What event changed you from fearful to confident?

Although anybody can feel free to offer their perspective, I want to focus this question to those of you who have turned the corner and now are able to go in public anytime you wish because you have confidence in yourself and your choice of presentation. The purpose of this question is to help those of us who remain fearful, having not yet turned that corner.

I have been out en femme a handful of times. Even though it is getting easier, I still lack confidence, letting my irrational fears overcome me more often than not. I suspect that those of you who have turned the corner were also once fearful.

Although I see progress with myself and know that further exposure will gradually decrease my fear, I believe there will come a time when the fear, for the most part, is a part of my past. I would like to understand from those who have already been down this path what happened to turn the corner. What one thing happened to you that pulled you past the corner, leaving behind your fear and proceeded into the world with confidence?

Thank you,

Sami

For me, the most enabling thing that let me walk out the door dressed was *actually* believing that it was OK. Granting myself permission to do it, if you will. The insight that let it happen was that thing that's always in my signature -- I realized I was not a woman and I didn't want to be one, therefore it would be a failure on my part to lead someone to think I was. I was a transgender person and the way I looked was exactly the way I was supposed to look. And I had a perfect right to be out there doing lawful acts. Once you believe you belong wherever you are, people read that in you and the generally accept it.

I was comfortable out in public for a long time before I went full-time or started transitioning male to whatever-the-heck-I-am. Those were separate events. But in terms of being able to proceed into the world with confidence, all I needed was self-acceptance and to grant myself permission.

The non-event changed my thoughts. Like most of us, I presumed the earth would collide with the moon if I stepped out my front door en femme. One afternoon, whilst fully en femme, I needed to move a lawn sprinkler. I did this, and well, we are still all here.

The larger question was right behind...how far did I want to go. Everyone has a differed and equally valid answer. For me, it was pretty much out there to neighbors, co workers and friends. But I was so excited by the new freedom, I forgot to make sure that my wife was on board. She wasn’t.

the end of life as I knew it came from omission, rather than commission.

Have gained some confidence in the last year. Being called Ma am several times was a boost. But then I'm a part-timer not interested in transitioning. As an "Old Girl" we try to blend-in with wardrobe choices that match the GGs in my area. Been various places on busses and to the mall w/o issues. Have learned that folks are usually engrossed in their things, or on their phones- not paying any attention. Much of the fear of being "clocked and mocked" has departed. Blending in helps with this. Can guarantee that if I went to the same mall dressed in a short bodycon dress and 5" heels--would draw attn. and comments!! Being just another old lady out shopping has worked for me, and helped my confidence. Toni G..

self acceptance

Not a single event, but as I went out more often it just became easier. Then I decided that I didn't need to travel as far. I guess when I decided that I didn't mind being if I was seen everything became easier.

well I have had no overwhelming single event, but just going to different places and realizing as people get close they know I'm a man in woman's clothing but it doesn't matter to me. I like crossdressing so too bad for others. Now the only things I fear is a crazy guy or group of guys who may want to start trouble when realizing I'm not a GG, so although I'm comfortable going out I keep aware there is always the possibility of someone starting trouble, and I fear family finding out but I am careful to keep that secret. When out in a comfortable setting when confident no one would recognize me its such a great feeling and such fun

My first time out was what did it for me because everything went well. If my first time out would have been some sort of disaster it may have set me back and delayed my progress.

No real event although I sometimes say my first outing in Vegas was helpful
But the more I went out the more confidant I got and also improving my makeup skills

Not an event, but a process. My process began the day I gathered up all my courage, prepared an opening request and walked into my (now) favorite dress shop. A sales assistant, who turned out to be the store manager, asked me if she could help me. I gave her my prepared line: "I'd like to find a dress in size 20" Her answer was just what I needed to hear. "OH! They're right over there. Let me know when you want me to start a fitting room for you."

Under the tutelage of her and her staff, I learned a lot about what clothes work on me and why, and had many, many long and fun dressup sessions. I learned that if you don't love anything you've tried on that day, then it's ok if you don't buy anything. Most of the staff made me feel lime I was much more than a customer, I made friendships that continue til today. There are hugs when I arrive and when I leave, and tales of disappointment if someone had a day off the last time I came to the store.

Biggest of all by far, I got affirmation from them. The sense that they think it's perfectly fine for this big guy to walk into their lives wearing a skirt, or better yet, a dress they helped me select. Now, I know when I make a purchase, it's a good one. I don't have to ask if I look good in an outfit, I know it's good enough to bee seen anywhere in public. So I can walk into that store, showing off an outfit I bought elsewhere, and get raves, even "You are beautiful!". WOW. Now I feel like I can go out and conquer the world.

In that same period, but sort of independently, my wife slowly changed her mind about me. She went from "I'd rather see you dead than in a dress" to "I think most of your outfits are nice". Maybe that was more than a coincidence. As my clothing instincts got better, thanks to my friends at the store, maybe she felt more comfortable seeing me. At any rate, my feminine side has gained inconfidence to where is the world's fault, not mine, if it doesn't like me, even if I make no effort to pass as a woman.

Sami,
The turning point for me was deciding to grasp the nettle and go out socially. I knew it was an anniversary party so it meant making an effort but I'd never been out in public before ( My profile page was the first outing and how I looked). In some respects it was like a planned mission , I'd been given a lovely ballgown by my gender counsellor but I had remnants of old makeup from my wife and daughter and I needed a strapless bra and for the dress and some control panties for my tuck . So one rainy Sunday morning I drove to the bigger city only a few miles away and walked into Boots to ask for a skin colour check I got fixed up with the correct foundation and powder and the right mascara and the rest . Then off to BHS to buy a strapless bra and panties and extra stockings .
OK it took me an age to get ready but by the time I stepped ( not too gracefully) into the car I wasn't nervous it just felt right , so this was my turning point , even to meet a room full of CDers and their partners felt fine. I may have not been walking very elegantly in 4" heels I'd never worn before but it didn't matter I guess Teresa came into true being at that point , no going back .

That was just two years ago this week , my new avatar was taken a few weeks ago and I can't believe how comfortable I feel now, just to walk into the hotel and order my pot of tea at the bar and take it to relax in the lounge area , maybe read the local paper and watch the World go by before joining the others in the meeting room .

The moment I realised that the only people that noticed me were men my age and they weren't looking at the man in drag but at the woman they were interested in (you know the thing, scanning up and down the whole body). I immediately retired the blond hair and went red and then just blended in with the rest of the women. I guess it is true that 'blonds have more fun'.

Good question.

Like many others it was all part of the journey but if I had to pick one thing it was learning that if I just talked naturally with people, just as I would in drab, then they saw more of the person and not the clothes. Learning to engage with the muggles without having the thought, "OMG, they can see I'm a man" being the first thing to come into my head allowed me to fully relax. Being relaxed translated into a greater general confidence. And confidence shows. Those you face, talk to, see more of the female than the man in a dress.

I've had many conversations with complete strangers, while traveling, in cafes talking to the table clearer, hotel receptionist and numerous SA's. So now I've learned to carry that confidence out into the street but as said above, you always need to be aware of the chance there may be a knuckle dragger out there. That said, I've yet to encounter one.

First is feeling comfortable enough to function

Second is when it is just you, it is all just another day, everything becomes normal.

The first part is somewhat easy, or not. Finding what works for you, how you dress, make-up. Going out and doing the time till you are no longer are thinking as much about how you are dressed. So that you can stand in line in a store without thinking about it.

To get here I went shopping at thrift stores, as well as other stores. The other thing was there is this Indian casino close to where I live. I would go and hang out there for hours playing penny shots. Everyone is nice and with all the security I felt safe. This got me to where I could function. My presentation still wasn’t that great.

The second part came about for being taken in and accepted as one of the girls. This happened at the bar. It has happened at a couple other bars but this one is where I spent most of my time. I was sitting by myself and a group of girls asked, more like insisted I sit with them. These girls have become some of my closest friends. I can’t put a finger on when it happened but, it is when it was no longer what I was wearing but this is my life, if that makes any sense.

I suppose seeing other men dressed as women who hadn't taken enough trouble and despite being very obviously male were going about their day without any problems. I reckoned if they could do this so could I. I did and I have never looked back. On my second public outing, spending a few days as Susan in the Philbeach Hotel in London, I went to get a colour and style consultation from House of Colour and it changed my life. Knowing the right colours and styled for me gave me confidence that I could only have dreamed of up till then. I was so impressed I went back and got my male style done too. That was the last time I sought out a place known to be CD-friendly. Now I just go to any hotel or shop or restaurant and mix with women, not other CDs, and with growing confidence I do it nearer home. There is never an issue. Yes, those I interact with almost always know I am a man and it doesn't matter. The shock is these few times when they don't. Chances being what they are, I ran into someone I knew from work and she did not recognise me, so I am now less worried about meeting people I know - more confidence. The biggest boost of all is going out that first time and realising that the world thinks it is no big deal. Now what stops me going out is the thought of having to do my make up - I hate the stuff. Apart from one bit of cheek from a teenage boy (whose friends took no part in it) all the reactions I have had in hundreds of Susan excursions have been positive and I have met some lovely women I would not otherwise have met. I have loved it but now it is a case of been there, done that and I realise I no longer feel much need to go out - that I just want to wear the clothes and I can do that at home without make up or the discomfort of a wig. Everyone is different so I will not go so far as to urge people to do it - all I can say is that I am glad I did and the experiences were wonderful. Just because I no longer feel the need to go out does not take away from that - I am so glad I did instead of forever wondering about it.

As Majella said it was self acceptance for me.
After going out the first time and realizing no one was staring and pointing fingers and making rude remarks it became easier. Also the help of many of the girls in the support group I joined was a big plus.

Now I no longer am concerned with what others think and I am just comfortable with who I am.

For me it was two separate events, both occurring about five years ago.

First was having a professional bra fitting at a bra boutique near me. Life changing! Not only did I finally have (and understand) bras that fit me beautifully, but someone else knew, intimately -- actually, several ladies knew, who were all involved in one way or another with my fitting. And they all treated me like it was perfectly normal. It was the first time I felt whole as a crossdresser. I was on a high for weeks.

Second was confidently undressing, wearing fem clothes, in front of other people (mostly other men), at a clothing-optional campground I've been a member of for several years. Taking my top off to reveal a bra, then removing the bra, too, something that can be clearly observed unmistakeably by folks at quite a distance, was a huge step for me both in terms of body acceptance (naked in front of others) and crossdressing (others seeing me remove and later put on my bra again).

I rarely dress outside my home, and probably never will, other than onto my front porch occasionally (I live in town) or to my car to shuffle parking in my driveway with other family members. But I underdress every day, including wearing a bra to work and nearly everywhere else I go. Although I don't flaunt it, I no longer worry about strap lines showing under my top, or my breasts being bigger than most other guys. It's very freeing.

There was no special event. One day I just decided to go out dressed, so I did. The first time was kind of so so. The second time was fabulous. Now, it's just something I do.

I have gone out dressed countless times over the last 8+ years. I'm NOT confident now. Never have been and never will be!:sad:

Why? Because I have mirrors! I know I will be made as a MIAD by anyone who looks.:daydreaming:

It's not confidence that keeps me going out. It's that no matter how difficult it is to step out of the hotel/car/my door it is? The more u do it, the more u get used to it!:straightface:

My first time really out the door and in public with no chance of escape and lot's of things that went wrong. No one said anything unkind. No one summoned the police or a mob with torches and pitchforks. I made it back to my room telling myself I'd never go out again. Then the little voice said "but if you had different shoes and had chosen a more conservative outfit, not unlike that one in the closet, it would have gone much better." And I put on the more comfortable shoes and changed into the more mainstream outfit and went out the door within the hour. Once again I discovered most people out there didn't care. I don't know if it made me more confident, because I still worry about many of the same things I did back then, but it did make me much more comfortable. Maybe that's the same thing, I don't know.

The other thing was watching Sherry successfully walk through a casino gathering only amazed and often appreciative stares. If a living doll can leave people speechless in her wake it suggested that someone like me attempting to blend can manage to hit the Walgreens for nail polish remover.

Sami, absolutely great, great post. I'm slowly getting there but I watch other people to see if they are watching me. When I get back in the car after running my last errand I sit there and am just amazed that I just blended and no one noticed or cared. Blended and no one noticed is Good. And I want more.

When summer gets here I want to go out in my cork sole ankle strap sandles, tight mid thigh girl shorts with the flat tucked front and girl tee. Will I, I don't know.

I am not sure there was one particular event that enabled me to gain confidence more of a gradual process of finding things and situations to expose myself too to gain that it. Like many, my first ventures involved leaving the house at night and then progressed to driving and then going to a petrol station where I had to face a cashier to pay. Once that all went OK, on another occasion it was into the 24 hour superstore for a few things (rather inappropriately dressed I may add!). Over time and with no issues apart from being looked at, I started on daytimes as well, similar situations but realised that with more people around I was less likely to be seen as people went about their busy lives. Public transport and taxis came next before finally venturing on a flight from the UK to Belgium flying pretty.

Little steps to gain confidence rather than a eureka moment!

All good luck to those who try it - once out there its difficult to see why I waited so long.

Great post! I think, for me, it's been a gradual change in my perception of myself that's enabled me to dress how I like.

The first few times I was out in public I was extremely timid - I would basically wander around with my head down and not say anything to anyone. But it was because I was so obsessed with "passing" I was doing everything I could not to give the game away.

But then I dressed as Emily at a work party, amongst people I was comfortable with knowing the truth. And I didn't have to hide anymore - everyone knew it was me so there was nothing to hide (although not at first for a lot of them... I enjoyed watching their double-takes!). And that's when I realised that day to day I didn't need the wig, make-up, breasts and so on if I didn't want them. And to be honest, even as a kid I hated having my face painted so maybe I don't!

The biggest moments have all come in the last few months for me, since I decided to start wearing skirts at work. No wig, no make-up - no pretense. Just me dressing the way I want to. At first just within the confines of work, but then I allowed myself to walk to and from work in my heeled boots and only change the trousers once I arrived. It felt great, and then I went one further - I walked to work and back in a skirt, tights and heels. And again the next day, and now it's just... normal.

I'm still not sure what enabled me to do all of that, but I think a lot of it is all the complements and support that I've got from my colleagues. Every time someone says "I love your boots", or "looking good today" it's another affirmation that I don't look ridiculous and that what I'm doing is okay. And y'know what? Now, I look in the mirror and see a man in a skirt looking back and I don't feel embarassed or uncomfortable - I feel like I'm rocking it!

Dresses are the next hurdle for me. I absolutely love them, but can't get over the feeling that my top half looks ridiculous in them. I have broad shoulders, and no breasts to fill them out, but I think this is just another thing that will come with time. And, perhaps, the right style of dress. I'll still have opportunities to wear them when I do go for the full 'Emily' look, but I no longer feel obligated to do that which is incredibly freeing.

I don't know what I'd be like if I were to try the "full" look out in public again, e.g. a shopping trip. I like to think that I'd just be loud self, unafraid of people "making" me, but I'm not sure. Something about the wig and the make-up etc might make me go into my shell again... I'm curious to try it. Something to achieve in 2018! :)

I don't have a CD-related explanation. I have been out almost 400 times in the past 3 years, never out before that. Due to life (I won't go into it here), I finally realized that this (dressing) is not worth worrying about. I know it's cliche, but it's my life, I only get one, so what really is the big deal about going out dressed as a woman? The absolute truth of the matter is, there truly is zero reason not to be comfortable being out en femme. Zero. I speak from significant personal experience. I have finally reached the stage in my life where I could care less what a total stranger thinks of me.

Opening the door, going out and coming back unscathed. After the first time I realized, no one really cares everyone is so wrapped up in their life’s, their phones, and themselves I go unnoticed.

No real event just walked out the door and the rest came naturally.
I am one that does things no one expects.

To start off, my theory has always been you don't know until you try. But backing up to support my theory is taking yourself out of your shoes and looking at yourself from someone else's point of view. If you're out dressed as a guy in a woman's clothing department, ask yourself looking in.. "is he shopping for his significant other?". What do you think when a woman is in the men's department?

I have been dressed to the 9's with full wig and makeup out in public. You have to understand as well what women experience. As a guy I admire women for their beauty. Yes I do get caught up and stare.

My best advice is to reverse the role and you will understand.

I was a closeted dresser for a short period of time before I came out to my best friend. She was TOTALLY unperturbed and was like "Well, you can dress however you want when we are together" and I started going out with her (and her family) en femme. A few years before, it seemed unimaginable that I would go out dressed in public, but now I do it all the time. Somebody I cared about (and cared about me) assured me that it was fine and she supported me. That made a big difference to me.

I wouldn't say I was super confident when out, but the first time I walked in daylight and realised that no one gave me a second look was a bit of a wow moment. I thought yes, I really can do this, and have done many times since.

Hi Sami :hugs:, Old Age ! >Orchid...:daydreaming:...

I agree with Blue Orchid that age has a lot to do with it. I have never been fearful but I also don't possess the confidence I read from others on this forum.

I turned the corner when I was eighteen and my girlfriends convinced me to go dress shopping for a Saturday night dance.

I was mortified for about two hours.

Whilst the family grew up I slowed my activities a little.

I then resumed full time dressing about ten years ago.

I had a big boost in confidence the day I bought my first real wig, the shop owner was a big help. The other customer who was in the store was an even bigger help. She commented on most of the wigs I tried, we all liked the one I purchased the best. The other customer told me I looked great, and “get out there and have some fun”. She was very supportive, but was wig shopping because of hair loss from cancer treatment. I wished her all the best before I left. Since that day I’m out at least twice a week. I know I’ve been read many times even then reactions are positive.

Polar Bear knew of I was closeted for the most part when we got together. Hell,,, I was Sarah Palin for Halloween when we met... She came by and caught me. She wanted to go get something to eat, and I offered to change and she said she didn't think anyone would notice. At the restaurant nobody batted an eye. Then we went o Wally-world, and again nobody seemed to notice. But there was this one cowboy who gave me a looooonnnngggg look... I was like "oh shit, I've been read" Polar Bear said no, he was "checking you out"
After that, I started go other places, quick "in and out" stops... Again, nobody batted an eye. The more i went out the easier It got. Now I even have a job as my "ture self!"

I'm pretty a novice about confidence... just my two cents... looking myself at the mirror, out in the world, helped a lot. But the long journey was to understand to accept myself; only after this, the rest of the world could follow.

Crap - don't even remember the date now...1980? It was pre-transition anyway. I always wore flats and while "fashionable" was to the bland side due to my height at 6'+. Well, my Wife and I are out having dinner one night and sitting in the waiting area when in walks several players (we'd find out later) of the then Dallas Diamonds women's basketball team. I had to look up at the shortest of them. Admittedly, part of that was because they were all wearing very tall heels pushing the tallest gal over 7'. We sat and talked for maybe 10 minutes while we waited for our tables. They tried to recruit me till I told them I was asthmatic. Seeing how I was dressed, wearing flats and acting kinda "wall-flower'y", while nice about it, they chided me I should be proud of my height and since I was born with it wear it like a badge of honor. After that evening I don't know where the switch came from but it was thrown. I wore more fashionable clothes, higher heels and held my head up like I was proud to be who I was. It made a big difference when I transitioned as well at the end of that year.

This is a great thread. It really got me thinking about it.

Now keep in mind I dress like "semi fem" and what I mean by that is I usually wear skinny girl jeans bootcut with ankle boots with 3 in heels. Feminine top or a nice girl sweater and my nails are french manicure or pink.I'm blending in pretty well. The first time I went out I made sure I was going to a place women go...mostly women's clothing shops or Dept store with big women's sections. I told myself 2 things to remember.....I'm presenting myself fully truthfully. This is the my real me...who I really am. I feel phoney in many of life's experiences...like I am acting and no one sees the real me. Not this time, I felt so alive and confident.

The second thing I was prepared for any question I was asked or name I was to be called. Also I was about 60 miles from my hometown. I knew people would finally see the real me and it felt fantastic. I loved being my true self. That day I went shopping in at least 20 stores.

I felt for the first time in my life I wasn't putting on airs.. I kept telling my self I would never see any of those people ever again. I didn't care what anyone said. It was an amazing feeling which I feel Everytime I go out.

[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

This is a great thread. It really got me lookthinking about it.

Now keep in mind I dress like "semi fem" and what I mean by that is I usually wear skinny girl jeans bootcut with ankle boots with 3 in heels. Feminine top or a nice girl sweater and my nails are french manicure or pink.I'm blending in pretty well. The first time I went out I made sure I was going to a place women go...mostly women's clothing shops or Dept store with big women's sections. I told myself 2 things to remember.....I'm presenting myself fully truthfully. This is the my real me...who I really am. I feel phoney in many of life's experiences...like I am acting and no one sees the real me. Not this time, I felt so alive and confident.

The second thing I was prepared for any question I was asked or name I was to be called. Also I was about 60 miles from my hometown. I knew people would finally see the real me and it felt fantastic. I loved being my true self. That day I went shopping in at least 20 stores.

I felt for the first time in my life I wasn't putting on airs.. I kept telling my self I would never see any of those people ever again. I didn't care what anyone said. It was an amazing feeling which I feel Everytime I go out.

I think confidence comes from How one is dressed well and good makeup on. Going out and being a woman. I had many a good talk with waitress. They never asked me anything about gender. They were nice. and that alone builds confidence. been out so many times that it just feels right.

I really don’t remember any longer as it has been at least 40 years ago it was probably after meeting Virginia Prince at a social gathering in Claremont CA at the collages and from there I never looked back
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Susie

OMG. I have a bad habit for an introvert of being audacious. I dare. I dare myself. I .....just do it.
It's gotten me in trouble all my life.
I'm the guy who (I'll use the official language of my reprimand AND my citation), "conducted a single ship, un-briefed re-attack of a heavily defended position". I nearly lost my wings for being so rash and spontaneous.
The same has gone for my dressing.
I've gone out. I've gone out A LOT in the last year. I think over time it has really been a matter of "time in the saddle" more than anything than has raised my comfort level. There hasn't been one single epiphany. It's been practice, practice, practice that has gained me the confidence to go out shopping, to a concert, about town. Heck, I went out tonight to Hamburger Mary's (so much fun with the drag show).
Just do it, and don't give a rat's zzz. If you cared what the world thought you wouldn't be wearing women's clothing in the first place. Dressing as my true feminine self has been the most liberating experience of my life. Why did I wait so long?

I started slowly, a couple of hours out a Halloween a couple of years ago, then a few more hours the following Halloween, and a couple of days out in San Francisco two years ago.

Then in October of 2016 my wife was away for four days so I decided to bite the bullet and do a couple of bucket items, namely 1) nails, 2) makeover, 3) try on wigs, and 4) try on clothes at a store. I written about my experiences (at length) in the pictures folder.

It was a combination of YOLO and WTF.

I was comfortable with scheduling the makeover at Sephora, because I had one previously on my San Fran trip. But getting up the courage to go into Nordstrom and ask if I could try on clothes (while I was in drab) was a big step for me. But I screwed up my courage and asked, and the SA (whom I'm on a first name basis now) asked the manager and the manager said yes.

But the biggest leap forward was the nail appointment. I went in drab, and was going to say it was for Halloween as a cover story. But the nail tech was so open and positive I ended up telling her the full story--and then returned to the store that night dressed. I was expecting pitchforks--and I got approval and encouragement.

Julie at Sephora was great and taught me my makeup routine (I took notes). That was another big leap forward--I could now do a reasonable job of makeup.

Then I show up at Nordstrom and the original SA was off but she had arranged about 15 dresses for me to try on, and the new SA, Falon, was fabulous. I ended up going three days in a row and bought two great dresses (one is still my favorite one).

The next day I went to the wig store and bought a new wig.

And all of the people I met were supportive. The next time I got my nails done, my nail tech was absolutely giddy about me being a CD.

The SAs at Nordstrom told me I was welcome to come back any time--and I've been back lots.

In the last 14 months, I've been out between 35 and 40 times. Like Kandi, I've never had a bad experience. NEVER.

In the words of FDR, "all we have to fear is fear itself".

For me it was turning 41 and realizing I really don’t care what society thinks of me so I am just going to do what makes me happy! Family though that is a different story but still all I have to do there is be a little carful and then once I am really confident in my new persona as Andy then perhaps I will introduce her to them.

My "moment" occurred when I was stopped by the police for speeding. Having heard all kind of traumatic horror stories from other cross dressers, drag queens, and transgenders, I envisioned myself disappearing from my comfortable life to only be found raped, disfigured, an decayed a decade later. Dramatic I know, but that all went through my mind as he sat in his car running my license tag before he approached me. The officer was nothing but professional and courteous as he asked me the obligatory questions, and told me why I was stopped. I was deftly afraid to talk thinking my nerves would distort my much practiced voice to something of an alien lol....The end result was a warning ticket and I was allowed to continue on my way. That was the last time I truly feared being Paula in public!!!! ( outside of walking past a construction site!!! lol)

Cancer diagnosis. Amazing how that changes one’s reference points.😏

That and the discovery of women’s clothing that quite easily passes for typical male attire. I certainly would never pass for a female. With some care I can routinely go out full en femme, but under the radar.

Not long after my diagnosis, I did go out to a very large social gathering in Massachusetts in full regalia. I traveled some 50 miles fully dressed: wig, makeup, gown, high heals, nails, dressy earrings, and fully underdressed including pantyhose. There were even a few attendees who were very gracious in extending a kind welcome and made me feel so much more comfortable, beard and all. But inside, I was a mess! Truly a thrilling evening, and one I’ll never forget it!

More I go out fully dressed, more confidence I get. Some interaction with random people while I was dressed, also helped. I don't really consider myself being totally confident and not fearful any more, but I made a huge progress already. A few years ago I didn't dare to go out during day fully dressed, only by night. In past year I went out even during day a few times and nothing bad happened. People notice, because I don't pass very well, I get a strange look sometimes or as giggle, that's it. It's the same with shopping for female things in male mode if you try them on. A few years ago I bought shoes and try them at home and returned them, if they didn't fit. Now I go in the shoes store to buy female shoes and don't care if people see me trying them on right there. Occasionally even shop assistant close sale with "enjoy wearing them", what probably means she saw me trying them on.
But in all my years I do this, I still can't get over big fear I will get recognized by someone I know or someone will take photo or video of me and posted online for everyone to see.

I've been going out since I was a teenager, and that was a LONG time ago. For me anyway, it's not like there was a time I became confident from that point forward. I was never fearful when I was young, although there have been times since. In my case, there have been times that I've been confident and unafraid, only to turn around and be hesitant and a bit fearful the next time. This isn't always related to anything. Up and down. By far more up than down. I'll say this, though. Fear is pretty close to exhilarating. I've often pushed myself to that fearful or exhilarating point for the express purpose of experiencing that feeling. Just going out can be kind of old hat to me. I've now retired the miniskirts, but back in the day when I was married and going out of town to do girl thing I'd have one or two outing a year when I'd get away from my comfortable and conservative girl self and wear a dress that was so short, so tight, so attention-grabbing and everything else equally so, that I'd be "scared" from the time I even started thinking about wearing it. I could have worn a different dress or something else and felt perfectly ordinary. Ordinary can get old, and I allowed myself this once or twice a year dalliance. That feeling is not to be missed!! When you're first starting to get out, I imagine that just about everything gives you this feeling. Embrace that!

I think it was my earliest makeover. My haircut salon girl did it for me (bless her heart). She put my real hair up in rollers. Then under the dryer, then makeup. Comb-out, then I dressed in her bathroom. Then headed to the mall and a couple stores. I wore a green skirt suit. Black heels. No one seemed to notice. Not much, at least. The male greeter at the entrance to JC Penny--didn't notice until I spoke in my male voice: "Does my hair look OK?"

I thought about this question after I answered early on in this post. My defining point might have been when I spent a long week end in Denver about 8 years ago. So that I wouldn't chicken out, I brought one set of drab clothes. No backing out. I was still horrible in make up and presentation, but with some people that I met there, we went shopping, ate in restaurants (even an IHOP on a Saturday morning). No torches and pitchforks and I had a great time.

I also want to say great topic..

Im still not out, not really I guess.

For me until I walk down the street and go for a coffee and sit like I belong, I wont truly be out.

But im getting close.

Maybe that's the answer, you are not there until one day, poof it happens..

Love reading everyone's story. :)