I think I was found out!

Ok, so I think my wife just found out about my dressing...

I’m usually super super careful about my dressing and how I store my stash. Last night I was looking for something in my closet. I usually keep my stash in my office closet in a box at the bottom under several other boxes. I was in a rush and I didn’t put everything away! I realized this morning I forgot to put everything away and I went upstairs to put everything away but when I went into my office I noticed that several boxes have been moved and the one I keep my stash in was also moved and the flaps were open!

I have no idea what do to or say. She didn’t say anything this morning/afternoon and is acting normal. I’m not sure if she saw in the box or if she just moved it out of the way. I’m not ready to talk with her about it. I am freaking out right now and I had no idea what to do!

Help!!! Please!!! I need some advice!

Get ready for the reaction!
No, not from your wife, that will probably be fine, but get ready for the reaction from people on this forum! It is somewhat predictable how that is going to go.

Oh, and good luck with your wife. PM me if you would like to talk about it.

Hugs
Suzie

Is this part of the "plan"?

Get ready for the obvious questions. Be completely honest.

It may be safe to say it's not surprising considering previous posts.
Having "the talk" should be on the top of your priority list. Most spouses uses the time between discovery and 'the talk" to seek advice from friends,family or an attny. Depending on how your spouse feels about the topic, it can range from her waiting for you to talk with her all of the way to separation and filing for divorce. From past posts here, waiting after being discovered usually does not turn out well. Sometimes starting the conversation people have found out their spouse is more supporting then they initially thought.

My suggestion is be completely honest just like Carla said. We are who we are so if you want to save a marriage honesty is perhaps the way to go. She may be thinking you are messing around on her so many thoughts and etc. it's scary for us to be found out and you can only I,aging the thoughts she may have. Maybe you will be lucky and she'll never bring it up but be prepared if she does.

Not about crossdressing for me but lots of times when I am in a hurry to do something and then put things away I totally over think what I did and didn't do. When I go back to double check it turns out I did it right and it was a waste of time.

Because you weren't confronted about your hidden stash and if she did snoop, she should have put everything back the way she found it. Else, she probably would have said something right away.

Why r u asking us? When u know what u need to do already!:heehee:

I put my two cents in on your last thread. Men think their wives are blind to what's going on around them. It ain't so. Sometimes wives do not want to let on that they know, but, they know. All those comments she has made. All those little hints like encouraging you to get a corset. Or playing with makeup. Any reason why she would be in your office, in your closet, moving boxes around? What's in the other boxes? Christmas ornaments?

Quite simply, it's time for the talk. As others have said, honesty is best.

Considering your previous thread about your 'coming out plan' I am wondering if this is not some sort of deliberate ploy on your behalf to be discovered and provoke a confrontation about your dressing. As has been said here, and in the other thread, it's time you sat down with your wife and got this out in the open once and for all.

Oh Victoria (love that name, BTW);

Don't you just hate that game of nerves? To see which one of you will flinch first and reveal their hand? Yes, dear.... this requires a stern poker face and a resolve of steel if you are to continue the masquerade.
One of the things I despised the most about my closeted CD time was the HIDING, the SNEAKING. the lies, even self-lies. I tell you with all my heart, I'd always prided myself on integrity and being honest in all my personal and professional life. But on this one embarrassing Life Topic, I lived in the shadows. It was the shame. I'm way over the shame now; and perhaps you should be too (with all my heart).

You know this game of nerves could go on for years. It may even be that she does NOT know. Wives are smart, however; more instinctively smart than you (as a trans woman) can imagine.
You owe it to yourself. The Talk. Don't get caught red handed or pink-pantied (like me). The self-liberation alone may be worth it. Of course, assess your own situation FIRST before you drive off a cliff and make a major inadvertent life change. Make a plan. Write down what you want to say of your habit and motivations. Do it with love, because in the end you DO LOVE HER and don't ever want to fear your best friend.

Good luck. My prayers go with you Vicky. We've been in your heels too. There's a lot of great narratives on this forum to help you compose your Coming Out address.

Whatever you do, don't lie.

Victoria,

It is time to talk honestly with your wife. But, if you are so afraid, ask her about the boxes and if she was looking for something. If she bring up the subject, be ready to talk. If not, you could have won some more time.

But, the more time you get, the more difficult it would be for you to confront her.

Kisses

Patricia

Think? Bet on it. Could it be your carelessness was a subconscious desire to talk about the elephant in the room. Chances are she already knows...female intuition ESP. You’re now ready to talk about it. Do it ASAP! Be prepared for some negatives. No one likes dishonesty. She may or may not be OK with. Your cding, but the secrecy/dishonesty/trust will be the hurdles. Good luck.

Quote:

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I’m not sure if she saw in the box or if she just moved it out of the way. I’m not ready to talk with her about it. I am freaking out right now and I had no idea what to do!

Help!!! Please!!! I need some advice!

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Why r u asking us? When u know what u need to do already!
Doc why say that? It's clear she's asking for help.

Victoria, you are not sure don't arrive to conclusions so early. Just ask her, honey did you find what you were looking for in my office? Because I notice some boxes out offer order...or whatever form you use. Be prepared for an honest answer. If she doesn't touch the topic there're just two options, she did find it and doesn't want to talk about it but in this point you should read her. Second option, she didn't find it so why keep thinking about it.
In any case be prepared to talk with all the other ladies say about it.
My own experience, like Llene said, was being honest and my case were gross. If you are just a crossdresser go and tell her before she finds....be honest with who you love, if she loves you she will understand, not immediately but with your sincerity and love things should work if they don't work is because there is no love....

Many have told you to have the talk. Well...the time is here

Who knows what she saw or didn't see? If she did, she will eventually come around to talking about it. Wait and see what happens, and try to relax. "It is what it is" has a corollary: "it isn't what it isn't"

I'm just waiting for the next episode.

Well I guess this means your plan on getting really good at Makeup, etc. Before telling her is shot?

This situation sort of highlights the concept of not playing with fire. Many here will tell you CDING is not a choice, and that may true for how you feel, but you always have a choice on how you behave or what actions you take. At this point, it is likely that the genie is out of the bottle, and it can't go back in. Own up to it if confronted. Own your actions, own you feelings. Anything else will cause trouble, either now, or later.

Say nothing until asked, thenit's the time for a little talk.
If you know what I mean. :-)

Take Ilene's advice. Stop being ashamed and accept yourself for who you are.
Take the advice from the other thread and have the talk with your SO.
However things end up, in the long run, you will be happier of you do those two things. Yes, really.

Agree with others here....and I for one would rather get divorced, live alone, etc... than to have kept hiding all this (came out to wife in 2009)... but I'm one of those "gap fillers" where this replaces some of what I would otherwise get from being in a relationship.

Victoria,
It's a no win situation at the moment , it's time to let the dust settle . Nothing youi sat at this point will have any impact but don't gpo majing promises you can't keep .

Before you consder talking decide which way your dressing is going, be truthful to yourself , otherwise more damge is going to be done . We dress for reason we don'T fully understand but we all know nothing long term is going to stop it . Your stash has been found no denying it so now you need to decide where your dressing is going and what you need to take with you , if your wife expects you to purge then purge the stuff that upsets her the most and tell her the rest is to meet your needs .

I can understand the freaking out , you have a need and need to dea lwith it , this is why I've always said DADT long term isn't good , DADT isn't static you don't always know where youi stand with it and you are often the one making all the compromises because you feel or are being made to feel the guilty party . We don't need all the crap about women being CDers you are the CDer and need to come to terms with it , it's not your fault so she needs to consider your happiness and then she can keep the marriage together it is a problem shared, it can work . Sadly it didn't work out for me but at least I'm in a position to pass advice on .

hello Victoria,
So your wife has found your stash and has deliberately left it in a way to tell you that she knows. What does that mean? She has not confronted you; has not left you; so is it to be DADT or is it time to talk? Whatever you do do not lie - this is you chance to be honest with her and yourself, if you want to take that chance
good luck
luv J

There are some that would say that you subconsciuosly left the box out to move things along without actually having to initiate your earlier plan. That being said, now you can sit back and wait to see what she does or take the bull by the horn and ask her if she has any questions. Something is going to happen and it is only a matter of time based on all your reports here so far. I hope it goes as you wished.

I will tell you that for sure she suspects because no woman see something without inspecting all ..that is the nature of a wife .....So doing the math I assure you that she knows and is preparing the moment for the confrontation ..the worst part is that she thinks ...all your hidings are for a another woman .....Prepare your answers ....Yet if she do not confront you ....it means she is giving you a space ...so accept it ...But do not start the conversation ....leave it to time .

Be honest and listen to not only your wifes questions but the advice from the ladies here on this site

Quite agree. You are what you are.

What happened?

I would wait and see what happens, if she asks tell the truth. I would not rush into telling her until you have thought things through calmly and rationally and have a plan. Be very cautious with advice from people who do not know you, your wife or your relationship.

This is the best advice here:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BrendaPDX

Whatever you do, don't lie.

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I think Vince Lombardi said it best; the best defense is a good offence. You need to tell her.

On the other hand, it has been said that I'm good at sneaking deception (OK, lying).

The first time my wife caught me, I thought that she might have thought that I was having an affair. In that case, spilling the beans about my CDing was preferable to her thinking I was having an affair (which I wasn't).

My wife caught me (the second time, over 20 years later) red-handed when she came home from church early and finding me packing a bra in my suitcase for an out of town trip. I didn't want a forced purge, so I moved most of my small stash to a storage locker. I also left some sacrificial lingerie where she could find them if she decided to conduct a search and destroy mission. My hope was that she would think she confiscated everything, when in fact, she got only 10%.

So, do you think she saw *everything* in the box?

Why not tell the truth?
It would be much easier than making up some ridiculous story she won't believe anyway.

You can safely assume that if the box's flaps were open, then she had looked inside.

The fact that she left the box for you to see means she's ready to discuss, though there's no guarantee which way she'll react.

I'm inclined to think that if she'd been utterly horrified, she'd have shut the box and replaced it so you wouldn't notice. But that doesn't mean she'll be accepting, just that she's playing her cards close to her chest.

I don't see anything for it but to raise the subject, otherwise it will fester inside of you both. How about something like, 'I see you were looking for something in the boxes in my office. Did you find what you were looking for?'

When women get an idea in their heads they will go thru' everything you own looking for the evidence.
I have been married twice and every other woman I know are like that.

Sounds like it may be time for the talk

So where's the update from the OP?