You know that day is coming

I'm a newbie to going public. The first time I came out was a bath by fire. I went to a trans support group party at very public motel bar. The girls in the group were the best. The fire, was they had changed the party from the motel the wife and I were staying at to another motel bar mainly for more room. So my first outing was driving from there to the party in heavy city traffic. Then coming in through a very crowded lobby to the bar! OK all when well. But I'm not what you consider real passable at six foot two. Clocked, clocked I was flagged. LOL. I got a lot of great big smiles from the guys in the lobby. But I know that day is coming in getting called out. Any advice on that? Hugs Rochal

Rochal,

Firstly congratulations on your first outing.

What you say is true, one day you will be called out. Thing is in all the time I've spent out and about it's only happened once and that was a teenaged girl who blurted out, "Oh my god, that's a man", more out of surprise than malice while I was being served in a cafe.

To me it sounds like you think it's imminent, being called out. Not necessarily so. It's quite possible you could go years before it ever happens, if at all. As often written here, pick where you go, present as well as you can, be confident, stay calm and carry on.

Getting called out in public? Have you ever seen water flowing off a ducks back? It's like that, it just happens and you move on. Ok, to keep the duck analogy going, the legs under the water may be going nineteen to the dozen, but on the surface, all is calm and serene and the duck lives on to fight another day.

The tendency is to lower your head in showing the person that you are ashamed to have made them uncomfortable. Do the opposite. Hold your head high and own who you are. They called you out perhaps to shame you; maybe even likely. Give them the opposite. That way you maintain the high ground. Give them a little smile and move on. In short give them the opposite of what they want you to do.

Gretchen, Some very good points, like always.

Rochal, first time is the hardest and you made it. It just becomes easier. I as well am 6'2 with broad shoulders, so there is no way I am not always clocked.

I like Gretchen’s advice and will remember when the time comes.

6’2” is taller than average for a woman, but they do exist. I’m about that height and I go out dressed all the time.

As far as being called out, it’s good to be prepared for all eventualities, but in practice you may find that it is a rare occurrence.

I agree with Gretchen's post.
You made it thru the first outing and it gets easier each time.

Advice...
Smile back and ignore the rude comments if made.
Keep your head up and be confident. Act like you belong there the same as everyone else.
If you become the deer in the headlights you will be hunted ...
Tall, well there are many tall women in the world and I'm sure they get stared at all the time. It's a natural thing for people to pay more attention to something out of range of the norm (whatever that may be).

Be a confident woman, don't stare at others to see if they are watching. Who cares if they are. Think of it as admiring stares, stares of wonder at your statuesque beauty, stares wishing they could be you.

Well, it's good you got out and it's great your wife supports you. You didn't mention this, but at 6' 2" tall, I would suggest flats, not heels.

I’ve been out quite often, sometimes for days on end. I have been read more often than I could know. No one has ever ‘called me out’. It’s not worth worrying about.

as noted by others, there are tall women in the world. I encountered a woman exactly my height (6’2”) at the grocery on Saturday. I found her presence and appearance to be very encouraging.

that being said, when you are out, go to places that are safe and busy.

I see this is your first post but can't view profiles so I have no idea of your age? Age matters a lot.

CONFIDENCE is the key plain and simple. Confidence (in being out in the RW dressed to whatever degree floats your boat) can ONLY come from doing it over and over. In all kinds of places at all times of the day and night. Very few will NOT have the deer in the headlights look their first few dozen times out. It gets easier with practice. THOUSANDS have reported this over the years at this site alone. Their is no law against CDing. There is no law aginst purchasing clothing items in the "other" section.

NO, there is no law against being clueless. There ARE plenty of clueless folks out in the RW. Some with a chip on their shoulder, mad at the world. LOOKING for anyone to insult. A CDer, especially one of slight build would make an easy convenient target. Sure, dressing to "pass" or "blend in" will lessen one's chances of being noticed, but slinking around will be far more noticeable, no matter how one chooses to present.

There are of course, all kinds of responses/retorts available. You can practice them in a mirror till the cows come home, but you will need Confidence to be able to pull them off. YOU can CHOOSE your response. You can completely ignore them. Or use the opportunity to TRY and educate them. You can choose to fight. You can choose to insult them back. "THEY" might say something insulting to you simply from being clueless. it seems to be popular these days.

The REAL crux of the matter? Very few people out in the RW are out there looking for CDers to bust. CD busting is mostly done by CDers. There is overwhelming evidence for this at this Forum.

Hi Rochal. I have been out several times and it gets easier the more you do it. It's easier when you are with someone else rather than alone, IMO. I am sure people have noticed but I haven't had any real reactions one way or the other. When I was in Sephora getting makeup on, I did receive some positive comments. Luckily, I am not overly tall 5'8" so that's not an issue for me. I think the advice here is good--act confident, keep head high and don't be scared. Good luck
Frannie

Great advice, Gretchen !!!

I am six foot six in bare feet. The first day time outing for me, was in 2005. i was out all day, in a short dress, and four inch heels, and wig, making me almost seven feet tall! I got shouted at by guys in a truck, OMG'd at by teen girls, tooted at, a guy came out of a cafe, to watch me strutting down the street, one man who parked next to me, had a dead battery, and was forced to ask me for a jump start, but told his kids not to look at me. At a McDonalds drive through, as i was leaving, could hear laughing, and saw people watching out the windows laughing.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by GretchenM

The tendency is to lower your head in showing the person that you are ashamed to have made them uncomfortable. Do the opposite. Hold your head high and own who you are. They called you out perhaps to shame you; maybe even likely. Give them the opposite. That way you maintain the high ground. Give them a little smile and move on. In short give them the opposite of what they want you to do.

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Everything you said, but with a big smile instead of a little one.

Thanks, first off for all the encouragement. This looks like a good rock in which t o hold one's head high. About me I'm 6' 2" and a size 22 US and 63 years old. A birth defect of one testicle undescended trying to become an ovary not corrected till well in to puberty. Left me with a beautiful set of C cup breasts a miniature version of the average male equipment and the rest a very male body. But I in no way hit the chart for hermaphrodite. Needless to say I knew all my life there was a girl in there somewhere. Now today breasts a little more sagging but I know she is there every morning shaving. LOL. My wife has been a jewel in encouraging me to explore my feminine self. I have been offered breast reductions many times but I like girls and my girl. The only regret is waiting so long in life to do this. But a lot was meeting the right woman that could shed her programming and rap her head around having a husband and a sister. Thanks again hugs. Rochal

With so many people saying the sky doesn't fall in if you go out in public dressed as a woman there might just be something in it! I have been out hundreds of times without problem. Two or three people have said "That's a man" - so what? - I am. It wasn't abusive - it was just a comment to their friends. On the other hand I have been told I look fantastic hundreds of time. Most people are so busy with their own lives and do not notice. Those who notice don't care or are too polite to react openly. There have been occasions that I would have thought would guarantee problems and they didn't. I have been introduced so someone I knew who kissed me on the cheek and she didn't recognise me. I have been dressed as a man in a skirt in a Scottish village - walking along the main street just as the school is getting out. No reaction. On two occasions I had been talking to women for about ten minutes and got to a stage where I had a reason to remind them I was male and they were really surprised. I wouldn't assume that these things would end so well if they were repeated but it is amazing that they happened at all. And going out dressed enabled me to meet amazing women I would not have met any other way - one has become a good friend.

You can't go past Gretchen's post, except that hold your head higher and OWN it.

Yes it sounds hard but if it is the right moment you will find it easy.

You have body mass on your side. :-)

I don't know why I ever bother trying to add to a thread that Helen's already posted on. 😁

Not to mention Charlotte and Gretchen.

Im not too tall, 6’ but have too much weight in my stomach, I have slender arms and legs and with practice and well applied makeup (and working on reducing my stomach, I feel I could pass, which is intoxicating to consider

I'm tall too - 6' 6" in heels. I've been out most of the time for about a year. The turning point for me was to accept myself as a crossdresser and understand I will probably be recognized as a man in a dress. So I do as others have suggested. Stand tall and proud, and smile at those who give a second glance. There is nothing wrong with who you are, so embrace yourself and be confident and proud.

Best,
Dee :fairy1:

Rochal,
Well done on your first steps out the door , I still remember mine and thinking what could go wrong .

OK I'm 5' 7" so not a problem even in heels but there are members of my social groups that are your height and still wear heels . I have to agree with Gretchen , but it does take time to believe in yourself , lift your head up and look them in the eye . We dress for so many reasons and some choose not to blend in but to me blending is the way to go .

The lesson I've learned since going full time is stop looking over you shoulder expecting a reaction , I found this out very quickly, keep walking or going about your business , don't give people the opportunity to " Call you out !" When you find the confidence to really interact don't make it too false , just try and soften the edges a little from male mode . The biggy is keep a smile on your face ! It works for me 100% , I've never had a problem .

Hi All, outing number five with the group and some public time with few of the girls. The party last night was very nice to make connections and meet some more new people. So far have only meet one old gentleman working at a museum that seemed to be very disgusted with a the whole thing. He didn't say anything directly I think because we four girls had him out numbered. LOL. I can say the down side of going with the group you can't always pick your turf. The motel they had the party at, got an arm and a leg for a room and not feeling they had gotten their pound of flesh! Then it was room card keys $4.75 how else are going to get in? Then want a printed recite that's $3.75 you got to be kidding. Ear plugs by the bed. We found out about the trains all night long. So dressing may be good for the soul but some times hard on the pocket book. Hugs

Have you heard the phrase dance like nobody's watching? The best comeback is to smile and have the best time of your life. It will help diffuse the awkwardness of the situation when they see you're having a great time. This comes to another good point. If people make a rude comment my strategy has always been to ignore it. Maybe not so much any more times have changed I've changed but the point is the same. It takes two people to have an argument so if one person says something and the next person says something back then the first person feels the need to say something more and it escalates. When people get into trouble I always ask and there's almost always a back and forth dialogue. I get the idea of sticking up for yourself but maybe this isn't the time to do it. I've always kept walking not that I have much trouble these days but I've never actually had any serious trouble so there's that. Not definitive proof but it worked for me.

This is all great advice thanks ladies! But I hope I have the courage and poise to follow through with it in the next couple of weeks...my only time out was a couple of years ago, felt comfortable at the CD friendly bar but a nervous wreck walking back through the hotel after!