Printable View
I have been seeing this lady for therapy for awhile now(About other things). I trust her and like her approach. I have been putting it off, but I?ve finally decided to talk to her about my crossdressing compulsions and see what comes of it. Maybe I can figure out what I truly want out of this.
I?m really nervous about doing this. Anyone else, who?s been down this route, have any tips before I go in?
Just be honest.
I have talked to VA therapist, and psychiatrist and one minister/
I wrote a LONG summary of where I am and how I got here and emailed it to her after the first session. That saved a LOT of time and money, and got things out there that I probably would have had a hard time talking about. Easier to write it. I was entirely forthcoming and honest. Once things started coming out, they just kept coming. I didn't realize I'd held so much in.
Ginger
I had mentioned it in my introduction I think, but did not include everything. My wife and I had seen a therapist and she had given my wife a homework assignment to do research on the topic. My wife would never go back though after researching it on the internet, and that is when I went into complete hiding. In my intro, I did not mention that when my wife was out of town, I went back to our therapist by myself fully dressed as a woman. When I asked her what she thought, she said she sees a woman sitting there. Somehow that was reasuring to me. I don't really know why. I told her I could not talk about the extent of my dressing with my wife present, since I knew it would go badly. My wife was not aware how far I had gone with it. I have not been back to see her
since that day about 2.5 years ago. I am not going to try to advise you as to what you should do, because I feel everyone's situation is different. You just have to evaluate all the inputs and try to come up with something that works for you. I wish you good luck. It does help to talk to someone about it.
Sandi
I don?t even know how to approach the subject.
?Hey cute top, by the way...can I borrow because I like wearing woman?s clothes.
Ginger,
Why feel so nervous ? they are professionals , they've heard it all before !
Don't hold back , they can't begin to help if they don't have all the information, they're not mind readers . As for dressing or not , shouldn't be a problem for them , if it is then maybe find another therapist but don't use them for validation they won't thankyou for being used in that way .
I have no regrets , I wouldn't be where I am now without their help , through their help I found the right way of coming out to my son , I don't see him much but I haven't lost him .
The problem I had was being in a DADT situation I couldn't talk with my wife about the sessions , I can't say for certain if we would still be married if she had talked more .
I'm just hoping to echo what Roberta and Teresa said, be honest and open and don't be nervous.
My wife and I have been going to a therapist for some time now, at first because of my crossdressing but we have found her te be a great help on anything that might come up.
Time is money... And that clock is ticking!
I've never seen a therapist about all this before, but if I were to...?
At the start of the session, I'd just be like, "Listen, not sure how to go about this, and it is kinda weird for me by saying it, so I'm just going to blurt it out now & get it over with... I really like dressing up like a woman every now & then. Been this way for X years now, and I do wrestle with it sometimes. Could probably use a bit of help, ya know?"
And with the initial difficult part over, things will start to fall into place that much quicker.
Plus, I'm sure she'll be professionally grateful that you were open, honest & upfront about it.
Perhaps easier said than done, but I feel one does have to simply put on their big-girl panties for something like this.
BTW? Probably not the first (nor last!) time they've heard this. ;)
Good luck! :)
Good luck!
My wife asked me if I thought a therapist would help. In my case I have decided I am just a MIAD, and no consideration of going any farther. I have no thoughts of even going out in public. I have a beard, have had it for decades and it is no going away. Also a little over weight, but working on it. No hair, shaved head. So do you think Bruce Willis in a dress would "pass"? Pretty much me!
I am in a good place with who I am.
Think of a therapist's office as a "judgement-free zone". If it turns out not to be, you have selected the wrong therapist for gender issues.
I'm in the same place as Pumped, except I do have hair, albeit graying.
I currently have a goatee, and have oscillated between that and a beard the past couple years.
I have recently started going to a therapist/counselor at the wife's suggestion. She thinks perhaps the crossdressing is the result of stress, and to be fair, in the past 5 years, I've lost both parents, and have subsequently taken on additional business responsibilities, in addition to my own business interests.
Thus far, my therapist is not concerned about the crossdressing in the least, but she is helping identify what drives it, which so far seems to be nothing more than a fairly common kink (she hates the term fetish), and which she seems to have concerns about.
"Thus far, my therapist is not concerned about the crossdressing in the least, but she is helping identify what drives it, which so far seems to be nothing more than a fairly common kink (she hates the term fetish), and which she seems to have concerns about."
LingerieLuvr, Care to explain?
Just tell your therapist what's on your mind. Trust me the will not hold it against you. I saw a therapist for a while when I first started dressing. She said there is nothing wrong with crossdressing. She also gave me strategies for dressing around my wife.
My daughter is a therapist and sometimes has dealt with transgender clients. Believe me when I say not to be shy about bringing up the subject. You would not believe some of the problems a therapist has to help people with. Your issues with your gender are nothing new. So, as others have said, just present as an additional concern that seems to be creating some disturbance in you. Ellbee's suggested wording is in the range of how to do it. Adapt her suggestion to yourself.
The really important thing about therapy is that the therapist is trying to help you find your own solutions - they don't often tell you what to do. It is a guided exploration of yourself. So, as others say be open and honest because anything that you hold back the therapist can't help you with because they don't know about it. Thus their guidance can miss the target because of significant unknown aspects to who you are. Honesty and openness is a very important, even critical part of the process. No judgement; just discussion to help you work things out in a way that fits you. Back in 2012 I saw a gender therapist and it was a great experience that lead me down a road that I never even considered. She didn't suggest it; with her help I discovered it already present inside me. Been quite happy since.
This!Quote:
Originally Posted by Robertacd
Your therapist is not there to judge. Holding back only cheats yourself of the opportunity to gain understanding and peace.
Been to a therapist I do like but we both agree that I should not begin to unpack until our lives settle down from some recent adjustments. When we do she wants two days a week. And as soon as I can commit to it I am running to her. I discounted therapy due to a terrible experience in the early seventies in which my transgenderism was labeled sexual deviancy and perversion by a bald white asshole of a man.
So I was near the actual end before I went this time. We talked then we talked again and then for the first time I told her the actual truth about how I was treated as a child. The only person who knows the reality is her. Not even my brothers who went through it too know everything.
We unpacked a little of that and I fully outed my dressing and feelings.
She said I had/have gender dysphoria. And that I was not mentally ill I was worn out from coping. We then developed a therapy plan in which I see her to ?safety valve? me during hard lows, actually rare now that Maria runs this show, and to begin intensive therapy to unpack the ugliest crap in January as I begin HRT. She does not want the emotional liability of hrt to trigger something without her in the loop and me under her eye.
Ha! Long coffee post to say ? Therapy good?💁🏽*♀️🤗❤️
Pumped,
I mis-worded that...should have been "...which she seems to have NO concerns about"
Lingerieluvr, ok, that clears it up! It read like your therapist was concerned about your kinky side!
Talking to my therapist about crossdressing is the best thing ever. She?s completely non-judgemental and only has my best interest at heart. I understand the fear, but I suspect you?ll be happy for starting the conversation.
I doubt it would ever happen, but I would love to go to therapy dressed sometime.
Years ago, my wife and I went to therapy and the converstaion of my crossdressing came up.
The therapist was totally cool, we discussed it and i believe she had already made up her mind that the
problems we were having were not related to my crossdressing.
After all the issues we had, the marriage did finally fail.
Everything I have been going thru over the last several years has definitely left me a bit damaged.
Seriously needing to go to therapy again, and get back to a happy place in my mind.
But definitely will not be afraid to talk about my crossdressing with a future therapist.
I will be watching for a follow up on your first therapy session. I had a very stressful childhood having lost my mother at 10, a step mother and two day old baby brother at 12 and my father at 13. I never went to therapy for any of that, it wasn't what we did back in the early 60's. My family had German farm roots so coping with anything was "suck it up and deal with it". I ended up living with grandparents and joining the Navy at 18. My only therapy was some marriage counseling in the 80's that was not related to dressing which at that time was on the back burner due to four kids in a small house and a stay at home wife. There wasn't much privacy for a lot of years and supporting five people put a tremendous amount of responsibility on me so I didn't have time to think about much else.
I retired last year and now with more privacy, a place to keep my clothes and a non-clingy situation where I can come and go without the wife having a meltdown the pink fog comes rushing back. Consequently, I'm following these threads about therapy with special interest as I'm getting closer to a place where I'm going to have to make some changes. We have a rather interesting situation where our oldest daughter who is married with three kids came out as lesbian and will be getting a divorce. She is a big advocate of therapy and rightfully so seeing as she had spent most of her adult life not putting all the pieces together until she was able to work through it. My wife and everyone in the family though we will miss seeing our soon to be former son-in-law as often supported her coming out. My wife had a gay uncle who lived in San Francisco as far back as the 1960's that her and her family fully accepted and we are not religious so we don't have a church breathing down our necks causing us to think differently than where our hearts lead us. With all of this going in spite of my inner turmoil I keep a low profile until everyone works through this. In the meantime I'm going to dig a little deeper into therapy on our medicare supplemental and see where it takes me. Since the pink fog came rushing back this past year coinciding with beginning retirement I have had a lot of time to think and my thoughts are unsettling, not in a depression sense of the word but in the sense that the girl inside me who has been hiding since the early 60's is beyond restless.
Doing this recently when a friend asked about my CDing revealed to me just how much I'd repressed. I now can no longer escape the fact I'm trans.Quote:
Originally Posted by Rhonda Jean
Be honest with your therapist. My therapist is bi and super trans friendly. One of her clients before me is a MTF.
Just be honest. And be you. I?m closeted and my therapist let?s me change in her office before the session starts.
Food for thought. I am a cross dresser and no one knows but my wife. She is. DADT. I am going to gogo to a shrink in December. Maybe I should tell him
Well Kendra I have to ask why wouldn't you tell them?
I am guessing that you are seeing a "shrink" as you put it, for reasons other than your crossdressing. Now I will admit, I have my own issues therapists and don't see one, but I do understand how it works. You need to be completely open and honest with your therapist or you are wasting your money and both of your time.
I picked a friendly looking female therapist at random and wrote to her. I explained that I liked dressing and could I come and see her in drag. She agreed and, having taken lot of trouble to look good, went to see her and talked for an hour. She was great, and very helpful and I now see her regularly. I recommend it.
By all means, Ginger, If you are having difficulty bringing up the subject, write it down and read it, or just hand it to her, or Email it. A professional therapist is not going to be judgemental about it. Therapy is expensive and you deserve to get your money's worth. Wasting time beating around the bush is not going to ease your stress. You will feel better when you've got it out in the open.
IMHO if there is conflict in a marriage over the cross dressing issue, therapy may have a limited benefit. Of course one issue is dealing with one's own angst about wearing women's clothing. The other conflict is with a wife. If a wife does not want to participate that may be a really big problem. Once you accept yourself, what happens? Is there still rejection by the woman you love and presumably loves you too? To some degree the divide may become greater once you're comfortable with your own being. How will a wife view her husband's self acceptance and self assurance?
Over the years I have mentioned numerous times I see a counselor for war related PTSD issues. I also participate in group therapy with men who have had similar issues. It was suggested couples therapy would be of benefit. My wife has issues which predate my relationship with her, and, have had significant consequences for her and our marriage. Yet she refuses to address them. In fact at a session, which became our one and only couples session, she said "We're here for you! Not me!" So, in part the individual therapy also entails trying to work around another person's issues and the refusal of that person to address them. So, her issues in effect become your issues too. In itself that becomes an issue resulting in stress.
And, if your outlet for relieving stress is to cross dress, it may become almost like a dog chasing its tail.
I had my first session today. It was nice to just talk about my life and tell her my story. I am seeing it as just a place to open up and talk through where this journey may take me. I plan on seeing her every couple of weeks for now.
Here's wishing you will have productive sessions. They won't all be earth shattering. Indeed, most won't, but each will be as effective as what you bring to it. Good luck to you.
You will have fun with it! It?s a little uncomfortable at first but you will learn to have tons of fun with it. You get to finally talk with someone who just wants to listen and help. I look forward to our sessions to discuss things I can?t with my wife until I sort out my thoughts.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ginger82
I think the DADT situation is the worst, but at the same time, maybe as good as it gets situation. As in my case it managed to keep things static while eliminating the lines of dialogue about an important part of our (my) life. I would love to have a real conversation about this obsession of mine to see if there is some sort of middle ground where we could discuss it's ramifications, both hers and mine. Her feelings are important to me but I seldom hear about her feelings on this subject.
Good for you for continuing your search for the real "you", Ginger. It's scary but it's also positively exciting.
While I have not discussed with a therapist about any of my dressing desires I did manage to find one really good friend from chatting online. He is a generation ahead of me yet we are similarly minded and in similar situations re: life itself. We share frank discussion via messaging and this gives us both the opportunity to air our thoughts about absolutely anything without being face-to-face. We have been in contact now for 10+ years and I cannot think of a more valuable lottery to have been the recipient of than meeting this person online. We may meet one day but it's not important, certainly not as important as validating our thoughts and curiosities to one another has been.
It's always an adventure, big or small, so hopefully you witness and experience all the good things that come from your visits. Any of the down days or downer feelings are expected but I always felt that was simply my mind overcoming what society had told me was "normal" and what wasn't.
You are who you are and you can do far worse in life than learn about yourself, in person or from afar with another. Good Luck!
Interesting. I started a thread last week about finally seeing a therapist about my dressing/gender issues. My wife is supportive. Once I made the decision I felt much more at ease. Good luck to you.