Fear of urge to become a real woman

In the last 6 months I have been feeling the urge to become a real woman.
This all started when I met this older gentleman and started a relationship with him.
We have had intimate times and this is what is making me wanting to take myself a step further.
However, I do have reservations.... like how long will this relationship last?
I have actually made a doctors appointment but chickened out last minute for the consultation.
I do want to experience life as a real woman, but fear the repercussion that may be ahead of me.
In the meantime I can only be who I want Saturday and Sunday.
I now own more high heel sandals than sneakers and more flowy dresses than suits.
How many of you are at this crossroad ?

Do you want to be a woman, years ago when I started, I didn't know either and it took some time to realize what I really wanted and not be afraid of it but rather embrace it. Transitioning was honestly the best part for me.

I'm not there. I'm straight and just enjoy the fetish of crossdressing. No desire to go further. I've been to a lot of gay bars and find myself just checking out the GG's. Happy with just pretending to be a woman. If I was younger and could totally pass as a real woman I might feel different but would still just want to be with another woman. Good luck to you in your journey. Take your time and best wishes.

Kimberly

You do understand transitioning into a woman takes time sometimes years to get all the procedures done.
How you feel now may not last.
If you aren't 100% sure its what you want then please think it over more fully with your therapist.

I own a great deal of clothes that does not make me want to transition.

It takes a lot of time for the mindset to adjust and six months with doubt in your mind needs a couple of years or more to think about it.

Also you do need to present as a woman regularly and feel at ease with it, then maybe you are on your way.

Your relationship may flourish or go flat, I would also not chicken out about seeing the doctor.

A change of gender lifestyle still seems to be far away in my view.

Yinlingyen, it looks like you need to sit down, with a cup of tea, (we Brits always do tea in these circumstances), and have a good long conversation, maybe many cups of tea and many conversations, with yourself before you take things any further.

My work colleague has had this urge for the last 27 years, she finally acted on it just before her 30th birthday and is enjoying the changes.

I can relate a little bit. The urges get stronger every year and are hard to fight. It's worrying.

I don't want to be transgender. I like just being a man who crossdresses.... But I have this feeling deep inside that I may go down that road one day.

Yinlingyen, if you feel this way you have to do it for you, not for a relationship.

Yinlinghen, you have great advice from forum friends, you take time to reflect on this and like most said: you do it for yourself, you are the one living your life.

A gender therapist appointment should be the first step. I don't know how things work now days but living as a woman for one year (24/7) used to be a requirement before SRS. A therapist might start you out with HRT. You'll learn a lot more in the transexual forum than you will here.

I agree with Ressie go to the transsexual section and ask questions I think you will find some helpful answers there.

Thank you all for your support.
I am a big chicken for fear..... Many types of fear.
I fear rejection. I fear pain. I fear what if it all goes wrong and I look like nothing I want to be.
I agree the urge is getting strong, but fear is keeping me at bay.

I think in this case, the fear is your best friend. This will help prevent you from making any rash decisions. As you gather more information and internalize it, the path should become clearer and the fear less so.

Sami

Yinlingyen, I don't know if my experience is like yours, but at age 50 I suddenly began dressing and wanted to become a woman. I had plenty of fantasies of being with men. Thot I had turned gay! It was all out of the blue and very disconcerting!:eek:

After years I worked out I wasn't gay. Just fancied the idea of being a woman with a man. I also hesitated on moving ahead with any permanent physical changes because I would be a very homely female! :doh:
Finally, after 10+ years I worked out I only want to APPEAR to be a pretty woman. Not actually become female. The last 10 years have been way less stressful and I'm actually having fun being Sherry now!:battingeyelashes:

Take your time to work out what u really want and why!:thumbsup:

Linlingyen, you started dressing about 12 years ago, and now you want to be a female? That's a bit odd, IMHO. The vast M2F majority who become TS do so because they've felt they were meant to be female, all of their lives. You don't fit that longing. Yours seems to be a fantasy of what the intimacy could be like if you were female .. not unusual for many sisters here.

You need to think this through a lot more. There are ways to become more womanly, physically, then having the lower surgery.

Yinlingyen,
I would say you need to separate out your feelings , being gay doesn't always equate to CDing . If you have GD then you can't afford to miss a consultation , perhaps you have too many questions to see them all clearly you need help from a professional counsellor . The quantity of clothes are an irrelevance , they mean nothing apart from a little self indulgence in the pink fog , whether you own one dress and one pair of shoes or hundreds simply means you are a CDer . The urge to be a woman is fueled by many different reasons as you can see by reading the threads on this forum , all our stories and needs are different .

To say more isn't possible as we have very few details , you say you can only dress at the weekends for what reason , work , partner ? Also age does have some bearing as you mention an older gentleman but what exactly does that mean ? The other point is if you are gay or bi those feelings will never change so concerns over making the wrong decision over your current relationship aren't valid because the situation could repeat it self with someone else .

I drink coffee not tea and I have drunk a lot of coffee thinking somewhat in this vein! I am letting the journey decide! No that's not right! I have thought long and hard about this and I have decided to start HT! Not any further than that but not ruling out SRS! Sloooow! Do not do this for a relationship type thing! If he steps out of the relationship, you are stuck! Be sure this is right for you and your life! This is a decision only you can make despite what others may tell you! A good gender counselor could help point you in the right directions and help you answer many questions! Best wishes going forward! Hugs Lana Mae

I am so grateful for this forum and the support all of you have shown and bestowed upon me.
Maybe a bit of history about myself.
I am Chinese, born in a traditional family.
I was not at all gay when young... did all the things boys do.
I can't remember the exact age but might be about 13 when I was being taken care of by a pretty neighborhood mom for a summer or so when i found her panty and tried it on. Initially I tried it on as I found her to be attractive and was exploring as all young ones do with sexuality.
But what got me was the feeling of this soft lacey silk that had me so turned on. Initially I was trying to just get close to her my feeling her garments, but I found the feel of these delicate things on my body was more than I had asked for. From then on I was on and off trying things on......
I was too young to buy any of my own.
It was not until I started to work in society and had my own income then I became more bold and started buying things.
Maybe like many of you I started "normal" dating..... and everything seemed fine.
But when I hit 28 (I am late 30's now) there was a change. I was mildly interested in being a submissive person. I was thinking about what sex is like from the female perspective. But I dared not go further than think occasionally.
As time went on my dressing habit grew stronger and stronger.
First just at home then venturing out just in my car.... then getting out of my car walking in quiet streets....then in shopping malls then even taking public transport (which I consider the riskiest).
I of course dress rather feminine (maybe overly so) with maybe too much sexiness as well.
I was wolf whistled at and had guys approach me ( I just ran or rather walked quickly away)....scared of being outed but at the same time very very satisfied that I had the allure.
Then what took me a step further was an incident on a crowded bus...... someone touched me....yes this was harrassment or sexual assault if you want to call it that.... someone (male) stroked my thighs and bottom from behind. I should be angry...or perhaps ashamed.....ashamed that I let him carry on and that I actually started to secretly enjoy it. This sounds so wrong that many may condemn me. How can someone enjoy being taken advantage of?
I came to my own conclusion that was I .....gay, submissive, CD ect.
I started exploring and going out more often... as often as my job would allow. At the end of the day still got to pay my bills and fund my habits.
The next level up for me was when I met this older gentleman who is twice my age. He enjoys photography and was looking for a subject .....which I of course became. He knew I was a CD from the start and we hit off from there.
Soon after a few meet ups.... we had our first intimate meeting.
It was my first to be a recipient of love. I discovered that I could climax as a recipient in a relationship which was a first for me.
The story then takes me to where I am now...... work and the need of money keeps me in what I was given at birth.... but If I could say to hell with all these (of course I would probably be disowned by my family in the process) than I would really really like to be a real woman.
I may regret this......as it is no easy step...harder to do than land on the moon for me.
So in the mean time I am just living my fantasy Saturday and Sundays.

Hi Yinlingyen,
I invite you to spend some time talking here about what you mean by a "real woman".
"I wish I was a real woman because..."
" I want to feel …, like a real woman does.
"I feel I am missing ….. because I am not a real woman."

Just trying to say it in detail can help clarify exactly what you are feeling and your wishes, and then you can work on figuring out how to achieve them in a way that makes sense and does not seem like a fearful gamble!

Then when you say, for example, I don't want to have significant facial hair-you can investigate on the TS forum exactly what can be done about that. Or about how hormones or surgery have worked for others.

It might also be helpful to think positively about what you do now- as in saying, "I feel like a woman when..." and " I like to feel like a woman and these are the things I feel I share with women....

I have come via this method to find that I feel very much like a woman, in many emotional, physical, and social ways, and it is these things, not the anatomical differences, that matter to me. I have found that changing my body really isn't going to add very much to that.

Everyone's experience is different, but bringing the inside out with words really helps!

Then when you say, for example, I don't want to have significant facial hair-you can investigate on the TS forum exactly what can be done about that. Or about how hormones or surgery have worked for others.

You don't want to be a woman, It's way to much work!
It's fun once in a while but if I had to spend 45 min just on makeup every day I would just scream!

Yinlingyen,

The only things that I can say with any confidence are; 1) When in the intensely emotional phases of a new relationship, one should avoid making major, life-changing decisions, and 2) If you still find yourself with theses feeling six months from now, by all means pursue counseling from a qualified therapist. Meanwhile, enjoy yourself. There is nothing wrong with you, but what you are feeling may or may not be what you think it is. Just give it time.

Hugs,


Kelly

Yinglinyen, I know the culture from where you came. From what you said I believe you looked very convincing and feminent, though I haven't seen your picture. You must look very pretty too, passing on bus in a very close range. You said that you are engaging in an intimate relationship with a men and enjoyed it. It seems that the only thing between you and an women is genital, and it seems that you really wanted that.

I can understand your fear. Altering your body is not a decision that should be taken lightly. But if you had a conviction that you are in a wrong body, that transition might be the only way to bring you happiness. A professional will help you, but I think it ultimately comes down to how you feel.

I agree with the sisters above. Don't rush in and regret later. Think, feel, and search your own mind. The only answer is within you.

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Originally Posted by Yinlingyen

In the last 6 months I have been feeling the urge to become a real woman. This all started when I met this older gentleman and started a relationship with him. We have had intimate times and this is what is making me wanting to take myself a step further.

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Do not let others define you! Also, heels and flowy dresses do not make a "real woman."

I too, at times, want to be a women. I would love to walk into Victoria"s Secret and ask them "what do you have to make these look great". Then the dominant male in me takes over. Would your friend want you as a women, or would he prefer you as a man?

Hi Yinlingyen,

I see you were writing answers to my post before I hit send!


It sounds like you may have already decided that you want to pursue your goal, but the advice here is still really good- waiting is going to allow you to let the initial excitement ripen into a more broad based evaluation of what you want.

I have experienced very similar things to you, and discovering my sexuality is feminine was quite a revelation. The feelings when my sexuality is being responded to accurately feels so right for me it is a very deep and compelling drive. It seems like the most important thing to me. Perhaps you are feeling this as well.

Having someone admire you and photograph you and make love to you is a drug like no other. But, this is transitory- being catered to and used for sex as a sex object, being felt up on a subway, etc, can feel great because it is the only way we get to feel femininely sexual, but they are not a way of life. Well, they can be a way of life, but it isn't much fun to be a sex kitten as you age, and you wonder what to do about men starting to look for younger women or CDs. You start to want to have someone who actually loves you in your life.

Many trans women of child bearing age who have fully transitioned do not find it easy to find men who love them and want them sexually. It doesn't happen simply from being more anatomically like a woman. Your attraction to the men you encounter may be exactly because you are a submissive male. In that sense, you may actually have more options and more guaranteed fun keeping on doing what you are doing!

If becoming an actual woman was easy and complete, and I could control all the details of how it worked out, I would have been very tempted when I was your age. But the details of what transition includes and requires, and how it works out, need to be explored, so head direct to the TS section!

I know anatomical transition does not appeal to me. When I am struggling to reconcile my male body with girlness, I don't feel at peace. But I am very content being what I am, after discovering the simple reality is that I am a male bodied girl. I feel at peace now.

Heed Phili's comments! If you were to 'go all the way' now, and life did not work out for you the way you imagined it would as a new female, your decisions , possibly made in haste for the sake of sex, cannot be undone. You've got a plateful to think about. Don't rush them!

Honestly, there's nothing scarier than not being about to resist our own desires.

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Originally Posted by Yinlingyen

In the last 6 months I have been feeling the urge to become a real woman.

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That is impossible. The best you could manage, would to be a transgender woman. I'm not trying to insult post op MTF TS; it's just that you cannot go back in time and experience all of life as a female, which is what 'real' women have done, and is a big part of what 'real' women are.

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This all started when I met this older gentleman and started a relationship with him.

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^this suggests that something else is at the heart of your desire to be a female, or, perhaps to take the female role in a relationship. It may even just be a response to wanting to be loved/and or sexually attractive to someone else.
A general physician appointment will not help you. You need to see someone in the psychological field, a gender specialist.
Going forward, trying to do so in order to experience life as a real woman, could be disasterous if it turns out that is not what you are. Changing sex and gender in pursuit of something that you don't know what it is, might wind up leaving you without the joy of what you thought it was, and without being able to return to your present life. Changing to a MTF TS life is very different, yes, but it brings with it a whole new set of problems. While many TG/TS initially believe that they would be happy to accept those problems in order to escape the ones they currently have as a cis gender male, I'd wager that they don't get what they want out of becoming a presentable female. You don't see any CD'ers or TG people clamoring to become ugly, homely unattractive women permanently. Yet this is what awaits the vast majority of us, if we should pursue SRS.

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How many of you are at this crossroad ?

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More than would like to admit it, I'm sure. I've wanted to live the life I expected to, starting at about age 14 which was the deadline that I assumed would exist if god were going to fix my wrongly male body into a female one. Having lived that desire to be my 'real' self most of my childhood, apparently that feeling will never go away. That doesn't mean that it's correct. I'm not a female; I don't think like one, don't act like one, don't usually behave as one. I just want to be one. There are no indications that I am truly transgendered or transsexual.

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Originally Posted by Yinlingyen

I fear rejection. I fear pain. I fear what if it all goes wrong and I look like nothing I want to be.

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^that is the most likely result. We strive to be beautiful. The percentage of MTF TS who are truly beautiful enough to be taken as an attractive GG are perhaps less than 1%. The best most achieve is passing. And those are able to do that consistantly are also just a little higher than 1%. Get a makeover from some professionals, and see just how good you can not only look in a picture, but how well you can emulate a woman's walk and other movements. How big are your hands? How big are your feet? Both can be dead giveaways.
If you're attracted to men, that might alleviate one of the big post SRS problems; who might date you. The percentage of women who are attracted to post op MTF females is so small that for all intentions and purposes, they simply don't exist. The number who are attracted to crossdressers is less than 1%; MTF TS? approaching zero.
If you really do like dating and having sex with men, OTOH, you have a chance of that happening. But LTR with one? Not likely. Most men who find MTF TS sexually appealing aren't interested in marrying one, and even those, want a stunningly beautiful one. At least in western culture. Perhaps in the far east you might find a different situation.