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My wife and I just moved onto a brand new house, and my wife is busy organizing and reorganizing all the closets and storage spaces. We have a DADT relationship, and she's OK with me keeping a limited number of things intermixed with her clothing. But certain things are strictly off limits, the biggest of which are breast forms and wigs. I have a fierce case of the Pink Fog for a new bra and some D-cup forms, but I can't figure out where I would keep the latter. Any suggestions?
If I was in your situation (thankfully I'm not) I would buy a wooden chest of some kind, put my 'off limits' stuff in it and lock it with a padlock or something similar. If your wife then demands you open the chest or breaks the lock off of the chest then that is on her, not you. In that case she would be the one violating the DADT agreement. That said I don't think she would want to know what was in the chest as it would be fairly obvious to her that you had some DADT stuff stored in there.
GG here
SIMPLE
Update your DADT
Just be truthful just say there are few things I want to add to my collection.
Any ideas where you would not mind me storing them?
But
If you agreed to her wishes of no wigs or bras?
That?s a firm no!
Unless you renegotiate.
Otherwise when she does find them it will not be pretty .
I have to totally agree with Di.
It may be time to have a small talk with your wife.
And see what she has to say.
If she is on the firm I don't want to know and don't want this to go any further
she may say no way.
Or she may have ideas on how to come to a mutual agreement for both of you
I personally feel this would be a better option to talk to her,
sure better then trying to find a hiding place and have her find your things later on
I would bet that her finding unexpected things would make her very upset
All just my thoughts.
Of course you would know what is really best for your relationship
hello Mystery,
does your wife object to you owning the breast forms, wearing the breast forms or seeing you wear them?
Why do you store your clothes mixed with hers? Is that a rule too?
Relationships change over time. As Di says, is it time to renegotiate? Can you explain to your wife why you need to wear the forms?
Is it about the overall look or just to make the dresses hang better?
when I reminded my wife that she had said "no breasts" - she could not remember that she had made that rule.
Try not to keep secrets from you wife.
Stay healthy,
luv J
It wouldn't hurt to separate your clothing. Including her in the process of finding alternate storage solutions will go a long way.
I think Di has the correct answer. You need to work with your wife to widen the scope of the definition of DADT in your relationship. Do not go behind her back. It will work for awhile, but eventually it will be found and you will be in a big pile of do-do for breaking the agreement. It is not necessarily the act that concerns your wife; it is what the behavior could mean and how that affects her image of what marriage should be. We all need to have some leeway in this because we are still individuals.
I like to think of marriage, after 51 years of it, as a kind of threesome. There are three parties in the marriage - the woman, the man, and the couple. The couple is the relationship that goes above and beyond the individuals. All three characters need appropriate attention, but the couple part is based to a high degree on trust and honesty. If that is harmed then the Couple person becomes ill and distorted and that triggers unsuitable reactions in the other two persons in the threesome. Don't go there - you may find monsters there that you never imagined could possibly exist. And a few of those monsters will look a lot like you in the real world. Keep the trust and honesty healthy. Negotiate a new agreement and don't make it one sided.
I'm going with the others, try to re-negotiate your DADT terms. Hiding breast forms and wigs is a bit dishonest and it will be a big problem when she eventually finds them.
I agree with Di. She knows...just not to the degree of your dressing. Open the door...slowly. Encourage some reading. My guess is she just doesn?t understand (do any of us?), and fears the unknown. Go slowly. Try to compromise. It will not be easy, but if you can work it out, it will be better.
Not to pile on or be rude, but you’re not a kid anymore, and this isn’t what you can get away with without your parents knowing. You willingly entered into an adult relationship that should be built on a foundation of mutual respect. Going behind her back against her wishes isn’t respectful to her.
Reviewing some of your posts and doing some calculations you are 78 years old. You're not going to live forever. If your wife is alright with you mixing your clothes among her clothing, what's the roadblock with a wig and bras/forms? Is it an aversion to cross dressing going too far for her or grandkids exploring where they should not? I have to assume she knows your clothes in the joint closet get worn. If it is the grandkids may find something, then I go with finding an old footlocker at the army surplus store and locking anything of concern in it and slide it in the back of a walk in closet. If you pass away before your wife, then she can keep your secret and trash those things.
How about a padded bra?Quote:
Originally Posted by MysteryWoman
You might find that one of the "add 2 sizes" padded bras can help with your desire for forms and still be in the limits of your DADT.
Keep us posted if you attempt to renegotiate your DADT and how you framed the conversation. That is the goal I am working towards as well and I need all the real life examples I can get.
Take it from me and many others on this site - the best hiding spots don't work for long
Big speaker cabinets.
Thats where I kept my stuff for years when in my teens.
Hi MW :hugs:, It sounds like you are stuck between a Rock and a Hard place. >Orchid .oo:daydreaming:oo.
Hey Mystery. Since you said certain items are strictly off limits, it is logical for me to assume getting permission is very unlikely although may be worth a last attempt as others recommend. For me, it would never work so unfortunately I have to hide everything. My stuff is in the attic, covered with plastic trash bags, then fiberglass insulation laid on top of that. Most people do not want to touch fiberglass. I keep my makeup and wig hidden in the garage which is air conditioned. I may get caught but it has worked for 4 years. I know it is dishonest but some of us don?t have any options other than quitting the crossdressing or divorce.
Sandi
I promise not to be judgmental, like the others. Hide your stuff in the attic. If you get too much stuff, you can get a small storage locker (small monthly rental fee).
I agree with Di also. The big thing is are you sneaking things in. If she has questions about someone finding them you can resolve that by buying a locking file cabinet. They are inexpensive compared to renting storage space or divorce.
I've always been out to my wife and we don't have DADT relationship.
Hide them in your car, hide them behind your bar.
Hide them in a pie, hide them way up high.
Hide them at your work, hide them with some jerk.
Or, u could stop playing Dr. Seuss, grow up and tell her the truths!:heehee:
One idea I had years ago was to open up a used clothing store.
You could keep all your clothes right out in the open and dress in the back of the store.
I know someone who has a used clothing store and has a photo backdrop in the back room, It makes me wonder since so many cross-dressers stay in the closet!
He's so cool, I wish I could be opened about my dressing!
I am also in a DADT relationship. I keep all of my clothes in my dresser in the bedroom. My wife simply doesn't open the drawers. She knows what's in there but she doesn't snoop around and look, as far as I know. It works for us.
Thanks to all who have replied. I appreciate having your varied perspectives. There are two factors that lie at the heart of my current issue:
1. My wife will not allow me to have a separate stash, because she fears discovery by a family member of feminine things that obviously are not hers. So she allows me to intermingle items that plausibly would belong to her. Forms (she's well-endowed) and wigs (she's never worn them) don't fall into this category.
2. She's OK with me wearing feminine garments (i.e., a MIAD), but she will not allow me to use items such as forms and wigs that in her view (which is not my view) cross the line into trying to be a woman. Put bluntly, she views such items as body parts, not garments.
So as someone said above, I'm between a rock and a hard place.
Thanks again
Who are these people that go rummaging through your house with no restraint?
I have a separate closet with a lock for my clothing. It was locked for the first time last night because my dad stayed over and it is in the spare bedroom. I find it a bit ridiculous that she allows clothing, but not wigs or forms. I would thing simply having a small lockable chest, Similar to a hope chest or perhaps a suitcase for some of your items would be a workable solution. If anyone were to ask what is in the chest a simple response would be personal stuff, none of your business.
Your second comment is probably more the truth. She just can not handle the long hair and boobs on her husband.
I wear water balloon forms around my wife, she doesn't care for them and says so, but does not try to stop me. She will often poke a finger into them or give them a squeeze. Balloon forms could be your answer. Once you get the hang of it, they take just a few minutes to put together, and you can pop them and toss them in the trash when you are done.
Doesn't that muffle the bass response?Quote:
Originally Posted by Judy-Somthing
Buy a pair of workboots, preferably with the original box. Conceal each form inside one boot.
Then you will have boots and boobs to boot!
I?ve got a locked cabinet in the garage but have dresses and skirts inside suit bags in our walk in robe. My biggest challenge though is I?ve run out for space for my footwear. I?ve got about twice as many pairs of heels n boots as I have men?s shoes but nowhere else to hide them. I understand those women who have dozens and dozens of pairs; they?re kind of addictive.
Any suspended ceiling? Under a staircase in basement, and put in a false board? Attic corner and make it seem to be a box over some ducting or pipes?
Hugs, Ellen
How did that affect the sound, though? Bet it really muffled the bass to the point where the "thump" almost disappeared altogether...;) :eek: :heehee:Quote:
Originally Posted by Judy-Somthing
The best hiding places do not last long. I ought to know. For some reason, I attract large numbers of female relatives best described as nosy.
Hiding places seem to have a trade off between convenience and security. For example, my attic is a place where only I go. Wife has never been there and, due to the difficulty of climbing up there, she never never will go there. It is hot as Hades in summer and cold as Dante?s lowest level in winter.
Get a rental storage unit. It works for me.
I was fortunate enough to tell my wife about my cross dressing before we go married (48 years ago) and she was okay with it, so I don't hide stuff. While we had kids at home I kept my outer wear mixed with hers, other stuff was in storage boxes under the bed. After the kids moved out we have separate bedrooms (someone snores too much). It is so much easier now as I keep every thing in my room. I don't hide anything from my wife because she would be pissed off if I did, and I know she would eventually find out. I do have a nosy daughter that has gone in my closet, and commented to my wife about my dresses. She knew I would dress up on Halloween she just didn't know I did it more than that, and she is okay with it.
Only you can change this. Or leave it like it is and forget the wig and boobs.Quote:
Originally Posted by MysteryWoman
If you really want to buy and hide this stuff you can certainly find a place to do it, but consider this: Your wife is at work or out shopping and you decide to get your stuff out and get dolled up. Something happens and she comes home early and walks in on you. What then? You have deceived her and now you are caught.
The stuff about family members finding your stuff is BS. You can buy or make a place to keep it locked away from family members but she knows it's there.
It's your like, fix it or accept it the way it is. We can't fix it for you.
Apparently unused boxes = Worst option.
My vote is strongly in favor of a lockable file cabinet. Keep your Mysteries hidden in there, MysteryWoman! :)
A file cabinet is a perfectly natural article to have around the house. Including from the viewpoint of outsiders. Where do you keep your personal and financial records anyway? Bills, credit card statements, tax documents, medical records, details of investments, deeds and titles to vehicles and other property? A file cabinet keeps them organized for a start, and it's natural to keep them locked up if your wife is worried about the prying of wretched noseypoke relatives who can't even spell the word "boundaries." Who wants anybody knowing your financial affairs, or learning your Social Security or credit card numbers, which could be used for fraud? It's a normal matter of personal security.
And who's to know if the content of a file cabinet doesn't consist entirely of paper? If your wife's reason for storing your clothes along with hers is to pass them off as plausibly "her own" in the face of those long-nosed relatives, I imagine you might have shoes for one thing that are visibly "not her size"... "Bigfoot"! ;) (Unlike other body measurements, hand and foot sizes, as we know, often differ markedly between the sexes. I push the limits at size 11; my late wife was only a seven, although some of her other clothes used to fit me at one time.) Small items like shoes could go easily into the capacious drawers of a file cabinet, along with wigs and breast forms, safe from prying eyes.
Of course, you could "go the whole hog" and invest in a safe! Though I don't have one myself--luckily the people around me have always been trustworthy--there are reasons for owning one if anyone has especially valuable items to protect: expensive jewelry or irreplaceable heirlooms, a valuable stamp or coin collection--or weapons for that matter that need keeping from others for their own safety, that of children above all. My wife and I had burglars twice. One time they stole electronics, which were replaceable. But another time they got away with a load of my wife's jewelry that I'd given to her over the years, and a daisho standing in the hallway that I prized myself, having brought the pair home from Japan. I can't pretend any of this was "worth a fortune," since we weren't "rich" by anybody's standards. But I do wish my wife's jewelry especially had been in a safe, since it had great sentimental value.
The only trouble with a "safe" is that it advertises the fact that what it contains must be of some special interest or value, which noseypokes want to know about and others might want to steal. A file cabinet in contrast is an "ordinary" office item that attracts no special attention. Who's to know what you're really keeping in there, and why should they suspect?
The only obstacle you have to get over is the second one: your wife's hangup about wigs and forms "in principle," apparently for a motive you've explained. Perhaps you need to talk to her about this, impressing on her (assuming it's true) that at this late stage of your life she need have no fear that you're about to "change into a woman" permanently. Anyway if you only dress in private, out of her sight or while she's out of the house, what you keep in your file cabinet and is "for your eyes only" in a DADT relationship shouldn't matter to her or to anyone. Good luck implementing a solution!