What Happened When You and Your Wife Retired?

What happened when you and your wife retired? A little background as to our situation. My wife knows I like/need to wear women's clothing. She has found an article or two that I had overlooked and not put away; panty and bra. She found my homemade breast forms in the kitchen sink; white water balloons. She knows I am on this site as I had left the browser open, got distracted, and, did not close it out. She came behind me and noticed the site. All she said was I should be more careful. No snide comments ever.

I have been retired since 2008. That a full eleven years. During that time my wife continued to work part time, but, full days. So I was guaranteed anywhere from one day a week to five days of seven plus hours of femme time. I did all the domestic chores attired in dress and heels. Except for medical time off things went along until this past year when she fully retired. Now there is no guarantee of femme time. Last March she did visit her cousin out of state which gave me nine days and eight nights of 24/7 Stephanie time. Until last night when she went to babysit for our daughter I have had no opportunity to be en femme. She has committed herself to babysit again overnight on New Years' Eve. We do sleep apart due to medical issues. At night I sleep in a nylon nightie and panty. That's about the extent of my dressing with some regularity. I keep sane by participating on this site, and, "collecting" different colors and patterns of my favorite styles of panties.


So, the question. How did you retirees make the transition from some guarantee of private time to almost no time?

Sounds like it’s time to sit her down and have “the talk”.

I was already dressing at home in front of my wife on weekends and some evenings when I retired. Retirement just gave me more opportunity, so I'm not much help to you in that area.

I will suggest this; Obviously she has known about your dressing for some time. You are not dropping a bomb on her. It seems entirely reasonable for you to have a conversation about how the lack of alone/dressing time is affecting you. You don't have to back her in a corner. You could simply ask if she has any ideas about how the both of you can be accommodated, or make suggestions of your own.

You are already doing the housework; perhaps that is an area where you could strike a deal.

I am still working on that. Luckily my wife knows and is okay with my dressing she just does not want to see me to much so I do not have to hide my things. My son moved back home to go to school so when he graduates in the spring hopefully I will find more windows of opportunity.

Stephanie ,
I'm afraid it didn't work out sadly after 44 + years we separated , now the dust is settling we are both happier , the World didn't end for me . My wife has comtinued to work part time and has her own friends and I've had the opportunity to develop my interest in art as Teresa , everyone knows and most have now seen me .

Maybe it's sad to think we won't enter old age together in retirement but life is still good and worth living .

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Originally Posted by Stephanie47

What happened when you and your wife retired? A little background as to our situation. My wife knows I like/need to wear women's clothing. She has found an article or two that I had overlooked and not put away; panty and bra. She found my homemade breast forms in the kitchen sink; white water balloons. She knows I am on this site as I had left the browser open, got distracted, and, did not close it out. She came behind me and noticed the site. All she said was I should be more careful. No snide comments ever.

I have been retired since 2008. That a full eleven years. During that time my wife continued to work part time, but, full days. So I was guaranteed anywhere from one day a week to five days of seven plus hours of femme time. I did all the domestic chores attired in dress and heels. Except for medical time off things went along until this past year when she fully retired. Now there is no guarantee of femme time. Last March she did visit her cousin out of state which gave me nine days and eight nights of 24/7 Stephanie time. Until last night when she went to babysit for our daughter I have had no opportunity to be en femme. She has committed herself to babysit again overnight on New Years' Eve. We do sleep apart due to medical issues. At night I sleep in a nylon nightie and panty. That's about the extent of my dressing with some regularity. I keep sane by participating on this site, and, "collecting" different colors and patterns of my favorite styles of panties.


So, the question. How did you retirees make the transition from some guarantee of private time to almost no time?

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I retired towards the end of last summer and immediately immersed myself in some big projects that took all winter. Shortly after I finished remodeling our lower level I broke out in a bad case of hives that my doctor and I struggled to get under control. That put me at about June of this year with a big trip overseas later this summer keeping me busy until the middle of September. I had been dressing that whole time since I retired as often as possible but I'm DADT so it wasn't as often as I'd like.

My wife never worked full time but did some part time stuff over the years so with kids at home the place was always chaotic and has limited me. This past couple months things settled down a little and I have had time to mostly think about dressing without actually being able to do it very often. Retirement is a change, that's for sure. I have another crossdresser friend that I go visit every other month and that helps alleviate some of the frustration. I'm not an underdresser, I only want to dress fully so that further limits my opportunities which is becoming increasingly frustrating.

When my wife and I retire, about 4 months apart, She started buying my outfits and dresses.
She was OK with my dressing, as long as I did not leave the house. Those where great days.
Rader

I've been retired for 15 years. I have been dressing with full knowledge and some participation by my wife for around 50 years. I usually spend the whole day dressed on average one or two days a week and always get out and about when I do. I do not dress just to sit at home. I spent too many years doing that before I retired. Much of the time when I am dressed and out it is when my wife is doing volunteer work, but not always. She has her interests and I have mine. She sees me in all states of dress and that is not a problem for either of us. I am satisfied with the amount of time I spend as Phoebe. When I was still working I didn't have the opportunities to dress more than once or twice a month or so. Life is good for me now.

Not retired yet,but my wife is home full time because of her medical condition she cannot work. We had the talk over 40 years ago before we were married about my need/want to wear women's clothing. My problem with helping her is finding the time to dress. I am looking forward to 4 years from now when I can retire and be able to have more time to dress.

My wife is accepting so I imagine many days might be like today. We both wanted a lazy day, just veg out and watch some movies, nap and cuddle. She wore a sexy little sheer dress all day with black heels. I wore a full length fishnet body suit, panties with leopard high heels. Not very girlie, perhaps a bit kinky, but I could have worn a dress if I had wanted and she would have been fine with it.

...I woke up, realized that my wife and I being retired was all a beautiful dream and that I had to get showered and dressed for work! Someday...

I have an accepting wife, but I never push my luck when it comes to any agreed upon boundaries that have been set up. I underdress all the time, with winter coming on that includes pantyhose now. Once I was into retirement my skirt wearing went way up, once she was retired and home she saw me in skirts often. From what I am reading, your wife may be more accepting than you think. You need to talk about where you are at and set up some agreed upon boundaries for the two of you. You never know what you an accomplish until you try!

Great question Stephanie,

As I am not retired yet I do not have a answer. But like others have made clear each families situation is different, so I imagine that there is no one answer that fit all. It does seem that having a wife that is accepting (within limits) is a good starting place. I agree with Micki that you should consider having the "big talk". This is never easy or comfortable but may be helpful in you and your wife finding what could work for you both. After my wife and I had our "big talk" I found we became closer. My wife never ws happy about my dressing desire but I believe she has made a great effort to try to understand and I believe she can accept my needs to dress within limits. My wife does, on occasion, ask if I need a dressing day and has accommodated me. I feel if I ask for a day to dress she would be willing to support that (within reason). Might work for you and your wife.

Best wishes to you and your wife finding the path that works for you both.

Since my wife is fully accepting it has meant that I can be me every day.
I don't dress fully (makeup and wig) every day, but at least a few days a week and every night I'm in my nightgown, bra and forms.
If I need to do outdoor work around the house I "man up" but otherwise not.
My hair is growing out and I'm spending more and more time enjoying my femininity. Life is good.

I was blessed with an accepting SO who retired several years before me. I retired early to deal with her Alzheimer's which had reached a point where I needed to be there 24/7. I only got about a year with her before she passed, but would not have traded that time for anything; in one of her more lucid moments she told me that she never cared what I wore and that she loved me regardless. We had 43 wonderful years together and I wish all of you to have the same or more.

My wife and I are both retired and also in a DADT relationship. She's always home sometimes she'll go to her friends house for a day or baby sit. But once or twice a month. We sleep in separate rooms and she goes to bed early and I'll go late. So I put on a dress or a skirt and top for a hour before bed then a night gown to sleep in. I also underdress all day. Fact is most of my cloths are female.

I was retired before I met my wife, and she knew about my dressing before we married. She could retire any time that she wants to, but enjoys her one and a half days at work. Added to that is the full day baby sitting our youngest grand daughter. So I effectively get two and a half days each week for full femme presentation. On other days, my style is a bit androgynous, with mainly female jeans and tops, although I do wear a male suit and tie when necessary.
Oh and I nearly forgot to say, that my underwear, and sleepwear is exclusively female.

I retired in 2012 and started going out locally in 2016. My wife hasn't worked for about 20 years. My wife knows and is reasonably tolerant.

My outings are a combination of ones she knows about (like last night for the monthly dinner of my transgender group), and ones she doesn't know about. My wife is fairly active during the week (tennis and bridge) so that gives me opportunities to sneak out (I will often change into boy clothes and have a cover story, like going to the Y or bike riding).

My wife also stays in Australia longer than I do when we visit, so I have more flexibility when she is overseas (I also have a 20-something son who lives with us, which is an additional complication).

So have your wife become more active outside your home and get creative.

Hopefully, her kids are gone and I can dress more often.

I have been retired for 10 years before my wife retired and dressed when I wanted. My wife knows about my desire to dress and has bought me cloths and makeup. Now that she is retired, I generally dress when she is out with friends. She will call about an hour before coming home and once at home will ask what I was wearing. So all is fine in my world.

I have been retired about 7 years and my wife 9. She doesn't know I dress but she has outside activities as do I. Perhaps you can encourage her to join a group that meets regularly. My wife quilts every Thursday. That's not to say she hasn't come home unexpectedly but I have been lucky.

hello Stephanie,
I retired a few months ago - and although I have more time to dress (in private with my wife at home at night) I have not dressed as often. Perhaps it is because we go out more often in the evenings or perhaps my need to dress regularly was an escape from the stresses of work!
luv J

That is one day I am not looking forward to!!!!

While both of us are retired we both have our own interests. My SO is out often enough such that I can find a few hours most days during which I can at least wear a skirt/top around the house. Usually once a week I get sufficient time to fully dress sans makeup.

Before retirement I doubted that I'd have any significant time for dressing. I thought my dressing time was all but over. However for anyone facing this situation it's a bridge to cross only once it happens. Things often pan out differently to how you initially think.

Thanks for your input and stories. One of the problems I have with getting some decent time is my wife does not drive. She was struck by a car when she was twelve and had some issue of TBI (traumatic brain injury). She had to relearn a lot of things. One thing I did discover with reading on a different local issue is a child's depth perception is not fully developed until about 13-14 years old. That's the rub. That portion of her brain ceased developing. Runs across streets like a scared jack rabbit. Her all day outings are a thing of the past. She use to spend all day shopping on and off buses. Her hobby is sewing and sewing and sewing some more. The dining room table has turned into a sweat factory. I may get five stars for spending time with my wife, but, I sure like her overnight trips out of town.

I have not worked since last February and since that time I have had much more time to dress around the house.
My flat mate has gradually gotten used to seeing me dressed, and although she still occasionally expresses unkind thoughts, she says she fully accepts this side of me personality.
Advanced age has also meant that I have lost quite a few of my inhibitions.
'Retirement' has been good to me.

I work from home and my wife goes out to work. That gives me 8 hours a day to dress and go out. We have a DADT situation. My wife wants to retire next June. I want to have a talk and express my feelings but based on past reactions I?m scared to bring it up.
She says she loves me and I?m a great husband so why can?t she be a little more accepting of my needs? I also love her dearly but not looking forward to her retirement.

Her response of course will be why can't YOU be more tolerant of HER needs! Be ready with a calm, well thought out reply. And then state your case in favor of dressing.

I'm surprised no one mentioned any change in income. When we both retired our household income decreased. It didn't result in poverty, but it was noticeable. It adds to the increase in "together time" in ways that sometimes caused additional stress. In our case it didn't cause a separation, but I can easily see that it might.

I like Kim's situation the best..I've had no sex with my SO in
over 10 yrs..I mean why not just live separately?
And it's not about my dressing because she only saw me dress
once & helped me with the make up..

Stephanie, You have shared that she knows you dress. Do you openly underdress? You said that you have quite a panty collection. Does underdressing help? Would she be tolerant of this? Perhaps you can venture slowly into introducing more feminine items into your daily wear. But why not talk with her about wanting to do so, why not tell her that you were in the habit of wearing some things that make you feel good when she was away at work and telling her you would like to continue to do so. Wouldn’t this be the logical next step? Nancy

Does not really apply, but my wife and I had been fighting for years.
definitely an unhealthy relationship. Do to health issue of mine, I stopped working
almost 2.5 years ago, that caused even more strain on the relationship.
We are separated now and working on divorce. I live alone, hate it. but I live alone.
I can dress whenever I want,

I would definitely not recommend this route for anyone.
hopefully those with happy marriages can come to a good solution.

I think its going to be something you will have to figure out on your own. Your wife knows, that's a good thing and a big obstacle that has already been overcome. How do you think having "the talk" would go? Is it worth the risk if it doesn't go well? I can understand why you might not want to dress in front of your wife, even if the talk went well.

Perhaps finding a hobby or purpose that takes you away from home for a few days at a time could be part of the solution? Regardless of dressing I find I need a few days by myself occasionally. I absolutely love my wife but sometimes I just need to be away from everyone. Travelling for work gave that to me because in the down time I would go off by myself and explore a new city and just have time to be alone.....and then in a few days I was back to being submersed in my family wanting every second of my attention.