I need some advice from you

Hello everyone!

I got some questions for some of you.
I know some people say that the desires or anything about wanting to do any of what is usually mentioned in this forum can't be cured. However, I would like to know if any of you knows a way to at least make them reduce with the time. Although I sometimes feel like I want to be "cured" from liking or wanting to be girly in some way. I know there's some people who have purged and "re-stocked" plenty times, so if you have seen anything that would be key, please tell me.
Just in case, I still got some things and I have considered purging, but at the same time I don't want to. So should I use fire or simply toss them into the trash before I want to wear them again?

I know, I might seem a bit of a masochist in some way, but recently this has brought nothing but problems to me (sort of).

If you have read all of my post, thank you for your attention and have a nice day.

I didn’t dress for close to 20 years, but, it never really went away. When the mist did descend, it fell with force and made it very difficult for me to not think about it when I was unable to dress. Since coming out to my wife I dress most days and 90% of the time I am underdressed. When I wear full male clothing, I don’t feel comfortable and will change into women’s at the first opportunity.

To say it is a desire, in my view is wrong. It’s more obsessive and a requirement, but, then I guess that a part of my dysphoria...

Oh, thank you for replying!

About your wife, hasn't she said anything awful about it or kinda like trying to make you stop it or some kind of humiliation? I have heard that humiliation and gossiping is almost guarranteed when a partner knows about it. Tell me if I'm wrong.

Also, I used the word "desire" at a lack for a better word, but I can agree about the obsessive nature that recently annoys me.

My experience is that inner peace about one's place in the world coupled with an understanding (yet decidedly non-participating) spouse will quell the obsession part of this thing of ours. Not a quick fix though, it has taken me over 20 years to get to the awesome place where I am now.

It used to be that I had to go out & about at least 2-3 times per month. Now I'm finding that 2-3 times every six months is working just fine. And it isn't for a lack of opportunity, I have more now than ever. I also have my space to do what I want for at least 1-3 hours every day (at minimum) but most days I cannot be bothered.

I have found equilibrium. I know who I am. I know what I am. I have nothing to prove to myself or anyone else. After years of sometimes debilitating GID along with the negative effects on my relationships and health, this is a wonderful place to be.

It isn't about purging or suppressing. It has everything to do with balance in your life.

I woud say do not purge. It is about balance and getting along with yourself.

All of the"normal" behavior as a CD applies to me as well... buy...purge...hide for years...get caught...etc. The place I'm in right now is I'm married (almost 10 year's now) to my second wife and life is awesome as to how it relates to my cross dressing. Where as my first wife was surprised by my CD side and never really accepted me 100% but was supportive to a degree. My wife now I told her about Joyce prior to getting very serious. Currently I have grown a full beard for my wife's birthday as I haven't done it for 3 years and I used to do it every year for her. Since it's been 3 years I've kept it longer than usual. The effect it is having on my girl side has really messed​ with my mood. I can be easily agitated sometimes. However I have found myself recognizing thing like that and been able to adjust and get used to male mode. I don't feel much like underdressing due to the beard so I'm in full dude mode. But now I am a little afraid that once I shave it off I'll want to go 24/7 Joyce though!! 😳 lol. As far as burning your things or getting rid of them... I would at least hang on to a favorite so you know you have back up..kinda like being on a diet and having a cookie in the freezer.... knowing it's there and not eating it builds strength by practicing NOT eating it.

'Reduce the time'? Stay busy doing other things you enjoy, and work to keep doing those things. My biggest hurdle was relationships; when younger, not having a female partner for anything, the crossdressing desire was fierce. As I figured out ways to find girlfriends, the urge to dress like them disappeared for years. I can elaborate on that if you want, I think dating and keeping a woman in your life is one of the most stressful thing for most young men. Given the choice, would you rather dress like a girl, or HAVE a hot girlfriend? Or several? That's the determining factor.
I think for me anyway, it really depends a lot on how much the desire is coming from gender dysphoria. And I'm not seriously affected by it; at some point, I realized that pretty much most of our lives are lived out the same way whether male or female, and we don't think about it when we're busy doing something else. We wake up the same, walk to the bathroom the same, wash most of us the same, walk to the kitchen the same, toast our bread the same, pour our coffee/OJ/milk the same, eat the same, drive to work the same, etc.. Most of our life goes on identical whether we're male or female, whether we're dressed as male or female, the same, with only very small differences. When I'm having to go out or to work as a man, I simply look at my male clothing as my work uniform. When I come home, I change back into a casual outfit, which just happens to be all girl clothing.
But when I'm busy at work, or with some hobby I like, or, most importantly, when I'm with an attractive woman I like, I'm not focusing on what I'm wearing, I'm focusing on what I'm doing. I've gone for about ten years without the crossdressing genie popping into my mind, and for a time, actually thought that either I'd beaten it or outgrown it. In short, when everything else in my life was going smoothly, my mind was able to repress the thoughts of crossdressing almost completely. I was dating, had no problem attracting women, when we broke up I had someone else in my life very quickly. Having a real live woman was simply more enjoyable than wearing the clothes and behaving like one. And the sex drive was such that as long as THAT outlet was busy being taken up with a real live woman, I wanted to be with her, not in her clothes. I can't say whether if my marriage had worked out, had I not lost my job, that I would have ever crossdressed again.
Again, for me, I had subconsciously repressed it, and my mind was able to deal with keeping the crossdressing genie bottled up. It was only when other things in life caused too much stress, that the desire couldn't be held back anymore. And I think many people deal with things like this in their life, keeping the uncomfortable or at least inconvenient feelings out of consciousness while nothing else is a big problem.
A way of understanding it is, like with computers. Today's computers can do many things at once, and you never see them slow down......UNTIL you ask it to do too many things at the same time. Then the screen freezes, or refreshes a little slow, or you see the hard drive light flashing continuously as the 'brain' has to overwork to get everything done. That's what's happening to us; when we are stressed, and can't handle it all at once, we can't hold back our inner 'demons' (if you will), and they all come marching forward into our mind. Ever have someone getting on your nerves? And you'd like to let them have it? But manage to hold off? That's what's going on; those feelings are coming to the forefront, and it's all your mind can do, to hold them back. Then when whoever's bothering you goes away, you can hold back the anger and even forget that it existed, as you bury it back into your subconscious. But if the rest of the day remains irritating, the desire to crossdress pops up, and distracts your mind away from what you're dealing with. Then you're tense unless you can dress. At least, that's the way I've experienced it.

This all is how I experience it. YMMV.

Edit: There is one way of making it go away, but I don't think it's allowed to be discussed on the forum, so you'll have to PM me to learn more, but trust me, you probably don't want to go through it, and it's not permanent. Oh, and it doesn't always work.

The only thing to make you stop is you and your will power.
No magic pill or anything like that
If you want to stop you have to really want to then do it.
Not all wives try to shame or embarrass their husbands just the nasty ones that only care about themselves and not their husbands well being.
IMO if your wife is doing that tell her to stop. Stand up for yourself.

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Originally Posted by Tracii G

The only thing to make you stop is you and your will power.
No magic pill or anything like that
If you want to stop you have to really want to then do it.
<snip>.

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^I have to agree with this. We can force ourselves to not do unacceptable things. It's just a matter of how much psychological discomfort you're willing to put up with. I know that in the service special forces soldiers are put through all sorts of physically uncomfortable even painful things so that they learn to endure it when they are subject to it when they're out on a mission. So it IS definitely within the realm of doing it. The only question is, how long can you keep it up.
Most of us can force ourselves to do something REALLY painful for short periods of time. But being able to block crossdressing out of our minds for years, decades, is something that most simply cannot force themselves to do.
Seeing as how disruptive crossdressing can be to a man's life, if you really want to, I suppose you could do it. You'll only know if you try. Perhaps just stop altogether; cold turkey. Eliminate all connection to it, whenever the thought pops into your head, find something else enjoyable to think about. Sex works real good for that if I remember correctly.

I think a lot of people these days love to complain how hard things are and how depressed they are because of this or that and just looking for sympathy.
"the oh poor me syndrome".
If you have to give something up for whatever reason you have the ability to do it if you put your mind to it.
Not long ago I had a girl tell me she could cure me or rescue me from being gay and I just had to laugh and told her honey you don't have the right equipment.

I know this sounds counter intuitive, DP. But, I did the complete opposite to find my dressing balance. When I arrived here 10 years ago, after dressing in a complete vacuum for the previous 10 years, I went berserk! All I could think about was dressing, or some element of it. What outfit(s), looks, I would try. What I needed to buy. I couldn't function at work or sleep properly!:doh:

I solved my dysphoria by dressing whenever the impulse hit me. In my car. Store room at work. The middle of the nite, etc. Under dressing. Go out clothes shopping at the drop of a hat. After 2 months of that madness, I lost the desire to dress! When it returned about 3 months later, I made a deal with myself. Whenever I want to dress, like before, I do. But since then, I've settled into a comfortable pattern of dressing about once a week. And, that destructive, distracting, obsession hasn't returned.:thumbsup:

I think knowing I'll do whatever is necessary to assuage my obsession is what keeps it at bay!:brolleyes:

Hi
Both my ex and my current wife cant stand this part of me . my ex told all my male friends and im a mechanic that didnt go well at all.my wife now i have been married for 38 years and she knew from day one told me she would try to deal with it but once she saw me all dressed up told me the next day never again.But i cant quit its apart of me .i know i cant stop dressing its been with me my whole life i have purged many a time its just not going to work.i have been told they will leave me if i dont stop and like i said my first one told everybody i thought i was going to die .but no i got thru it as will you .you just have to see its part of you and no words or shame will make you stop.acceptance is what you have to do .How many of us here have fought ourselves over this .i was so lost before i came here now im much happier.but i still get that feeling of this is wrong im not suppose to want to dress as a woman.but i cant lose the feelings of wanting to be myself.Hope it helps you I know its hard at times and you feel all alone but we are here for you any time you need to talk .:bighug::cheer:

When you don't want to dress put your clothes away and store them, just like your winter or summer attire. I wouldn't purge in case I would like to return to dressing.

Perhaps just speaking for myself, but the urge to be feminine is like hunger: refuse to eat, and the hungrier you'll get. Spare yourself a lifetime of frustration and self-loathing and find a way to accept yourself...and to have others accept you as well.

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Originally Posted by sometimes_miss

We can force ourselves to not do unacceptable things. It's just a matter of how much psychological discomfort you're willing to put up with.
.

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For me - I try to keep busy with physical projects (working on boats, building stuff) but after a while...
The inner girl starts nagging, and wants pretty time, as I've gotten older, her voice has gotten louder.
Ignoring my inner girl for a month, my wife and kids notice my mood darkens and they all tell me to have some girl time.

So ya, I can give it up, but I will turn into a grumpy, depressed, angry and single old man - so I dress up instead.

DP,
First of all we don'tknow your age so it's more difficult to know how long all this has been going on .

I've come to realise the clothes are a window to the World of how we feel inside . Taking away the clothes does not take that need away , you can shred , burn give them away but you will end up building a selection up again . It may not happen overnight but eventually it will .

So you have the other choice to try and find out what is going on , what is driving this need and then come to terms with it. I'm afraid you may have to disregard what a partner / wife might think, OK if you feel it could be a DADT situation don't say anything until you know what is going on . Then you need to be honest with yourself , the guilt and shame of what you are doing or feeling is the killer , if you can overcome that then you can move on and possibly talk to a partner. If you can't deal with it please don't be frightened to seek counselling , they are there to help you not scare you , they may basically reinforce what you are truly feeling inside anyway .

There really isn't anything wrong in what we do , we truly can't help it if like most you were born like it, it's never going away , I can tell you that from my own experience .
The problem comes with acceptance from others , that's where the battle really starts , and that's what you really need help with .

Interesting question.

Welcome to the forum DP.

Looking for an Off switch to a behavioural compulsion is a hard task. Perhaps an impossible task. Many have tried to suppress their feelings, and generally the result is not good. Think of eating. I want to be thinner, but starving myself is clearly not a long-term solution.

Perhaps your best bet is to seek a therapist. You might be able to learn skills to manage the urges, and come to terms with what caused you to repress your femininity in the first place. Quite a challenge. Alternatively, stop living a compromised life and seize for yourself the life you truly want, with all the upheaval that entails.

Good luck and don't hesitate to come here and vent as often as you want.

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Originally Posted by sometimes_miss

We can force ourselves to not do unacceptable things. It's just a matter of how much psychological discomfort you're willing to put up with. I know that in the service special forces soldiers are put through all sorts of physically uncomfortable even painful things so that they learn to endure it when they are subject to it when they're out on a mission.

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What? Very few soldiers make the grade for Special Forces. Frankly I'd think that crawling over razor wire in your boxers is a breeze compared to suppressing crossdressing urges in the long term.

I think sometimes miss gave an example of how crossdressing urges reduced when he had an active and satisfying sex life. I find that sex reduces it for me as well, as does doing manly things I enjoy. Like many others here, I fin it is only temporary, but the fact that it reduces at all shows that the urge to crossdress is an effort to address some inner feelings that are also addressable by other things.

Suppression can't, and obviously doesn't, work because we are feeling it, and it comes from within. Suppression via purging just adds expense and inconvenience to futility.

I have found that simply accepting fully and appreciating and enjoying crossdressing without a shred of guilt or fear does wonders to reduce the compulsion- I am not starving, I am full, so 'eating' [dressing] is not critical, it is more casual and I can put it off without consequence until the hunger builds up.

So the cure- if there is one, will arise only if the many needs that are satisfied by crossdressing are satisfied by something else. Taking an experimental approach, changing things in our lives just to see what happens, may reveal some possibilities for you. It is easier than trying to understand our urge, but it can surprise us with help.

Maybe it is as simple as having sex with your wife in a new way that better addresses your feelings. Sex is so intimate that I think we want to feel trusting more than role playing, and I'm pretty sure that different sex would help me feel more at peace being a man.

I am pretty confident now that crossdressing is my way to feel authentic emotionally, to feel sexually desirable, to enjoy playing with clothing [I'm sewing the dresses and lingerie I've been jealous of, and to just break the bonds of compulsory role-playing in the binary gender mythology.

Hi DP Don't think you're alone about quitting , everyone one on this site that tried to quit , hasen't , so lock you're things if you have to , I think " once in always in " so we might as well enjoy as much as we can ��

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Originally Posted by DeadPixel

I know some people say that the desires or anything about wanting to do any of what is usually mentioned in this forum can't be cured. However, I would like to know if any of you knows a way to at least make them reduce with the time.

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It's rare for a CD to want to be cured. Spending less time cross dressing probably depends on why you cross dress in the first place. And why do you want to spend less time CDing or feel the need for a cure? Is it guilt, shame, embarrassment or something else?

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Originally Posted by Ressie

It's rare for a CD to want to be cured.

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Not really. We are often thrust into the position where we are told to love ourselves and what we are, even to the point of being someone that the rest of the world hates. And that's not productive at all. I understand not hating myself, but to actively WANT to have a more complicated, difficult life, and wish to be disliked by many of our peers, well that's sort of self flagellation. I mean, if you have an accepting SO then sure, you have the support and love that you need. But most of us? We don't have that. There simply aren't enough women who will tolerate crossdressing in their mate, and the number who truly are enthusiastic about it are in the fraction of 1% of the population, while we are estimated to be about 2.5%. That leaves a lot of us out in the cold.

Hi Pixel :hugs: I have been in this program for 71years now with no end in sight,

It just keeps getting better with age.>Orchid..::daydreaming::..

Dear Pixel,

I think everyone here can say with certainty that "purging" will not solve anything. The desire to dress will come back and probably stronger than before and then you will be faced with the cost and time of rebuilding your wardrobe of feminine clothing.

If you can, find a counsellor who has experience with cross dressing and allow yourself to explore thoroughly all of your feelings about cross dressing.

Like some others here, I never try to restrain my need to present as a female. I find that just allowing it to "be" helps achieve whatever balance is needed. The mental stress and the build up in frustration is the only outcome of repression.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Tracii G

Not all wives try to shame or embarrass their husbands just the nasty ones that only care about themselves and not their husbands well being.
IMO if your wife is doing that tell her to stop. Stand up for yourself.

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Have to agree wholeheartedly in this.If your partner is nasty or uses embarrassment to diminish you then I'm afraid imo there's more wrong in your relationship than just you being a crossdresser.My wife is fully supportive,of course she may tell me when perhaps an outfit looks wrong or I've wrong shade of lipstick on but it's never coming from a position of nastyness.Theres ways of confronting an issue without any need for abuse

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sometimes_miss

'Reduce the time'? Stay busy doing other things you enjoy, and work to keep doing those things. My biggest hurdle was relationships; when younger, not having a female partner for anything, the crossdressing desire was fierce. As I figured out ways to find girlfriends, the urge to dress like them disappeared for years. I can elaborate on that if you want, I think dating and keeping a woman in your life is one of the most stressful thing for most young men. Given the choice, would you rather dress like a girl, or HAVE a hot girlfriend? Or several? That's the determining factor.
I think for me anyway, it really depends a lot on how much the desire is coming from gender dysphoria. And I'm not seriously affected by it; at some point, I realized that pretty much most of our lives are lived out the same way whether male or female, and we don't think about it when we're busy doing something else. We wake up the same, walk to the bathroom the same, wash most of us the same, walk to the kitchen the same, toast our bread the same, pour our coffee/OJ/milk the same, eat the same, drive to work the same, etc.. Most of our life goes on identical whether we're male or female, whether we're dressed as male or female, the same, with only very small differences. When I'm having to go out or to work as a man, I simply look at my male clothing as my work uniform. When I come home, I change back into a casual outfit, which just happens to be all girl clothing.
But when I'm busy at work, or with some hobby I like, or, most importantly, when I'm with an attractive woman I like, I'm not focusing on what I'm wearing, I'm focusing on what I'm doing. I've gone for about ten years without the crossdressing genie popping into my mind, and for a time, actually thought that either I'd beaten it or outgrown it. In short, when everything else in my life was going smoothly, my mind was able to repress the thoughts of crossdressing almost completely. I was dating, had no problem attracting women, when we broke up I had someone else in my life very quickly. Having a real live woman was simply more enjoyable than wearing the clothes and behaving like one. And the sex drive was such that as long as THAT outlet was busy being taken up with a real live woman, I wanted to be with her, not in her clothes. I can't say whether if my marriage had worked out, had I not lost my job, that I would have ever crossdressed again.
Again, for me, I had subconsciously repressed it, and my mind was able to deal with keeping the crossdressing genie bottled up. It was only when other things in life caused too much stress, that the desire couldn't be held back anymore. And I think many people deal with things like this in their life, keeping the uncomfortable or at least inconvenient feelings out of consciousness while nothing else is a big problem.
A way of understanding it is, like with computers. Today's computers can do many things at once, and you never see them slow down......UNTIL you ask it to do too many things at the same time. Then the screen freezes, or refreshes a little slow, or you see the hard drive light flashing continuously as the 'brain' has to overwork to get everything done. That's what's happening to us; when we are stressed, and can't handle it all at once, we can't hold back our inner 'demons' (if you will), and they all come marching forward into our mind. Ever have someone getting on your nerves? And you'd like to let them have it? But manage to hold off? That's what's going on; those feelings are coming to the forefront, and it's all your mind can do, to hold them back. Then when whoever's bothering you goes away, you can hold back the anger and even forget that it existed, as you bury it back into your subconscious. But if the rest of the day remains irritating, the desire to crossdress pops up, and distracts your mind away from what you're dealing with. Then you're tense unless you can dress. At least, that's the way I've experienced it.

This all is how I experience it. YMMV.

Edit: There is one way of making it go away, but I don't think it's allowed to be discussed on the forum, so you'll have to PM me to learn more, but trust me, you probably don't want to go through it, and it's not permanent. Oh, and it doesn't always work.

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Okay, thank you for taking your time in replying, not only for this one, but also for the other reply on the post.

About reducing time, I actually haven't crossdressed in quite a while, I haven't bought any women's clothing anymore neither, but I sometimes feel like I want to, which annoys me since some of my stash once got discovered and I can only say that besides some misinterpretations, I was suggested to go to therapy (I haven't went to therapy yet, not enough money for it).

About a partner, this is a bit of a difficult subject to me, although, I have a girlfriend, but I don't want to tell her about this just yet.

Also, thank you for offering your time and help.

You can quit. Almost everyone here has done it at least once. With enough will-power, one can "stay quit". Barring some type of mental illness, most adults can govern their behavior at least that well. My question is, "Why would you want to?" As virtually anyone here can tell you, resisting that which is part of our nature is probably not the best choice if long-term happiness is the goal. For some, such resistance can have profoundly negative consequences - witness the staggering suicide rate among the transsexual population.

The trick is to find balance, that point where you can express that feminine part of yourself and live your life. And yes, finding that balance can be tricky. Where mine is may not be where you find yours. My advice is to find it as soon as possible so that you can enjoy the rest of your life happy and fulfilled. Professional counseling can help, but it requires your commitment to the goal and your willingness to answer difficult questions with ...let's call it "daring" honesty. You can take the long road, as many of us have (myself included), but I would recommend against it. That road is often littered with unhappiness, failed relationships, or worse.

One last thing. Don't purge. When you finally reach the point where you realize that it's too painful to continue to deny, having purged will only add regret to the picture.

Good luck to you.

Hugs,


Kelly

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Originally Posted by Rachelakld

For me - I try to keep busy with physical projects (working on boats, building stuff) but after a while...
The inner girl starts nagging, and wants pretty time, as I've gotten older, her voice has gotten louder.
Ignoring my inner girl for a month, my wife and kids notice my mood darkens and they all tell me to have some girl time.

So ya, I can give it up, but I will turn into a grumpy, depressed, angry and single old man - so I dress up instead.

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Well, since you mention it, I can say that it has been a long time since I last built something that wasn't for a college project. And I guess I can agree about the grumpiness and I'm just in my 20's.

[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

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Originally Posted by phili

I think sometimes miss gave an example of how crossdressing urges reduced when he had an active and satisfying sex life. I find that sex reduces it for me as well, as does doing manly things I enjoy. Like many others here, I fin it is only temporary, but the fact that it reduces at all shows that the urge to crossdress is an effort to address some inner feelings that are also addressable by other things.

Suppression can't, and obviously doesn't, work because we are feeling it, and it comes from within. Suppression via purging just adds expense and inconvenience to futility.

I have found that simply accepting fully and appreciating and enjoying crossdressing without a shred of guilt or fear does wonders to reduce the compulsion- I am not starving, I am full, so 'eating' [dressing] is not critical, it is more casual and I can put it off without consequence until the hunger builds up.

So the cure- if there is one, will arise only if the many needs that are satisfied by crossdressing are satisfied by something else. Taking an experimental approach, changing things in our lives just to see what happens, may reveal some possibilities for you. It is easier than trying to understand our urge, but it can surprise us with help.

Maybe it is as simple as having sex with your wife in a new way that better addresses your feelings. Sex is so intimate that I think we want to feel trusting more than role playing, and I'm pretty sure that different sex would help me feel more at peace being a man.

I am pretty confident now that crossdressing is my way to feel authentic emotionally, to feel sexually desirable, to enjoy playing with clothing [I'm sewing the dresses and lingerie I've been jealous of, and to just break the bonds of compulsory role-playing in the binary gender mythology.

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Phili, then what about when someone can't have sex in any way? Also, I once or twice tried to accept CDing, but every of those times when I least expected, guilt and shame arised once again.

Basically you can stop and if someone says you can't well that may not apply to you.
Maybe they can't but maybe you can and will.
You can if you want to but it takes effort on your part.
Some people fail to put effort in to anything they do so they get stuck in a certain defeatist mind set and think everyone is just like they are.
Thinking about something is fine but if you don't want to act on it thats just fine.

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Originally Posted by Ressie

It's rare for a CD to want to be cured. Spending less time cross dressing probably depends on why you cross dress in the first place. And why do you want to spend less time CDing or feel the need for a cure? Is it guilt, shame, embarrassment or something else?

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I know, it might seem unusual. I haven't CDed in a long time and about your guesses, you nailed them (guilt, shame and embarrassment). Every time I want to do it again I can't help but feel guilty.

First of all do not purge your clothing, also if you find something more interesting that takes up part of your life, the desire to dress may be reduced.

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Originally Posted by DeadPixel

I know, it might seem unusual. I haven't CDed in a long time and about your guesses, you nailed them (guilt, shame and embarrassment). Every time I want to do it again I can't help but feel guilty.

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For felling Guilty? I would never quite for that reason i quited because of embarrassment. As trying to look sexy makes my arm and shoulder muscles thin and loses the your strong male body.
If your are only feeling Guilty then you do not have any money problems so i donot see any reason why you have to stop.
Many try to stop either for their loved ones or financial issues. It is never a sin to wear women clothes.

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Originally Posted by DeadPixel

... you nailed them (guilt, shame and embarrassment). Every time I want to do it again I can't help but feel guilty.

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I asked about the reason you CD too. If you cross dress because it's sexually arousing you're more likely to feel it's wrong than if you cross dress in order to feel relaxed. It seems most CDs that post here do it as a way to relax.

It's always been sexual for me and I don't feel comfortable talking about it, because it is embarrassing. The arousal is so strong that I would never want to quit or find a cure. I just accept that it's a part of me and I don't have to share it with everybody. OTOH, it's been good to share it with a few select people.

If you really and truly want to quit, I would think purging would be necessary. Would you keep whiskey and cigarettes in the house if you were trying to quit drinking and smoking?

Here too, several times in my CD years, I have put my girly things away for different family reasons.
But in the back of my mind it was still there but as being busy with life, it kind of eased the tension.

As soon as things came back to a slower pace, and being retired, it was flashing back , wanting to dress again.

as with other said, its not for sexual need, more to express my inner feeling and being more me.

I don't feel shame , and my partner reassured me it was ok to express my inner feeling by dressing.

Rayleen.

Sorry to burst your bubble but there is no cure for what is our Affliction. If you do purge you will be out there buying new things before you know it hun. And I think it just gets stronger as time go's by.:hugs:
Angie

I'll just add to the chorus here in advising you not to purge- not only will you likely return to dressing at some point in the future- but at that point you would be faced with having to rebuild your "collection" of clothes. As we know that can get expensive, and/or fashions change and you might not be able to get what you like. Just stash it all away somewhere secure and know it will be waiting for you when you need it. Personally, I went through three purges and regretted every single one. It was only when I was older and gave the situation more thought that I declined to do so a 4th time. And I'm happy I didn't toss everything out, because here I am. There will be no more purges. :D
-Cheryllynn

Distraction and will power are the only cures that I know. Both are temporary.

Purging Is futile. It is expensive. Rather than purging, pack the stuff away. Your bank account will thank you.

Its amazing how many think tossing out clothes will stop them from CDing.
If you sit and think about it it seems a crazy notion.

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Originally Posted by Tracii G

Its amazing how many think tossing out clothes will stop them from CDing.
If you sit and think about it it seems a crazy notion.

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Definitely. Everything is always clearer when looking back though...my first purge was around age 18...still remember taking those bags out to the dumpster. :( It certainly didn't eliminate the urge to CD....just made it more difficult the next time I wanted to do so.
-Cheryllynn

Ressie,
That's something we shouldn't feel ashamed or guilty about, it's how it started for me, OK the first time was traumatic rather than pleasureable but I'm afraid the whole thing became intertwined beween the male and female side, , clothes and sex .OK I still I have AGP the love oneself as a woman syndrome. I don't feel ashamed or guilty about it's how it is and it never fuly went away , nowdays I do find it a frustrating distraction at times . The plus side was it never interferred with my relationship with GGs in fact it put th icing on the cake at times !

That's why I know I can't quit all that is locked permanently in my brain , once I came to terms with that I started to find a balance .

Well, eventually, you die. As for the present, some of the suggestions here may work for you temporarily.

I'll start by saying that if you're asking for advice on how to quit crossdressing, you've picked a poor place to ask. People who have quit dressing don't typically remain active on crossdressing forums. The people giving advice here have chosen to continue to crossdress.

Crossdressing is something you choose to do so you can choose not to do it. It's your choice. When you get up in the morning you have a choice - bra and panties or tee shirt and briefs. Make the right choice. And if you've been occupying your spare time dressing in women's clothes, take up a new hobby. Golf, fishing, etc.

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Originally Posted by Krisi

Crossdressing is something you choose to do so you can choose not to do it. It's your choice.

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If it is a choice, then I suppose you could choose not to do it. But for some it's not a choice, it's just a baked-in part of your identity. In that case, you can choose to resist but there will be consequences, just like people who resist their natural left-handedness often end up with learning disabilities. You can see the consequences of resisting all over this forum -- social anxiety, furtive lifestyles, etc.

Not to make light of it but I don't think that there is a 12 step program for Crossdressers. But just like Step 1 in the AA program once an alcoholic, you are always an alcoholic, you are a crossdresser and you will always be a crossdresser.

That being said there is some really good advice in this thread that I feel is coming mostly from actual experiences. Very few of us, if any, got our start crossdressing because our SO though it would be a great thing and fun for all.

Every person and every relationship, as similar as they may seem, are all different. What works for someone may not work for others.

You and your SO need to find a balance that is acceptable to you both. That may be that you have to be completely and totally in the closet, everything you own hidden somewhere in the house. She may allow you to have a few things but may never want to see you dressed or ever want to talk about it.

A majority of my Purges have been by my wife, at least 3-4 times until finally she realized that I wasn't a cheating pervert, that I loved her she loved me, I was a good provider and a great father and husband, but just like to look pretty sometimes.

I will say that after the first involuntary purge I had some stuff stashed deep that she couldn't throw away on me, namely my first pair of breastforms.

Those purges were very cleansing for her at the time and her tears lessened with each one until finally she said that 24 bras was too many you can have this drawer and you cant have more bras than me.

Now she let me preview her things before she gets rid of them to Goodwill.

Keep in mind this is over the span of 30+ years.

You can get a new bra, or dress, or even sneak on one of your wife's outfits, but finding a great partner and maintain a loving functioning relationship requires compromise.

Find the Balance

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If it is a choice, then I suppose you could choose not to do it. But for some it's not a choice, it's just a baked-in part of your identity. In that case, you can choose to resist but there will be consequences, just like people who resist their natural left-handedness often end up with learning disabilities. You can see the consequences of resisting all over this forum -- social anxiety, furtive lifestyles, etc.

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That is what's called "enabling". Telling people that it's too hard to quit doing something (smoking, drinking, crossdressing) so it's OK to continue. None of us dressed in women's clothes until we did. We weren't conceived as crossdressers and we weren't born as crossdressers. In the womb we knew nothing about clothing. If a man wants to stop wearing women's clothes, he can, just like he can stop smoking, drinking, etc.

Again, a crossdressing forum is a poor place to get advice on how to quit crossdressing. Men who have quit aren't on crossdressing forums.

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Originally Posted by Krisi

We weren't conceived as crossdressers and we weren't born as crossdressers.

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It depends on the root of your crossdressing. You consistently claim that you are a hobbyist and not transgender and I'm not going to argue with you about how YOU feel. But there are transgender people who crossdress and they are born that way. For them (if not for you) it's not a choice. They have an inborn preference to perform within a different gender role -- doing that brings them happiness and resisting it brings stress. Saying this is not "enabling" -- it's saying it depends on the individual. Only the OP can decide if it's an inborn need or a hobby.

Pat. I have to agree totally but Krisi is correct that this forum is not swimming with those people that have successfully quit or would even like to, so as she says, we are the least qualified to gives tips on how to do so!

I'm left handed. Writing only. EVERYTHING else I do, is Right handed. In school from the first grade up?

I was "Trained" to use my Right hand.

I had my hand paddled with a twelve inch ruler! I had my left hand tied behind my back, so I couldn't use it to write, and was forced to learn how to write RIGHT handed.


I can and do write amberdexioy? With bitg either hand?

Right hand is very sloppy!

Left hand is very elegant, feminine, calligraphy, stylish, VERY cursive.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Krisi

That is what's called "enabling".

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If we were talking about smoking, drinking, etc., you'd be right. According to the best information we have on the matter, it's not the same thing at all and I, for one, am tired of hearing that it is. When an alcoholic or an addict gives up his/her drug of choice he/she gets better. That is seldom the case when the TG person suppresses their nature. Yes, it varies wildly, but it is fair to say that there is a net increase in unhappiness. Yes, the relationship might be spared, the job maintained, etc., but not without cost. And yes, those things are important, but to have those things, the TG person often sacrifices part of his/her self. Equating that with addiction is a mistake.

The closest I have come to 'quitting' is when I have had a day where I just completely feel that I am feminine when I am, and fully equal in opportunity to females to partake in anything I can of their world. At those moments I feel that clothes are superficial and while desirable, no longer are NECESSARY.

It is kind of hilarious that my overriding and demanding tapeworm of desire to crossdress can vanish so quickly. It is also tragic, suddenly all the cute clothes and girly behavior are just so much extraneous stuff, and all the drama becomes empty. I feel awful when it happens- sort of like the fun of life just vanished with it.

But it feels like the logical end of crossdressing, >>being a girl, but where feminine clothes just aren't appreciated.

Amazingly I accept it- I am a mirl, and like female girls I don't feel less of one just because I can't find places to wear particularly feminine clothes.

If I am completely honest, I value my inner identity more than dress up. If my inner identity as a mirl feels secure, then it seems like a loss, but a manageable loss not to have the oppty to dress in cute clothes, sort of like not having a good grocery store nearby with the things I like to eat.

All that said, however, I still want to dress up. I'm thinking that my desire it is driven by my feminine sexuality- when I am not working or otherwise preoccupied, I want to wear whatever signals that- and cute feminine outfits still do.

Words like 'quitting' are used when we have a compulsion to do something that has a negative consequence. Otherwise, we just stop doing whatever it is and don't need to talk or struggle with it.

Therefore the 'quitting' problem can be framed as either a need to reduce the negative consequence, or reduce our susceptibility to them.

Alternately, it may be that getting what we are wishing for changes our view of it, and then the whole problem changes either for better or worse.