Have you been with a guy? (Posting my question again after 2 years) :)

Hi There,

I am posting my question again after two years and wanted to see how things are and how people view it. In last two years, since i have asked the questions, things haven't changed much on my side. I am still in closet, really busy, my wardrobe has been expanding but nothing more than that. I did came out to my gal pals about my dressing. I don't feel attracted to girls like a man does but I have new found attraction towards hunks and women of power.

I am curious to know others' views and try to get an idea on where to go. I get motivated when I see successful women and want to dress up at work place, maybe some day. I would appreciate if you could answer these questions.

1. Have you ever been with a guy?
2. Does it make you feel more feminine and a bit more motivated to dress up after being with a guy?
3. Did you feel guilty?
4. Did you feel stuck/addicted and do you think there is a way back if you want?
finally,
5. Did it help you in accepting your crossdressing as part of you and feel more natural?
6. How does it feel like standing next to a man on your heels and all dressed up? (Most women I know dress up only for dates and on for special occasions)

I've been struggling to accept dressing as a natural part of me. But I know a couple of crossdressers who are very happy and see dressing up as natural after being with a guy. Everyone is different but these questions will really help.

Women of power what do you mean by that?
Hunks? Guy hunks or women hunks?
Yes I have been with a guy dressed enfemme and in guy mode.
I girl mode on a date with a guy it feels natural to me but then again I consider myself more female than male so it didn't make me feel more feminine.
Addicted to what exactly?
Standing next to a man on a date in girl mode dressed for an occasion feels very nice.Even better if he is holding my hand or has his arm around me.
Absolute best thing for me is when a guy I like comes up from behind and puts his arms around me. So awesome.

Leonal, it sounds to me u r a bit uncertain about both your dressing AND your sexuality!:straightface:

Stop beating around the bush. Ask what u really mean!:)

Sherry I thought that too because the way the questions were worded.
Sounds like she is dealing with a fetish about strong women.
Has urges to be with a man but not willing to admit it.
Best to just come out and say how you feel Leonal

Quote:

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Originally Posted by docrobbysherry

Leonal, it sounds to me u r a bit uncertain about both your dressing AND your sexuality!:straightface:
Stop beating around the bush. Ask what u really mean!:)

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Sorry about being indirect. Just hoping that this post doesnt get flagged. But yeah, I love dressing up but feel guilty. Ever since I was kid, I wanted to dress up but feel bad. I am trying to figure what motivates me and where it leads. problem is that the urge to dress up doesnt go away and keeps coming back strong. Just wanted to know others' experiences which would be helpful.. really helpful..

I have been with several men. It has been interesting. Both guys where gay so not really into the whole cross-dressing thing. The sex? Amazing. Loved being with a man, being controlled and dominated so to speak. And I often wonder about being with a dominate woman but those are few and far between. So to answer your questions; 1, yes 2, very yes 3, sometimes but totally worth it 4, yes there is but it is addicting really think if what you want long term 5, not really I still feel disforic often but it did answer a lot of questions for me 6, I don't know about heels and all dressed up but I would love to be.
All this said I have a loving wife that is trying to adjust and accept me for who I am and I wouldn't be willing to give that up for the world no matter how our relationship transforms in the coming months and years.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Kendalli

I have been with several men. It has been interesting. Both guys where gay so not really into the whole cross-dressing thing. The sex? Amazing. Loved being with a man, being controlled and dominated so to speak. And I often wonder about being with a dominate woman but those are few and far between. So to answer your questions; 1, yes 2, very yes 3, sometimes but totally worth it 4, yes there is but it is addicting really think if what you want long term 5, not really I still feel disforic often but it did answer a lot of questions for me 6, I don't know about heels and all dressed up but I would love to be.
All this said I have a loving wife that is trying to adjust and accept me for who I am and I wouldn't be willing to give that up for the world no matter how our relationship transforms in the coming months and years.

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Sounds like you've got a keeper. You're wife is amazing :)

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Originally Posted by leonal123

Sorry about being indirect. Just hoping that this post doesnt get flagged. But yeah, I love dressing up but feel guilty. Ever since I was kid, I wanted to dress up but feel bad. I am trying to figure what motivates me and where it leads. problem is that the urge to dress up doesnt go away and keeps coming back strong. Just wanted to know others' experiences which would be helpful.. really helpful..

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One thing I can tell u for sure, Leonal. Most of us have suffered from, or still suffer from, guilt!:doh:

And, no matter how hard u resist your compulsion to dress? The stronger it becomes!:straightface:

The way I beat mine was to give in to it! Which allows me to NOT think about dressing all the time as I once did. And, I only need to dress 4 or 5 times a month now!:thumbsup:

Never been with a man, never had the desire to be with a man.
We all felt guilty when we started crossdressing because we were the only ones in the world who did this
The more you are able to accept yourself as a CD, the more the guilt goes away. I was born this way, I was also born with blue eyes and brown hair. If I don't feel guilty about those, why should I feel guilty about CD?

Leonal -- you may be getting two different concepts confused. There's gender/presentation and there's attraction. It sounds like you have them all wrapped up around each other. Crossdrdessing will not validate an attraction toward men nor will being with men validate a desire to crossdress. If both of these things are natural to you, that's fine, you're not alone. But if you're doing either one because you think it's expected of you, then it's not going to work out well. It doesn't really matter what other people do or have done, you need to get an answer that works for you. I'm a big fan of therapy for working things out and that would be my first suggestion since it sounds like you're having a lot of anxiety about this.

1: Once, while en femme. Not counting a few almost random gay m/m encounters in my teens. In my mid 50’s, after being out a few months, I had a guy chat me up while I was at an LGBT nightclub. He talked to me for quite a while, bought me several drinks, said he thought I was beautiful, and made it clear that he knew what he was in for, that it would not be his first time with a transwoman, if I wanted to ‘go someplace and fool around’. I accepted, provided that he agreed to “treat me like a lady”. It was an okay experience, but he wasn’t worth seeking a second date with - especially since I would be moving to another state soon.

2: It was a validating and empowering experience for me, yes.

3: No real guilt, no. I was single and free to do as I wished. I had already accepted I was bi, though I had very little intimate experience with males. He claimed to be unattached. So no reason to feel guilty.

4: No, I did not feel stuck. I doubt I could do entirely without expressing my femininhe side now, but I could still have a ‘normal’ m/f relationship, if I found the right partner.

5: It did make me feel more ‘natural’, yes.

6: Well, I like being dressed up when I go out nightclubbing. I aporeciate positive attention from others of eitger gender. I enjoy being seen and appreciated as a beautiful female.

I dress for myself first and foremost because I like it, I like the way it feels and I like the way it makes me feel. I guess this is also what motivates me. I am bi and have been with a guy, nothing makes me feel more femme than being with a man. I am single and live alone so I enjoy dressing most of the time when I am home. I do not feel guilty at all because this is what I want and it makes me happy.

We all have choices to make...........I choose to do what makes me happy!

Jessica

I just wanted to preface my response to the questions by saying that I'm more on the TS spectrum and I did live full time as a woman for about a year before I met my wife. During that year of living full time, I met TS women of all sorts of different backgrounds. One girl grew up thinking she was gay and never even really thought about crossdressing then her therapist told her to give it a try and something just clicked. I've met other girls who were not attracted to men at all and they considered themselves as lesbian. Meeting them was actually the catalyst for me accepting that I am/was a TS as I was never really attracted to men. But then a funny thing happened. The more time I spent as a woman, the more I became attracted to men. Then another funny thing happened. I had to briefly go back to living as a men, and then I met my wife and here we are. I think sexuality can be as fluid as gender is for some people.

1. Have you ever been with a guy?
Yes. Never in a gay male-male relationship, but I have dated men before. I was stealth when I was living full time and dated two men who had no idea about me being TS. I also dated three men who knew about my TS background.

2. Does it make you feel more feminine and a bit more motivated to dress up after being with a guy?
I don't know about feminine, but it definitely made me more female. Maybe that was my motivation for dating men - to fell more validated as a woman. I don't need any motivation to crossdress, let alone dressing up for a guy.

3. Did you feel guilty?
Nope. Not at all.

4. Did you feel stuck/addicted and do you think there is a way back if you want?
Not sure if this really applies to me. I certainly didn't feel stuck.

5. Did it help you in accepting your crossdressing as part of you and feel more natural?
Crossdressing has always been a part of my life and the only thing I had to accept was whether or not to transition.

6. How does it feel like standing next to a man on your heels and all dressed up? (Most women I know dress up only for dates and on for special occasions)
I love heels. I love getting glam'ed up. I'm short so there is an element of empowerment by wearing heels and being just a bit taller. Oddly enough, I felt more female when I was significantly shorter than the man.

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Originally Posted by Pat

Leonal -- you may be getting two different concepts confused. There's gender/presentation and there's attraction. It sounds like you have them all wrapped up around each other. Crossdrdessing will not validate an attraction toward men nor will being with men validate a desire to crossdress. If both of these things are natural to you, that's fine, you're not alone. But if you're doing either one because you think it's expected of you, then it's not going to work out well. It doesn't really matter what other people do or have done, you need to get an answer that works for you.

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What Pat said. Took the words out of my mouth (not the first time, she speak with wise tongue)

Daisy

I pretty much agree with Pat's response. Although there are obviously some apparent very fine threads that connect gender and sexual orientation, those threads are very insignificant and barely functional. So, from a practical point of view it is perhaps most fitting to the nature of the behaviors to keep them quite separate. Recent research has shown that the urges for sex and the sexual orientation come from different places in the brain than gender identity. So, it is understandable that in practice gender and sex tend to look like they are linked even though functionally they are not. That said, both constitute a need and in our daily lives linking the two together is a fairly common thing to do, especially in a binary society such as we live in. Just keep in mind that being transgender does not dictate sexual orientation - there are transgender people who are gay and others that are not gay. But trans and gayness are really different things. And there are gay men who dress in women's clothes on occasion even though they show no trans indications. Lots of combinations there.

So, perhaps if you are able to determine what is causing some conflict, as Pat says, with the help of a therapist, the two aspects of your full self (sex and gender) might be resolved. I agree that you are showing some guilt and shame feelings and perhaps are trying to rationalize them. Therapists are really good at helping people work that out and be more comfortable in a way that is more natural for you.

I agree with Pat as well but I also think you aren't exactly looking for the root of either your crossdressing or same sex attraction but rather some validation from others for how you might feel or what you might be interested in when you do dress up. That's what your first question tells me anyway: asking if anyone has gone there to see how much or how often the answer is yes. Your, or better still, I'll speak for myself, my sexuality is not dependent on one or the other and what I have a hard time with is that there is no definitive answer for me. I used to wish I *was* gay so as to have something clear cut to rely on. But instead I have a pretty complicated, personal relationship to sex, sexuality, crossdressing, and transgenderism and I partly envy those that don't. That said, here are my answers:

1. Have you ever been with a guy?
Yes

2. Does it make you feel more feminine and a bit more motivated to dress up after being with a guy?
Not really. Getting dressed up motivates me and being a head to toe gal, I always try to look my best regardless if it's for the mirror or for a night out. In fact I'd say I've never dressed up *for* a guy, but being out and feeling pretty has led to my wanting to have a fuller experience as a woman (if I can say that!) and that has made the thought of being with a man incredibly enticing, so I sought it out. During and afterward, yes, I felt incredibly more femme, but no more motivated to dress up because I had that motivation long before.

3. Did you feel guilty? I did and didn't. I did when I maybe put myself in precarious situations (after all I didn't really *know* them), but for the act itself, not at all. I was single and perfectly free to do and experience what I wanted and happily did so while avoiding the "what does this say about *ME*?" type of hand wringing.

4. Did you feel stuck/addicted and do you think there is a way back if you want?
I am also unclear as to what you mean here. Stuck in being attracted to men? I'd say I was there already even before I did what I did, but I wouldn't call it "stuck" or "addicted" because that implies that I can, and maybe should, change aspects of who I am. Therapy, as others have said, helped me TONS, darling.

5. Did it help you in accepting your crossdressing as part of you and feel more natural?
Nope. Therapy did. Becoming comfortable with (and I'm still not done by the way) the fact that I am and my personality is multi-faceted, like a precious gem :battingeyelashes:

6. How does it feel like standing next to a man on your heels and all dressed up? (Most women I know dress up only for dates and on for special occasions)
Well there wasn't a lot of standing going on :o LOL but it felt nice--honestly though I was so self-involved, self-conscious, and nervous that I'd barely noticed the man at times. In fact looking back, I guess I haven't really been on a proper date. Maybe that's in the cards for me in the future, maybe it isn't. But it has nothing to do with whether I crossdress or not or how good I try to look when I do.

Have fun. Be pretty. Don't be hard on yourself if you can help it. And if you can't, see a therapist and ask them to help you!

1. Have you ever been with a guy?
Yes
2. Does it make you feel more feminine and a bit more motivated to dress up after being with a guy?
Yes
3. Did you feel guilty?
Yes
4. Did you feel stuck/addicted and do you think there is a way back if you want?
finally,
Yes
5. Did it help you in accepting your crossdressing as part of you and feel more natural?
No
6. How does it feel like standing next to a man on your heels and all dressed up? (Most women I know dress up only for dates and on for special occasions)
It feels degrading

Never been with a guy and have no intention of doing so ever either. As quite a few have said before Leonal, I think you are mixing up two seperate issues in your life. Perhaps you are 'blaming' your CD urges on your sexual fantasies of being with a guy - unrelated. Or perhaps your blaming your Bi feelings on your dressing urges again unconnected.

I am fairly certain that being with a guy whilst dressed and 'being' the woman would make one feel more feminine, but there is no cause and effect.

1. Have you ever been with a guy?

Yes, I attribute some of my dressing as a reaction to being with guys as a teenager. I so desperately wanted to be straight while at the same time be a woman.

2. Does it make you feel more feminine and a bit more motivated to dress up after being with a guy?

Absolutely, especially when you are with a guy who is into it. Whether it is getting ready for him to come over or wearing sexy lingerie in the bedroom, its incredible.

3. Did you feel guilty?

As a teen i definitely felt guilty about everything. Guys and dressing. I would have the post orgasm guilt attack. As soon as I came, I wanted to run away. That went away in my early twenties, when I actually had a guy make love to me. It was like nothing I imagined, it was incredible and I never felt bad about doing it with guys ever since,


4. Did you feel stuck/addicted and do you think there is a way back if you want?

I have purged all my girl clothes and sworn of sex with guys several times. I have concluded its just a waste of money though its fun to buy new stuff.

5. Did it help you in accepting your crossdressing as part of you and feel more natural?

I feel much more comfortable with it now. I am dating a "straight" guy at the moment and he love it because i will wear stuff no girlfriend he ever dated would. I will also do anything he wants sexually. Dressing has been awesome in this particular relationship.

6. How does it feel like standing next to a man on your heels and all dressed up? (Most women I know dress up only for dates and on for special occasions)

For me, its about as as close as I get to feeling like a real woman. Even though I am not all that passable, he loves taking me to dinner and out for drinks. Only when he is inside of me do I feel even more like a real woman.

1. Have I ever been with a guy?
Yes, experimented with a friend when we were 12, ended up continuing until we were 17, them again with a friend when I was 26.

2. Does it make me more motivated?
No, my cross dressing doesn’t lead my sex life and vice versa, the fact that my sexual encounters in the past all included cross dressing is a bonus (my last encounter with a friend, they were TG)

3. Did I feel guilty?
I did when I was younger as it wasn’t “normal” for a man to wear a dress or sleep with another male, now I enjoy it.

4. Do I see a way back?
Cross dressing is a part of who I am and don’t want to change, as for my sexuality, I only enjoy the sex that I have and don’t fancy males as such.

5. Did it help me feel more natural?
No, I was already experienced when I started cross dressing so they were 2 parts of me that would mix.

6. What did it feel like?
It felt good being able to portray ourselves as lovers with no one else able to realise we were 2 guys.

1. Have you ever been with a guy?
Yes had a friend I played with from 14 till 16, lived out in the country and we were horny all the time
2. Does it make you feel more feminine and a bit more motivated to dress up after being with a guy?
Back than no, although I did find myself repeating some of the things I heard woman say to the men on porn. But still only dressed in private till 30
3. Did you feel guilty?
Never felt guilty was always afraid of being caught but never guilty of my bisexual self

4. Did you feel stuck/addicted and do you think there is a way back if you want?
Nope never felt stuck I feel I am in control and comfortable of my sexuality

5. Did it help you in accepting your crossdressing as part of you and feel more natural?
Yes, especially since in male form I am ultimately alpha but in femme I am very sub

6. How does it feel like standing next to a man on your heels and all dressed up? (Most women I know dress up only for dates and on for special occasions)
Depends sometimes I am extremely comfortable and others I am so uncomfortable and I just want to go hide, The hardest for me when I am in girl mode and I get uncomfortable is to keep from snapping into the alpha male but I love feeling pretty and if it's a good guy with me they can usually help me through my uneasiness and calm my nerves so I can let the girl out and enjoy the moment

Oh my...that's a hard one!

<snort>

I am bi as a man with a strong hetero component....maybe the best way to explain that is to say that I find the vast majority of men, fairly unattractive for a variety of reasons....some of which, I am willing to admit are in my head....having said that, and once I am more confident as Rowan, then yes, I will be....more than likely as part of a triad or quad that involves R. We are poly and tend to date the same people....and I love it. She told me a fairly graphic tale of what she wanted to see with me and another guy. Things got messy after that. I feel.like I am skirting the forum rules a little and I don't want to cross that line...
So...that guy is out there..and yes I will...and although I am in no rush, I am curious..

Cross dressing is not about sex to me....which is why I am profoundly grateful for the rules here against excess sexy talk..I really want to at least emulate a lady with some class and elegance....I can save trashy for behind closed doors.

One thing is for sure...I have been privy to the conversations many of my GG friends' conversations with guys on online dating sites...and in person...and the old saw that men are pigs is all too true in many if not most cases.

He can have some class and manners or go chase flies...I have more self respect than to settle for second rate.

1. Have you ever been with a guy?

Yes, but not while being dressed.


2. Does it make you feel more feminine and a bit more motivated to dress up after being with a guy?

Looking back, I wish I would've been dressed and got to experience sex "as a woman."

3. Did you feel guilty?

The first time, yes, the times after, there was still some guilt, but there was more confusion as I am not attracted to men, as I could probably count on one hand the number of times I checked a guy out.

4. Did you feel stuck/addicted and do you think there is a way back if you want?

Not sure what this means....

5. Did it help you in accepting your crossdressing as part of you and feel more natural?

Never experienced it while dressed...


6. How does it feel like standing next to a man on your heels and all dressed up? (Most women I know dress up only for dates and on for special occasions)

I would like to know

Leonal,

Great post and good topic.
However, I wish this subject thread was on another section of the Forum except "Male to Female Crossdressing". I know the topic fits into general CD/TG area, but it is also a quite personal and sensitive topic (IMO). This part of the Forum is open to non-members and Lurkers (etc). I know, for example, that wives lurk around this website and read about their crossdressing husbands and check out what's going on. My point is that I may not mind sharing something so personal and perhaps secret with my forum sisters, especially now that I've been here a while. But I also don't wish to leave "surprises" out here in the open.
I wish the Forum had a more secure place, and devoted to JUST MEMBERS, where we could discuss some of the sticky stuff and in private away from Lurkers and Non-Members. Right now the "secured, private" parts of the forum are only the Pictures section and the Clothing/Makeup/Beauty section.

Definately agree with IleneD in the last post. Makes total sense.

Daisy

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I wish the Forum has a more secure, and devoted to JUST MEMBERS

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I too agree and I get these funny feelings about these questions. It seems like I am looking/taking a robo call.

I fully support IreneD's post !! Once upon a time wasn't there a thread/section that fulfilled her idea?

I'm sympathetic to the idea of a members-only forum for "advanced" crossdresser issues. Write to the administrators (Sandra, Tamara) and push for it if you want it. They do listen.

Isn't there already a members only forum, the GM forum?

Private forums are available for Genetic Males, Transsexuals and Genetic Girls, you can apply to join the appropriate one via your settings control panel. The issue with having a private forum is by its nature it is not open to all members, only those that fit the criteria

I have a friend who use to crossdress, says he doesn't anymore and I believe him. We take girlfriend / boyfriend type pictures together. It's a lot of fun and does make me feel more feminine. He holds me tight, for some of the photos and gives a quick kiss when he leaves, but that is it, no hanky panky. He would like to take it farther, but as of now, I won't. I do love the pics, when I see myself with him, on his lap, his arms around me, arm in arm etc.

I agree that this post should be here for all to see. The vast majority of cross dressers have fantasy's about being with a member of the opposite sex, often while self pleasing themselfs, knowi g they would never act upon it. Reading the posts of those that are open about the topic is very informative about varied attitudes. I always preach about honesty with your spouse or SO and being honest with each other is just as important.

great point Alice!

1st, to answer your question, no. My cding has no sexual element to it. I am not saying there couldn't be, but I have never ventured there, haven't felt any need to. Whatever the actual percentage is of cis gendered men who have SSA of any kind (fantasies) the numbers typically are thought to be somewhere between 5 and 10 percent. Of those of us anywhere on the trans spectrum (genetic born men) It certainly wouldn't surprise me if the number who had any SSA might so much as double. That though would still make it a significant minority. Ask the question have you and it seems like the whole board will answer yes. Ask those of us who haven't and don't care to, again, it seems like the whole board will say that too. I do think though that by the very nature of who we are, it makes it at least a little bit more likely that we experience some sort of SSA. Is it the dressing that makes us feel this way, no. But maybe it is whatever that leads us to dress in the 1st place may also lead us that way too. It is more likely that a masculine person will seek a feminine sexual partner and vice versa, but not always.

I support the idea of Irene. This is an extremely private subject!!!

On quite many occasions when out and about I was confronted with guys who wanted to get close to me - too close. They wanted to touch me, kiss and take me home. It sure feels kind of nice to be accepted and admired, we like attention. However, like most of us, I'm heterosexual and not up for that.
Most guys who wanted 'something' are quite clearly CD, TV, TS admires and have a kind of fetish.

I feel much better meeting and talking to people and keep it that way.

You seem to be confusing 2 totally different subjects, or that's my reading of your final paragraph; 'struggling to accept dressing as a natural part of me', and feelings about dressing up after 'being' (presumably sexually) with a guy.

You need to deal with the first one before trying to understand where you are with the 2nd, and once you've dealt with those, the answers to your 6 questions will become obvious.

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Originally Posted by Pat

I'm sympathetic to the idea of a members-only forum for "advanced" crossdresser issues. Write to the administrators (Sandra, Tamara) and push for it if you want it. They do listen.

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Please define "advanced crossdresser"?

In some ways, I feel like I am an advanced crossdresser because I've been doing it for a good while, I do it often and I have a lot of "stuff" to change my look into that of a woman. At the same time though, I don't live as a woman, I don't go out in public often and only my wife knows about my hobby. Maybe I'm not an "advanced crossdresser".


As for the original thread subject, that's interesting. We already know that there are several gay members here and we should assume that they have been with a man. That's their sexual preference regardless of what they are wearing. Some folks here identify as bi-sexual and that's OK too. And it implies that they have been with a man.

What is often misunderstood, especially by non-crossdressers is that dressing like a woman doesn't make one gay or mean that he is gay. It also doesn't mean he wants to become a woman or live as a woman. Some of us do, of course, but most do not. We just enjoy doing it for whatever reason.

Some of us have fantasies about being a woman and having sex as a woman (with a man), but the majority of us never act on those fantasies. Probably the most obvious reason is that we don't have "woman parts" so we couldn't really experience it fully. Another is, many of us are married and this would be cheating. And of course, most of us aren't attracted to men even if we're wearing a wig and a pair of boobs.

To finally answer the question, No, I have not been with a man. I've never done anything sexual or romantic with a man. As Krisi or as Homer.

Hi Leonal; In answer to your query; I am a crossdresser, not bi or interested is becoming bisexual. Not to say I haven't watched a good looking man before either. That said:
1. Have you ever been with a guy?
No
2. Does it make you feel more feminine and a bit more motivated to dress up after being with a guy?
Never been with a guy, so no.
3. Did you feel guilty?
About crossdressing, sometimes, but in general no.
4. Did you feel stuck/addicted and do you think there is a way back if you want? From crossdressing, yes I have felt stuck, I have purged, and stopped dressing for a time but it is in me, I have always come back. The pink fog is a reality for me.
finally,
5. Did it help you in accepting your crossdressing as part of you and feel more natural? This place has helped me come to terms that I am not weird, and that the pink mist is a reality for many here. I am a Crossdresser! A closet case but a crossdresser.
6. How does it feel like standing next to a man on your heels and all dressed up? (Most women I know dress up only for dates and on for special occasions) Never been it this situation, I guess it would depend on why I was there and where we were. I hope I would feel at ease and if not to move away.
Good luck with your search and self exploration. There are a lot of great people and good advice here; hope you find what you are looking for.
Sincerely, Brenda

Came pretty close once,but got cold feet at the last minute. So still remains a fantasy.

Over the last 2 years I have been feeling a need for straight male attention, I don't know if it makes me feel validated or what. I've been posting on reddit and received compliments and offers to meet, but have always declined. But last month I was going to Chicago, so I put an ad on craigslist under casual encounters. I got 21 replies and after a little vetting settled on a very muscular, straight, asian guy. We met in the hotel bar, had a couple drinks, and went upstairs. Strictly oral, and in short order he was on his way. I did feel more feminine, and there was no guilt. I must admit I could see myself getting addicted to the rush of arousing a straight guy and bringing him to completion, as it was a huge thrill! And I am completely straight. I't doesn't matter as far as acceptance because I've known for sometime this is who I am. It was enthralling being out with a big, masculine guy all dressed up in heels and full makeup. Especially walking to my room holding his arm, I felt so feminine.

I’ve never been with a guy and have never been attracted to men. However.....

I love anal sex (receiving), which frankly is pretty frequent. Although I’ve always flown solo in this department, my wife knows I do it and doesn’t care that I have my own assortment of toys.

I started playing around “back there” at a young age and have loved it from the beginning. I was excited when I became old enough to actually purchase a toy, which was your average size male anatomy.

Wether I’m in full femme mode or not, in my mind I am female during the actual “play time”. Even tho I’m 100% heterosexual, I’ve occassional wondered what it would be like to feel the real deal.

Leona, I hope nobody minds LONG posts here! But I did feel your questions were worth considering in detail. In response to Ilene's and others' concerns about privacy, I can only say I hope any wives reading this post would find it reassuring rather than otherwise!

I have to answer No to your first question. I've never had sex with a guy, but like some here, I do find it an attractive fantasy. Mind you, at this stage of life I don't believe I'll ever seek to try it in reality, and there's more than one reason for that! But your situation is different, so I hope my thoughts on the topic might be helpful. How are we similar and how do we differ?

First, I am a straight guy although I do have that fantasy of being with a guy as Marianne. In your post on this topic back in August of 2015 you also said you were a "straight guy." But now you seem less certain of that, as if you're still exploring your sexual orientation as well as your gender identity.

So what does it mean to be "straight"? Well, as you said in your earlier post, you'd "never ever ever thought about [sex with] a guy before," and that was true of me too for a long time. When I hit puberty I promptly became conscious of an attraction to girls, and never for one moment to guys. I wanted to "make love" to girls in the usual way, never in any way to a guy.

People don't always pay enough attention to the multiple dimensions of our sexuality. It wasn't just that I found girls erotic, "sexually arousing." There's a whole social and emotional dimension, a far larger "romantic" element to this attraction in terms of hearts and flowers, huge and kisses, "you're the darling of my life" and "Come live with me and be my love," as Shakespeare put it. In other words, relationships and marriage. I always felt that way toward girls (and women)---and never had feelings of that kind toward a man. I still don't. I can't imagine having those same "romantic" feelings toward a man, or wanting to live with a man in the same way as I've enjoyed living with a wife. To me, that's all part and parcel of what it means to be "straight," irrespective of whatever oddball fantasies I might have as Marianne.

What all this meant in my mind was that from puberty onward I always saw myself having a girlfriend in the future, being in a "relationship" of some kind--and eventually getting married, which is what I did. That's of paramount importance because it's about our major life goals. So it's a matter of priorities.

At the same time, I've been CDing in secret since I was twelve or thirteen. This was always erotic for me, though I'm sure there was always more to it than the fetish factor. It also became bound up with fantasies I had about "lesbian" sex with a more dominant female partner. I don't know if that's anything like your own attraction to "women of power," but at that time I never thought at all about sex with a guy. It was years before I ever began to entertain that idea.

An interesting question here is "why did that change occur? What made the difference"? I can't be sure of course, and I sometimes wonder if certain aspects of "who we are" and "what we want" simply take time to emerge as we mature, not just in our teens but through our twenties and all through life. However, it seems to me that our sexuality makes itself apparent quite early. I gather for instance that most people who are gay realize it early on, just as I realized my own urge to crossdress early on. So if some aspect of our sexuality seems to be delayed in emerging, it may be because we're actively repressing it, or anyway inhibited from exploring it fully.

I think that's part of what Samantha described here, and I suspect that was true for me. Certainly I regarded my CDing urges as uncomfortable and inconvenient all through my teens, and went through the same cycle of periodic purges just as she did--just as so many of us did! Back then I wanted this urge to "go away," and hoped one day it would. And what I hoped was that it would go away once I was in a "normal relationship." I hoped it would disappear when I got a "regular girlfriend." I hoped it would disappear when I had sex for the first time. It didn't, as we all know. Finally I hoped it would disappear when I was having sex regularly.

Well, that didn't happen either! In my mid-to-late twenties I was in a relationship with a woman I was living with, but after the initial surge of excitement about that, back came the old impulse to dress, and since I'd purged my feminine wardrobe when we moved in together, I couldn't resist the urge to slip into her skirts and blouses, dresses, bras and panties when she wasn't around. The trouble was, judging from her reactions to certain things, I was pretty sure she would never have accepted my CDing. In any case we did have other incompatibilities, so the relationship did not turn out to be permanent. Luckily the woman I was later to spend my life with was much more accepting.

It was only after that happened that I started entertaining the fantasy (at least) of having sex with a man as Marianne--though not (again, for more reasons than one) any serious intent to actually try it out. My theory about that change, for what it's worth, is that full and free self-acceptance is an essential prerequisite to fully exploring one's personality, needs and desires, especially in the sexual arena, which can be a minefield of guilt and inhibitions.

What I believe is that sometimes we're forced to come to terms with ourselves when we're face to face with reality and there's no longer room for "denial." In part that's what happened to me when I learned that nothing was going to make my urge to crossdress "go away." I had no alternative but to accept that reality. However, I do feel that being in a later relationship with greater compatibility also helped with self-acceptance. I do see parallels with the eventual self-acceptance that Samantha described in her own post, which I very much appreciated no matter that we may be treading different paths in life.

In spite of that fantasy about sex with a man, which first emerged when I was thirty years old, I know I'm still not, in any sense of the word, "gay." The emergence of the fantasy never changed the fact that I still could never imagine "falling in love" with a man in that broader, "romantic" sense, or wanting to "live with" a man in a mating relationship. Nor would I ever want to have sex with a man in a male role; only as Marianne.

And if I never sought to experiment with making the fantasy a reality, perhaps the biggest reason for that was a matter of priorities, as I mentioned earlier. My first priority, what I always wanted for myself, was to be a "normal male" and to live with a woman I loved. That's what I wanted out of life--career and other goals aside. And being lucky, for which I'm grateful, that's what I got. But sex with a man, even as an experiment, doesn't fit with those priorities.

Now, how does this relate to you? For one thing you're single, which I was not at your age, so right now you're freer to experiment. For another, whether or not you're thinking of transitioning at some point, being "out" as a crossdresser and in public is apparently a more important goal for you than it was for me. But how about the sex angle?

Four and a half years ago you said you were a virgin, and I don't know if that's ever changed. Then too, although you called yourself a "straight guy" in 2015 when you last posted this questionnaire, this time you said you "don't feel attracted to girls like a man does." What's more, it sounds to me as if you turned down the chance to date two beautiful girls who liked you. I'm not precisely clear what happened there: whether you declined the opportunity for some reason connected with CDing, or whether you told them you were a CDer and that led them to back off. What I do think is that in your situation I would never have done that, especially if I'd reached my late twenties without ever having sex with a girl. I'd be raring to go! As for the crossdressing, while I appreciate that honesty with a potential partner may be high on your list, my approach would have been to explore the dating relationship first, find out if this was a girl I could not only get on with, but also trust with my "secret," then let her know.

If sex with a woman is less important to you than having your crossdressing accepted, it does seem to put CDing at the top of your own priority list, which is different from mine. But does it also mean that sex with a woman is less important to you than it always was to me? As I said up front, could it also mean you're still exploring your sexual preference (or "sexual orientation") in addition, perhaps, to your gender identity, and finding your priorities changing as you do so?

Of course these are questions for yourself alone that I hope you find helpful. Whether you choose to try answering them here is entirely up to you! But one question to come out of all this is "how erotically attracted are you to men as men?" If you want to try sex with a male partner, where exactly is that urge coming from?

You could be discovering that you are androphilic to some extent, or bisexual, let's say. But if you're anything like me (and, I suspect, a fair number of CDers here), the urge may be driven more by considerations of gender roles or--more to the point--coital roles. I know there are theories about "autogynephilia" and the like, which may or may not apply to some of us, but the way I see it for myself is slightly different. Specifically, part of what makes crossdressing erotic for me is that it's bound up with the wish to experience sex in a female role.

So for instance I would never want to have sex with another man while in "guy mode." The idea of two men having sex together does nothing for me. "Gay porn" is not to my taste at all. In my own mind a sexual scenario has to have a woman in it to be arousing. Here too it's interesting that two years ago you were talking about "being with" a guy "while a girl is present," a fantasy that appeals to me too. But even if sex involves only a man and a woman, I can imagine as Marianne that I would enjoy being that woman.

I suspect something of this kind might be true for you too, from the questions you posted this time about whether being with a guy reinforces dressing or makes it feel more natural. I can only speculate on those questions, and as Pat and others have implied here, "gender identity" and "sexual preference" are separate personality traits that are not necessarily linked and can vary independently of one another. But in my mind a key phrase there is "not necessarily." If the desire for sex with a man springs from a desire to experience a gender-related role, then the two are bound up with one another.

To answer your remaining questions in that light:

2. Yes, as long as the experience was OK I would expect sex with a guy to make me feel more feminine. Deliciously so, to be "taken" by a guy and give myself up all the way to his pleasure. And I expect it would reinforce crossdressing in the sense that it would encourage me to repeat a behavior that came with pleasurable associations, and with the ability to excite a man with the power of my own femininity.

3. Guilt is something you have to work on getting rid of, separately from anything else. That's up to you, though I'm sure therapy can help. In the unlikely event that I ever did have sex with a guy, I imagine I wouldn't feel guilty about it now. But see 5 below.

4. Never having tried it, I have no idea whether I'd find myself "addicted" or not. That would depend on how intensely pleasurable or otherwise I found the experience, and whether or not I wanted to repeat it. I imagine that it would be worth trying once as a learning experience, to discover how I felt about it, but might not have any insistent desire to pursue.

5. This is the question some people may have quite rightly had a problem with, because gender identity is not necessarily linked with sexual preference. I don't believe having sex with a guy would ever have helped me to "accept" my crossdressing. If I were at the stage I was in my teens, when I still felt awkward and uncomfortable about dressing, I suspect having sex with a guy might very well have made me feel worse, with more conflicts to sort out!

If there's any interaction at all between these two factors, for myself at least I'd say it's the other way round. Sex with a guy wouldn't necessarily make crossdressing feel "more natural" or "more acceptable" to me, but crossdressing would make sex with a guy feel "more natural" and "more acceptable." Not just that, but crossdressing for me would be essential to having sex with a guy! I'd never want to do it in "guy mode," but as long as I could feel "female" and be seen that way, that's the only thing that could make sex with a guy feel "natural" and "acceptable" to me.

So the most I can say about Question 5 is that I would expect the experience to give me insights into the social and sexual aspects of my gender identity, the feminine part of that identity at least, as well as whether I do have any androphilic tendencies. Of course, those aspects alone may be important for you to explore.

6. I dare say that standing next to a man all dressed up in heels could make me feel delightfully feminine, as long as he knew who I was and accepted me in a female role. If I was at all nervous that he might not only discover my true sex but be shocked by it, that would ruin the experience!

Of course, much of this assumes that the sexual experience itself would turn out to be pleasurable enough, which I could never guarantee. In a fantasy we can make things happen any way we like in our own heads, but reality can be totally different. Even if the guy in question behaves reasonably enough, there's always the chance that the full sensory input of sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell during sex might turn out to be repulsive after all. The chance that such an experiment could turn out disappointing or worse, a disaster, is just one more reason why I've never felt driven enough to seek it in reality. Some wishes may be better left fulfilled by fantasy alone!

But your situation is different from mine, possibly your life goals too, if indeed you do know "where you're going" at this stage of your life. I can't know whether you might go as far as transitioning. Probably you don't know either. I'll only echo what others have said: that your enjoyment or otherwise of sex with a guy should not be a deciding factor, especially if crossdressing is motivated in part by sexual arousal. Deciding to transition should depend only on feeling comfortable in a female gender identity at all times. I for instance never wanted to abandon my male identity. It's just nice to be female "at times"!

Could it be right for you to transition--and live in a lesbian relationship? Or with a man? Or would you be better off staying male, dressing part time, and persisting until you find a nice lady who does accept your dressing? Who knows?

However, I do think that if I were in your position (as opposed to mine, which was and is different), and if I were so driven by the need to find out what sex with a guy was really like, I'd go for it! What have you really got to lose? Yes, I know there are certain risks--two more reasons for "not trying it"!--and posters here are right to advise caution in choosing a male partner. But risks aside, you've been dithering about this for over two years, and I suspect you'll never be satisfied until you have tried it. I'm sure it's more important to you than it is to me. It would have bothered me if I died without ever seeing Paris (among countless other things), and certainly if I died without ever having sex at all. It won't bother me much if I die without climbing Everest (as thrilling as that would be), or without ever having sex with a guy.

For you I'd guess it's different. If you don't do it, you'll always be wondering "What would it have been like?" And you don't want to keep putting it off while the years roll by, when you could be doing it while you're young and you'll never be prettier than you are today! That's my advice for whatever it's worth, however well considered or ill-considered.

But I do have one other piece of advice. Stop making excuses not to have sex with a woman! How are you going to know what you really want until you've tried it?

Good luck, and let us know how it goes!

Whenever I am with a guy, I do feel more fem. I like to feel him quicken at my touch. I like the taste as we kiss, I feel so girly with him inside of me.
I do not dress with the intent of attracting guys.
There is no guilt sharing a mutually loving encounter.

No I've never been with a guy. But I do fantasize about it. I think I would certainly like to be treated like a lady, and I could see myself playing the stereotype of the lady for my guy. If the chance would arise I think I would take it. More and more it seems to be my role.

1. Have you ever been with a guy?
- Yes

2. Does it make you feel more feminine and a bit more motivated to dress up after being with a guy?
- Yep, it made me feel absolutely feminine and motivated me to really improve my gurl look for him

3. Did you feel guilty?
- Not a bit! In fact, it made me regret not having done it sooner! But to be honest, I was married and never considered cheating on my spouse. It was only after my divorce that I felt able to explore my desires.

4. Did you feel stuck/addicted and do you think there is a way back if you want?
- This is a little complicated. Could I go back to being an average guy? Probably, if circumstances prevented me from being Jodie. Would I WANT to? Probably not

5. Did it help you in accepting your crossdressing as part of you and feel more natural?
- Without hesitation, yes, 100%! The experience brought home to me that I am female, in mind & spirit, if not in body.

6. How does it feel like standing next to a man on your heels and all dressed up? (Most women I know dress up only for dates and on for special occasions)
- I am taller than him, even in bare feet, but he likes to see me in heels. As for me, I try to look my very best for him, and I adore the idea of being his arm-candy when we go out.