Am I still a crossdresser if I have't dressed in a LONG time

Hi,

I'm kinda venting here. Don't really expect a response.

I come here frequently to read posts, check out the pictures, kinda live vicariously through others. I haven't dressed or put on makeup in a long time. I just realaized today it's been 8 years since I last dressed or really did anyhting gurly. I attended the yearly gala the River City Gems put on. Had an amazing time. Felt great spending time in Tina mode. That was the last time I did anything dressed. I know I could dress, etc at home. But the thought of getting all dressed up with nowhere to go just doesn't appeal to me. I know the makeup I have so too old to use. Sometimes I think about getting one of those cheep makeup kits from one of the online CDer stores... So now it's been 8 years and I wonder if I'm really a crossdresser.

Thanks for letting me vent
Tina

Well only you can answer that question.
What do you think?

You are only a crossdresser when you are wearing the clothes, all other times you are a man. At least that is the way I look at it.

You are if you want to be, but it sounds like the thrill is gone. If you don’t want to, then certainly don’t force yourself. Theres a lot of adrenaline associated with starting to dress and the taboo of it all, but for some that will wear off over time. If that rush was all you got out of dressing and it doesn’t do anything for you anymore, no reason to throw away money on it.

I think what’s interesting is that you came here to talk about your lack of motivation to dress. To me that says that you’re not really over the dressing, you’re just over it being a private thing you indulge in alone. I’ve got a feeling that if you had something to do and/or people to do it with while dressed you’d be more enthusiastic about it.

My sense is that once a cross dresser....Always, a cross dresser. From your picture, you are very pretty, which didn’t happen over night. It’s probably just taken a long time for the pink fog to roll back in. It’s obvious, it’s on your mind. Just Go for it. I think you’ll be glad you did.

I strongly disagree with Georgina. A gay person is still gay when they’re not having sex with the same sex. A Doctor is still a doctor when he isn’t seeing patients. Why would a crossdresser stop being one just because they weren’t dressed. We have a number of girls here that identify as Trans. Are they men when not dressed. This is an overly simplistic way of looking at it that doesn’t account for the realities of life.

I once went for about ten years, barely ever a thought of crossdressing, and never did it. For me at least, my mind was apparently able to repress it as long as there wasn't too much other stress in my life. When the s*** hit the fan in my life, with too many troubles to deal with all at one time, my mind could no longer deal with all of that and still keep the crossdressing monster tucked away deep in my subconscious, and I felt the need to crossdress again. I'm not saying this is how every crossdresser's mind works, but consider it a possibility.

YMMV.

Well there is the act of dressing and there is , well you.

Putting on clothes doesn't necessarily make you a crossdresser. It could just be a costume.

Being a crossdresser is more a state of mind. It is simply who you are not how you look .

There isn't a right or wrong way.

It doesn't matter how much you dress.

If you are a CD then you will always be one.

Tracii is right, only you know how you think and feel. This is what makes you a CD.

Hi Tina I think you're crossdresser .I think you'll always be .One thing in common all crossdressers have is none of us can stop , maybe for a time years even but never eternally . I think their is a group of us who try quit but find out it can't be done , it makes life interesting
Rhonda xoxo

I have two answers for you but before, I differ from some opinions here that relate the dress with to be or not.
There's a said in Spanish that i don't if would make sense in English, the rope doesn't make the priest, make sense right.
If you're here asking is because there's more than curiosity in others dressing or pics. If you go to a therapist you wouldn't say " I was a croosdresser" the professional for sure would ask you, so what brings you today to see me, what would you answer? I'm not sure, you would say, so....
That fact that you can't stay without dressing is just the level of your need is ok.
It's like people define themselves pansexual, or non bisexual ary, remember that the flag of the LGBTQ movement has the rainbow colors as including everybody in all their gammas of variation. The same LGBTQ letters are not enough today and more letters are being added.
I can say that you're a kind of passive crossdresser, but believe me, one day the urgency will come back.
If I were you, I would go to see a therapist and ask him because you will receive as many answers as colors are in the rainbow...MHO...

Hi Tina

First, why did you stop? Are current circumstances preventing you for some reason or did you just decide “feh”?

Second, if you see a well dressed woman walking down the street, do you think, even for a femtosecond, “I could wear that”?

FWIW, I’d stopped for >10 years and all of a sudden wham! And I was right back where I left off ”. It took a year or two to get back into the swing of things, get some clothes, etc, but the return of the desire was almost instantaneous.

Fran

well we're back to semantic again. What's a 'crossdresser," "Trans"? "Gender fluid"? I say it's not important that you define yourself as anything. If you want to lurk here, lurk. If you want to dress, dress. It doesn't "Make" you anything. U B U. & don't beat yourself up with definitions.

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Originally Posted by audreyinalbany

well we're back to semantic again. What's a 'crossdresser," "Trans"? "Gender fluid"? I say it's not important that you define yourself as anything. If you want to lurk here, lurk. If you want to dress, dress. It doesn't "Make" you anything. U B U. & don't beat yourself up with definitions.

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Audrey, let me disagree with you, some people in some stages on their life need to identify with groups of individual that give them their own identity.
It's an older need as old is the humanity.
I can give you tons of examples, clubs, associations, parties, depend on the age, the gender, etc. A good example is nationality, it's a big problem.
In that context when you grow up as a but some issues in your life don't fit with a male image, one of the reactions can be what am I? You need a label. The label will let you look for your north in life.
Ok I'm a crossdresser, because I like, I behave, I empathize, like those guys that call themselves croosdressers, so I finally find my gender identity, I belong to the group of crossdressers.
Opps! But I'm just like just dressed at home, I want to go out and be identify as a woman, oh! I'm a cis male but I'd like to have sex with a man. I did it I like it but I like women so i need a label, I'm a crossdresser bisexual.
Opps! I want to live the life like a woman, I don't like woman, just men, so am I homosexual? No because I fell like a woman, oh! I'm transexual,
Etc. Etc.
You can keep.
We human being relate to others through language, everything needs a label if no you're going by life describi g things to make others understand you but when you say, for example, table, e everybody knows what a table is. There are can be tons of different kinds of tables.
The same for cds, trans, etc.
After that you can accept yourself knowing who you are.
Some people doesn't need labels but the great majority needs them.
MHO.

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Originally Posted by tinak415

I come here frequently to read posts, check out the pictures, kinda live vicariously through others.

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Yes, you are (still) a crossdresser, based on continuing to come here.

I suggest that you contact some other members from SF and meet them to do something en femme.

My safety rule is to meet in boy mode in a public place first, and then meet en femme.

However, there are some members here that I would meet en femme the first time without hesitation, based on their extensive history here.

You s... one sheep!

I’m in the same situation. I have not dressed in months and have only worn panties a few times in between. I simply don’t have the opportunity. But I still have my stash and the desire and I know that I will have opportunities to dress in the future. Therefore, even though I don’t cross dress often, I still consider myself a cross dresser.

You are a crossdresser! Maybe you skipped 8 years but you are suggesting starting again! I was at the "panty" stage! Asked my wife if I could wear women's clothes and she said there was only one woman in this marriage! So, I put it on hold for 34+ years of marriage! I cheated on maybe 5 occasions and purged after each one! I am now on HRT! You will do whatever YOU decide regardless of what we say but we are here and we support you! Hugs Lana Mae

I would have to say you probably are. Personally, I don't think you have to put a label on it other than gender variant or gender variable. Gender is not an all or nothing affair. It is more of a complex of traits, characteristics, feelings, desires, and actions. You obviously still think about it in a positive point of view irrespective of whether you actually dress or not. That is evidence that it is an important part of your character, your personality, and your sense of self. You can stick any label on it that you are comfortable with or even uncomfortable with. It is what is inside that counts and that is a particular behavior, whether past or present, that defines a little part to a large part of who you are as an individual. Chances are, at some point, the desire to express that deeper person will come back, but even if it doesn't some portion of it lives on as evidenced by the fact that you brought it up as a concern and a question. You are just fine. Just be who you are. Works great with little pressure. More likely than not, at some point, something will act as a trigger and your desires to express that inner feeling will come roaring back - or not.

If you don't feel it, don't push it. Honestly while I love dressing, my life would be easier without it. Brenda

Tina,
Being a transvestite/crossdressers simply means to wear clothes of the opposite sex , so if you don't do it you aren't fulfilling that definition . If it goes deeper and CDing is part of being TG then it signifies something more is driving it .

The time spent between doing it isn't important .

I no longer see myself as a CDer because I'm out everyday , putting on male clothes now feels like CDing .

I slowly stopped dressing sometime in my late 20s. It was not an intentional choice. The need just dissipated. When it returned in my late 40s, much stronger than before, I tried to ignore it. My presence here is proof that didn’t work :). In between those two dates I believed I had permanently changed. I now realize, looking back, I still had an attraction to the same sorts of things but that attraction was at a low enough level that it did not demand action. It sounds to me like that attraction still exists for you as well as evidenced by your continued interest in this forum and thoughts about your makeup, etc. At some level, whatever label you want to use or not use, that part of you is still real.

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Originally Posted by Micki_Finn

You are if you want to be, but it sounds like the thrill is gone. If you don’t want to, then certainly don’t force yourself. There's a lot of adrenaline associated with starting to dress and the taboo of it all, but for some that will wear off over time. If that rush was all you got out of dressing and it doesn’t do anything for you anymore, no reason to throw away money on it.

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I'd like to comment on "the thrill is gone" and "that rush".

I started dressing in my early teens. The first time I was extremely "aroused", and I was regularly aroused until my mid thirties, at least. Then the arousal started to wane, but that didn't stop me from crossdressing. I'm 66 now, and I love to dress more than ever. The arousal is almost totally gone, but I still get a rush from dressing up. The whole process gives me a rush, from planning to go out, deciding what I'm going to wear, shaving close, dressing, putting on makeup, going out and about and (hopefully) getting positive affirmations while out. After coming back, the rush may stay with me, like this week, when I'm on this forum several times a day. Eventually, I'll go back to feeling like a male crossdresser, but today I still have a lot of residual girl feelings, after going out with my TG social group last Saturday.

May the (pink) force be with you.

An ex-crossdresser is similar to an ex Marine. You know the saying; once a Marine always a Marine.

Have not dressed in a good while but thinking about it every day .
Just bought new panties so here I go again .

You are a complex human being who has crossdressed in the past and found value in the experience. I'd suggest that experience and occasional visits to this site are sufficient to handle your desire to dress. Others have dysphoria that requires more frequent dressing or maybe a medical intervention. Don't worry about it. Scratch the itch if you need to but don't feel confined or defined by it, there is much more to you than your gender expression.

I believe you are a crossdresser. Tina just by visiting this forum you showed interest in cross-dressing and I feel you have a desire to crossdress. Go and buy some make up and satisfy your desire.

Tina, yes, sounds like you are. Please try to not be frustrated with your current lack of dressing. It's a thing many go through, whether it's denial or lack of desire or can be decades, but the fact you're here and the feelings you express suggest you are a CD.

And you know what, there's bugger all wrong with that.

But just to extend the example others have laid out, one does not stop being a father just because your kids have left home. One does not stop being a biker cos one is preparing for sleep. Etc etc.

Time and again this site hold accounts of those who have fought the pink fog and lost or have lost interest only for it to steamroller back into their lives.

Hold on, and Tina will have her day in the sun again.

Tina, you've still got the Pink Fog in your blood stream. Ergo, you are still a CDer! Your make up may be old, but still usable, EXCEPT for any type of eye makeup. Give it a try. Put on some lingerie and bask in the feeling.

Sounds as if you're in the same boat as a "recovering alcoholic." Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. Once a cross dresser, always a cross dresser. You have to decide whether or not you want to fall off the wagon or continue to deny yourself something in which you apparently still feel the urge to imbibe in. Are there any negative consequences to resume dressing? Are there any negative consequences to continuing to suppress the urge?

Steoh is pretty much in the nail.
If CDing was detrimental to one's health clinicians would consider it a pathology, exactly like alcoholism.

Most of us seem to find this doesn't go away, just like alcohol abuse.

But the takeaway is clinicians do not consider CDing pathological. Or at least not a 'disorder' that would require treatment. So it's not a threat to your health but it's overwhelmingly likely to never go away.

As has been said, and it's backed by the majority of anacdotal evidence in this site, once a CD, always a CD.

Or as Alan Moore once wrote: There's no such things as quitting. Just longer periods between relapses.

It depends on whether you see crossdressing as an identity or as just something you do sometimes. For me, I'm only a crossdresser in the sense that it's something I do. Likewise, I eat tomatoes, so I'm a tomato eater. But crossdressing or eating tomatoes does not form my identity even though I may continue to enjoy doing those things for the rest of my life. If I stop CDing altogether then I stop being a crossdresser.

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Originally Posted by tinak415

... kinda live vicariously through others.

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Non-crossdressers have absolutely no desire to live vicariously through other crossdressers. I agree with Micki_Finn.

Tina,

I'm in the same boat of not having dressed in years. I enjoyed wearing women's clothes. I liked the feel of everything and the feeling of being feminine. For me the reasons I stopped is because I felt guilty and thought I was doing something bad\wrong. Definitely my upbringing. But recently the girl inside has been wanting to come out. I'm not going to hold her back anymore and I'm going to find out where this leads me. I guess if you want to put a label on it we are crossdressers. But as some other ladies have pointed out its just a label. I want the feeling I had before of feeling and looking like a woman. If this makes sense, don't worry what you are just enjoy who you are.

Yes you are,:hugs:
Angie

I'm with Angie on this one ... yes!

Tina k, You are still a crossdresser. I have gone long periods of life without feeling the need.Then it always comes back. It is a secret part of my life. I used to get very aroused. Now I just dress for the pleasure of it.I will never really be out because there is no way I am passable. It is my way of relaxing and to forget about life for a while

My salt and pepper hair looks noticeably younger since I started engaging in "retail therapy." Helps reduce stress.

I'd say you are still a crossdresser if you enjoy it vicariously.

I go back and forth in dressing. I have gone for years with no desire to dress but then it emerges for some reason. I then look for opportunities and move forward. I do not worry about the label. I am what I am.

Tina, Due to my prior marriage, I went years without dressing. It did not mean I did not want to dress, I knew I was a crossdresser during that period.

It's hard to answer to this one. If you still come here, I would say you still thinking about this, you still like the idea od dressing up, but you just don't do that any more. Why you don't go out all dressed up any more? You can't or don't want to do it any more?

There are other ways to 'go out' once you are dressed. A public venture is just one way to 'go out'. After you have spent your coniderable efforts getting all dolled-up, you can always record your efforts with a camera in the event you want to relive the experience, or share it with others. You can also get a web cam and share the experience real-time with an online buddy. I encourage you to do so. I'm waiting . . .

Look at it this way: Does a gay person who's celibate for 8 years still have the right to identify as gay? of course they do.

If you didn't formally quit and care about dressing enough to be here, you must still be one of us.

I would just say, "I've cross dressed in the past and it's possible that I will cross dress again some day." No need to fit yourself into a group or category. We're all individuals right?

"My name is April and I am a crossdresser."

I can relate. The arousal was there when I furst started. I am 69 and am into it full blow. Make up, shoes and a wig. It is totally a rush

Hi Tina

You are a crossdresser if you want to be. You still own makeup? You answer to the name Tina?? ...That might be evidence that you still are......

At the end of the day...and at the beginning and middle too.....you are still you .......no matter the label....enjoy life

If you lost your CD membership card I am sure one can be reissued if desired. I really don't know who is in charge but I'm sure someone can reissue you one

Don't sweat the small stuff

Seana

I'm not an expert by any means but there have been long dry spells for me where I not only didn't dress but purged and thought that whatever it was that "used to" make me want to dress was gone. Those non-dressing periods included total purges as I mentioned and no dressing. Not that the thought or some memory of doing it didn't come to mind now and then but when it did it was immediately dismissed further leading me to believe that part of my life was over. My dressing history in a very brief timeline started at around 12 then went dormant until I was around 30 with only fleeting brief thoughts with the next wave coming in my early 50's, another five or so years not dressing and now here I am again. Other outside factors like raising kids in our smallish first home and adult kids moving back into what was briefly an empty nest contributed to making those years of abstinence seem way too easy.

I'm kind of slow but I finally figured out that something that has been following me and resurfacing for approximately 54 years must be a permanent part of me. Now I'm trying to fill in the rest of the blanks.

I think it never goes away but it does "go into remission" sometimes. That has been my life experience so far.

If I were to purge every feminine item I owned and never bought or wore another item from the 'wrong side of the aisle' again, but still eyed all the mannequins as I passed through the women's department thinking I'd like to wear this that or the other, then I'd say I was a crossdresser at heart. The act only partially defines the characteristic. The thought process behind it would seem to be the more accurate gauge of the state of being, or not being, a crossdresser.

I so relate to your post, Tina. I've gone long stretches of time without dressing--years, sometimes 4-5 years. I used to think that meant I was "cured" and so I'd purge...then something, a song or the way a woman's perfume smells as she walks past me, or seeing a sexy news anchor, almost anything could trigger it, and then I'd miss that dress/wig/shoes/forms etc that I got rid of...

I finally came to terms with, maybe not being a crossdresser, but that I like dressing up as a woman. I know it's semantics, but it helped me to not purge. Plus I love my breastforms!

So I say enjoy it, Tina. And don't force yourself to dress or not dress. I haven't been out in like 6-7 years myself. But I hope I can go out again sometime in the future.