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To what extent has the compulsion to cross dress waxed or waned over the years for you? Has the desire to cross dress increased during stressful times? Decreased as you've aged? I found that once my wife was in the loop for me the desire was reduced. As I've hit my 40s it hasn't felt as pressing either. Do you see any relation to your desire to dress and your life circumstances?
I honestly cannot remember a time when I didn't want to dress. As soon as I knew that there were boys and girls, and that girls wore different clothes, I wanted to wear what girls wore. For me, even at that age it was about wanting to look, and just as importantly feel like a girl. I know that I'm not a girl, but when I put the clothes on, I feel the same feelings that a girl will feel, the gentle squeeze of a bra, the silkiness and softness of the fabrics, the swish of a skirt. That desire has stayed with me, at a more or less constant level for the following 45+ years. It is now so much part of me that I can be reasonably sure that it will remain so (as much as we can be sure of anything in life).
I don't like the word compulsion. That word implies that by crossdressing I'm doing something wrong. To your question, as I age the desire to cross-dress, that is the desire to be authentic only increases.
I understand the connotation. My meaning is associated with what I have experienced about my own desire and read in many other people's stories that we cannot resist "the desire to be authentic" and must cross-dress. I read you saying that your desire is increasing over the years. Thank you.
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Thank you. I appreciate you responding. I love the swish of a skirt and silliness of fabrics too.
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Thank you. I appreciate you responding. I love the swish of a skirt and silliness of fabrics too.
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Figuring out how to reply on here. I regret the multiple posts of the same reply. Also Fiona I own my part in the still hanging on to judgment about what I'm doing is somehow wrong. Trying to come to terms with it and be more accepting. There seems to be an iressistable element to it, but it has decreased for me to some degree with age.
As I get older the desire to dress is getting stronger. I wish to spend most of my free time in my favourite clothes. This is not accompanied by any desire to be a woman.
The older I get the more I would like to dress and the less I feel a compulsion to dress.
Sara
I absolutely believe CDing is compulsive. When I think of dressing, I feel some degree of anxiety that goes away as I put something on. It still comes and goes to various degrees...sometimes full, sometimes partly, underneath,etc. I told my wife before we married. She is totally supportive, which has only increased and enhanced my activity level to mainly look and feel the best I can.
I do not think age matters. At 83 I dress at home, MIAD style, every evening and early morning. For me it is both an issue of being comfortable. And it feels normal.
Ineke
Firstly I would not call this a "compulsion".
My desire to express my femininity is neither that nor is it a "hobby" as some refer to it. It's been part of me forever and will always be so.
Of course there are ebbs and flows in my dressing, but that is not because my interest has waned. It's because life has interjected situations that require my attention and time therefore reducing my ability to express who I am. As I've aged the change I have noticed most is that I've become "average". In my youth it was all about lingerie and feeling so utterly sexy. In middle age it became more about presentation and blending in so that I could go anywhere without issue. Now as I near retirement my dresses are worn less often and my jeans and flats seem to be the rule of thumb.
Best of all is that I don't mind that at all. I can still doll up with the best of them, I can still don my corset, garters and stockings and feel that superb thrill of being sexy and sensual, but I'm also superbly comfortable just being another woman at the grocery store or the mall, or lounging in the house watching a chick flick, or sitting on my swing in the backyard enjoying the warmth of a sunny day.
Yes, I've changed, but I feel it's for the better. I've matured and my feeling of self has not only survived, it's flourished.
For me as I age ( now in my late sixties I'm wanting to dress more it seems ) the desire has increased with my age to the point where it is not a sexual desire as much as a feel good on my old sun baked skin relief. Even my man shirts have turned to softer ones. I love those Coloumbia soft fabric ones that I think have a silky type light feel to them. The air flow they provide is also welcomed here in west Texas. My undies have turned into mostly soft panties. My skin is very thin and I keep it oiled with lotions, something I never thought of as a teenager, sunscreen now and never in the past. My desire to dress came back with a vengence in my late fifties and is roaring now in my late sixties. I don't know if it's the last hooray or so wishing I was back in my teens where it was a turn on to dress. Mine may not be a compulsion but a feeling I get wearing softer clothes now. The make up part of CD is still something I enjoy though and has been thru the entirety of my life thus far.
First the Compulsion thing.
Compulsion is "an irresistible urge to behave in a certain way, esp. despite one's conscious intent or wish." Oxford English Dictionary.
I don't have an irresistible urge to dress just to wear the clothing, but have found it is the only thing I can do to address the discomforting feelings I experience from time to time. I fight it and if I could find anything else that would work as well and not result in an inability to function, I would seriously consider it. This is the best medicine I've found for the conditions I face. In addition to making me feel better, it makes me feel natural, normal, authentic. I find myself smiling more when I'm dressing and seeing the feminine version of myself in a mirror. That doesn't sound like compulsion to me, but your take on it may disagree with mine.
Now how has it changed? It's always been there to some degree from some of my first memories as a child right up to this moment. It hasn't always been well defined and rarely manifests in a consistent fashion. From prior to puberty through my late teens it was a regular part of my life. As my life got more complex and I was able to think a little more about others, I started filling in that part of my personality and found less of a need to dress. Less, but not no need. Through college and into the middle of my career, let's say my early 40's, I would dress from time to time but it was opportunity based and each dose seemed to be effective for quite a while. Mid 40's arrived along with demands of work and family and new opportunities to travel and dress or times at home when the wife and kids were away and I could indulge myself. Since then it has continued to be more and more a part of my life and now in my later 60's I would dress more than I do if a few things were different. I've come out to many in my family, but not my old friends. I've been asked not to dress around the grandkids who live in my house and I'll honor that request, but I'm about to see changes that will eliminate that request.
What will happen in the future? Not sure but I would bet real money that it will involve a lot more time as Sarah.
I would say that this in not a compulsion. It is our desire to express our femininity and it also comfortable. I agree with Jaylan that my male clothes are better and more comfortable also. But hey we are far into your future. It gets more and more important to express our selves. So it has nothing to do with compulsion..
I am 70; and since I retired about 10 years ago, my dressing has increased a lot.
Mostly from the fact I have more free time.
I was a Carpenter, High Level trim and radius Stairs. It would be impossible for me to come to work
under dressed or wearing a dress; so It was a weekend thing only, and only once in a while as there
was always things that had to get done.
Now I have lots of free time, so on goes the Bra and panties, a dress or a Skirt & top.
And I love it.
rader
Some have said the desire is increasing as they get older, that is the case with me also, especially in the last few years. More free time, more disposable income, joining this forum(?) even, many reasons. Also it is not a compulsion, or a hobby, but a major part of my life.
Life circumstances has a lot to do with dressing.
When chasing girls at twenty it would wane, then when things got quiet it would rear up again.
Sharing a house with four women did nothing for me as all they wanted me to do was dress and be no 5 in the group.
I had a couple of girlfriends at this time and all that happened was more encouragement to dress as they usually knew my housemates.
Getting hung up over the word compulsion misses the topic, the OP question, which is has "it" changed in response to life's circumstances (age, stress, etc.)
Yes for me it has always been changing. My desire to dress increases as opportunities increase. There were periods when I couldn't, so I think I suppressed the desire. When I had no constraints, the desire soared.
Age has had a factor. I still want to dress (and when I do it has to be the works, head to toe complete OTT transformation) and still spend time on the forum, online window shopping, and viewing other online content, but the reward for all the effort is declining.. The desire is still there, but the return for the effort isn't what is once was. Also, young and pretty doesn't last forever, requiring more effort for less reward.
I haven't noticed any effect on dressing up from stress. I seem to "need" more stuff as finances permit, and need less when money is tight.
Good question.
My urges to dress have changed at different times times of my life for sure. When I was young (8-13) there was an excitement and a mystery to it. As a teen it waned due to outside influences and trying to fit in. Later on when I was on my own the opportunity arose so that I could experiment in private.
Then came wives and family ( both were told) not really accepted but tolerated with boundaries. With my wife passing away and the kids starting college away from home the boundaries came down and the urge to dress grew with time. I do dress, go out as Nikki and it feels just as natural and more pleasurable than being in drab. There are times when I wish I could wear a skirt or dress to work or whenever or where ever I want. I want to look like a lady, but I don't think I want to become one either (SRS, BA etc). Is stress a factor, not really, if I'm stressed I don't want to go through the effort. But when I do dress there is a certain calm, and at this point in life I don't feel worried or embarrassed or anxious being out dressed. I am me and that is all I am. No matter what I wear I am me, accept me or move on, no hard feeling either way. I don't go out of my way to publicize this lifestyle but on the other hand, ask me anything you want and I will answer it to the best of my ability as is applicable in my case.
It comes and goes. I've been doing it a lot less as I've gotten older. Nevertheless I am indeed more drawn to it when I am stressed. It's something that I do just for me, a secret pleasure. Admittedly, it feels a little bit wrong - and that's part of the excitement.Quote:
Originally Posted by Melissa Geery
It makes me wonder when we talk about compulsions, if it will depend on where an individual is on the TG scale. By this I mean if someone started out as a fetish CD'er if they are more prone to have certain kinds of urges? Having known people with OCD, I often felt that I fit into some of there same categories. I admit that my early years of dressing was in the fetish CD'er realm. I don't see myself there now though. The desire to dress is there, but the reasons are totally different now.
Thank you all. Gillian I wonder where there is an example of a TG scale. I'll search around Google and around the forums as to whether there is some measurement tool available to lay people. I don't have full access yet to forums so may stick with online resources from elsewhere. Any links you may suggest are appreciated. Still working toward getting 10 posts for increased access. The sexual fetish elemental my CD life is still present but overall less.
I crossdress because that is who I am I do it everyday so its normal for me.
Does age have anything to do with it? No.
Does it wax and wane ? No
I have no stress so no I don't dress to relieve stress.
Melissa,
I would call it an inner need to dress , some people may call it a compulsion . That need has changed , I have found with age I want to do it more but maybe that is more to do with understanding why and accepting it . The guilt factor is a huge mental hurdle once that has gone you start to feel comfortable , shopping becomes enjoyable because you've stopped looking over your shoulder and relate openly with SAs and the general public . It hasn't waxed and waned for me , that gut feeling has been with me 24/7 for most of my life .
I feel if you are to live life to the full, age should take a back seat , it's so easy to talk yourself into or out of doing things because people might say you're too old . I love my figure and how it looks dressed , I've only really discovered and accepted those feelings I'm not going to let age take that away for me, who knows what is round the corner ?
So when I first started dressing in my early/preteens it quickly became an obsession. I was very confused and when my parents found out about it, they were not supportive to say the least. But when I first saw a trans-gendered person in the media, something just clicked. The urges and sexual feelings got stronger. During college the feelings got put on the back burner, because I was scared of the perceptions that I felt I would get. After college though, the feelings became too hard to refuse and I started dressing regularly again in private. Sometimes the needs and compulsions wane, but I would say that overall the needs to dress and wanting to transition has been growing the older that I get.
I first played around with dressing when I was about 7. It has been there ever since. Sometimes strong. Other times it has vanished for a long time. But it always comes back. Now, at 72, the feminine feelings are there almost all the time in one form or other. Most of the time I include something feminine in my dress even though it may be hidden. I fully dress on occasion, but it is not what I would call common. That need arises when I am feeling very far into the feminine, but the feeling or the need has to be there first.
In all of my reading of the posts here I don't think most of us are very compulsive about dressing, although some clearly are. Thus, I think the act of dressing is the common result of something triggering that. And the triggers vary by a vast amount. Some do it to relieve stress, settle down periods of dysphoria, as well as simply a feel good activity. We are all different as to the motivation, but most of us use a similar expression of the motivation. For some there isn't even a drive to look or even act feminine/female. For others that look and action is the only motivation. It is interesting to share our feelings and actions because dressing, not matter how we do it, is, I think, a social thing. Without the social aspect we could all run around naked and be perfectly fine, except for sunburn and freezing. Enjoy what you do for whatever reason you do it. It is really quite harmless most of the time.
I am prepared to admit to compulsion in my dressing. That is not to say I think there is anything wrong with it - I don't. It is difficult now in my 60s with complete freedom to dress to think back to times when I could only do so occasionally but I would say the NEED has reduced, though the actual dressing has increased. I occasionally have spells away form 7-10 days with only male clothing (the only time I wear male underwear or nightwear) but these days tend to be so full that it does not occur to me to long to be in a dress. On the other hand, by mid afternoon in trousers in a hot sticky office I am longing to get home for a shower and to change into a dress. I go out fully dressed the same number of times in a year I used to go out in a month. But a normal day (maybe 320-330 days a year) I wake up, remove my nightdress, and change into an entire outfit with skirt or dress (but no make up or wig) for breakfast and shaving, then remove all but the panties and dress in male trousers and shirt and shoes (but women's socks) to go to work. After a shower on my return home it is on with the panties, bra, tights and dress and jewellery again, not forgetting the scarf. Because the bras and dresses are what I wear most frequently the longing to wear them does not often arise - I am usually already wearing them. But I also like reading about cross-dressing, which is why I am on this site more often than is healthy - must go away and do something useful!
The other thing that occurs to me in this context is that most of us have a bucket list of things we would like to do involving dressing. I have ticked off everything on mine, so once you are on this plateau you stop climbing. You even tick off things you would rather not, like bumping into someone you know when dressed (and surviving). With nothing extra you feel you need to achieve in a dress you lose this part of the drive to go out and do stuff - it becomes enough just to sit at home in front o a computer in a dress.
For me the "URGE" to dress has indeed waxed and waned over time. From around 5 or 6 until I was in my early teens it was pretty constant and an integral part of my sexual exploration. During my teen years it was always there but my sexual energy was more focussed on the opposite sex. In my late twenties it strengthened again but I have noticed that my interest level will fluctuate. I have tried to understand the cause of the fluctuations but could never pin down one root cause. Life stress, diet, alcohol intake, all seemed like good candidates but none provided a sound explanation. One thing I have noticed is that over my life the desire to be dressed has increased a lot. I dress a lot now and it is a pleasant and pleasurable part of my life. I feel much more at ease with myself being a fetishistic transvestite.
Definitely when there is a lot of stress. Nothing like a dress or an oversized sweater☺
The desire to dress waxes and wanes with me, but I can't discern any real pattern to it.
The opportunity to dress, however, has been very much affected by relationships.
Compulsion would have been a good description when I had little to no time to dress in women's clothing. I have always called it "grabbing crumbs of time.' A few hours when I was alone. When the kids were at school and my wife was still a stay at home mom. It was nerve racking. When the kids were finally grown and out of the house and my wife was working for the entire school day ( 7.5 hours) I would take off a 'mental health day.' That was relaxing. As a retiree for the last almost ten years I have found I do not go nuts if I cannot dress. It may be because there is almost no stress. No employment worries. No financial worries. If I cannot dress when I want or need to I do have an outlet right on this forum. Also, I do peruse a lot of clothing opportunities. I am awaiting a Saturday delivery of some Vanity Fair nylon panties in new colors. Life is good.
This is a good question because I finally have everyone but my supportive wife moved out of the house as of last weekend. Since I work from home, I finally have the opportunity to dress as often as I like. In a year it will be interesting to see whether I am still dressing as often as I am now.
Since it is a core part of me, I don't expect it to slow down, but I will see what the year brings.
Anyway, it is happy times now that I have free reign!
Sami
The compulsion to dress has increased lately for me, I've finally got rid of the woman in my life that's been holding me back this last year, her presence in the house has been a serious blocker for me and I'm glad to see the back of her, I've been dressed every day this week and enjoyed every moment, realaxed and de-stressed, my need to dress has grown over this period, simply because I wasn't getting the time to myself, now I'm free and delighted, oh, I should mention here that the woman I'm referring to was my sons gf whose been living with us lol, not my wife who accepts my dressing and whom I love dearly.
I have no desires to be a woman, I simply love crossdressing.
The desire to dress has come and gone for me. As I get older, I’m in my 50’s it has definitely gotten stronger. What started as just a few items of clothing, progressed to being fully dressed, to wanting to appear female (clothes, heels, make-up, and wig). Lately it is my about my attitude and thoughts, if that makes sense. As if I see myself as Suzanne more than the male version. She seems to be the real me and wants to come out and explore the world, and dressing is less about the clothes (but it’s still about the clothes too). I don’t know if any of that makes sense?
Suzanne
Suzanne, this makes perfect sense to me.
My urge to cross dress, comes and goes, it has always been like that, stressed or not, getting older, it just comes in waves, and I can't predict when. I have even thrown on a dress in the garage on my way to work, done a couple of quick twirls watched the dress flair out and then just stood there relaxing in the dress; all this just to appease the urge. I have given up trying to predict it, I just go with the flow and make time when I can. Brenda
H Melissa, I don't think it is compulsion, I think it is desire for me. I have only been dressing for about 2 years, the desire to dress has never waxed, waned, or decreased with age, or my life circumstances. The desire to dress continues to grow more and more everyday. I have found that dressing can relieve stress, but I just consider it a bonus that comes with being a crossdresser.
My desire to dress was always driven by one of a few factors: intense stress, opportunity and/or an idle mind. While we were raising our children, opportunity and the idle mind rarely existed. As the kids grew and eventually flew the nest and due to some highly stressful times (over the course of almost a decade), I landed in the most mindless job possible. The perfect storm! Tons of opportunity and nothing to think about except.........well, you know. Long story short, what was a life long battle took over and I succumbed. I accepted who and what I am, told my wife (she's cool with it) and went about building a life for my female alter ego. It also helps that I have reached that age (old), where I no longer care what people think of me outside of a few family members. I now go out frequently, but still have my WTF moments. If you can beat those, then you've really accomplished something. Good luck and welcome aboard!
I certainly have been subject to ups and downs in terms opportunity to dress, and periods when the need or pull seemed a bit less strong. But like gravity, for me the pull has always been there....for whatever reason....and like a falling object, I’ve steadily accelerated over the years.
I find i go through phases of dressing.
Wont for a few weeks then a few times in a few days.
Overall, as i get older, dressing frequency is about the same, but i have added more over time, better outfits, make up is a little better.
Its all or nothing now, whole nine yards, where as before i might have been content to dress without makeup for example, now i feel its more hardcore.
It was always long period of no desire before I told my wife almost 6 years ago. Then it was 2-3x a week for the longest time. Since about March of this year it has dwindled. I realize there are periods of no desire but it’s been 2 months since I dressed with makeup and I feel in a slump. I use to get anxious with anticipation if I was going to be dressing that night , running over what I would wear in my head . It’s kind of depressing because it’s brougjt me so much joy. Where oh where can the pink fog be.
The desire to dress has not waned over the years, however the opportunity to dress has been problematic. The last 10yrs has been a challenge, with the wife not working and adult children coming and going, my dressing has been put on hold. Today maybe my day! The wife is off to some show with her friends, and the kids will not be home. Wish me luck!Quote:
Originally Posted by Melissa Geery