Do we have a responsibility to others?

This forum must be one of the leading self help forums for cross dressers. I say that for two reasons, I found it quickly on Google and there are lots of members and lots of posts. It really is a good active resource and since being a member here I have found it really useful. There are so many members here and many have been through exactly what I was going through so the help and advice is second to none.

It really is a good place. On here you find all sorts, from the happy to the downright sad. There's nothing worse than reading of another relationship that has broken down, maybe after many, many years, because the wife or partner has discovered, or even been told, 'the secret'. This can lead life changes that can be profound and permenant. But it's nice that we can be a shoulder to cry on, to be there to support whoever through whatever.

There are also the lurkers, those who come along here and read what we put up, they may be members who haven't logged in, they may be people who have discovered the forum and who sre thinking of signing up (my advice is do so with all speed), they may be people who have an interest in cross dressing, the people who do it and what we have to say.

They may even be the wives and partners of people who have just discovered that the man they married carries a secret, a burden even and who are looking for information about what being a cross dresser actually means and actually is. It's these people who concern me now. Because, I'm sure that it must happen, I'm sure that there will be people who read what we put up on this forum and who use it to make life changing decisions.

Depending on what they read, they may come to realise that living with a cross dresser isn't the worst thing in the world, it's just something that makes us who we are. However, they may read some threads and have all their worst fears confirmed, they may leave with the conclusion that we are sex perverted freaks of nature. And this could have life changing impacts on families, on husbands, wives, children.

The title of this thread is "Do we have a responsibilty to others?" and I think that we do. I think that, due to the reasons above, maybe could take time to consider what we post and possibly more importantly, in which sub forum we post it.

Yes, it takes all sorts to make the world and you certainly get all sorts on this forum. I'm no prude and wish everyone happiness and freedom to do as they choose, but I'd temper that with, please try to remember the public nature of this forum and if you wouldn't do whatever in public, then consider the effect that it may have on others, if you do it here.

Thanks
Charlotte.

Couldn't agree more Charlotte.

This bit:

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I'm no prude and wish everyone happiness and freedom to do as they choose, but I'd temper that with, please try to remember the public nature of this forum and if you wouldn't do whatever in public, then consider the effect that it may have on others, if you do it here.

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says it all. The trouble is that calling out inappropriate posts as sexist or mysoginistic gets me deleted so unfortunately this is my last ever post on the M2F section of the forum. Many will be pleased to read that so there you are, you have won. I remember when the wise words of 'jenniferathome' stopped abruptly with the post 'there comes a time' and I now see what she meant. For those that want to talk about their gender issues you'll find me on the TG/gender non-binary sub-forum where I belong and where I shall continue to contribute about the stuff that matters, either that or in 'The Lounge' talking about stuff that doesn't. For this part of the forum, goodbye.

If I'm not wrong, you wish for us to conform?

Wrong forum Charlotte!

Stacy!

Charlotte,

Another thoughtful and well constructed post.

I know what you're saying about "washing dirty linen" in public. It's inevitable at times in a community as diverse as ours, spread across many continents and cultures that differences of opinion will emerge.

This is were we should thank the moderators, even though at some point we all have felt we've been badly judged, who curb the excesses of opinion and keep things reasonably civil.

On occasion I refrain from replying as I know my input won't alter other's views. Other times I feel I must challenge someone if only because, to use the phrase, "All it takes for evil to prosper is for good (wo)men to do nothing". No one here promotes evil but we all carry baggage, views ingrained in us by upbringing or peer groups, views that don't always sit well in a progressive society.

Can I add that yes we have a responsibility to others and it goes beyond the words written here. We have a responsibility if and when we go out in the world to represent our community in the best possible light. To show that we're not sexual deviants, freaks of nature. We're considerate, polite people who ask nothing but the same in return.

I am well pleased that this community is here, diverse, and seemingly a great cross-section of the wide world of crossdressers, trans persons, etc. Will wives and girlfriends come here and discover what's all about in an attempt to understand? I certainly hope so! Will they discover a few fetishists and 'perverts'? Yes they will. And they should. For good or for bad, that's part of this community (though I wish it weren't) and a wife, girlfriend, family member, etc. may have to confront that in their mate. Certainly they may already harbor those notions and I see it as a way to be able to ask the hard questions of their loved one. I am well pleased that it seems to be a minority here and that the mods are very on top of things being in the correct forum and pulling things that are over the top. If anything, they appear to err on the side of caution and that makes for a nice, safe group.

Sure, there are questionable posts, questionable motivations, etc. But it allows us all to be able to discuss these things. To say "Y'know what, that doesn't jibe with me, that's not what I'm about.' And yet still lend a voice for all types that come here to figure it all out.

In the “timing is everything” department
I was about to compose a response
But then Macey said what I was about to say
So all I can do is add:

To deny that there are people who cross dress for “questionable” reasons is as much a disservice as would be promoting those questionable motives. It would also call our own honesty into question and honesty is terribly important to us as we come to grips with and admit to our own nature; a nature that society has told us is “not right”.

Fran

Individuals who take the time to create an account here have a right to be taken seriously and if they feel strongly enough about a subject to the point of posting a thread, they shouldn't be discouraged from doing so, even if the content is somewhat risqué or controversial. Or sad, in the eyes of some.

Bottom line is people often post in forums such as this seeking support. Sometimes, folks may feel this is the only place to discuss a subject or another and the wisdom they get here may prevent them from doing something harmful to themselves and/or others. I think that’s one of the best justifications for a forum's existence and we shouldn’t hazard that in favor of an insipid sanitized environment, even if it’s for the benefit of some jittery spouses or whatever. In fact, sheltering folks from the seedier aspects of some people’s lives and experiences would be downright dishonest.

In order for a thriving forum to exist, individuals must be accepted warts and all, just like we must accept this forum, warts and all.

This forum is not the only source of this type of information and we shouldn’t bend ourselves out of shape to cater to people who want to believe that it is.

My experience has been that there are moderators who make sure what is posted is appropriate and in the right forum. No need for individual members to try to police what is posted.

If you don't like it, don't read it.

We each have the capacity for self censureship, beyond that, I happily defer to the moderators.

If we have an obligation to others in this place it is to exercise a high degree of empathy for others, recognizing that we are incredibly diverse, and more often than not, often struggling to understand ourselves and be understood by others.

I personally value this forum for so many of the reasons mentioned in the well thought out and articulated responses to this question. I also value it for the caring attitude embodied in the original post.

I believe, if we have a responsibility to anyone then it is not to a single homogenous group but to a multiplicity of individuals each with their own concerns and reasons for being here. I like Patience’s statement “warts and all”. To me that means that all who come here will both be allowed to present and also privileged to see an undistorted view of the community. I believe that, for a person making life decisions as many here undoubtably are and not just SOs by any means, such a view is essential. Distorted perception yields distorted decisions.

I have just revealed my cross dressing to my wife. That’s a stressful thing for me and for her. It could be made more stressful by her encountering ideas I don’t share but that others in the community do. However, I don’t want her to see an idealized view if she were to come here. I’d prefer instead that she was aware and that that awareness would result in honest conversation. In my opinion an attempt to control a person’s peceptions is a form of an attempt to control the person. From what I’ve read here so far that isn’t what this forum is about. That idea is one small part of the rationale that convinced me I needed to tell my wife. I felt, and this is a purely personal judgment not one I lay on anybody else, that I was controlling her perceptions and subsequently her decisions by keeping my secret. There were a lot of other competing (and conflicting) ideas and ideals involved in that decision as well but that’s maybe a topic for another post or a book perhaps :)

aristocracy much, i or anyone else here has a right to join and participate as long as they stay within the guidelines established. the mods do a needed and unappreciated task for the most part

should these so called "freaks" filter themselves for the purpose of not offending someone else's mate, not ask the hard questions so they to can get a grasp of where they fit and have a commonality with others , NO they shouldn't have to.
people come here with a common denominator, if it does not gel with you/ or yours should it just be dismissed, i think not. where should they go to learn about themselves, a chess playing forum ?

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Yes, it takes all sorts to make the world and you certainly get all sorts on this forum. I'm no prude and wish everyone happiness and freedom to do as they choose, "but"

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this reeks of "some of my best friends are freakish CDers" .....some of my best friends are elitists.

think about where we are today.....we have this resource....how many years ago were we the "Freaks" and still are by some, so we just throw the inconvenient truths of our umbrella brothers & sisters under the bus so to make it easier and more palatable for us to gain acceptance. censor them out of the forum or existence ?

i found things which i found unsavory while looking for this resource......i clicked the "back" tab and continued my search and moved on.
do you give the women & others you are trying so hard to protect such little credit to make an informed and credible decision on theyre own.

fascinating : https://www.crossdressers.com/forums...off-as-arousal

Charlotte,
To some I would go a far to say the forum is a life saver , I'd hate to think anyone has done something drastic after visiting here .

I don't feel the sexual element is a problem the rules and the way mods exercise them prevents any real problems , most of us know there are other forums dealing with people with those needs .

I'm just thinking over the comment , " Their worse fears confirmed !" I know it's a question in itself and I don't want to sidetrack this thread but what are your worse fears ?

I guess that's the value of the forum realising what those fears are and separating what are personal inbuilt ones and what is society imposing on us .

To answer if we have responsibility to others we first need to know we have been responsible to ourselves , we have found oursleves . No not to admit we've found all the answers even the experts can't decide that . The point is we are the source of the information we are the ones that the professionals and experts formulate their ideas from so we are in an excellent position to pass on our experiences , the highs and lows and I can't miss out the enjoyable element even the fun side , if I didn't have that I possibly wouldn't be on this Earth now .

If it could be accepted that we are human beings and not strange aliens , we are a little special if you like because we are born with slightly differnt wiring , at times we may need help with dealing with the implications of that . Is it so wrong we need to realign physical state with our mental state to some degree to comfortably live our lives , it is so good the situation is moving forward more in the UK and it's so good we have the internet to find support/help forums like this one .

The true answer to your question is we all should be responsible as adults so we can help oursleves and hopefully others .

Daisy,
That's the time to take a step back , nothing wrong with any of the sections , they deal with differnt needs . Lets not forget the lurkers who are still too frightened to set foot here , their first entry will be the open M/F section . I don't do the meet and greet section but I do check out the open section . We do have a great deal to offer and that may be the first port of call for the newbies .

Your question/OP is nicely done/written. It's also a clear indication of your own personal AGENDA here. Which is what drives all the posting here. I agree with you 100%.

I think you are making a very common mistake though in ASSUMING that ALL members are here for the same reason/s as you. There are many different reasons WHY people participate at this Forum. There are numerous threads here scattered over the years, attesting to agenda.

A common problem at any Forum is that most folks seem to forget (after they have been at a Forum for some time) that newbies/lurkers visit the site daily. They forget that what they post may scare/scare off potential new members. WHAT? This is basic math. More members = more possibilities of input = more chances of people to READ something that might apply to them/help THEM. The only way to learn here is to READ questions and responses and of course study pics for good ideas or bad presentations.

Many members seem to forget/ignore the very name of this site.

***CrossDressers dot com***

It's NOT ***Full CrossdDressers Only dot com***

Ultimately, all we can do is compose our OWN input in the form of questions and responses and hit the submit button. The same goes for pics which also provide input/proof/possibilities/ideas. All we can do is hit the submit button and then it is out of our hands.

A huge bonus/plus for this site (IMO) is all the numbers it posts everywhere. All that INFO has zero to do with opinion. It is simply raw data.

This forum is a great place for CDers and their families to learn and grow.
Maybe we should have a sub forum for the more fetish related types to discuss things related to them and not to air it in the public sections.
I think many lurkers have come here and figured out we are all just regular people that are just different and not some perverted "sexual freak" like they may have thought in the past.
I just wish I had the freedom here to actually voice my opinion on certain things that get posted but I guess rules are rules.

Talk about responsibility to others? What about the responsibility to allow a fellow CDer talk about topics you are too prudish to talk about with other non-prudish CDers since they might have no where else to talk about it? Yes, this is a public forum so it might seem like airing our dirty laundry, but it is also a great place for CDers and the like to discuss things they can't talk about with their friends and families.

The question is too vague to allow for a coherent answer.
I am responsible for complying with the rules set down by those who operate this site, because I agreed to do so.
I feel a responsibility to share what I know with others when it appears to me that that knowledge would be of use to them.
Beyond that, and any applicable laws governing what one can say on this particular medium, I have no particular responsibility. So what are we actually talking about?

Anyone who makes "life changing decisions" based on the advice of random strangers in an internet forum probably isn't capable of living unassisted as an adult. This website isn't a peer reviewed scientific journal.

I'm with Macey and Patience on this. Let's not take ourselves too seriously. This isn't a mental health reference site, it's a place for people to be themselves and to mingle with others who also wear clothes that are more typically worn by women. That's about it. And that covers a wide spectrum of people and interests.

If I'm doing something that I think some subset of the group might relate to and find interesting, I'll create a thread about it. Some people will think it's complete drivel and move on. That's fine, I'm not writing it for them. And the same applies in reverse.

I personally find it interesting to read posts from others who are crossdressing for completely different reasons than me and see things that we have in common and other things that I can't relate to at all. Where else am I going to meet people like that? If I don't like a thread.. I don't read it.

Sometimes, life, even on here, is, "taking it in the shorts, and being a good sport."

Hell-o Charlotte,
Responsibilty has left the building!
With 66294 individual threads already posted to this section alone, if someone is looking for that written evidence for whatever they’re searching for it’s already here.

How many of us grew up pre-internet, with no real access to the information that we’re so happy to have found numerous years later? How many are possibly still out there thinking they’re some sort of one of a kind sideshow freak? Is it possible
one of those still searching might stumble upon this easy to find resource, read one of the multiple threads, and find one thread that lets them know they’re not alone.
Censoring, and keeping the information about what some (not all) of us do, from being found would be irresponsible.

Much Love,
Kristyn

This is an adult site. If u have a problem with anything u read here? DON'T READ IT!:Angry3:

When I read things like "perverted freaks", "dress for the wrong reasons", etc. here, I think you're talking about me!:sad:
But, I'm not sure.:straightface:

Because in my 20 years of dressing I get aroused by dressing and being a single man, often take advantage of that when it occurs! :o

When I arrived here, I was slapped around by those dressers that had "passed that stage" and didn't want to hear about sex and dressing in the same paragraph! Fortunately, the reality of that connection is discussed here freely now.:thumbsup:

If you're talking about something else? Maybe it's that some members hoping to date men or others here offends u? Well, it's an adult site. You're free to say what u think, so do it! But, don't talk like we are 3rd graders here!:thumbsdn:

The responsibility here is, it’s the internet, once its posted up, its public forever.... or until its deleted

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Originally Posted by Kari_A

I felt, and this is a purely personal judgment not one I lay on anybody else, that I was controlling her perceptions and subsequently her decisions by keeping my secret.

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Most honourable Kari. Your words scream "man" to me. I hope your wife appreciates you for it.

We do have to appreciate others feelings and not belittle ourselves with the general public by over reacting ,or being militant in what we do.

Don't create issues about rest rooms, the right to wear skirts and look pleasant at all times.

I am not into extreme fashion, but younger girls should take care in how they present.

I’M SORRY.....

It really isn’t that complicated to navigate through this site and the various sub forums here to determine what and what you can not post and where it should go.

i think that everyone today should go to the FAQ section and take anther look and read At the official rules of conduct. For those who haven’t been there, the are two sections of rules - one for the overall site itself and one for each individual sub group. I have been on this site for over 5 years and STILL I go back to the FAQ to check on what I am posting about.

Basically posts which have been moderated are mostly about posting about a subject which is prohibited (herbal medications for example), or posting in the wrong forum (discussing lipstick in the CD forum instead of the Beauty section - and yes if you don’t have 10 posts you have to wait before posing) or disrespecting a member on a prior post. ALL of the sub forums here have merit and should be welcoming for all people no matter how extreme their tastes or their gender expression might appear to some. YES, you are allowed to disagree with someone (in some cases these are the most valuable threads as you get a balanced view of both sides of an issue), but it must be done with respect and with facts supporting that opinion. Just replying Sally you’re an idiot will result in moderation. Just because your path is working for you, doesn’t mean it will work for everyone, and that it’s the ONLY path. There are many ways one can be authentic, there is no size fits all!

You are not responsible for the entire transgender community when you post anywhere here, but you should try to treat all here with inclusivity, otherwise we are no better than those who discriminate or act with violence against any CD or trans person .

Getting off the soapbox because I am getting kind of dizzy.lol. To all of you a safe , peaceful and joyous holiday season.

Be good to one another !
G

I would say most SO (or anyone needing to uncover their truth)in the pages of CD.com will come on with their own preconceived ideas and will dismiss the stuff that wont suit those ideas and pick up on the ones that suit them to believe.most of those will be from the freaky threads (as described by others here) But surely the people that post such threads have as much right to be here whether we approve of these threads or not,they shouldn't be sacrificed because of some lurker's negativity.

Must add my gratitude to the Mods on here who do a sterling job keeping the site in order,think ive mostly stayed in their good books :)

Sophie