When I first came out to my wife years ago I would have rated her an 8 on a 1-10 scale with 10 being the highest. Unfortunately it went down from there and I would now rate her a 2.
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When I first came out to my wife years ago I would have rated her an 8 on a 1-10 scale with 10 being the highest. Unfortunately it went down from there and I would now rate her a 2.
Well, that is 2 more than I would have. Mine does not know(I think) & from hearing her talk about men being feminine & presenting themselves as women, I would have to say she would be a 0 or less!
When I first came out, I would say 7 or 8. That has been a few years back, I would say he has remained pretty much consistent on her level of acceptance, I would say an 8 or 9. The only thing she is balking at now is the amount of clothes I've purchased for Wendy since I told her, which has been a lot (more worried about the amount of $$$ I've spent on clothing when it could be used towards upkeep of the house).
I came out to my wife while we were dating and she is supportive. The level of support from her is 9 .
My wife has come to accept or at least tolerate my dressing except for one thing: lipstick.
She will come home from the gym or shopping and I will be decked out in a wig, earrings, necklace and bracelets, bra and forms, padded hips, a dress or skirt and blouse and women's shoes. She will give me a kiss and carry on the rest of the day just as she would if I were wearing jeans and a tee shirt, but if I am wearing lipstick, she makes a comment about it.
I normally wear beard cover, lipstick and a bit of color on my cheeks. I haven't really gotten into eye makeup yet, mostly because of her reaction to the lipstick.
She hasn't worn makeup for years and her mother never wore makeup. Perhaps that's the reason for her objection.
And no going outside dressed or letting the neighbors find out. I'm OK with the neighbors thing. I've been trying to get her to go out in public with me as friends or sisters, but so far, no luck.
Crispy, how does one go from fully supportive to almost not at all? I feel for you. It can't be easy on you.
Suzanne, I am thinking you mean me. When I first came out to my wife she was very interested in this part of me. She gave me hand me downs, bought me my first Jockey No Panty Line Promise bikinis in a leopard print. She also painted my toes all the time and bought me a gift card for my first pedicure. We used to wear matching panties and really could not keep our hands off each other.
I never pushed to hard for anything but all of a sudden it, acceptance, was pretty much gone. When I asked her she did not want to talk and said she thought it was just a phase I was going through.
She’s my second biggest fan after my drag mother, so pretty high.
I?d have to say fluctuating. When I first told her/made my big reveal, she was 11/10, internally that dropped to about a 3 before she told me she wasn?t into it which made things tough, I thought I was rolling with a full stamp of approval, and I was wrong. Awkwardness ensued and I became unable to talk about it with her(just couldn?t make the words come out of my mouth). Eventually, we found pathways, but every time I felt like it was hurting her I shut down again. It took a lot of uncomfortable times for me to truly understand that she was in it for the long run no matter what it look like. As we forge new ground, the number dips and recovers. I would say we hang steady in the 6-8/10 range for the most part.
When I came out to my wife as a crossdresser, she was probably an 8 but over time she dropped to 4 or 5.
When I finally came out to her as Transgender she became a 10 and is fully accepting and supporting.
When we were young when we married. My desire or hatred of wearing women's clothing was in the distant past. I thought I had been "cured" or "out grown" any desire. It was years in the past. As a wedding gift I had bought my wife a lovely white peignoir. I knew nothing about women's sizes. It was a little to big for her petite frame, but she wore in anyway. One night I decided to try it on. I was sipping a glass of water in the kitchen when she walked in on me. She asked why I was wearing it. I told her the truth. I liked the feel of it, being nylon. Nylon full slips had been the article of clothing that had enticed me to wear my mother's clothing years prior. My wife and I spent many Saturdays in mid town Manhattan which usually meant buying her negligees. Eventually we bought together several negligees for me; a pink peignoir and a black floor length gown. She gave me a red peignoir one of our friends gave her which she did not like. I ended up not liking it too as it was not soft. On occasion she did buy me black hosiery and a garter belt. There was a mutual benefit for both of us. When our first child was born the crib was at the foot of the bed in our one bedroom apartment. As our son got older she asked me not to wear any of the negligees too often. It had not been an every day occurrence. She was not adverse to me wearing them.
We ended up moving across country. Our second child was born five years after the first. Our toddler was about three when she yanked a Vanity Fair vivid red bra out of a box in the bottom draw of my armoire. That box was not huge. It held my small collection of slips. She could not understand why a man would want to wear a bra when he "had nothing to pack into it." She got totally turned off by the direction this was going. I did not try to get her to engage in my kindling desires. However, I had expressed too much a wish she would buy me something feminine. I vividly remember going together to our local Mervyn's and buying panties for me. It was torture for her. She was trembling. I decided right then my attempts to get her to accept that part of me was nothing but mental abuse. I did not bring the subject up again. That was in the mid 1980's. She has not said "boo" since then. On occasion she has found an article of clothing I failed to put away; a panty or a bra. All she said on those occasions was she found it and put it on top of the dryer behind closed door. Once she found I had left the browser open to this site. All she said was I should be more careful in case someone visited unexpectedly.
She knows. She accepts the premise that this has nothing to do with her. No inadequacies on her part leading me to indulge in feminine attire. How do I give this a rating? In the beginning the negligee wearing would be classified as a "fetish?" Acceptance, yes. On a scale of 1 to 10..maybe a 8 for what it seemed to be. Now, out of sight, out of mind I would rate it as a zero. I do not experience any of the verbal negativity or outright hostility others on this forum seem to endure. I would love it if I could be dolled up as June Cleaver and make dinner for her and get an approving pat on the butt. However, that is a fantasy that will not occur.
Fairly high - can dress how I want but prefers I do not dress outside the house in our hometown - ok if we are on vacation
I told my wife when we started dating it was about a 3 she felt i was disrespecting women. Over time it she became more accepting, she is at a 10 now. We go out as girlfriends when we travel or go out of town to work.
Pretty much full acceptance, not that I push any boundaries. We?re I to dawn a female persona I?m sure she would be out.
Dawn the respect/stereotype/political aspects come up with us a lot as well. When I first came out to her, before we were married, she was pretty accepting. Over the years it has gone all over the map. I'd rate her acceptance at about a 7 through the last few years. She has a lot of anxiety and control issues. If it was anyone other than her spouse, she'd be fine with it.
Come to think of it, over the years you could say the same about me.
Zero...period....would never think of even raising the topic. :sad:
My wife has a rating of 100%:hugs:
Angie
My wife is very accepting of my crossdressing. It?s hard to put a percent on because my urges to dress aren?t overly frequent. But, during a normal, pre-COVID week, once or twice a week is great for me and she has no issues and enjoys being part of the process.
Mine would be a -5
From past experiences, and from general feedback on the subject, thru our 26 yrs of marriage, I decided to keep Candice from my wife.
But, if you have been married for as long as I have, you know.... she knows a lot about me.
After all, I am retired and working at home as the homemaker, cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry.
Shes sees I collect antique vanity oil lamps, vintage kitchen aprons, and I have Barbies in the basement from the late 60's.
She sees my 40 C cup and large areolas breasts for Pete's sake....and who is "Pete?" Why do we forsake him?
She knows I like to moisturize, wear a coconut beachie perfume, paint my fingernails and keep them long.
She knows I soak in Calgon Lavender bath oil beads, shower with Caress, wear silky and soft fabric clothes, and epulate my arms and legs.
She has told me, some things I do, she doesn't want to know about.
In keeping my Candy profile from her, it allows me freedom to go out in public shopping weekdays while she is at work, meeting friends when she goes out of town some weekend, and be as girly and feminine as possible, without permission.
But I do know I am a husband first and I am fine with that. NEVER do I put my femininity in her face...on purpose.
I lived as a girl during my bachelorette days so today I dress to reminisce about those youthful times, no longer wishing to transition.
So, though she doesn't know everything...I have to say it's a 4 out of 10 as she has bought me gloss clear nail polish and borrowed my polish remover.
She buys me Avon moisture cream and tolerates my excuses to epulate, moisturize, wear soft fabrics and smell pretty.
I can honestly say my late wife was very supportive until the day she passed. Before she passed see told me to be happy and follow my dream.
After she passed I started my journey and am very happy with myself
My wife fluctuates between an 8 and a 10.
I told my wife before we walked the aisle. At that time, probably a 3 to 4. Within the next few years, she gradually rose to a 10. She is now totally supportive and enjoys my enjoyment.
11+ she loves me dressed
My wife and I have been together since High School, and she has been my biggest supporter. 10+
Hi Crissy,
The desire to crossdress hit me late in life. While it's always been there, the desire became so strong I needed to do something. I was completely upfront and came out to my wife BEFORE I started dressing. After 20 years of marriage, I didn't want to do anything that would be construed as deception and lies. At the time she seemed accepting and supportive. She just wants me to be happy. I feel in reality she is more tolerant than accepting. My crossdessing is the elephant in the room. We never talk about my dressing. Nor, does she question me about it. She never says anything when my toes are painted or when there are a bunch of panties in the laundry. Although she does remind me when my nails need trimming but never says anything about the clear nail polish I wear. I feel like I walk on eggshells. When she's had enough, she will makes a rude comment or two about what feeling feminine is about .... and sends me running with my tail between my legs. So on a scale of 1 - 10, I would have to rate my wife's acceptance level around a 2.
Mine ll all 0's.
No wife but many ex-gfs.
I would love even a 2.
I came out to my wife in 2013. On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being very accepting she was a 1. And it went down from there. :)
I warned my GF 7 months before we were engaged. She coped with underdressing for more than a decade, but as circumstances in life afforded me the opportunity to do more, and to discover I really liked it, I eventually overwhelmed her capacity for patience and tolerance.
10/10
I didn't put on that 1st pair of panties until I was in my early 40's. They were hers. I put them on and took a pic. Then I texted it to her.
She went nuts, but in a good way. We were dating at the time and finding our own way in a FLR or WLM. She proposed to me after dating for 2yrs. We pretty much live a fill time gentle FLR now. She leads and I follow. It works great for us.
The dressing started with just panties and thigh highs. That was about 4yrs ago. I've got quite the wardrobe now and feel blessed to have such a supportive wife and the income to buy clothes, makeup and shoes. She does my makeup and styles my wigs on the rare occasion I'll bother to put one on. She shaves my legs for me. I shave hers. It's waaay easier if someone else shaves your legs for you.
I wear panties all the time except travel and doctors visits. I'll wear a dress, silicone inserts, bra and shoes once or twice a week. Usually only in the morning or evening. My wife likes to wake up to the sound of my heels clicking on the hardwood floors, so a lot of mornings I'll just throw on a pair of heels to make coffee and breakfast. Then we need to get on with our day so I toss on some shorts and tennis shoes and go to my office while she works in hers. I can't dress all day because we both have zoom meetings and I can't very well run to the kitchen for a snack while she's on a meeting... nor can I manage a project in a dress and eye shadow while on my own zoom meetings. Also we don't want our neighbors to know, so the blinds must be kept closed anytime I'm dressed. We have a lot of house plants and they need light as well, so it's just not practical to dress daily or all day.
It's just a kink for both of us. We're not too crazy with it. Just for fun mostly. I'm blessed to have such a supportive wife who has no hangups about it.... and actually enjoys it.
The cool part is how relaxed it is. I don't have to worry that she will catch me. So there is no burning need to dress in secret or budget time while she is out of the house. I guess that's probably a big part of why I don't have a huge urge to dress constantly. I don't have to worry about what she will say or that she will disapprove. I ALWAYS get a pat on the butt when cooking.
Zero!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My wife is a 7 or 8, fairly accepting with limits. Most of her limits are mine too, so no big deal
I remember a couple years ago, I was fully dressed from the neck down, fake boobs, bra, panties, and dress. She saw me and about lost it over a cheap pearl necklace I bought. Fake boobs were fine, but no to a necklace. After we talked she had to admit it was funny.
It just goes to show, who knows what their trigger points are.
My wife is probably a 6 or 7 when it comes to my panties, workout leggings/ capris, tank tops, camis, skinny jeans and bearpaw boots as well as for removing all body hair. More like she doesn't care either way. I was going to test the waters for pierced ears until everything shut down.
However, anything like bras, dresses, heels, wigs, makeup, that drops it to 0. No real discussion over it, but I know from comments she has made while seeing cross dressers on tv and in public.
I wear panties each day, and sleep in women's satin pajamas. My SO has been with me when I purchased dresses and skirts. She knows i dress fully, but doesn't want to ever see me that way. I guess she is around a 2 or 3.
I told my wife early on in our marriage. She asked the usual questions. Started out as a 4-5 for many years. With raising a family and such, that was okay. As time progressed, and the kids left the nest, my level elevated. She was probably 6 or 7 at this point. I could dress whenever, but no makeup or padding in front of her. I respect that, no problem. About 7 or 8 years ago, I went to a dressing service, with her knowledge and blessing. That really took things up a notch, and the results started to ramp up. I purchased clothes whenever I wanted, and she would do so for me as well if I asked her.
About a year ago, I asked what the tolerance level would be to padding and a wig, she did not hesitate to give her approval. Last fall, we took a short trip. She is very considerate, and asks from time to time what me needs are. I finally confessed I had always wanted to get made up, and have nice dinner as girlfriends. She did not hesitate to approve! It was an unforgettable evening that has led to many since. She seems to get pleasure from our girl evenings as well. My avatar is from one of those recent evenings. I finally got the guts to put one up. I would rate her acceptance at 8-9 now.
It has been a long journey to get to this point. They say “go slow”. Well, it has taken 30 plus years to get to this point, and I look forward to the future. She is wonderful to put up with me and my quirks.
I'd say about a five. She knows and has known for a long time. My clothes are hanging in our walk in closet. She's bought panties and nightgowns for me as presents. She also knows I go out occasionally but I go out more often than she thinks I do (she has told me "lie to me", so I do).
10 I told her before we even started datting . SHe stalls some of my stuff sometimes and I do the same
That is both soo cute and hot at the same time. Good for you two!
Crissy, I would have posted earlier but my internet was in and out all of yesterday, I was sorry to read what you said, certainly a very big downturn by your wife, I can only hope that in the future this situation can be turned round, it must be very hard for you.
Told my GF/fianc? before we were married...that was 25 years ago. I wouldn’t put a number on it. It was no big deal to her, but I didn’t dress at the time at all. Just told her about the desire. We didn’t understand it, and with kids didn’t do much about it, and I would never push it until a stressful day 10 years into marriage. I expressed my desire. She jumped in and bought me some things. I would put her support at 100%, but it didn’t do anything for her. But she was happy for me if that makes sense. Since it didn’t thrill her or excite her, I didn’t do much for another 7 years or so. At this time she became a lot more enthused and encouraging...I would even say a 10/11 out of 10, and it was even a rush for her...but honestly I think it’s because she just loved me so much because she figured out that I didn’t want to do anything to hurt her. She appreciated this so much and our mutual respect for each other grew. She already saw the benefits of having a husband that had a bit of style and could help her...who had a bit more sympathy perhaps, patience, and this paid off. Totally a 10. I know how blessed I am. I know many/most don’t have this blessing...but I will also add that I was sooooooo careful, and soooooo slow about the whole thing that she was the one to turn it on. Would that work for everyone...probably not. But it did for me, and I think it’s still the best advice I can give.
I can share on a couple occasions when she was convinced I was setting up a vacation or evening for some girly time, and I made it all about her. I’m done this time and time again. Make your relationship about your spouse w/out expecting something in return and be rewarded....rewarded with more love and respect for her...and from her to you...as well as some other fun :-)
Over the 43 years major and I mean major roller coaster. From a high of 10 to a low of negative 5.
Right now it's the worse because it chances on that range on a weekly bases. Not sure if it would have been better never to have felt how good it was when she was at a 10 level. I have to ask if I can dress now. (I hope we see a 44 year)
My wife would be another zero tolerance spouse; however, over the years of being caught with one thing or another, it seems to have desensitized her slightly. She gets mad but cools off a lot faster than the early years when for example the first time she caught me with pantyhose on. She definitely does not want to see it, talk about it, or know anything about it. It is just taboo to her. I just have to accept that which is why I have to dress in secrecy or not at all.
Sandi
Most of you talk about a static thing. I find it varies according to her stress levels. Higher stress is lower numbers. So week/month will range from 2 to 7.
Sir Donna, I do think at least for myself the acceptance level of my wife does fluctuate but unfortunately stays down near the low end. Recently we were at Ulta Beauty together and I told her I was looking for a summer nail polish and she was nice enough to pick one out with me. That certainly bumps her number up but later I asked if she would like me to get her an appointment for a pedicure at my salon she just said no, very curtly. I asked if she was going to get some color on her toes this summer and another no, not right now.
One thing for sure, change does happen but unfortunately does not move or stay in the right direction very long.
My wife is probably a 7 on that scale. We met and married later in life (late 40's for me) and I told her about Jenn while we were dating and several months before I proposed. We both went into the marriage with eyes open and willing to accept the other, warts and all. We've now been married for over 20 years and its wonderful. I'm now retired and we've moved to FL for our golden years.
As far as my dressing goes, she is willing to help pick out stuff to buy and we sometimes share tops/leggings. But its clear that she still would prefer not to see me dressed. We are normally very touchy/feely, always giving each other a hug/squeeze/kiss. When I'm dressed though, all that stops. I always give her a heads up before getting dressed, and usually stay that way throughout the day. But those occasions are perhaps twice a month. During those days we mostly carry on normally with the exception of the physical closeness. She offers suggestions as to what clothes go with what and probably wishes I was a bit more conservative in my clothing choices. Nonetheless, I've got a closet (and several draws) full of girlly things with her full knowledge.
Been married for 48 years i told her about 6years ago. She was very shock when i told her she didn't know what to say. She then ask me why did i have to tell her that i said would you rather walk in on me some day she said good point.She said she dose not to see me or tell her any thing. I said ok but i dress using everything but makeup. Well she now lets me wear panties full time but nothing skimpy. I also can wear legging and girls jeans and shorts. I can dress with her knowing it but don't want to see it she will text me about a half hour before she come home. Can dress before she gets up also. So i would say about a #4 for me!
After reading all these responses, I?m beginning to feel that being divorced is probably for the best in my case. I do not live full time as a woman, but I would term myself as non-binary and prefer presenting as female privately and publicly. My ex tried to accept this but could not, and I tried to reject this part of myself, in hopes of reconciliation. That didn?t happen and today, at this late stage in life, I don?t think I would be willing to allow another person place limits on my choice of when and how I present myself. By the same token, I would not seek to force another person to accept my choices.
I know many women who are supportive of me as transgender, but in all but a couple of cases, these are friends, not intimately involved.
Hi Crissy,
Back in 2012 when I came out she had no idea what to think. But it got better and maybe achieved a 2 or 3 with a command to not let her see me. Now, I really don't know because we have only seen each other a few times in the last 2 1/2 years. She lives in Albuquerque where she cares for our oldest daughter who is severely disabled in terms of personality disorders. (Strangely, her younger sister is a therapist. But they never communicate.) I live in Denver. So, I am pretty free to do as I please within limits and I stay in those limits which means not going out to places where I might see people she knows or, rather, they might see me. If is really pretty screwed up as relationships like this often are. She is a very traditional person in many ways, especially with regard to gender variance. I am as open as can be and almost completely non-traditional. I avoid the gender binary like the plague because it is the cause of so much gender discrimination in this world. Women are every bit equal to men. So we chug on. 51st anniversary back in March. Thing is, I still love her very much in spite of her different and rather rigid traditional standards. Where will it lead? Unpredictable. One day at a time. Live your life, but honor the promises.
Depends what you mean by "acceptance"...My wife has known for years about my crossdressing but she doesn't want to participate or see me or interact with me dressed. That having been said, she acknowledges that it's a 'thing' for me and understands that it is a part of my personality and knows that I'm going to dress sometimes when she's not around. She has no desire for us to be 'girlfriends', but She doesn't get all upset about my dressing,she jokes about it occasionally and doesn't particularly want her/our friends to know about it. So is that "acceptance"?
Interesting thread this one. I would only guess my wife's level of acceptance. I believe that she would prefer that I did not have this desire. That being said my wife has been wonderful in doing her best to understand and be supportive. I believe that my finally being open and honest with my desire, which for many years I was not, helped her become more supportive. Looking back on my progression of hiding, sneaking and believing she was un aware to getting caught and living for several years with DADT to finally having the "big talk"; I now understand how difficult is was for my wife to be supportive of something she really had no information to be supportive of. Today we have open honest discussions over my dressing. We shop together, do each others nails and share fashion sense (not that we agree on fashion all the time). I find that we now deal with my desire much better and I understand and meet the boundaries we have agreed to. My wife really is wonderful and to finally guess her level of acceptance I would say 8. Final answer. Thanks for listening.