Caught by friend

I was out shopping at Wal-Mart, and I had a bunch of feminine stuff in one of those hand held baskets (not a cart) when one of my friends sees me. I was walking right out of the isle that had nothing but panties. Not much room for interpretation on what I was there for. Other items in basket include lipstick, mail polish, and fake nails.

She saw me from a bit of distance, and I did the whole lame drop the basket behind something routine. Kinda obvious, but I panicked. We talked for a few, and it seemed like she was maneuvering to see what I was hiding. Don't know if she saw. Definitely had to suspect.

Of all of my friends, I think she would be the least likely to judge me for crossdressing. She is gay, and doesn't hide that fact. I know that being gay is not the same thing, but I think it makes her more likely to be sympathetic to me being a crossdresser.

I am kind of freaked out right now. I'm not ready to be out. I live in a large enough city I almost never see anyone I know. I didn't think this was such a big risk.

Its not a risk really if you just own it.
If she says anything later on just admit to it and don't make a big deal over it.
If you show that you aren't upset over her knowing it will be a non issue.

I know it was just a typo, but "mail" polish, when you say it out loud as part of your story, is hilarious. Laughing with, not at.

Best regards,
Rhonda

Be at peace, Jaz.
All is well.
Did you still purchase the items for yourself?

Tracii is right. I'm at least doing that with more sales people lately. "no, it's for me, not for my wife", "can I try on these dresses"? But if someone like my brother saw me with a handful of panties I would be in shock for a few minutes!

If she's not a close friend, why not say they r for your; daughter, wife, niece?

If she is, say they r for a "friend". Then, smile and wink. That should end the conversation and explain your nervousness!:devil:

I've got an idea go buy her a present and tell her she almost caught you with her present...... Really I doubt she will ask or say a thing.

<unlurks> Hi there! Used to be active here like a decade ago. I happened on this thread... For crying out loud, just contact that friend and tell her you are trans (do not elaborate - you don't know and she won't care) but are still very much in the closet. She's not going to out you, and you'll spare her the worry that you might be cheating on a relationship or whatever. Maybe you check in with her later about your whole trans thing and maybe not. But for now, come clean and trust that any LGBT person who considers you a friend is going to do the right thing.

</lurks, with a quick wave to my friends here from the Jurassic era>

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Originally Posted by docrobbysherry

If she's not a close friend, why not say they r for your; daughter, wife, niece?

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Why not just relax and not say anything unless she asks. Over the years I've been shopping when someone who knows me comes up. A few times they have asked what I had found. On one occasion a GG friend came up as I was going through bras on sale. She was going through the bras with the next cup size. I kept going and we gave each other the ones that were in their bin. My wife was there at a bin for her size so she knew they weren't for her. She never mentioned anything about my selections. We talked about the great prices, her new home, and daughter.

If you don't make a big deal out of it it won't be.
You owe her no explanation in the first place anyway do you care what she buys?

I appreciate everyone's advice, and am taking all of your suggestions under advisement. I am aware that if I am going to do/say something, it needs to be asap.

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Originally Posted by IleneD

Be at peace, Jaz.
All is well.
Did you still purchase the items for yourself?

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Yes, I did still make my purchase, although I didn't stop and look at anything else like I was planning to. I waited long enough to see what direction she was going, and went the other way. I had to circle back around to the checkout. Thank goodness for self checkout! I am not normally bothered by purchasing feminine things face to face, but that experience had me feeling way to on edge to have acted casual while buying those things.

I am going to make a post over on the Clothing, Shopping, and Beauty forum that is strictly about what I bought, and not the circumstances around buying it. I am excited about some of the things I got.

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Originally Posted by Rhonda Darling

I know it was just a typo, but "mail" polish, when you say it out loud as part of your story, is hilarious. Laughing with, not at.

Best regards,
Rhonda

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I am laughing at that typo too! I now have this image of a cartoon strip. A blacksmith is sitting on a stool applying red nail polish to a piece of chainmail. A customer is standing there saying "No, no, NO! I said mail polish, not nail polish."

Or a Knights Templar touching up his red cross on his chain mail gloves with the other Templar asking if he was gay because he was using nail polish and the first Templar says Its MAIL polish you idiot and in a low voice no I'm not gay.

You can always expect some encounter to happen when you least expect it. Just say nothing unless you run into her again and she asks. As a sidebar there's two encounters which were really unexpected. My brother went on a field trip to the Statue of Liberty. We lived in Queens. This was elementary school school trip. He ran into one of our cousins who was on a field trip from his elementary school from New Jersey. They ran into each other in the headdress of the Statue of Liberty. Number 2. I was with my family to include my son-in-law attending a Seattle Mariner game. My son-in-law spotted his next door neighbor from his condo building in Chicago sitting two rows down and ten rows over. She and a friend were taking in as many games at different parks as possible during the summer. Go figure.

In situations like this I think it pays to be brazen. Just stand there with your basket and talk about whatever. Your actions to hide the basket were obvious and almost certainly aroused her interest. What is she going to do or say?

After a lot of careful consideration, I have decided to come clean with her. After the way I acted, she almost certainly suspects me. Even if she doesn't, I still see this as the right thing to do.

There is no way she would believe I was buying underwear for anyone else. We are close enough that she knows I have no SO. She knows there is no one in my life that I would buy that for.

She is not the judgemental type. She is gay, so she understands prejudice. I will tell her that I sometimes like to wear women's clothing, and that I hope we can keep that fact between us. I will say that I am just not ready for the world, or even the rest of my friends, to know about it.

Hopefully, everything will work out fine.

Very interesting! We have many friends in the LGBT community that we spend time with on occassion including welddings, birthdays and general celebrations. Several years ago, my wife (during several glasses of wine) accidentally told several of these closer LGBT friends about my love for heels and enjoyment of wearing them. i was a little surprized by her statement, but she was open and honest. Not sure about their potential reaction, not blinking an eye, I was immediately accepted warmly, which was exceedly pleasing. This in turn ended up becoming a somewhat lengthy conversation about my interests in cross dressing and my womanly feelings. Most recently at a gathering, one of them suggested i check out this site. Nothing like the support from the LGBT community of friends we have. It also felt good to have someone other than my wife aware of my passion...AND not only do they suppport and approve, they have been very beneficial in assisting me as i step further out into enjoyable adventure. Additionally, what happens with these close friends, stays with these close friends. I'm willing to bet she'll be not only supportive but just might to hand out with you sometime. Remember, you may not be LGBT but realistically, all of us in CD land are a sub branch of the tribes.

Tammy

Was easy for me if sprung like that, I occasionally bought wardrobe items for stage shows.

I would be bailed up by girls I knew in OP shops and elsewhere and they would rummage through my purchases for things they liked.

We would all go home and play dress up. The girls did have to purchase what they chose as I needed the wardrobe money to buy more.

We talked only a few minutes after my last post here. Things are fine. She told me she doesn't see me any differently.

As it turns out, she really didn't already know after seeing me yesterday. She said she thought it was a little odd, but after we parted ways, she decided I must have just been cutting through the women's section.

Things turned out okay for me this time. I told her I wasn't really looking for anything from her beyond my hope for secrecy. I asked if we could just go forward like it never happened.

I know she could be a great friend in all of this, but I am just not ready for that yet. I am looking at this as being an easy way to restart the conversation in the future. I already know that she will be understanding about it.

If you are worried about friends catching you at Walmart buying feminine things, go to a different Walmart further from home. And if you're still worried, buy some "masculine" stuff like motor oil and hide the lipstick and panties under it in the cart.

I agree with Krisi, I will never understand why anyone not wanting to get caught shops right around their house. Even though My SO knows and goes shopping with me, we do it way out from the house. Less chance of finding anyone you know.

Never volunteer! You are not obligated in any way, shape or form to explain things to people or give them information. It can only lead to complications and the wise try to simplify.
If you want someone to have the information or if asked a direct question that's a different story, otherwise it's no one's business but your own.

I want to start off by saying thank you to everyone who has commented. I appreciate your feedback and support very much! Even when I disagree with your opinions, I still appreciate you sharing them.

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Originally Posted by Krisi

If you are worried about friends catching you at Walmart buying feminine things, go to a different Walmart further from home. And if you're still worried, buy some "masculine" stuff like motor oil and hide the lipstick and panties under it in the cart.

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This is a good point. I should have put something else in my basket to keep things under. It would lower the risk.

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Originally Posted by ~Joanne~

I agree with Krisi, I will never understand why anyone not wanting to get caught shops right around their house. Even though My SO knows and goes shopping with me, we do it way out from the house. Less chance of finding anyone you know.

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I live in a metropolitan area with over 300K people. I have a small circle of friends because I value quality over quantity. However, they are spread out all over the area. I would have to drive over a hundred miles to get somewhere I could reasonably expect to never see someone I know. Still, it has probably been over a year since I saw someone I know while out doing anything. It felt like a reasonable risk at the time. Still, your point is well taken.

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Originally Posted by donnalee

Never volunteer! You are not obligated in any way, shape or form to explain things to people or give them information. It can only lead to complications and the wise try to simplify.
If you want someone to have the information or if asked a direct question that's a different story, otherwise it's no one's business but your own.

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I agree that most of the time it is best to never volunteer anything. This was a very specific circumstance that prompted me to break that policy. I wasn't actually worried about her specifically knowing my secret (after I got over the initial shock) but I was worried about it being spread to others. I let her know so that she would understand that I was not ready to really talk about it yet, and that I would like to just act like it didn't happen to begin with.

Am I the only one who finds it sad that we have to scurry around in the shadows all the time?

No Consuelo. You aren't the only one. I don't worry about strangers seeing me shopping or even seeing me dressed. And being seen shopping in the ladies section isn't a huge deal with most people either.

There's only certain people I don't want to see me shopping for lingerie. If any of them approached me in a store (with the goods in my hands) I would be very embarrassed with a red face. :o

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Originally Posted by Ressie

Tracii is right. I'm at least doing that with more sales people lately. "no, it's for me, not for my wife", "can I try on these dresses"? But if someone like my brother saw me with a handful of panties I would be in shock for a few minutes!

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I buy some of my panties and frillies from a chain called Giant Tiger/Tigre Geant, here in Ontario, Canada. I've got used to just taking the stuff to the counter with no comment or qualm and the sales staff give no indication they even notice. However, a few months ago a charming young GG said, cheekily, 'would you like to try them on' and I got a terrific rush, thinking perhaps this is someone who wuldn't mind their boyfriend dressing up or who might even help out:).

However, when it comes to walking the aisles of the panties and bras section I am intimidated if a woman comes into the same aisle because I don't want to seem like a perv, or discommode her in any way.

Tops and nighties are much less of an issue because they are in areas that include unisex stuff or stuff that's not obviously frilly and thrilling.

Meanwhile, today, I was talking to a GG acquaintance who's been depressed lately and when I mentioned I might drop by over the weekend she said 'don't be surprised if I'm in my nightie,' to which I said "oh, maybe I'll slip into one, too.". She just laughed in that obvious way whose latent language is 'no way, I'm not at all into that'. I felt quite a thrill for a moment when I said it, though, so I may do it more often.

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Originally Posted by CONSUELO

Am I the only one who finds it sad that we have to scurry around in the shadows all the time?

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If everyone were doing it, perhaps it wouldn't feel so special and intimate. I dn't know.

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Originally Posted by Krisi

If you are worried about friends catching you at Walmart buying feminine things, go to a different Walmart further from home. And if you're still worried, buy some "masculine" stuff like motor oil and hide the lipstick and panties under it in the cart.

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or a New England Patriots sweatshirt which will cover a HUGE stash of silkies

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Originally Posted by Tracii G

Or a Knights Templar touching up his red cross on his chain mail gloves with the other Templar asking if he was gay because he was using nail polish and the first Templar says Its MAIL polish you idiot and in a low voice no I'm not gay.

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too bad there's no LIKE button, although that would involve Facebook, aka The Great Satan, so better not to have it

Jasmine I am glad everything ended up being just fine and now she knows so one less person to tell later.
I have to know did you go back and get all the stuff you picked out?

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Originally Posted by Tracii G

Jasmine I am glad everything ended up being just fine and now she knows so one less person to tell later.
I have to know did you go back and get all the stuff you picked out?

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When I first heard her call my name, she was about 20 feet away. I dropped my basket behind a display, even though it looked super suspicious to do so (panic makes people do stupid things) and took a couple of steps forward. After we were done talking she went off in her own direction and I retrieved the basket. I made a detour to another part of the store to put some distance between us, and then circled back to the checkout.

I am quite happy with what I bought and will be posting pictures this weekend of my first attempt at doing my nails, along with my second attempt at lipstick. Both assisted by my wonderful mother.

Incidentally, it turns out that my buying nail polish remover was needed sooner than expected. I managed to superglue my fingers to the tube of superglue while making some household repairs. I am really glad I didn't leave without my purchases!

What people buy in a store is nobody's business except their own. I often buy female clothing for my SO and I often buy it for myself. Sometimes I go to the SA to complete the purchase and there are a mix of sizes clearly for two different people. I have never had a SA comment on that. They are always focussed on completing the sale.
Last week I got a SA to help me search for a unique bra size. She and I searched diligently together but with no luck. So I thanked her and went off and bought something else instead. She was being professional and I was being pleasant and polite. I doubt that she even remembered me by the end of the day.
If you run into a person you know when shopping would you ask them about items they are about to purchase? I certainly would not. Most people respect the privacy of others and don't poke their noses into other people's business.