My Journey of following my Heart.

Alot has happened since the last time I was here. Well, Kaylin is out of the closet almost completely and has been for awhile now. Was it alot of work? absolutely. It was brave, and took alot of courage and honesty within myself to do so. I'll clarify this. I first came out as a crossdresser and drag queen to friends family etc. But Following my heart and taking my journey a step further. And I hate to put any sort of label on myself quite yet. But I am outhere, she has become apart of my normal living routine some days. I balance throughout the week. Some days I am Kevin. Some days I am Kaylin. I also have became apart of the local trans group here in my local area. Have also made some friends locally here too. My growth is amazing. But I am just following my heart without any labels. My family and friends have all given me their support and love. At the end of the day. I am the loving ME that I've always been! And that won't ever change. And they all know that. My mother is the only one that's having a hard time trying to swallow this. But that was expected. Shes old fashioned. And I'm giving her the time. My wife has had my side and continues to stay by my side. She wants me to become who it is I'm supposed to be. And theres no hiding from that. So anyways, I am here to share my story with you. I could go and on through detail but then we'd be here for a month lol I'll try and update you guys somemore as time goes on. Always remember to be True and Honest to yourself.

Also, our move plans sort of took a huge blow. I was able to find work but my wife was unable to land work in the big city, so we are staying in town, and are about to move into a new place in a few weeks. Alot of other great things have fallen into place which is great. But anyways that's about it for right now. I will try and pop on a little more. I'm on Instagram almost daily. If you would like to hit me up.
Message me for the IG.

Take care ladies,
Kaylin

Good on YOU, Kaylin. I'm happy for you and your wife.

It’s ALL a roller coaster hon. Just gotta take the bad with the good, but sounds like your balance is overall positive so that’s good. Just keep on keeping on and everything will work out.

Congratulations and may the good times outnumber the bad ones.

Thanks everyone. Honestly all this has been quite an interesting experience, the last 2 months especially. I mentioned on social media that if anyone had any questions for me. As long as they are not rude or hurtful or too personal. I would answer them. And I got showered with questions. In all honesty, people don't understand what it's like be in our shoes. So it's always me having to explain what it is I am and where this started etc. Which I was okay with, answering those questions. Alot of my fear came from inside of me. It was all exactly the opposite of what I thought people would respond with or were thinking. People are more accepting than you would think. Someone said to me last night. I dont know much about crossdressing or trans or any of that. Can you help me understand. At the end of the conversation they were like it all sounds normal to me and they sent love and support. So I just wanted to throw that outhere. Sorry if I'm sort of rambling. Thanks again ladies. Things have definitely been good and I am pretty blessed. :)

Hi Kaylin, thanks for sharing your story with us. I find these kind of posts helpful for me to understand things I had no knowledge of before.

I sometimes wonder if my crossdressing desire might go beyond just putting on clothes which might explain why I tend to do risky things. Knowing how other people have evolved over time sheds some light on what could be the path for some of us.

Best wishes in your journey. I wish you well.

Sandi

No problem Sandi :) thank you much hon. It's another reason I posted this. Cause I also for the longest time always sort of questioned where I am going or where I was going. Everything sort of finds its way it seems. We're all on our own seperate journeys under a very Similar umbrella.

Safe travels on your journey!

Glad things are going a lot better for you.
Part of our jobs it to try and educate people who actually want to know and understand us.
The others are on their own.

Thank you Kim and Tracii :) yes this is so true Tracii. It was actually cool to explain sort of where the place is I'm coming from to someone that has zero clue of who we all are. So that alone was a big experience in itself. i would of never thought I'd have to do that. As far as some of the situations go. You also kind of know what I been dealing with these last 3 months. Since we been in contact too. Things are definitely coming together slowly. But for surely Great. :) can't believe the amount of growth especially in these last 3 months of opening up and jumping out in the open.

Kaylin, I'm glad that you're entering to live a real life and with the sincerity you expose it here.
I didn't plan to go full time. It was the result of a test and an idea from my therapist, he's trans as well. When we break some walls and move forward the feeling if freedom is amazing.
I understand that you're not in therapy either HRT?

Devi

Thank you Devi :) Well the truth is I wanted to share where I'm going with everything. Just to kind of shed light a little bit. I right now am working to do it as a split situation where as 70% of the week is Kevin, the other 30% is Kaylin. That's where I'm at right now. It'll more so be that way for quite awhile until I'm at 50/50. When in a room sometimes sitting with others as I'm Kaylin is a wow to me still. Cause I'm like omg. Like this is really happening. But the sense of I'm FREE is in the air. So that alone is a big enough sign. The few friends that have seen me already said they notice my happiness is glowing when I am Kaylin. I think that sort of puts it in stone for me. I am not in therapy.

Kaylin, there's one thing you say in your reply there about peole noticing your happiness, when you are Kaylin and that rings true with me. When I made the change, presenting as male to presenting as female, lots of people said how much more at ease I was with the world. I hope that you too find your happy place.

Kaylin, best wishes on your journey! May you continue to see personal growth! Hugs Lana Mae

Thank you Mrs Lana Mae, and Thank you Suranne. :)
*hugs to you both*

Kaylin, I'm happy for your journey and you have goals for it.
I ask.abiut therapy because they can help you to trace a strategy plan and help you to explain some feeling and issues would show up.
I'd said this on other threads, I came around 20 years ago to live to USA and I knew that would be a big change, we should adapt,earn the language and traditions.
Today I'm an american citizen and I couldn't come back to live to my country of origin.
Before I left that country, I was sick just of stress. A doctor friend prescribe me medicines and in 2 days I was feing great. When the prescription run out on few days I was sick again so my friend prescribe me medicine for 6 months depending on how I would feel. Two days later I left my country and with all involve in the trip and locate here i forgot to take the medicine. I had never needed again.
When we can leave the closet is like being free from jail. There's happiness in the real life and lies end.
You always can count on me.

Devi

Way to go Kaylin. Glad your moving ahead smoothly. :hugs:
Angie

Thank you so much Devi. I'm gonna take you up on that. And I'm so glad I have you on IG too. Right now I tend to back away from things from time to time as I sort of don't wanna completely overwhelm myself. I know this is a long journey ahead and apart of my growth. While I was working tonight I received a message from a friend of mine where we got into talking. About Kaylin. His wife added me on IG. She said she can notice this was far more than drag etc. She sees me glowing as a happy lady. I got into the conversation of Transgenders with her and her hubby. And well... my journey going forward. Seems like everything is always step, after step after step almost daily. But her and her husband were both extremely supportive no matter what. Which was wonderful to know. I still have a super long road ahead of me. I am thinking of therapy. A friend of mine is currently in therapy and she is trans. So I'm thinking of going and getting some info from her. I am also starting to get active within my local trans community and meetings etc. So that's a good start too. Thanks again Devi. Its nice to have more people like yourself I can talk to as well :) we are only stronger together.

Thanks angie.

Kaylin you sure do have a lot going on in your life right now! You sure have a great family and friends i can see your mother point but i think she will still show you her love no matter what she just need time. Well good luck on your journey! Fist bump for now! ;)

Kaylin, Congratulations on successfully navigating the waters of coming out. I'm sorry that your mother is not fully on board.

Thank you Jamie and KJ. :) yeah it's just a matter of time. The battle with mom has been an interesting one. She first accepted then a month later she pulled it back. She will hopefully reach that point of comfort but I unfortunately don't think its gonna be soon. So I gotta give the time needed. Other than that everything else has been smooth. The battle of coming out had been an interesting one. I made a fb post about feeling Trapped in a dark cloud and felt numb inside. That post lead to a revealing of Kaylin. Right after that it
switched gears for me. And she changed. But these past few weeks shes gotten better about it. So shes slowly getting there. My sister in law and brother have talked to her too and told her this is something she needs to accept she doesnt have to see it even. I'm respecting her boundaries and time. Again it's another step of growth. We shall get there in time. The fight forward continues. Have a great Friday ladies :)

Kaylin, you have started an amazing thread here. So much great advice is flowing out here. "Following your heart" is the best of all. I talk a great deal about all the things that go on inside us as we experience life and struggle with this or that issue. But I often also advise to follow your heart when it comes to the practical application of all the dry and complex details that we have to deal with.

What you say about most people not understanding is so true - they can't really understand us any more than we can understand why they don't deal with the issues we deal with. By understanding I mean experiencing and not raw knowledge of the mechanics. If everybody would simply go through life truly being themselves (following their heart) a lot of conflict would be impossible to generate. Unfortunately, some of the conflict is generated by the concepts our societies and cultures impose on each other and some of those concepts are flat out wrong when it comes to the workings of our brains. But our "hearts" are a part of who we are and pretty much knows what should happen. It is not static because our brains have an important ability to adapt and modify itself in response to experience (that is called plasticity). The brain does not like unresolved equations and if we all allow it to work things out conflict will diminish and acceptance of variability will reign. Thank you for telling your story. It is full of lessons that are important to keeping the journey at least comparatively smooth.

Hi Kaylin,

I am so happy you are back. I always enjoy reading about your experiences. Congratulations on your coming out. I wish you all the best on your journey.

Gretchen that message. Wow!!!! Absolutley nailed it on all ends of the spectrum here. And all your points are so valid. and Thank you so much for that, I needed to hear that :) Sorry I meant to responde sooner. I actually read this earlier when I was in a (crazy Friday busy Target store). LoL yes everything you said is exactly the way I feel at this time and how I feel. This whole experience has been an absolute roller coaster. Seems like most of the questions that keep landing my way, are still the basic understanding. What is it that I am? Where does it come from? Today I got yet another message from someone i removed from my fb cause I sort of quick to judged them by past self character. This person had made fun of people like myself in the past. So when I told him the truth of why I kicked him off etc. And told him about myself. He was accepting and it changed his feelings on alot of things. So this is still a steady constant rollercoaster for me. But I'd like to think I'm doing a great job so far. But I gotta stil play it smooth as I possibly can And still go by my own judge of character with the outsiders like him without making my own head explode. Gretchen again your message was truely awesome! It put a huge smile on my face (while I was shopping to) Thank you! And advice and messages like this are just so important. We are strong!

Robyn Thank you :)

So happy for you! Thank you for sharing, it?s refreshing to hear about the positives. Good luck to you and your future! I?m sure it will be bright. You are very brave and this was very inspirational <3

Why thank you Kaylin. I am glad I could be of help to you. I just felt deeply what it was that you were communicating. Following my inner feelings has always been the way I have resolved the problems of life that can tie us up in knots. Doesn't always work, but usually it resolves things nicely and comfortably. The power of the brain to solve problems is so amazing and magical. I just let it do its thing while I feed it good information and I don't let my conscious mind try to control everything - that creates the knots. Some here call it overthinking something. Reading is one way you get the information in there and then let the subconscious work things out and give you a solution. Don't evaluate the information in terms of some standard model, but let the answers come out over time. No rush.

Thank you Aelyn! :)

And Gretchen really. Thank you! I am 100% going to take this as slow as I possibly can. Not going to rush this at all whatsoever. Like I said, I catch myself backing away to let my anxiety get a break periodically. This is something I'm taking as serious going forward. But, The balance of my journey rolls on. Thanks again :)

Kaylin, You are an inspiration. Thanks for sharing your experience and feelings as you go forward. I think everyone here can understand your struggles and anxieties with all this, but also share in your successes. Thank you!!!