Would you have spoken ?

I hope the mods don't think I'm trying to bump my last thread but one question did come up which I felt some members missed .

It's probably easier to read it but the crux is when faced with a situation of seeing your next door neighbour dressed as a woman arrive home in her car and openly carry her shopping to her home what would you have done ? I would say in those circumstances of being in the garden with my wife I probably wouldn't have gone out of my way to make conversation because I knew my wife wouldn't approve . I would more than likely spoken if I'd been on my own but I can't say what my wife would have done .

In the same situation what would you have done ?

I think it depends upon to many factors, unknown at this time, distance, relationship with the neighbor (friends, buddies, other), the haste with which she was moving things to the house, weather, etc. I can't guess for myself? sorry

Shely ,
Sorry it would make more sense if you read my last thread , " They say they care BUT !" To be able to make a relpy .

What would I have done? Well, my neighbors aren't trans, but I am and I have a wave/greet relationship with them. When I'm sitting out with my sweetie and my neighbor comes home what I do is largely dependent on what my sweetie and I are doing at the time. If we're conversing, then I don't really pay much attention to my neighbor because my attention is focused close in. In the reverse case, where my neighbor is out and I'm just getting home, it seems to be the same rules -- if they're busy doing yard work or attending to their kids, they pretty much ignore me. If they're hanging out watching the neighborhood go by, they often wave or call over to me. If my hands are full, I might just smile or chin-wave to them. People are people... stuff goes on... don't overthink it.

I am assuming based on the cited thread you're referring to a man attired as a woman. Assuming both have made eye contact I would waved. If the distance is not great between me and the neighbor I would have said a short greeting. Sometimes I will initiate a more extended conversation with an arriving neighbor assuming he or she is not in a hurry. A neighbor carrying a number of packages/bags toward his or her house would preclude an extended conversation. The same if it is obvious he or she is leaving. My wife and I are outgoing. Unless a neighbor is a "puke" we interact with everyone.

I know you believe some of your neighbors are standoffish. I have neighbors who don't interact with anyone on the block. Their loss. Others will engage in small talk. Others will invite you into their homes like my wife and I do. I know people who refuse to interact with African-Americans or gays and lesbians. If a transwoman or man were to move next door I would not exclude him or her from my circle of friends or acquaintances. Perhaps a neighbor does not approve with your lifestyle. Perhaps, a neighbor is confused. I have said many before on this forum IMHO transwomen or transmen seem to be more accepted because their sexual identity is recognized as a medical issue where as a cross dressing man confuses people. To observe you one time as a man and another as a woman may be confusing to many people. My wife has a cousin whose daughter is in the process of transitioning to a man. She presents always as a man. She does not wear frilly dresses one day and masculine attire the next.

Teresa I'm kind of thinking like Pat on this one. Doesn't hurt to be friendly but don't over think neighbors. My nearest ones are almost a 1/4 mile away so I can't be much help here though.

It would depend. If they are going out of their way to not make eye contact I generally will leave them be. I they glance over or generally not trying to avoid others I will greet them. You don't always need to engage people just because the are there. If I know they are a-holes I will try to avoid them. I also find it important to know your neighbors regardless of any factors.
Sara

I also agree with Pat. However, your question had the added element of not saying anything because the wife was also there. I have never been in that situation because I greet everyone, regardless of who I am with. I your specific situation mentioned in the first thread, I would not make a big deal of it all. Just wait and see and continue to be your friendly self. Time will reveal how they really feel. Maybe you are just a bit more sensitive now that you are out on your own and hoping for acceptance from all, constantly doubting how people react or, as in this situation, fail to react. Give them and yourself time.

Maybe I should have worded this differntly but I was asking the question from the other perspective, what would you have done if you were the neighbours seeing your CDing neighbour .

Stephanie,
No I don't assume my neighbours are standoffish , I accept I'm new also popsing them an unusual situation .

Recently I was outside painting my house, pink and blue with white trim, a neighbor walked by and commented on the color and all the work I was doing to fix up my house then he starts telling me about the guy that lived there before that had a little green lotus sports car. I replied that I have lived here over forty years, he said oh that's your husband, I replied no I've been divorced for over 20 years, he was very confused then said who was the guy with the car then a boyfriend, I said no that was me, he was still confused, I told him about 3 times that that was me he remembered, finally he got it, said good day and walked on. Later I saw him talking to other neighbors who already knew about me.
So the moral of this story is no matter how many neighbors know there will always be one that doesn't.

Peggy,
Sometimes it does take a while for the penny to drop , I was determined not to have gossip behind my back so made sure the close neighbours all knew about me. It is a big difference between people knowing and them seeing you in reality , you're not 100% out until they see you in ther flesh .

Lovely story , thanks for that, very envious of the car , do you still have it ? I recall many of the early lotus cars could be bought in kit form , how I would have loved the little Elan model .

I probably wouldn't have spoken. You're doing your thing (carrying in your stuff) and they're doing theirs. A quick wave, maybe. That's about all there is between my neighbors and me. Male, female, makes no difference.

Teresa,

The problem is that we'll respond differently as we're more receptive to seeing someone dressed. Trying to second guess what muggles are likely to make of having a CD'er as a neighbour is impossible as there are so many differing people in the world.

I would say as others have said, don't over think it. All seems to be going well, you've not had any negative encounters, just let things flow naturally. It's no different to going shopping emfemme. Be nice, polite and smile. You'll win them over in due course and it'll seem the most natural thing to them in time.

Helen,
OK put yourself in the situation with your wife in the garden what would you do in those circumstances knowing how your wife feels about the whole issue , that's the basic question I'm asking , just putting the shoe on the other foot !

It's a shame I can't put the question to my wife but she's knows nothing of my actions now , I've paid a high price for that privilege !

What is not mentioned and or known is if you had not been dressed how would they have responded. If it is the same then there is nothing to worry about if they or either would have acted completely different then you have something. For an example I have a neighbor who has never even said hi either way. So if I'm dressed and he says nothing no big deal if my other neighbor whom always says at least hi dosent then there is something. There could even be some other reason for neither of them speaking. The thing with poeple is all one can do is guess and speculate as to why they do or did what they did or didn't do.

I would have just waved and said "Hello". I always acknowledge my neighbours however they present themselves.
I hope you are not overthinking issues around relationships with your new neighbours. My advice would be to just let time pass by and allow them to eventually realise that you are just a well-behaved neighbor who happens to dress differently.

wbdavid ,
That was covered in the previous thread I mentioned , I was just asking this question from the opposite perspective , if you were faced with it in those circumsatnces what would you do ?

Were I to see my neighbor arrive home crossdressed, I would be very excited! It would mean that I wasn't the only one.

As to how I would approach 'her', I would wait until we met casually, and mentioned that I saw 'her' and thought she looked great. I would quickly follow up with my own confession.

Teresa I read your original post back last week I think it was. I wasn't table to reply then. Personally I would gone out of my way to say Hi to you. Only so as to make you feel happy but that's because I can relate to you. I think there non greeting is getting the best of you. I think you are so brave and I admire you. Give them time.

I would ignore the situation until something more positive developed.

I would react the same way I would hope they would react if it was me cross dressed. I know one neighbor has seen me, full on and since I do go out about once a week I'm sure I've been spotted by the others.
A simple wave, a hello. There is always another time to talk.

We had a FTM neighbor who was extremely stand offish. We talked to his SO and twin daughters but he was not pleasant and would barely respond when we tried to talk to him.

Because of the previous experience with our neighbor, I probably would have waved but that’s all. Maybe your neighbors had a previous unpleasant experience with a CDer or trans person. Or maybe they are just shy. You seem like a happy, friendly person. I’m sure you will win them over.

I prob would not have spoken/ having nothing to do with how you are dressed ( I could not care less about that) but if im out working in my yard i dont want to stop and chat as I have time issues ( work weekends too ) and I might not even nod because Id worry that might signal an opening to talk. I am friendly and outgoing but if Im in the mid of something thats all I am thinking about.. Could be anything like that dont take it to heart.

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Originally Posted by Teresa

Maybe I should have worded this differntly but I was asking the question from the other perspective, what would you have done if you were the neighbours seeing your CDing neighbour .

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Teresa, the more you clarify your question, the more it sounds like an acceptance test. But it isn't. As others have said, there are too many unknowns. I would speak, wave, nod, or none of those depending on circumstances, but not on whether the neighbor was crossdressed. If eye contact is made, I would acknowledge in some way. If not, I wouldn't.
I wonder if you are asking because many (most?) of us, at least at one time, ventured out crossdressed but didn't want contact with anyone at all, so would we internationally not speak, wave, or nod to a CDer when we would otherwise, out of an extra measure of respect for privacy?
Are we overthinking this?

Teresa, I missed your original posting but your question reminds me of a night a few years back when my wife and I were headed into Target for a prescription and we noticed a woman entering just ahead of us was dressed more for a night out than shopping; as soon as we got a bit closer we both realized she was a CD.

I must say that a huge spectrum of emotions hit all at once as I wanted to compliment her on a great presentation while respecting her privacy but most of all complete jealousy as I wished I could look that great and have the nerve to waltz into Target so comfortably! My wife knows about my wishes, hopes they will fade away but occasionally plays along and we noticed her in the makeup aisle on our way out, I still look down those aisles every time I'm in that store hoping she came back.

I do regret not having approached her and would have truly enjoyed just saying hello, though my wife may have not been too happy as she is always afraid of my 'secret' being revealed. I guess the answer to your question is that I plan on being more forward and supportive, as it looks like society is relaxing many social rules and what's the worst that can happen?

Here is what has actually happened to me on a few occasions in my townhouse complex. After being out in skirt and heels, I drive into my parking spot and get out of the car. A couple of my neighbors are talking in the parking lot. They see my outfit from head to toe and say hello. I talk briefly with them and then leave to go into my home. The end. No mention is ever mde to me about my outfit. I assume its Not A Big Deal to them. They might be making comments once i am out of range, but I just don't care.

To me, this is exactly as it should be. No Big Deal. No discussion required. I haven't met a CD in person, but I plan to treat her the same way if I do. I don't think I ever want to announce to her that I'm also a CD, or that I have that same dress. I might however compliment a particular item of clothing. But if I say "I love your shoes" that would pretty much give me away as a sister. That's enough for me. If the other person wants to continue with a conversation then I will too, but I wouldn't follow up with more on my own.