Whoa she went that way!!!!

You are in a cafe and while people watching, you spot me enjoying a coffee, laughs and chat with my friends in an appearance as the attached photo. Whatever the reason is you could identify me as a person within the transgender umbrella whether it be as a crossdresser or as a transgender person. It seems to be that I am very comfortable in being out in the public “owning it” as some may say. You observe me getting up and heading to the restrooms. The women is on the right and the men is on the left. I take the left.
Does my choice of restroom make you question the reason why I did so? Do you approach me to converse and question my action, perhaps even “educate” me on why my choice is “not appropriate” for my appearance?
Most often than not, on the rare occasion when I actually do need to use the public restrooms, I choose to do my business in the mens room if there are no gender neutral restrooms. I just feel uncomfortable in using the women restrooms mainly due to me identifying as male no matter what my appearance is. Some of you may be concerned with my safety in the mens room, however if socializing in an establishment where it is deemed risky I tend to go when there is a friend present in the restroom as well.
Are you able to respect and understand my preference or are you like the person (transgender) who approached, lecture and “educate” me in September. She felt that my choice was a negative impact for the transgender community on the fight for the right of the washroom issue. I am an advocate for gender neutral single stall restrooms and do support the right for transgender to use the restroom of their comfort. However, I do feel that my choice as a male identified crossdresser should be respected as well. (Btw picture was not taken of the day of this confrontation, as I rarely take pictures of just a coffee meet up. But is nearly the same outfit and appearance)

Looking great appearance is everything, I hope all you adventures are positive. There are always negative people, just move on. have a wonderful week. Marie

Each to their own Chantal, personally i would always go to the woman's if I am presenting as a woman. Have you ever had any reactions from men when they have seen you in there, given you look very fem in your pics?

Thanks Marie! Hope your Thanksgiving goes well!

Actually Becky, the were some head scratching looks (somewhat like the initial stunned look when seeing a cd out in the public) on those that may be exiting or at the sink but no verbal or physical reactions. Haven’t had a knock on the door of the stall or privacy crossed. Seems like it is a walk straight to the urinals and to sink then exit for most people. Mind you it isn’t all that uncommon to see women go to the mens as the stalls seem to never have line ups

I don't think that a person should feel they have the right to comment to a stranger (you), about which toilet they should be using... I think some TG/S just assume anybody that falls under the transgender umbrella is some kind of TG/S rights activist. You should have said, "Sorry lady. I'm just a man who likes to wear women's clothing. I'm not transsexual so why are you even talking to me? Mind your own business." Or something like that...

I get the looks and maybe even asking you the question "Why not use the women's room". After that, your answer is more than good enough for me whatever it is. If your said you were afraid, I would probably try to encourage you and even accompany you the next time, if possible. If you had your own reasons as you now state, I would say cool, just be careful. Does a MtF trans person, CD or more, using a men's room hurt "the cause"? Who knows, since it would be a very rare occurrence anyway. I really don't care as long as you are comfortable being yourself the way that you want to be. Live and let live, and most important, just be happy.

If you are asking Princess - I do respect your choice - there really are no rules except be kind to one another

when en femme, I never use the mens room, only ladies restroom.

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Originally Posted by Kas

I don't think that person should have the right to comment to a stranger (you), about which toilet they should be using... I think some TG/S just assume anybody that falls under the transgender umbrella is some kind of TG/S rights activist. You should have said, "Sorry lady. I'm just a man who likes to wear women's clothing. I'm not transsexual so why are you even talking to me? Mind your own business." Or something like that...

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I have no problem with questioning, however this person just went into full on preach mode and had no interest in listening to a word I said.... Usually folks that go into that type of mode lose my attention and start sounding like Charlie Brown’s teacher, and they receive the reply of “blah blah blah” until one of us walks away LoL

Chantal, I'm sure that I would use the gents. For me it comes down to who we feel ourselves to be and how we present. I do though respect everyone who would choose to use the ladies. We may be under one umbrella, but we are all on different paths and different journeys. I'm sure all we ask is acceptance for who we are, as we are. And that is not just acceptance from the world at large, it's also from everyone under our umbrella.

If you are on a path to full transition then using the womens room make sense.
If you are a crossdresser who identifies as a man except when dressed then I say use the mens room.
I think we will move the aceptance of crossdressing along if we are not ashamed of going into a mens room when dressed as a woman.

Chantal I certainly support your right to use the restroom where you feel most comfortable and frown on the person who lectured you. I also identify as male and occasionally cross-dress in public. When presenting enfemme in public I always use the ladies restroom as I would be mortified to use the men's restroom.

Your choice! I will support whichever you choose! Hugs Lana Mae

This whole bathroom thing is blown way out of proportion. Use the one you want it's not such a big deal. A couple of my friends (GGs) will use the men's bathroom when the woman's is busy. The woman's is a single stall and the only one I use. My best friend (GG) will say just use the men's I do. I'm like No, and stand in line for the woman's. One night she is like there is no one in there, just use it. I'll stand here and not let anyone else in, and that's what she did. It's the only time I've been in the men's at the bar.

When I started going to the bar there was a bet on which one I would use. The bar manager told me in a conversation we had a couple of years ago. At the time some people thought I was an undercover police officer. I assured her I was not, they had me confused with an officer that have transitioned while on the force here. We don't look alike and the officer has moved.

At work I'm in guy mode, I'm a service tech and work in the field. Still, I have a ponytail and carry a purse. I use the men's , always a stall, I have never had any problems.

Some just want to push their political agenda. You do what is best for you.

Here they are going to single stall handicap rest rooms.

Chantal, you look lovely. I absolutely understand your choice of washroom and might have made the same choice myself. The person that called you out should mind their business.

I would have followed you in and would have ensured your safety, if I were there.

I would have hoped for the same from you, if you were at the place where I would have needed to have used the restroom.

I definitely would have wanted to have talked with you, not preached to you.

Bella

I hate the fact that they love to throw us under the same umbrella but yet throw us under the bus every chance they get. As a CD, I agree with you and your choice of restroom. To this day I have never faced the whole bathroom choice thing but when it does happen, sooner or later, I probably would make the same choice as you did.

Its your choice, whatever makes one happy.

In mens mode , I often used the women's room if no one is in there.

Chantal,
I play safe and use disabled facilities, OK you could rename them gender neutral as they are intended for either gender. On one occasion it was out of use, so I stood pondering for a moment when a GG from my social group grabbed me by the arm and dragged me into the Ladies , all she said was you look so convincing no one will notice . There were other women in there so I just smiled and found a cubicle, when I'd finished the wash area was empty so I washed my hands found my hairbrush in my bag and was just retouching my lipstick when another woman walked in, she looked and said nice colour before disappearing into a stall.

Use whichever one you feel comfortable using, and don't worry about what others think.

By the way, you look lovely, Chantel.

Thanks all for the good posts and support

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Originally Posted by Charlotte7

Chantal, I'm sure that I would use the gents. For me it comes down to who we feel ourselves to be and how we present. I do though respect everyone who would choose to use the ladies. We may be under one umbrella, but we are all on different paths and different journeys. I'm sure all we ask is acceptance for who we are, as we are. And that is not just acceptance from the world at large, it's also from everyone under our umbrella.

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I so agree with you Charlotte

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Originally Posted by Julia B

If you are on a path to full transition then using the womens room make sense.
If you are a crossdresser who identifies as a man except when dressed then I say use the mens room.
I think we will move the aceptance of crossdressing along if we are not ashamed of going into a mens room when dressed as a woman.

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I don’t think it is the feeling of being ashamed for the lack of using the mens restrooms by crossdressing people. Moreso, the completeness and comfort of their feminine expression. I respect and support those that choose to do so, no matter where they identify within the transgender umbrella

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Originally Posted by Bella.CD

I would have followed you in and would have ensured your safety, if I were there.

I would have hoped for the same from you, if you were at the place where I would have needed to have used the restroom.

I definitely would have wanted to have talked with you, not preached to you.

Bella

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I do tend to be a student when my curiosity strikes, so good chance I would approach, question and listen to try to understand and gain knowledge. May even try to experience the curiousity to see if it suits me.

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Originally Posted by ~Joanne~

I hate the fact that they love to throw us under the same umbrella but yet throw us under the bus every chance they get. As a CD, I agree with you and your choice of restroom. To this day I have never faced the whole bathroom choice thing but when it does happen, sooner or later, I probably would make the same choice as you did.

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The person may have identified as a crossdresser as well (not sure as never asked, l couldn’t really even get a word in lol), so I wouldn’t really say the “they throw us under the bus” statement. She may haven’t had come across someone where the crossdressing is more of an interest (hobbyish if you would like) and not based on gender expression.

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Originally Posted by Teresa

Chantal,
I play safe and use disabled facilities, OK you could rename them gender neutral as they are intended for either gender.

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Actually the gender neutral washrooms I do refer to are not the labelled disabled/family washrooms. They are the only washrooms in the establishments with no binary gender signs specifying the washroom (male/female) but just labelled with the words restrooms or washrooms. If ever in Winnipeg the Stella’s cafe restaurants are a good example https://maryloudriedger2.wordpress.com/tag/stellas/ Some great and comfortable at-the-sinks-chats with folks of all genders were had by me since they have converted to neutral gender

I will use gender free toilets, of which there are many, caught short, with long hair a nice bust and a wearing a skirt, the female toilets will suffice.

I have no wish to be confronting about this at all.

I think I understand your choice and as how it may effect efforts on bathroom choices I don’t think it will.
I agree with the concept of gender neutral bathrooms as well.
For me this came to me the other day and I’m sure it’s related to my transition, but as I was using the ladies room it hit
me, I’m so much more comfortable in there then I ever was in a men’s room. Now I’ve never been in a men’s room enfem,
but I just never felt right in there.
Thanks for sharing Princess
Rachael

When I'm out dressed I use the ladies room. I do try to use the family restroom if I can. Based on where I am (bar drinking involved ) I would be worried if I used the men's room and I also would think that some and I say some men might not be comfortable with how nice you look with you in the men's room. This of course is just my 2 cent.

Like a year ago, my boyfriend is in the men's room at one of the urinal's. My friend Ms D (GG) walks in says hi and goes into one of the stalls. He like freezes. He is still there when she comes out and says bye or something. I don't remember the last part because by this time I'm LMAO, and almost fell off my bar stool. He didn't think it was that funny.

Chantal,
On many parts pf the continent they don't have the same problem , if the queue is too long at one of them ( usually the ladies ) they will skip over to the other one .

Chantal, I'm not the preachy or confrontational type. And, altho I hang with lots of T girls, most of them wouldn't care which toilet u entered either.
But, to be completely honest? A few mite mention the danger u could encounter entering the Men's Room dressed because they were worried about u!:hugs:

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Originally Posted by Princess Chantal

Some of you may be concerned with my safety in the mens room, however if socializing in an establishment where it is deemed risky I tend to go when there is a friend present in the restroom as well.

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I don’t throw safety out the window, I tend to do judgement calls. It is understandable for a person to voice their safety concerns with my choice and I would definitely thank them and explain that I had deemed the place safe or a friend or two were present in the washroom as well. However, this individual did not mention any concerns for my safety at all in her preaching. Her focus was all based on how I am harming the right to use the restrooms of the expressed gender.

This whole bathroom thing is so overblown in this country. If you're comfortable going into the men's room so be it. If you're dressed, I've never seen a ladies room without stalls or a door, so you're doing your business in private. You come out rinse, check makeup and out you go. Where is the problem?
I use the ladies room if there are no single stall bathrooms. Even used the NY Port Authority terminal ladies room during the AM rush hrs, waited in line, did my business, checked my hair and make up (BTW lots of big mirrors on the wall) and walked on, not a word or dirty look at all.

Restrooms are furthest from my mind when out and about. It was the transgender person that made the big issue of it all. To me it seemed like she took issue of me maintaining my male identity eventhough dressed up in a respectable full feminine manner. Matter of fact sometimes my friends within the transgender community diss my choice of not abandoning my very masculine wallet at home when out and about. Especially my choice of when I keep the wallet and cellphone in my back pockets of the jean skirt or jeans and not carry a purse.

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Originally Posted by Princess Chantal

Restrooms are furthest from my mind when out and about. It was the transgender person that made the big issue of it all. To me it seemed like she took issue of me maintaining my male identity eventhough dressed up in a respectable full feminine manner. Matter of fact sometimes my friends within the transgender community diss my choice of not abandoning my very masculine wallet at home when out and about. Especially my choice of when I keep the wallet and cellphone in my back pockets of the jean skirt or jeans and not carry a purse.

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Here's my take, its your business what restroom you go into, but if you choose to go to a restroom that doesn't match the gender you are presenting as then you'd best be prepared to explain yourself to the many people who feel as if it is their business. I personally find the entire gendering of restrooms kind of dumb, and I can't imagine being offended if I were to share a restroom with a woman, but I think most women would feel far more strongly about sharing a restroom with a man.

In your pictures you don't look like a man, so it may turn heads when you go to the men's room.

It doesn't seem to be as big an issue in Canada as it is in the States, but as long as you are careful about not putting yourself in danger, then go ahead and do what you like.

For what it's worth, you look and pass well enough, you easily could use the ladies room without anybody even noticing. I think that's what you should do. But I'd never intervene and preach to anybody. Ultimately, it's your call.

Some of us are obviously a "man in a dress", either by choice or the fact that we just could never pass as a woman. In this case, given no unisex or family restrooms and nowhere else to go, the men's restroom would be the best choice. Now if you pass or come close to passing, the women's restroom would be the better choice.

Restrooms should be something you think about before you go out as you're likely to need one at some point.

It’s about having a choice. Feminism isn’t about forcing women out of the kitchen and into the workforce. It’s about giving people an option and allowing them to control their own lives. This person telling you that you should have to use the women’s room is being just as oppressive as those who would tell you that you can’t.

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Originally Posted by Krisi

Restrooms should be something you think about before you go out as you're likely to need one at some point.

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This is kind of the point isn’t it? That no human being should have to be afraid to go out because they don’t know what the “bathroom situation” is like?

There are reasons why there are men's and women's restrooms in the first place. If there weren't, there would be one and a sign saying "you all".

It's unrealistic to think that you can use whichever one you want to and in many places the wrong choice can put you in jail. Society has rules and just because you believe they are wrong doesn't give you the right to ignore them.

Now when we (crossdressers) decide to present ourselves to the public as women, we have a problem when it comes to relieving ourselves. That's when my advice in post #34 comes into play.

I often wonder, how likely is it really that going into a men's room en femme will result in violence? If a place is really that seedy, where men will flip out and immediately resort to violence when they see a dresser enter the men's room... is a place I don't ever want to go to, regardless of how I am dressed.

I'd rather use the men's room, personally, though I have used the women's when I was sure I'd be ok. I fear the law (regardless of what's on the books) more than I fear immediate violence in a men's room.

I use the women's room if presenting that way. It would feel weird using the men's en femme

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Originally Posted by Vickie_CDTV

I often wonder, how likely is it really that going into a men's room en femme will result in violence?

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Isn't that like saying the majority of people who go to war don't die, so why avoid war zones? It's great to think you only go to genteel places where you would not be in danger, but I know some lovely people who I won't be around if they've had a couple of drinks. It doesn't matter if those drinks are being served in an elegant restaurant or a seedy dive bar. Since there's no predicting individual outcomes, you have to minimize the odds. What that means is up to you.