Pictures or it didn’t happen?

So last night I went out, dressed as a female, in public, among the muggles to a real place not just the parking lot around the corner or a somewhat empty park as I have done a couple of times in the past.

It was exhilarating, nerve racking, scary, sweat-inducing, stomach-churning EXCITEMENT!

It took a lot of pre-planning but this closeted gal was able to find a way to meet the other Houston girls for the monthly Girls’ Night Out. I had my outfit in a bag in my car as well as all my makeup so when the last employee left my office near 6pm I hurriedly started getting ready.

That took a LOT longer than I anticipated.

Pro tip: keep in practice with putting on make up. It’s been MONTHS since I’ve put on a full face of femme makeup so it took way longer than I wanted. In fact I almost forgot to use a beard cover color-corrector. Another good idea... if you’re going to wear heels when out public, you might want to practice your walk.

So walking... I’ll tell you, it’s one thing to walk on carpet or floors that are nice and flat inside your own place. It’s an entirely different thing to walk on streets with little holes and divots, up curbs, across little cobblestone walkways and then up a few stairs when it feels like the whole restaurant is staring at you.

I was extremely nervous and much of it was because I was out of practice and was worried about being clocked because I didn’t have the confidence that comes with practice. I was extremely late because traffic in Houston is a nightmare and even in October with the sun down it can be 85degrees and 90% humidty. This gal was more than just glowing.

I made it though. Except on the second try. Because on my first try, as I was heading to the door I saw my reflection and realized I forgot to put in breast forms.
Oh
My
Gawwwwwd!!!

So I begin to race back to my car to retrieve them. This is the point where my necklace comes unclasped in the middle of the street while a car’s headlights are on me as I’m bent over trying to pick up the pendant that fell off. Thankfully I did remember my hip pads. :D

I was beginning to think maybe the Universe was giving me its final sign to hang it up. I think to myself that I’m here. I can’t turn around go home.

So I walk in and I look around the small restaurant and see the face of a familiar avatar. Aunt Kelly! I let out a sigh of relief that they are still there. I walk to the table with a death grip on my teal clutch and in a mousy way attempt my femme voice and say “hi ladies”

Kelly looks at me and the others are staring at me as if they’re thinking, “well I guess they will let any bit of riff raff in this place.”

Kelly says something that I can’t quite make out because I feel like I might faint. I think at this point my ears were ringing. And I was certain the band of muggles behind me were pulling the torches and pitchforks to run me out of the place. As they were staring at me I thought “oh my God is my wig on right? Did one of my bewbs fall out? Eyelash is stuck to my eyelid? WHY!!! WHY ARE YOU STARING AT ME!!!

I blurt out, “it’s me Sayyidah.”

A few OMG’s then hugs were had by all. :)

I want to say a big thank you to the Houston gals who were there. You are AMAZING!!! Thank you for making me feel so at ease and for all the kind words. It was my first time out dressed as a woman in such a public setting. I will never forget the experience or you who were there.

My only regret is we didn’t get a picture together.

So awesome!!!! So happy for you!!! Don't worry, next time you'll have so much confidence you'll be taking pictures with the torch bearing muggles.

Congrats and how exciting and scary that was for you. I'm hoping that one day that will be me. thank you for sharing.

So happy you had a great time and don't worry we all forget things from time to time.
One night everything was perfect and out the door I went. Pull into the place where we were all meeting and I forgot my fancy silver bracelet and nail polish Grrrr.
Had a great time anyway.

Nice job! Congratulations! You know that thing you found out about staying in practice or losing your skill? It's true for going out too -- now that you've found how exciting it is, get out more! And yes, things happen without pictures all the time. ;) So happy for you.

Hi, Sue! I guess good things do come to those who wait. Congratulations! :cheer:. I'm pleased for you that your breakthrough came, and I hope you will have many more opportunities :). I'm impressed you're able to ballast up in a car let alone when being out of practise! Good job staying the course during that tricky lead-up, too :notworthy:.

btw, I love the way you write! :thumbsup:.

- Lydianne.

Congratulations!!! First time is the hardest!!! You did it!!!

I simply love your account of the event. It certainly evokes all the irrational fears that seemingly pop out of nowhere when one first goes out into the real world and not just drive around or go for a short walk in darkness. I have yet to go out into the real world of light and other people who can actually see you. Your account really helps me to get ready and take that first step out of the closet and into the world. I have spent years examining and analyzing the phenomenon of gender variance and know a great deal about it. Doesn't really help that much with actually being able to go into the world as Her. The time is fast approaching when that step must be taken. Thank you so much.

Sayyidah, Congratulations on your big first outing.

What a fabulous story and I read every word. I felt your feelings and deep down wish I could do the same thing one of these days. The going out part to meet up with a group, not the problems I'm sure every one faces their first time out. I bet every ones emotions run high the first trip out. I'm still worried about just stepping out on the back porch and the neighbor is a 1/4 mile away. Great job Sayyidah. Be very proud.

Congratulations, it only gets easier, practice makes perfect.

hi sue, firstly congratz....brought me back to my first times out in the wild and all the little things and nuances that can and will go wrong.....glad you stuck to it and prevailed, as mentioned it will only get easier with repetition, sometimes the photos are overrated, it the liberating feelings that are important....

Wow you thread can be made into a movie, there were all the elements. Drama, excitement, thrilling. You should be very proud of yourself I'm sure it took a lot of courage, and I'm happy you had a great time.

"I swear, I'd forget my boobs if they weren't attached!"

:straightface:

What a great story. The classic example of the fact that these things aren't always as stress free as the photos show.
What, did y'all forget you had phones with built in cameras?

Hooray! Huzzah and congrats on your overcoming a huge hurdle: actually stepping out.

I have to warn you though, you WILL find that you'll want to go out again and again.

Oh Sue,

Yes those rushed and harried moments can be both exhilarating and frustrating. Some times you think, gosh it would be such easier if....

Glad it all worked out. It usually does.

Wonderful accomplishment. It will be easier the next time and the next time.

I think we've all felt the fear and excitement of the first time out.

Your adventure sounds like mine, except I changed in a bathroom and didn't forget my boobs.

I wish you many more to come.

Oh, Sue!!! Congrats!!! I drove dressed my first time out and alone! I went to a MAC counter and had wig problems! Things have a way of working out! Glad you got out with some others! Now, you did it once, do it again if you can! Practice, practice, practice! Again, congrats! Hugs Lana Mae

The first time is always nervous time and very forgettable, Sue. The next time will be easier.

You'll be more in the moment and remember to take pics!:thumbsup:

Congrats, Sue!!

Don't sweat it about the first-time flubs..my first time out I was certain my eye was bleeding because I stabbed it with the mascara brush repeatedly.

I hope you have more chances to get out (and tell us how it went). :)

Hi Sue:hugs:, That was wonderful, I can just imagine the fright that came over you,

You are out there now There is no turning back anymore.>Orchid...:daydreaming:...

You should be proud of yourself and remember that you lived to tell the story. Also remember that it all worked out in the end surrounded by some new friends.

How exciting! Thank you for sharing your experience. I really enjoyed it.

Hi everyone!
Thank you all so much for the congrats and encouragement. It means so much.

I think I’ve been emailing Aunt Kelly about going out to a GNO since January and only now did everything line up where I could actually make it. The biggest hurdle is that my schedule is extremely static and predictable. There is very little to no deviation to what I do throughout the week. My wife knows at any given time where I should be and if I’m not, I always do her the courtesy of letting her know where I am if something changes. And the thing is... it NEVER changes. So for someone who is extremely closeted, this makes getting out rather difficult.

The other thing was overcoming my fear of being a dude dressed as woman. I received some wonderful compliments from the ladies at the GNO. But anyone paying any attention is going to know I am a guy. And with that could come some very negative attention and no one wants that. But I felt like I would be with a few people who would have my back if something ugly happened so I went ahead and did it!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Lydianne

I'm impressed you're able to ballast up in a car let alone when being out of practice!
btw, I love the way you write! :thumbsup:.
- Lydianne.

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So I probably need to clarify this a little. I had my stuff in my car but I put on makeup in my office when everyone left.

However, it wasn’t till I got to the restaurant that I found a place (read: dark place where I wouldn’t be seen) where I could change out of boy clothes to my girl clothes. I’ll tell you what... putting on a waist cincher and wig in the dark in a car... THAT. That is no easy task.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Jaylyn

What a fabulous story and I read every word. I felt your feelings and deep down wish I could do the same thing one of these days.

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Jayln, aren’t you in central Texas. Kelly and a few others are trying to meet in Austin in November. If you can meet them , you really should try. Kelly and the girls I was with ooze confidence and rightfully so. They’re all gorgeous in their own way. As a fledging little CDer stepping out for the first time, having a few ladies there to keep telling you you’re doing fine... well it makes all the difference in the world.

It was nice you finally got there Hope you had a great time Sue. I was at one of them. They are really nice girls.

Sue. Glad to hear that you had a great day. Unlike jumping out of a plane, the first time was the hardest. My first time I just sat against a wall. Every time it will be easier. Then one day you will realize that no one cares. On that day that you relax, your hips will sway natural. You will feel every inch of your being enjoying the real you.

Well done Sue, you Go Girl!!!... no stopping you now, its like a drug this going out lol, you will have many opportunities for picture in the future.

Congrats - good for you! ;)

Applause
One-ness
Thanks
Blessings

and looking forward to meeting you!

So glad you enjoyed your first time out. i guarantee that they do get easier in the future as you relax. Don't forget, there is quite a bunch of us also in the DFW area that would love to meet you if you get the chance.

Sayyidah, That was the most wonderful and endearing posts I have ever read. Love the part of the reflection and realization that you forgot your breast forms, I could feel your nervous tension just reading it. A fantastic post, I am still smiling. Thanks for sharing, Brenda

At least you got out and experienced the moment.

Yes, okay pictures at ten. :-)