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Got two days at home next week so finally going to use one for a short walk out to the shops during the day - as Katie :eek:
Know there are loadsa first time threads on here but give me your best tips!
Big concerns right now are being recognised, getting spotted by neighbours or getting comments from passers by....
So you think by wearing a wig and make up plus womens clothes people are going to automatically think its you?
You are worrying too much because they aren't going to be looking for you in womens clothes.
All are valid concerns but you won't know until after you do it.
A leap of faith really just go and take your chances.
1. Don't do it in your home town. Go at least 20-30 miles away.
2. Dusk or dark is your friend, assuming you are in a safe area after dark.
3. Dress to fit in (i.e. no 4" heels).
Katie,
Tracii's right, at some point it is a matter of just going for it.
It is possible to mitigate some of your worries. You could drive a little way from where you live, somewhere you're familiar with would be best, park a short distance from the shops and walk from the car.
Have the outlines of a plan. Know where you're going to, know where you're going to park, what shop(s) you want to go to. If clothes shopping, shop for something, a new blouse or skirt. having something to look for helps you not only look like any other shopper but helps you calm your nerves as against aimlessly wondering around the racks thinking everyone is starring at you.
Dress to blend. You don't see many GG's tottering around in their highest heels and party frocks in the middle of the day in the local convenience store.
Easier said than done on a first outing but act with confidence. Looking down at the ground, being furtive will all get you noticed far more than being someone who's just going about their daily business. So head up!
It's easier to hide in a crowd. Being one in hundreds means you're less likely to be taken notice of than being one in ten.
And remember, we all had those feelings of there being a mob waiting for us and............... we're still all here unscathed.
The best advice I can give you is to just own it. Hold your head up and walk right into the shops.
Nothing draws more attention to a person than sneaking around trying to not be seen.
Instead of trying to hide, prepare to be seen. Be ready to own it to your friends and neighbors.
No car so has to be local (unless going away to a hotel which isn?t practical right now). I live it the city though - not a small town. Is going in my own neighbourhood a terrible idea?
If avoiding people you know is important to you, it's not a great idea. If you don't actually know anyone well (all too common in urban settings) the odds are in your favor.
Definitely good advice above. Go 20+ miles from home, dress like a GG would at the place you are going to. Be confident, you are doing nothing illegal BTW. I don't try to change my voice either, it would sound ridiculous for most of us without lots of training. I assume you will be interactions with retail personnel, most are indifferent, they are just counting the hours till their shift ends.
Also, prepare an answer for the slim chance you are called out but someone you know. Never happened to me yet, but I am ready with an answer the day it comes. I plan to just be honest and say this is how I prefer to dress. No other answer would be convincing anyway.
I sometimes bring my "back to guy" kit, which includes makeup and polish remover and clothes. Just in case I return home to find SO or family is home unexpected.
Have fun. The only thing I garentee is you'll want to do this again soonest.
When I was a cop, a bizillion years ago; I walked a beat in a market district.
I was always on the watch out for thieves. What always caught my eye were people who were paying more attention to those around them than to the merchandise in front of them.
One day I'm walking my beat and a fruit seller I knew engaged me in conversation. She pointed out a person and said "Is that at 'cd'?". Up till that point I had not given that person a second glance. She wasn't too tall, she was dressed nicely; but business nicely, not going out dancing nicely ( It was 10am). She calm cool and collected. Honestly to this day, I'm not too sure if she was a CD or a GG with a somewhat manly facial structure. It was her total and complete air of "I'm a normal person doing a normal activity"; that really made me second and third guess myself.
Hard to do on the first try, but the take away from it is to not react when people look or say something, just move on and ignore them.
I have been going out dressed for over 10 years, and most of the information given here is spot on. One thing I would reiterate is the change of clothes, makeup remover etc. You may never have to use them but they do provide an extra layer of comfort. As someone said you will want to do it more. For me expressing my feminine side is a part of who I am.
If u do NOT want to be made? Don't dress near home!:straightface:
Even if you're not made? You'll be too nervous to enjoy your time out!:brolleyes:
All good advice from everyone.
I will add:
Don't wander around in deserted places.
Don't overdue the makeup
Don't wear blue eye shadow (lol)
Don't look like you are worried that you have done something wrong.
Walk with purpose.
Keep skirt lengths appropriate for the setting you will be going to.
An option: leave in drab and take your femme stuff in a small back pack like women wear. Go to a large store that has a family rest room and change into pretty. Wear your pack out, and keep your head high and knockers up!
I have to agree with Michelle (#9) about what attracts attention. It is always doing something that is out of place. If you're limited to the city around you or anywhere else you have to look like you belong. When I go for an evening stroll I am always wearing a dress and hosiery/wedge heel for comfort. I do not wear women's jeans or pants. I do go in the early evening hours. The neighborhood I stroll in has two grocery stores and several blocks of small shops. In order to fit into the cityscape I always carry a partially filled tote/grocery bag with one of the store names on it. It gives the impression I have just come from grocery shopping, and, not a woman just walking alone with no purpose. I like strolling during in a light rain. An umbrella helps to hide my very masculine face, and, to some extent breaks up the visual of my six foot tall body. I have no desire to go into shops as that is out of my comfort zone. My pent up desire to be outside of my home is satisfied with these strolls. The area in my small city is the traditional pattern of avenues and streets crossing. So I am able to walk around as many blocks as I want. I am not confined to walking down straight streets and just turning around to walk back. If I so choose I can mingle or at least pass by other evening walkers. And, there is an abundance of them since there are restaurants and coffee shops.
This made me smile as it brought back a memory from a couple of years ago when I was waiting to cross at the intersection and a police car came around the corner. I could lip read the female cop asking her male partner "is that is a man or a woman?". I'm tall and I like to dress up more than your average woman but I'm always perfectly comfortable and confident when I'm out.Quote:
Originally Posted by Michellebej
There’s nothing you can do about being recognized. It’s either going to happen or it isn’t and there isn’t and that’s totally out of your hands. If that’s a deal-breaker, you’re not ready to go out.
And comments from strangers aren’t really anything to worry about. Most of them are cowards and won’t stick around for confrontation. Again, if you’re not ready to deal with someone yelling “freak!” From a passing car, you’re not ready to go out.
Just make sure you can walk in your shoes. (I don’t care if you walk around your house all the time. Being outdoors and in the real world is totally different).
Don’t use affectation. The more you TRY to “act like a girl” the more unnatural it will become.
Finally, just relax and enjoy.
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Blue eyeshadow gets a bad rap based entirely in a few old ladies that used to ?barn-door? it up to their eyebrows. When used skillfully and judiciously, you can create many lovely eye looks.Quote:
Originally Posted by char GG
Just dress to blend and relax.
Act like you belong wherever you are.
If you dress like a hooker because YOU think its hot there is a good chance you will get treated like a hooker.
I laugh a lot reading tips and some experiences.
I think that there's no way to avoid mistakes that in a moment call the attention and reveal you're a man. What's important for me is do not pay attention to their reaction, faces or even questions, just ignore them and keep your business.
I don't know your experience dressing, mannerisms and make up but it's really hard to pass especially the first time.
It wasn't my first tome but I remember go to a Marshall's store and went into the fitting room the woman counted my items and then look at my face to tell the number, in that moment her face was like seeing a ghost or zombie. I didn't react, grab the number card and the clothes to try and get into the stall, then I look myself at the mirror, my make.up was horrible, so horrible.that I thought she could call security or police. When I left she wasn't there and I left real quick but i didn't react on any way
.
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Devi
Long time ago I used to ply dress at home, but now that I have made the decision to do DRAG, I find myself out and about dressed far more often m. So I have gone out and about on road trips but never local. I have driven for 5 plus hours in girl mode and even jumped gas. I have discovered that what people are saying is right. Dress the part, don?t act shifty, and generally most people will ignore you.
Fun fact: most people are so absorbed in their own words that they are totally oblivious to anything beyond that.
A study was done where they tested people?s ability to notice stuff around them. They setup a counter with a questionnaire. A guy was hidden under the counter wearing a pink shirt and a guy standing behind the counter in a white shirt. After engaging with people that came up, the two men would switch places. After, they questioned the people that did the questionnaire and 9 out of 10 people never even noticed the person ?turned? into someone else even after carrying on a conversation with the ?person? behind the counter the entire time.
And I also would like to echo the makeup thing also. Don?t over do it. If you go out paint led up like a Saturday night comedy drag queen then you might be noticed. Go out with a casual everyday makeup and you?ll be fine. If you have a very strong man facial structure, watch some contour makeup tips for DRAG or even larger women. They will help learn to ?reshape your face.
Don't overthink it.
Get dressed, go. As you're in a city, just walk the streets, and choose the shops you want to go in, and do it. I read some of your back posts; try some of the thrift stores where you have been boy shopping.
As to the "go 20 miles away", you've already decided that's not an option. I've been out in my home town and neighboring towns and haven't had an issue.
If you get nervous, just do what women do; pull your phone out of your purse and look at it. Then you don't have to look at people.
You will find that people ignore you. If they decide you might be a guy, they don't know it's you. I think daytime is easier, because women are less likely to be out walking by themselves at night.
There aren't any torches and pitchforks waiting to greet you. Just hold your head high and go.
P.S. Take photos. Find a mirror and look at the camera in the mirror. Then post them in the Pictures section here and tell your story.
And you will be thinking "why did I wait so long to do this?".
Katie,
I feel we need a little more to go on , are you married if so does she know or is it a DADT situation , are there any kids to consider ?
If you live alone being Katie for a few hours isn't really going to hurt or affect anyone , if youn plan more excursions it's actually easier to tell the neighbours , that will stop gossip around your neighbourhood .
If you have to keep it away from wife and possible family then going out on your doorstep may not be sensible for your first time . You may even find for the first time a drive round is all you can deal with , again consider your car maybe recognised even if you're not . I did panic on my first drive , I was several miles from home and it hit me if anything happened I had no male clothes as a backup , worse still I was driving my wife's car .
You are quite young , so your clothes choice maybe a little easier , I'm twice your age so mini skirts aren't so suitable . Also consider some go out and attempt to stay under the radar ansdsome go out to make a statement , making a statement is fine if you have the courage to live with it afterwards .
If you are going out full on , with makeup and a wig do double check how good it looks , I don't mean passable but acceptable .
Wife is 100% supportive and she suggested doing the local shop as Katie while I?m off and things will be a bit quieter (during the day in the week). I?m getting that some think going out so locally may be a really bad idea though? Outfit would be girls jeans, top, ballet flats, wig and makeup. 10 minute walk front door to the shop, pick up some bits and head back. Like I say no car so that?s not an option
Hopefully, your female presentation will be good enough that you don't get comments from passers by. I have no idea of how well you can do that.
As for neighbors, that's the hard part. If someone is outside or happens to be looking out your window when you are leaving the house or returning to the house, they will wonder who the strange woman is that's in your house. Or, they will figure out that it's you. You'll have to find a way to deal with that. I change in the car. Apparently, you can't do that so you'll have to find another way.
BTW: Here's my other "tip": I think it's important to be comfortable with your body (boobs, hips and butt and long hair). Also walking in women's shoes and carrying a purse. The more time you spend dressed at home, the more natural you will feel and look when you are in public.
Katie,
It's great you wife does support you to a point , she might not be as supportive if the situation arises as Krisi suggests , also there could be a chance of running into someone you know in the local shops .
Your outfit sounds OK , I find I walk better as a woman in my heeled ankle boots , they force me to take smaller steps , that's why I don't have any flats .
Hello Katie,
I meant to reply to your question eariler, indeed I started to on my phone but got interrupted and never finished. Maybe by now, you've already been out. If so, I hope it went well.
As for tips, I'm pretty new to going out, so I know how scary it is. But the one thing I'd say gives me more confidence than anything else is feeling that I've made a pretty decent job of my look, especially the wig and makeup. It's basically a disguise. The other thing I think you have to consider is that you will get more confident when you see with your own eyes that you can do it. That takes a few goes. But as Tracii says, it's a leap of faith really, a bit like parachute jumping. Only more exciting :)
Mini
Try walking before you run. Do some simple things that will build some confidence and alay your fears. You'll see it's not as bad as you think.
So here are some things we've all done that can help with the "training". Underdress. Buy some women's tennis shoes or flat boots that could be unisex. Wear skinny jeans or your girl jeans, which are sooo nice! How about some natural nail polish. A cute ring. A more feminine necklace - delicate chain with a charm. Many have talked about keeping your make up simple, but if you're in drab mode but have a light powder and natural eye shadow, only the most discerning woman would be able to tell. Are your ears pierced? If not, go to Claires and buy a small hoop "clip on", they're not really clips, they have a slide that looks like piercings. Is it cold, how about a scarf thats just a little "too" pretty?! Where to go? Try a cosmetics counter and ask for a moisturizer. You'll see how easy it is to transititon that conversation into other things. I do like the gift buying premise, especially easy now as Valentines Day gets close. Is it time for a backpack/purse/bag? Work on your confidence, as many have said. Keep your head up and look sales people in the eye. SMILE!!! Keep your elbows closer to your body when you walk.
You can go out feeling feminine without making a dramatic presentation. Take it slow. Enjoy the ride.
Happy Shopping!
Kathleen