is no drug that has helped me more than dressing feminine. Sometimes I just want more. I am at peace in pink mode. No anxiety, no stress, just feeling beautiful, sexy, and feminine.

My ex-wife (divorce wasn't CD related) had friends and the husband cross dressed. He and his wife were both gorgeous. She'd been out with them a few times as well, in fact she showed me pictures when we were dating and before I told her, maybe to make my confession easier.

She was thumbs up on shaving body hair and trying to be more slender. Hair, makeup and clothes were fine, we mostly went out to parties together and she mostly helped. Dancing with friends, even guy friends, no problem.

Like others, after I got some sexier breast forms she started to worry I wanted to go, "All the way." Feminine gestures, walk, even a hair flip started to bother her, but we didn't go out enough for that to be a big problem.

She also didn't mind occasional exercise clothing outings. But despite many efforts on my part, she never wanted to make love if I was at all en femme.

The fact that I am still heterosexual but like women's clothes. Who wouldn't the variety, colors, feeling sexy and I find them more comfortable. Her absolute no daisy dukes except around the house.

We do our fair share of shopping at thrift stores for my female clothing. I will take something off the rack that catches my eye and show it to her. "What do you think," I ask. All she does is give me "the look" and I know I have to put it back because if she would wear it, I can't. She doesn't wear a lot of dresses or skirts so it happens most often with blouses (tops) and sleepwear.

Luckily, this view has moderated over time and I now own some nice clothing.

I've always been curvy, so I never had hip pads, but I did buy breast forms in my earliest days. My GF is very accepting overall, but she couldn't abide those.

In her words.. the makeup, wig, clothes.. it looks like the feminine side of "me." With breast forms, I looked like me wearing a female costume. So I donated the forms to a local TS group and just go natural now.

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Originally Posted by Eva Bella

I've always been curvy, so I never had hip pads, but I did buy breast forms in my earliest days. My GF is very accepting overall, but she couldn't abide those.

In her words.. the makeup, wig, clothes.. it looks like the feminine side of "me." With breast forms, I looked like me wearing a female costume. So I donated the forms to a local TS group and just go natural now.

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I have to say, breast forms just don't look or feel right. Mine are sitting in my drawer. I got some cheap ones to try out but ended up not liking them. On the plus side, I found out what size I would like to be if I could grow my own without loosing my "male appetite". B cup would be nice.

So, the hardest thing for my wife to adjust to, hmmm, she has been open to it the entire time. I will have to ask her when I get home. She didn't like the forms either.

Me she was 5' 2" I am 6' 7" I was always too big for her in more ways than one! LOL

The whole CDing thing. And that CDing isn't an automatic gay.

As others have said, its the wig. When I put one on, it totally changes my image. I look and feel more feminine and happy to see the inner girl surface.

My wife was OK with my dressing; She even dared me to get forms and wear them for a week.
And she even insisted that I get a Wig, and wear it when dressed. Since I was almost bald anyway,
she wanted to see me with hair.
The only thing was that I do not leave the house fully dressed. I could live with that.
Rader

MY So has been amazing all around. She has never said anything negative, has never frowned on anything I have wanted to try and even suggests somethings. I just recently bought my first butt/hip padding panty and she said that the hips weren't enough but the butt may be too big but she did say it added to the appearance. Me, I personally don't like it so I probably won't wear it much.

My wife has pretty much rolled with everything since I told her about this, quite amazingly spectacularly, so!! Indeed, she is usually gently prodding to push my envelope wider and spread my wings a bit more and more in public. She was also the first to suggest breast forms (rather than the water balloons I previously used). All in all, she really has been tremendously embracing of all of me.

My SO does not want me to wear a wig. So I grew my hair long. She asked me to get it cut so I brought up the wig again. My Hair is long. LOL

It period. What she has grown accustomed to and now prefers is body shaving, but that is about it as far as adjusting to and liking. Once in awhile her mood is fairly light hearted and we can goof about it, but usually not.

Just the fingernails when they get to 1/4 inch beyond the tip of fingers. Less than that is OK.

My wife hasn't had a hard time adjusting to anything. I wear my hair long so I have no need for a wig. But I think she would be fine with it.:hugs:
Angie

well our wives has some limits to what they want us to wear ...i think we should not push these limits too much ...for example my wife accept me wearing normal dresses and some make up but not lingeries infront of her ...i think i look more sexy than her ...it is a competition to another women

Wife comes to helpline.

Helper tries to cut through all the confusion.

Then the list comes.

Makeup. Breastforms. Heels. Wigs.

Why these cause so much trouble is still a puzzlement to me, but here goes.

One of the things most cders say over and over is 'I am still the same person...' the problem being that the wife does not see it that way. Whatever her sticking point is (and please don't start on the baby steps routine) you are changing before her eyes. You want to look feminine. She wants her man.

It doesn't come down to how proficient you are with the dressing or the quality of the appearance, the only thing the same about you is the colour of your eyes. Now how would you fare if the positions were reversed? It takes a lot of additions for most men to bring off an appearance. For us getting dressed and made up takes minutes. Even a skinny woman would never wear hip-pads, we have more self-respect and acceptance of who we are. Our bodies are not perfect and for most of us that is difficult to live with, but we do. We make the best of what we have. Most cders on the other hand keep striving for something impossible.

So the more you do not look like the husband the more scared and unaccepting she may be. You do not accept that many of us have problem hair, too thin, too fine, too curly, whatever. we struggle with it. Giving up and buying a wig would not suit most of us.

And the finished result for you may make you happy but it can cause untold grief for a woman desperately trying to understand but looking at this concoction of fakery-breastforms, wig, hip-pads, nails. Explaining that this makes you feel good is not a suitable explanation for someone desperately trying to understand.

Perhaps you could try to be more thoughtful.

At first she had to adjust that I was a crossdresser. Many people have pre conceived notions about crossdressing and crossdressers. It was hard on her but she fully supports me.

The only thing is when I am dressed she will never call me by my female name when I am dressed. If we are out shopping she will ask does Lea need anything.

She still makes comments occasionally that she does not know why I wear the foundation garments hose and heels. She is a shorts and tee shirt gal. But she understands it brings me comfort and completes me.