As to taking it slow...

In another thread , related to take it slow,

The other night I was fully dressed, bra and forms, panties, garter belt and stockings, dress, high heels. My wife was sitting with me on our love seat watching a movie on TV. We have a Lazy-Boy reclining love seat that is our favorite to sit and watch TV and surf the internet on our laptops. We can hold hands and cuddle while ignoring each other. She looked over at me and realized I was wearing a pearl necklace and it set her off! The movie got put on pause and we sat and talked for an hour about my dressing, nothing hateful or evil, just kind words of where this was going. It was a pleasant discussion, with laughs and hugs, but it was funny how I was wearing all that, right down to fake boobs and a $3 fake pearl necklace got her going. I even looked at her, and said, "Seriously.........I am wearing these, (grabbing my boobs with both hands), and a necklace gets you fired up?" It did get her to laugh. She even mentioned it was kind of weird. I told her sometimes I think the whole dressing deal is weird. She worries that I want to transition, I don't, I don't think it is the answer to what ever is the question.

After it was all said and we were ready to go back to the movie I grabbed her in a big hug and thanked her for putting up with her goofy husband and said I loved her. She told me me that she loved me, and could not imagine a life without me.

I think I will keep her! ;-)

Pumped. You are very fortunate.

My wife was the first one to encourage my dressing. She did my makeup the first time it had ever been done completely, and really liked the look. She went as har as to book us a hotel room at a place in Oklahoma City that catered to the gay culture, and had an on premises night club. We spent a Friday and Saturday night there, and once again she had picked out all my outfits, and did my makeup both nights. We danced together and had a great weekend.

A few weeks later she went totally cold on the idea of me crossdressing, and wanted nothing to do with it for years. We moved to a DADT. She was still kind of supportive, like when she saw that I had ordered forms, she asked how they fit and if I liked them. She new I dressed when she was away, and even bought a couple of wigs for “her” that she then gave to me.

One night I finally got her to open up about it. Her biggest fear was that I would want to transition, or that I might be gay and would lose interest in her. She said she married me for the man I am, not the woman.

Another couple of years went by, out of the blue she asked me if I would like for her to do my makeup that night. I told her of course, but only if she would be comfortable with it. She said she thought it would be fun for us to have a girls night. We had a blast, and my dressing has been out in the open with her ever since. When I asked her what changed, she said that she realized how silly she had been to ever think that I would want anyone but her. She realized that transitioning was not something I was wanting to do, and that she knew I loved her.

We frequently shop together for stuff for both of us. We have fun doing it. Sometimes I come home from work and she has bought a new pair of panties for me, or clip on earrings. I still don’t over do. I wear panties everyday, nearly every day Iput on ladies shorts or yoga pants, and may or may not wear a ladies shirt with them, but I don’t do makeup, breast forms, wigs, and all of that except occasionally.

She wants and needs a husband, and that is why she married me. (Well, that and my boyish good looks, and my astounding wit.)

But she understands now that I need some time for this side of me as well.

U need to understand women, Pumped. And, since that is impossible u need to figure out how to live with them.:heehee:

Or, without them, as I do!:thumbsup:

My adult daughter does not want to see me dressed. She says she has an image of me in her mind. As a man, period. That was formed in the 18 years before she knew I dressed. Maybe your SO feels the same?:straightface:

How awesome is that?

I agree, very awesome for sure, if I was single I would be asking if your wife has a sister.

Pumped and Darla. I like stories. Hopefully one day, I will be in your situation. (but I doubt it)

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Originally Posted by Crissy 107

I agree, very awesome for sure, if I was single I would be asking if your wife has a sister.

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She does, four of them, and you don't want 'em! I got the best one of the bunch! The other four range from almost normal to insane, all boarding closer to the insane side!

"What?" "Pearls don't suit this dress?" "What should I pair with it then do you think?"

You ladies have such wonderful stories. Slow and steady wins the race every time. Thank you for sharing.

That's really nice for you!

While my wife doesn't want to see me fully dressed she's ok with some level of dressing and accessorizing. One day I added a scarf to an outfit and for some reason that was too much for her. I just wore the same outfit the other day and it was fine. We all have our moments I suppose.

Reading the posts here makes me think there is to some extent an ebb and flow to our SO’s acceptance. I can see it from my own wife, things that were good last week may not be too good today but next week it could change for the better.

Women tend to have a habit of ruminating on issues. It results in a lot of variability and changes in their attitude. It is not really rejection or anything like that. It is just that they need a lot of information before accepting something and even then more rumination may change things. Most decisions are tentative followed by more observation and more rumination. It is part of their mystique. A beautiful characteristic, but not always easy to deal with.

On the other hand, men don't usually engage in as much rumination. They decide and then follow that path. As the scientists say, men are instrumental and women are expressive. Women detect emotions in others that men never see. Give then a broken clock and they just go buy a new one; men try to fix it. Taken together they form a complete whole and encourages the kind of collaboration that is needed to support a family unit as they work together to create a viable family condition. It is not an ideal situation, but in the complex lives that humans live it is better than any of the alternatives. The fact is, one person really can't do it all and that is likely the reason why humans have such highly developed social behaviors. It works and so it persists and even grows.

Pumped, Darla... The part we often forget about out partners is it's not all about us. While my wife's fear of my wanting to transition turned out to be valid (Even thought just a few years ago I too would have adamantly denied it) The hardest thing she had to deal with was, what still being attracted to and loving me as a woman means about her own sexuality. She had to work through that and accept herself before she could accept me.

that's one awesome story. I think I would keep her for a long time. :hugs:
Angie

Needless to say I am envious of Pumped and Darla. Always nice to hear stories of not only acceptance, but, some degree of participation. I think many women are insecure in their marriages when their husbands have this little quirk. Does he want to transition? Is my husband gay? I can understand these thoughts in a new marriage or relationship, but, after decades of otherwise a happy marriage you'd think a woman would know whether or not her husband is the one for her. Otherwise it seems it is a marriage based on "waiting for the other shoe to drop." Hope your wives get you something pretty for Christmas.

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Originally Posted by Stephanie47

I think many women are insecure in their marriages when their husbands have this little quirk. Does he want to transition? Is my husband gay? I can understand these thoughts in a new marriage or relationship, but, after decades of otherwise a happy marriage you'd think a woman would know whether or not her husband is the one for her. Otherwise it seems it is a marriage based on "waiting for the other shoe to drop." Hope your wives get you something pretty for Christmas.

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I don’t think it is as easy as that for our wives/SO’s. It’s a new side of us that they haven’t seen. Why wouldn’t they wait for the other shoe to drop? I’ve consoled more than one man whose wife left him for another woman after years of marriage. And saw it happen to two women whose husband left for a man, after the children were grown.

As far as my relationship goes, I try to make sure every day that she knows she is special. (I point out short busses, and tell her they are coming for her). No seriously, even though we have been together for two decades, she deserves to know that she is still my number one priority in life. That’s above the children, the grandchildren, and above me.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Stephanie47

Needless to say I am envious of Pumped and Darla. Always nice to hear stories of not only acceptance, but, some degree of participation. I think many women are insecure in their marriages when their husbands have this little quirk. Does he want to transition? Is my husband gay? I can understand these thoughts in a new marriage or relationship, but, after decades of otherwise a happy marriage you'd think a woman would know whether or not her husband is the one for her. Otherwise it seems it is a marriage based on "waiting for the other shoe to drop." Hope your wives get you something pretty for Christmas.

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I am certain it doesn't help! Many girls here that are separated from their wife were probably on shaky ground relationship wise. Then CD'ing comes along and the wife can't deal with all of it. It was not just the CD'ing, it was all the other stuff, plus the CD'ing that crashed the marriage. I know my wife feels a bit of stress over it but we had a great relationship before hand so I believe we will survive.

What a great story... It confirms that it open communication is so important. We have to remember that not only have we been programmed into gender roles and presentation, but women have been programed into those same expectations of how we should conform. It really does take a great deal of open communication to work through the barriers of social norms. I have learned that including my wife in extending my boundaries is more mutually beneficial than surprising her unexpectedly. In those situations it's really not a good idea to ask for forgiveness instead of permission. If when expanding the boundaries, I start with what do you think about, it gives her an opportunity to adjust or offer helpful input. Sometimes she may even say she's not ready for that. After all this is not about me... it's a journey that we are on together. If I include her and respect her feelings, I will have a participatory partner for the rest of my life. I really am blessed to have such an amazing woman too!

Caylee

What a great informative thread this is with one good post after another.

I agree with Crissy. This is one of those really notable and great threads. Thank you Pumped for bringing it up.

Pumped, That is a great outcome.

Tips to an SO's acceptance Maybe this thread could be referenced in this sticky.

Here we are a few days later. Saturday we went and visited relatives, on our way home my wife asked if I had any plans for the evening, I told her,"Hang out with you!" She said she was going to get dressed up for me when we got home so I asked her if that meant I should dress up too? "Of course!" She said.

We got home and did a couple little chores and she said she was changing clothes. I went and dug through my stash and dug out a new dress I had ordered from Amazon and just received but had not shown her. I got dressed, just like the previous evening, bra and forms, stockings and garter, panties, high heels, the new dress and my $3 pearl necklace. I walked out into the room where she was and she said with a big smile, "You bought a new dress! It looks good on you!" No mention of the necklace or anything else. We sat and watched a movie and had a light snacky dinner. Later she scooted over to me and we cuddled a bit and made out like a couple teenagers for a while, but we decided we were to tired to do any more so we just curled up and watched the movie.. The movie ended, we talked for a bit and she headed for bed and I followed a few minutes later.

Funny what sets them off. A $3 pearl necklace pushed her over a few days ago. A new dress and nothing but compliments!

Pearls are classic! How can you argue against them?
Maybe she doesn't like $3 pearls?

You never know? Perhaps I read her wrong and she was mad because I didn't buy real pearls instead of the $3 cheapies!

I don't think so! ;-)