Losing the desire to dress, anyone else deal this Help?

I’m losing the drive or need to dress, and I miss it. About 10 years ago when I turned 50, decided to lose the weight and start working on my feminine image. I went further then I ever thought I could. I got to the point where I went everywhere as a woman, shows, shopping, dinner and travel.
About three years ago my back went bad and got worse, along with it I gained weight. Before I went into surgery, I purged, incase I didn’t make it back.
Now a year after surgery my back is better, and I am 60 lbs overweight. I am losing weight and confident I will be successful.
I used to spend so much time anticipating and preparing for a day out. Now it all seems like a too much bother. Mind you I still fell have those feelings, but just can’t get motivated enough to do it.
This makes me even more depressed.
Anyone else have this trouble with getting older?

Me in happier days

Paula for me the desire to dress has ebbed and flowed over the years. No real trigger either way that I can pinpoint. I have learned to just go with it, knowing that it will come back at some point. Lately as I give myself acceptance and permission I am dressing more than ever. But I expect it will wane again soon. Could it be that you felt better about your appearance when you were dressing and want that feeling back?

If you have lost motivation & feel depressed it sounds like you may need professional help to deal with this. Have you lost motivation in other areas of your life ? I myself have recently undergone major surgery & don't feel up to dressing fully. I do dress in fem. jeans, top & sandals plus lipstick & I feel good that I can do this. As with many things in life, time & patience are required to get back to normal. You have obviously succeeded in the past to lose weight & become the attractive woman in your photos. Bear that in mind & slowly aim to reach that goal bit by bit.
Try discussing your depression with your doctor, he doesn't need to know it's affecting your dressing.
I wish you well in your recovery.

Hi Paula:
I love to dress, but keep it simple, I do not go out dressed, so around the house it is a simple shirt dress or a skirt and top.
I do have several wigs, but only wear them on occasions. I am retired and over 70, so anything further than what i am doing
is just not in the cards now. I love under dressing every day, even wear Fem Jeans when I go outside. But with a POLO shirt.
Keep the faith;
Rader

Girl, I feel your pain!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Shayla

Paula for me the desire to dress has ebbed and flowed over the years. No real trigger either way that I can pinpoint. I have learned to just go with it, knowing that it will come back at some point. Lately as I give myself acceptance and permission I am dressing more than ever. But I expect it will wane again soon. Could it be that you felt better about your appearance when you were dressing and want that feeling back?

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Hi Paula, yes, as others have noted, and my own little addition to that point, getting older can suck in some ways!
I fully hear you about back problems and surgery...
Not easy!
In my world, getting older means things don't fit as well as they used to and it can be much harder to "make it work"...but I would say, throw the mirror away and don't judge yourself to hard!
If it still feels good and somewhat rewarding in the end, then let THAT be the ruler, and NOT the reflection in some stupid, blasted mirror!
Personally, I know I don't look anywhere as good or as refined as I would like to be when I see the reflection looking back at me...but who does????
If I could recount all the times I see my gorgeous wife looking at herself and twisting and turning and self analyzing herself in that same stupid mirror...and I say WOW, she's all there but self-doubting???
In short, go with your instincts.
I wish you all the best!

Glad to hear your back is better.
Don't let your weight hold you back if that is something you worry about because they make clothes in your size.
I know how it feels because I have put on 100+lbs in 4 years due to medication for seizures.
I still dress and go out and enjoy life because why not ?
I could feel guilty and depressed but what good would that do me? I refuse to be miserable.

Paula, I'm sorry that you had issues with your back. My need to dress ebbs and flows, I'm sure when you loose some weight it will come back.

I will be 67 this year and the desire to dress is as strong as ever. I dress 24/7 sometimes at week ends but what feeds my desire is that I don't want to emulate women and I spend my daytime in male clothes. I think if I dressed full time I would lose some interest. I like the difference between both sets of clothes and changing every evening keeps dressing interesting.

It takes time to recovery from tough times. Wishing you the best!

Marion

Glad the surgery went well! I have very few male clothes! Women's jeans and tee shirts are my usual clothes on any given day with my go to flats! It seems that it is normal for an ebb and flow thing with dressing and it varies with each individual! They make women's clothes in all sizes! Start with some thing simple and let it grow as it will! Enjoy the journey! Hugs Lana Mae

Health issues can sap your energy both physically and emotionally. Be patient with yourself, recover to the fullest extent and I bet your desire will recover too!

My desire has come & gone so many times in the years of dressing, but you know what, it has always came back to be en femm.And I am 59 but not for much longer.

Paula,

I too have periods where the dressing desire wanes. I believe that that is a normal cycle of some sort. I also suffer from periods of overeating and gaining undesired weight. But in the end I find that the older I get the cycles seem to be smaller, less pronunced, and over time less frequent. If I were you I would not worry about the desire to dress waning. If I am a betting person it will return and likely stongly. My opinion for what it is worth.

Hi Paula
It is good to here from you it has been to long , about 10 years ago I went through some serious heart issues spent almost 200 days in the hospital it was real rough Susie didn’t get out for almost 2 years and when I did get back out it was a slow process but when I finally got out it was do do some volunteer work as Susie since then things are getting back to normal, you can get there just be patient with your self

Hugs Susie

After serious health problems and other changing activities in life the desire to dress does take a back seat for a while, maybe you are in this stage now.

I have every belief that it will come back as you adjust yourself to your weight and other problems.

You do not need to force the issue by worrying about it time is a great healer.

As others have said it is an ebb and flow thing but the additional weight may be part also. I would recommend dropping some weight and maybe going to a gym and getting a trainer to help get you going on an exercise program. It really is easier then you may think. Just my 2cents

I've lost the desire for months at a time, but to be honest, it's like a Tsunami wave going out to sea leaving desolation...then it crashes over me when it does come back...

My desire left me for a few years after my wife passed. But it came back and yours will to. When you loss the weight and see yourself in the girly figure you'll want to dress again.

Paula, my experience may help you. Becky only arrived in my early 40s, when she did arrive it was with considerable force and presence. Within a months I was going out and had assembled a really nice wardrobe etc. etc... after nearly 4 pretty intense years, she disappeared as quickly as she had arrived. For over 3 years I felt absolutely nothing, no desires to dress no interest in anything F... then slowly she started coming back..

Since then (2012 approx) i can go weeks where dressing or anything is as you say 'too much bother' what I have found is that if I arrange an outing even if I don't feel like it at the time, when the day gets close I start really wanting to. There are other times these days when the urge to dress and be Bec is very strong... these last 2 years has been very ebb and flowing.

I hope your back continues to recover and hang in there, its probably a phase you are going through.

Recovery from something as life altering as you've been through often involves much more than physical rehab. You're doing the right things. Don't stress about things too much while you work on getting yourself healthy. My hunch is that many things that formerly gave pleasure will do so again, once you're in a place to appreciate them more fully.

We have had a really hot summer and I just can't be bothered to be my girl self.
It's one of those things with multiple personalities, sometime they don't want to show up for a while.

Take each day as it comes - I wish you well in your recovery and share your frustration at having to lose weight again

Paula,

Getting older is stressful enough but when combined with some significant health issues and surgeries it can really pull you down. Your body suffered a shock as a result of the surgery and it takes time to recover from that and often the psychological recovery takes longer than the physical recovery. In my opinion, you may be suffering from the depression of Loss. Getting older can do that, gaining weight can do that, body ailments can do that. And perhaps you are feeling resentful of what has happened in the last years that you are viewing as having taken away from a very happy time. Of course, I am basing this on what you have said and may be off base in some ways.

But please, if you feel depressed so much that it is affecting other areas of your life and your sense of joy about being alive, seek out a therapist who can help you and guide your thinking back into a better frame of reference. I liked Tracii's suggestion as she has dealt with a lot of adversity and the weight gain due to medical issues. Yet she adapted and still satisfies that inner need to express who she really is. I recommend seeing a therapist who also has some experience with gender issues, but not necessarily a gender therapist.

I have suffered from depression all my life, but I got on top of it several years ago. Life can be beautiful again, but you may not be able work this out by yourself. Remember that depression is caused by imbalances in the brain chemistry and therefore your brain is not performing the way it should. As a result, if the depression is severe enough, you can't think your way out of it because your brain isn't working correctly. Therapists and sometimes medication can help guide you back to the real you and to a point where your brain is functioning correctly so you can actively manage the depression and enjoy your greatest joys again.

Gretchen

I agree with Gretchen 100%.
If you feel depressed talk to someone because its nothing to be ashamed of.
I have friends that deal with it and they know they can always call me.

Don't think to far ahead, plan next week, get dressed whether you like it or not, this way you will find a better understanding of how you feel, 1 how you feel male, 2 as a female, you will be surprised

From my personal experience Paula, there is nothing wrong. Before I had the major issues with my back, things were moving along nicely and I was even going to my first Halloween outing at a hotel with my wife! I was trying to deal with the pain, everyone saw, and even after several years of dealing with it, I really couldn't anymore...so surgery was scheduled, completed, and even after a year, I wanted so badly to dress and put on my heels, but I just couldn't! It took almost 2.5 years before I could wear heels again because I lost all strength in my left leg and partial right after the surgery, and couldn't stand in heels at all. So that gave me a form of depression and I just tired to keep myself busy with other things.

Slowly, I was able to get myself back into my dressing and felt an enormous weight lifted off my psyche. I too gained 60 lbs due to the medications and had 3 more procedures done in outpatient clinics after this surgery which have left me about 20% better than I originally was. But over time, I think that you will learn to deal with things as they are and just move forward..go get that new dress suit and just be yourself...no worries you will be back stronger than ever i'm sure! just look at me....

As a fellow back pain suffer-er. I get where you are at. Pain takes the joy out of a lot of things. Pain management clinics do help to lean to live with chronic pain. Taking little steps to learn to live with your new reality helps. When my back pain was bad, just wearing some jewelry while working helped remind me that I don't have to lose the joy in the things I like.

I think you have to consider seeking counseling for depression. You stated your back went "bad" and had surgery. You indicated your back has gotten better, but, to me that sounds a little "iffy." Continued back back, but, at a reduce level? Not completely resolved. Depression can really sap a person's energy.

Over the years I have had my interest or perhaps the correct term is need in being en femme has waxed and waned. My wife went through breast cancer treatment; chemotherapy, surgery, radiation. During that time it seemed my role as husband and protector came forth. A counselor I see for war related issues believe each person, man or woman, has some dna other the opposite sex. She feels in some it is greater than others. I suspect in my case the dominant trait of masculinity overrides any feminine traits. When I was in the army and in combat situations male hormones must have been raging to keep me alive. I had absolutely no thoughts related to anything other than to keep alive. I found when I was trying to escape from those wartime issues for which I do go to counseling the need to escape to the feminine side (as it were) increased. As I have become more at ease with my issues I have found less interest in being en femme. It is something I do when I need to do it. I don't to did for the hell of it.

So, if you're in a funk due to depression I would guess there are other things in your life that you are ignoring also. Try the counseling. My wife suffers from clinical depression and medication has helped her immensely.

I find it comes and goes. Like last week, it felt like an IMPERATIVE that I get into a dress ASAP. Other times, Im like "Who am I kidding? I look terrible." And anything in between. Maybe it's "Meh" today and tomorrow it's a need to look my best. There's a lot of contradictions in there, but, what the hey, we're contradictory people!

Hi Paula :hugs:, I am so happy for you that you are feeling better now,

Some Evenings I am just too tired to open the closet door, 76 and feeling it.
The desire is there, but the ambition is not there so I just set here En-Drab on my desk top computer.


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Orchid ..o:daydreaming:o..

Paula,
I had these experiences too, as I approached middle age. HRT helped me to evolve those lackluster feelings into something more. Much more. The definition of crossdressing has really changed for me since then.

I think this lack of interest affects most
one time or another . Many of the GG
I have talked with experience it fairly often

JAS

It ebbs n flows! I tend to think it’s hormonal I’m sure everyone goes through it!

"Anyone else have this trouble with getting older?"

Yes Paula! I'm 63 and although I still CD, it's in my vintage slips and panties and I have no desire to wear makeup and get fully dressed and go out in public anymore. At one time when I was younger, I did get fully dressed with makeup and all and go out, but not anymore. You're right that it can be a hassle and it would take me a good two hours preparation and unlike you, who looks so passable dressed en-femme, I wasn't passable, but went out anyways.

My urge to CD goes in cycles. There's times when I want to CD everyday, but other times where I go weeks with no desire to dress. It's just the way it is for me.

I had periods where the desire would ebb and flow when I was still working.
Mostly because there was simply not enough time for me because of all the things relating to work, home and such.

Now that I've retired I find just the opposite is true. It's all I want to do. I don't feel as happy if I'm not me and when things interrupt that I get depressed over it. I don't know where this is going but time will tell.

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Originally Posted by Sherri_Christopher

"Anyone else have this trouble with getting older?"

Yes Paula! I'm 63 and although I still CD, it's in my vintage slips and panties and I have no desire to wear makeup and get fully dressed and go out in public anymore. At one time when I was younger, I did get fully dressed with makeup and all and go out, but not anymore. You're right that it can be a hassle and it would take me a good two hours preparation and unlike you, who looks so passable dressed en-femme, I wasn't passable, but went out anyways.

My urge to CD goes in cycles. There's times when I want to CD everyday, but other times where I go weeks with no desire to dress. It's just the way it is for me.

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This is also pretty much where I am. I'm a few years younger, but I haven't been much interested in fully dressing for quite some time now. My dressing peaked in my 30's.
I still lounge in lingerie and silk pj's. and ALWAYS wear panties and sometimes a bra under my drab.

I've been back and forth several times. I haven't been dressing much here lately because I have to keep things very very very very low key at the moment, but I got me a secret stash of emergencies! :)

I just thinking of this tonight. The wife and I are getting ready to head out for another event with a group. Its a long drive " can't dress in this town" they changed the venue to another motel I guess nobody bothered to check the room rates for the out of towners. OMG!! So one night is not going to be cheap. Even the wife not usually saying anything said my femme experiences were getting a little out of hand. It just hit "Why Bother"? I'm not real passable, don't dress enough to be proficient at it. So what the hell I'm I doing. I keep looking for the little spark of light that has kept me going and feeling more like boxing Rochal up and throwing her under the bed. Feeling as though this is the last trip and it doesn't feel good. The thing that gets me is that I got over the pink fog years ago.

It is ok, to not want to dress up. It is ok to want to. Nothing wrong with it. It is ok if you never dress again, or do.

First of all the thing not to do is worry! this very thing happened to me about 2 years ago and I stopped dressing for about a month then the desire to dress returned and never left me I attached it to stress and health issuesboth of which are no longer with me.
Live your life and enjoy that's what I keep telling myself.

I wouldn't be to worried about it my desire goes away when im dating some one.When we break up it business as usual.The desire will come back.

I really didn't start dressing until I was 67 and now I'm 74 so I don't think age is a problem.
I would think losing weight would help your back and your confidence.
The dressing desire comes and goes so try and do things that make you feel better whether it involves dressing or not.

So sorry to hear that, Paula. To me, you were always the epitome of style, sophistication and grace...in short - a very classy lady, especially as your evolution as an accomplished and fully "passable" crossdresser progressed. I also continued to be mightily impressed throughout by your commitment to your family to keep this as a personal "issue" and not go down the road to full transition so as not to turn their lives upside down, even if that might have been your ultimate destiny under different circumstances.

Time to heal, get back into the saddle (or the pantyhose, as the case may be ;)) and bring some joy back into your life...you deserve it! :hugs:

Firstly you look great in the pic! Sometimes it’s a confidence thing.My way of dealing with the ups and downs is just to dress when I feel like it and not to stress over periods of not dressing. I am only happy dressing totally and feeling I look good. That kind of helps as it takes over an hour to get ready so I need to really want to dress in the first place. When I go out it’s always with ladies who then reassure me or possibly mention some area I could do better-especially brows. Try to enjoy it and hopefully you will! Hope your back gets better.

It comes and goes at times. If it doesn’t feel right for you right now then don’t force it. I find when I force it I actually start to get a bit turned off from it.

How this all pertains to you in your life is simply evolving.

Nothing to be concerned about, IMO. Seems like it happens pretty often with people like us. Myself included.


I naturally "hit it pretty hard" a couple times in my life, just as you once did. Living a woman's life as best I knew how. Actually seriously considered transitioning. Blah blah blah.

Those days are gone for me. Impossible to recapture or go back to that. Which is fine. I feel I had to go through all that, though, to get to where I am now.


For example, my avatar is no longer very representative of myself. It once was, back in the day (albeit a younger & prettier version). But currently, it's a false representation of my daily life. Not sure why it's even there, TBH, as it kinda feels like a lie, on many levels.

Outside of work & the rare family function, typically you'll find me wearing all women's clothes in guy-mode (though some don't consider that CD'ing, apparently to suit their own psychological needs? :brolleyes: ). But *what* I wear, and how I feel about it, is quite different than what it used to be like.


Hoodie & leggings, with running shoes or maybe flats. Comfy, versatile & kinda-sorta socially-acceptable (or at least relatively speaking). Again, in guy-mode... I'm not presenting as a woman. I own a wig & make-up, but very rarely wear that stuff these days. Also don't bother with any body-enhancements like fake boobs or hips anymore. Like you, I feel that it's just too much of a hassle & a big waste of time. Just not me -- or in me -- much anymore.

And you know what? I'm cool with that. If anything, it frees up my time, money & energy to do other things in life. And it's no longer this huge "weird" thing in my life, that it's no longer this overriding issue. Casually throw on some stuff, the same as I would with my clothes from the men's department, and I'm good to go.


Of course, this all came after like a 6-year absence from CD'ing. It was almost as if the pendulum had swung too far in one direction (female) for too long, so it had to make its way back in the opposite direction (male)... You know, before finally settling down somewhere in the middle.


My suggestion is to just have it play itself out.

And also, to open your mind & view this stuff now in a different light. And to experiment, try out different things you may not have considered before. It very well might never be the same again... Which, of course, is fine! Don't feel like you *have* to go back to your "old routine." That's not you anymore... It was once, but perhaps those days are gone. It happens, ya know. ;)

This is a new you... Embrace it! :)